


Clear as Day

by Myth979, Wizardheart83 (Plant_Murderer)



Series: When the Sky is Starless [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: BFFs, Bisexual Character, Character Death, Death Eaters, Extreme bullying, F/F, F/M, Friendship is Magic, Gen, Inter-House Cooperation, M/M, bigotry because death eaters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-01
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-01-03 03:00:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 89,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1064962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myth979/pseuds/Myth979, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plant_Murderer/pseuds/Wizardheart83
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Voldemort is on the rise. Future death eaters walk the halls of Hogwarts. And doing nothing, it turns out, is the same as letting them win.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please let us know if we need to tag or warn for anything. We try our best, but sometimes we forget or don't realize something could be triggery.

Alyssa waved goodbye to her parents from the train despite the fact that they had already begun walking away. She didn’t let that bother her – they had, after all, come to see her and Jonathan off this year.  She turned to grab her own trunk, miscalculated, and tripped, banging her shin on the corner and falling to the ground.

“Five years,” she muttered, sitting up and shoving honey-brown hair from her eyes, knowing that her pale skin showed her furious blush all too clearly. “It never fails, I still trip over my trunk first thing.”

“I’m halfway to believing you do it on purpose,” someone said from behind her. “It’s to the point the school year wouldn’t start out correctly if you didn’t. Practically tradition, really.”

“Tradition can do something unpleasant and anatomically improbable,” Alyssa told her friend Razi, unsurprised at her abrupt appearance. “I like my shins the way they are when they are unbruised.”

“Now Blythe,” an amused voice drawled, “is this any way for one of our esteemed prefects to be seen?”

“Since I’m not a prefect, Black, I don’t see how it matters either way,” Alyssa retorted. “As is, Lupin has gotten his hands dirty plenty of times.”

“Stowe or Beech, then,” Potter said, beside Black as always. “I told you that thing in second year probably disqualified Blythe.”

Alyssa winced. That thing in second year had not been the highlight of her school career, but in her defense, Albreitch had started it. And Razi had finished it. Alyssa had only been around for the middle parts, really. Gryffindors were so touchy.

“It’s Delaney,” Razi said, and Potter and Black whipped their heads around in surprise, eyeing her warily once they realized who she was. As the only muggleborn currently in Slytherin, Razi’s reputation was a thing of infamy by design, and she only bolstered it with her seeming appearances from nowhere. Alyssa had learned long ago to accept it and move on.

Razi’s relationship with her housemates probably hadn’t been helped by her mid-first-term befriending of two Ravenclaws by way of dropping her books on their library table and announcing that she knew of their difficulties in transfiguration and was there to assist. Not that befriending two Ravenclaws would have helped her case however she introduced herself.

“Razi, help me with my trunk?” Alyssa asked, partly to break the awkward silence and partly because she did, in fact, want help moving the thing.

“We have two fine, strapping young men right here,” Razi pointed out, gesturing towards Black and Potter. “They could make themselves useful.”

“While we are indeed fine,” Potter began.

“And undoubtedly strapping,” Black put in.

“We have already lifted our fair share of trunks this afternoon,” Potter finished, spinning his wand between his fingers carelessly.

“You’re exhausted from moving Evans’ trunk?” Razi asked dryly.

“Alas,” James sighed, stopping the spinning of his wand in order to spread his hands, all dramatic bereavement, “the fair Lily declined my services.”

“Which ones did you offer?” Alyssa asked.

Razi and Black snorted, though Black clapped a hand on Potter’s shoulder, rocking him a little from impact.

“Very funny, Blythe,” Potter said sourly with a glare at his best friend. Black shrugged.

“It was an honest question,” Alyssa protested, making sure to keep her face straight.

Just then a taller boy, already attired in school robes, head boy badge pinned perfectly and Ravenclaw tie straight as a ruler, swept into sight. Alyssa made a face that she hoped communicated ‘be on your best behavior we are in my brother’s line of sight’.

“Alyssa, your trunk is blocking the hallway,” Jonathan said, raising both eyebrows at finding her on the floor of the hallway. “I’ve had complaints.”

“Give it a rest, Blythe,” Black protested. “Nobody’s even been by in the last ten minutes.”

That wasn’t strictly true, or at least Potter and Black couldn’t attest to it, but Alyssa decided to hold her tongue. Jonathan didn’t really get on with either of them, and the feeling was mutual; she didn’t want the year to start out with mutters about her brother, especially from the Gryffindors. With their touchiness tended to come a talent for troublemaking of a different brand than the other houses. While Ravenclaws went in for tiny annoyances that slowly built into misery for the recipient and Slytherins twisted everything around until you were almost sabotaging yourself, a Gryffindor’s idea of a good retaliatory strike was always loud, always big, and always a spectacle.

Hufflepuff liked to put it about that they didn’t have a capacity for troublemaking at all, but Alyssa knew Ted Tonks. She wasn’t buying it.

“Are Potter and Black getting you into trouble already, Lyss?” Jonathan asked, glaring at the boys.

“As if she couldn’t get into trouble all on her own,” Potter muttered.

Technically she never had. It just wasn’t Potter or Black whose schemes she ended up joining.

“They were just offering to help her with her trunk, actually,” Razi piped up, ignoring the unhappy looks Potter and Black sent her way.

Those looks quickly changed to innocent ones when Jonathan turned his gaze to them.

“Well,” he said after a moment. “That’s surprisingly kind of you.” He did not sound entirely convinced. He looked even less so.

Razi shrugged. Right about then, an argument started up a several compartments down.

“Carry on, then. I’ll check on you later, ‘Lyss.” He swept off again, heading for the confrontation. It looked as though wands were about to be drawn.

“I’m not sure if he meant that to be ominous or reassuring,” Alyssa said after a moment.

“He probably doesn’t even know,” Razi replied.

“No offense, Blythe,” Black said, “But your brother’s a bit of a prat.”

Alyssa shrugged. “He’s not that bad.” Potter and Black probably thought anybody in a position of authority was a bit of a prat, with the possible exception of Lupin.

Black snorted again, but they did help her move her trunk down the hallway and to the compartment door Razi now held open when she finally go to her feet.

“There’s Remus,” Black said when they’d gotten the trunk to, but not in, the door, letting go of his corner to point. Since his corner was on the side Alyssa also happened to be holding, she did not appreciate it.

“I think you ladies can handle it from here,” Potter said smoothly. He deposited his side of the trunk on the ground, which at least meant it did not jerk on Alyssa’s arms painfully.

“See you around,” Black said with a jaunty salute, and the two boys left, no doubt to visit some mischief on a poor unsuspecting soul.

“The problem with Black and Potter,” Alyssa said as she dragged her trunk into the compartment and put it between the seats instead of fighting to get it up on the racks, “is that it is difficult to hate them even when they drop everything and leave you holding the bag. Or the enormously heavy trunk, in this case.”

“I’ve never had that problem,” Razi replied.


	2. Chapter 2

While Alyssa slid into the seat closest to the window and propped her feet up on her trunk, Razi pulled her robes from her own trunk where it was neatly stowed on the racks and put them on over her muggle clothes.

“I have some business to take care of before Delaney finishes her prefect duties,” Razi said.

“Which of course means that you’re off to find the snack cart,” Alyssa said, moving her feet enough that she could pry a book out of her luggage. She closed the lid carefully instead of letting it bang shut.

“Of course,” Razi agreed easily, and stepped out of the compartment. She didn’t need to check if the coast was clear; she was an innocent fifth year going about her business.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t,” Alyssa called before the door shut.

Razi wasn’t planning on it. Alyssa would do so much more than she liked to think she would, given the proper circumstances.

A flick of her wand activated her favorite spell, one Flitwick liked to call a concealment charm and Razi thought of as the ‘nothing to see here’ spell. It lacked alliteration and poetry, but it didn’t keep people from seeing her, really, just from thinking it was strange that she would be there. After this the only person she really had to avoid was Jonathan – her friend’s older brother always seemed to know when she was up to something, even if he couldn’t prove it. It was probably a calculation of probabilities, but then, he seemed to be the one always catching Black or Potter in the act, too, so maybe not.

Joshua Avery was precisely where she expected him to be; he’d had the same compartment since second year. She supposed it made it easier for his toadies to find him, though Malfoy and Bellatrix Black had never needed to go to such ends. Fortunately, it also made it easier for Razi to find him. She didn’t think he’d made the connection, or he would have been far more suspicious of the way small things were always wrong with his trunk or robes. On one memorable occasion she’d managed to hex his spellbooks into insensibility, for which he had blamed Black.

Since Black was happy to have the spotlight and Razi was happy to have never been suspected, she had said no when Alyssa wondered if Razi minded not being credited with her work. It didn’t matter if Avery _knew_ , Razi explained to her friend. It just mattered that she did.

Alyssa then asked how Avery would learn if he never figured out what he had been punished for. Razi had asked in turn if Alyssa actually thought Avery would if given the chance.

“Maybe,” Alyssa had said. “You never know.”

Razi had refrained from going into detail about how she was no longer punishing Avery for a particular transgression, but more on principle. Though the comments about her mother being a loose woman had not endeared him to her.

“Certain people had better learn some more respect for their betters,” Razi heard Blake Mulciber, Avery’s best friend and another person she wouldn’t mind hexing forever, say through the compartment door.

“Certain people never will,” a smooth female voice replied – Mierin Smythe. Razi disliked her on principle rather than specific wrongdoing, but she had to admit when the other girl did something awful the people hurt in the process were more incidental than the point of the action. Not that that made her much better than the rest of her crowd. “Really, Mulciber, you’d think you’d have learned by now that you will always inspire fear rather than respect.”

“Same difference.”

“Only on occasion,” Smythe said. Razi decided that she would have liked Smythe if she didn’t associate with pureblooded bigots most of the time. Or if Smythe hadn’t been a pureblooded bigot herself.

“Levine won’t fear _or_ respect us either way.” Avery had finally joined the conversation.

“That’s Blythe’s fault, letting her believe she was as good as one of us-”

“Maybe if you hadn’t been such an utter prat we’d have had her here with us,” Smythe interrupted Mulciber. “She could have learned her place.”

Razi revised her opinion of Smythe.

“Which her?” Avery asked dryly.

“Either.” That was Dolohov – the elder one, the girl. Razi never could remember her first name. “Both. No hope for it now, though – Levine’s utterly ruined, and Blythe seems to be happy frittering away at her potions and dallying with the rabble.”

“Blithely going through life, you might say,” Smythe murmured. Avery snorted.

“Leave off Blythe. She’s harmless.”

“You never leave off Blythe,” Mulciber muttered rebelliously.

Razi jumped back as the compartment began to slide open, missing Avery’s reply. Dolohov’s little brother stuck his head out. She wondered for a moment why he had said nothing, but remembered his habit of staring silently and disturbingly at people around him.

“Is the trolley here yet?” his sister asked. “I’m starved.”

Dolohov the younger looked carefully around. Razi decided that her spell was holding, since she had yet to be cursed, and jabbed her wand in the direction of Avery’s trunk, which was conveniently open. He appeared to be organizing his textbooks – checking for a repeat of the jumbling hex? She ignored the obvious target of his books – she hated repeating herself - and aimed instead for his shoes.

Dolohov gave one last suspicious look around the hallway before going back inside and closing the door.

Razi complimented herself on a spell (or two) well cast, and left before tempting fate further.

“All I can tell you is that she told me she was off looking for the trolley,” Alyssa was saying when Razi slipped back into their compartment. “If you’re so intent on protecting the Hogwarts population from pranks – and so convinced that they need protecting – you may search for her with my blessing.”

Delaney sighed. “If she curses Avery again, I am going to blame you. Not in any way that will affect your academic standing, mind, as I’ve no proof, but the weight of your guilt will be its own punishment.”

“If the weight of her guilt will be its own punishment, why bother blaming her?” Razi asked.

“As if Avery doesn’t deserve some hypothetical cursing,” Alyssa grumbled.

“You two are _awful_ for my rule-abiding reputation,” Delaney groused, unperturbed by Razi’s entrance.

“I didn’t do anything,” Alyssa protested.

“Evil prevails when good men do nothing,” Delaney retorted, and flopped into her seat.

“That is precisely why I am not doing nothing,” Razi told her cheerfully. “Also, have some licorice wands. She said she had to refill on pumpkin pasties. How was your summer?”

“Boring,” Delaney said as Alyssa snagged a licorice wand and started nibbling. “Woman can live on OWL review alone, but, it turns out, her parents are unwilling to let her. I was shipped off to muggle cousins in the hopes of spending time outdoors.”

“And did you?” Razi asked.

“I found the library,” Delaney said smugly. “I just couldn’t do schoolwork. You?”

“Mum and I travelled. Thirty new places, thirty souvenirs, thirty different cakes.”

“It was Ms Levine’s thirtieth birthday,” Alyssa added helpfully. “Did you know that muggles make ice cream cake? There is ice cream. Right there. In the cake. All those summers with Razi and I never knew.”

“Alyssa obviously had a favorite,” Razi said. “I did not partake in that particular flavor.”

“I made the red velvet,” Alyssa said proudly. “I got frosting in my hair. Mother had _fits_ when she came into the kitchen.”

“And when you weren’t with Razi?” Delaney asked, clearly amused.

Alyssa shrugged. “Homework. Jonathan and I managed to charm my ceiling to show the major constellations of the seasons. I hope it works, anyway, I obviously won’t be able to tell until later. I offered to do his, but he said he found having a ceiling that looks like a ceiling to be soothing.”

“No Avery sightings?”

“None worth mentioning,” Alyssa muttered.

“Parties?” Delaney prompted.

“A few. Black complimented my robes once. Granted, he made them flash red and gold two minutes later, but still. I’m inclined to forgive him in light of his fighting with Avery later.”

“Alert the presses,” Razi said. “Sirius Black likes your mother’s fashion choices. You know what this means, of course.”

“The marriage announcement will be out any day now,” Delaney agreed, face straight. “Imagine the scandal! He’s so young, and she’s so-”

“Married?” Razi suggested.

“I will throw you out of this window,” Alyssa threatened, but she was laughing.

Razi smiled a little and turned to look out the window as Delaney and Alyssa continued to banter, Alyssa’s book opened face down on the seat and forgotten for the moment. Something Avery said in the compartment niggled at her mind, and something Mulciber said niggled more.

“Leave off Blythe,” Avery had said.

“You never leave off Blythe,” Mulciber had replied.

Mulciber had the right of it – Avery never had left off her friend. Alyssa was still furious about the time he had erased her homework over the summer. Apparently even during this summer he’d been irritating. So why would he choose now to tell people to lay off?

She was still pondering as Alyssa and Delaney changed into robes before they all exited the train, but she stopped when they reached the invisibly drawn carriages. “Hello,” she said, patting just in front of a harness strap.

“Every time you do that it’s spookier,” Delaney told her, climbing into the carriage.

“We know they’re there,” Alyssa said loyally, though she did not follow Razi’s example. “We even know what they are. How is it spooky?”

“You’re asking me why petting something you can only see after you’ve watched someone die is spooky?” Delaney asked incredulously.

Alyssa didn’t appear to have an answer to that. Razi shrugged and climbed aboard.

The ride didn’t take long despite Alyssa’s repeated complaints of near starvation (licorice wands were not very filling, Razi had to admit), and they were soon elbowing their way through the student masses. Razi stuck with her friends, though she knew her banishment to the Slytherin table was imminent. Sure enough, Jonathan descended before they had taken more than three steps into the hall.

“You’re still not a Ravenclaw, Levine,” he said. Someone who didn’t know him or his sister might think he sounded strict, but the siblings sounded very similar when they were amused and didn’t want to show it.

“Why thank you for reminding me, Mister Blythe, before I infected the Ravenclaw table with my Slytherin evil,” she said. “I’ll get myself to the dungeons directly after dinner.”

He snorted, but Wesson, Head Girl, either couldn’t detect his amusement or didn’t care. “You heard him, Levine,” she said gruffly. “Get to your own table before Slytherin starts the year with negative points.”

“And that would be a great disappointment to everyone here,” Razi agreed somberly before turning back to her friends. “I’ll see you all later.”

They waved as Razi left to find a mostly empty section of the Slytherin table. Dolohov the younger gave her one of his creepy stares but she stared right back without blinking, noting in the back of her mind the tablemates who snickered.

After the sorting (the Hat had outdone itself this year; Razi had not known it possessed the capacity for limericks), Headmaster Dumbledore stood to make his start of term announcements.

“Welcome, students! There will be food and friendship in spades when I’ve finished but first, a few announcements.  Firstly the Forbidden Forest is just that: Forbidden.”

At the Ravenclaw table Alyssa murmured, “Shock! Horror! Scandal!” as Delaney and Amanda Beech, another Ravenclaw in their year, laughed quietly. 

“Secondly, I will remind you that due to misuse by certain students, exploding gumballs are no longer allowed at this school. If they are discovered, they will be confiscated and house points will be taken.” He levelled a stern look in the direction of Gryffindor table. No one looked particularly guilty, but that didn’t mean anything. “Finally, I would like to say a few words: Soporific, incomprehensible, hair-brained, and odd. Enjoy your dinner and your year.”   

“I think he just described Divination class,” Amanda pointed out, amused.

Delaney laughed, and Alyssa would have if her mouth hadn’t been full. She’d grabbed for the food in the same instant that it had appeared, and was now making steady if slow progress through enough food for a small army. 

“So, have either of you read that new charms article about potential flaws in the swat and flick method?” Delaney asked as she filled her plate. 

“Oh yes! Of course! It was quite fascinating, apparently all the masters are swishing instead of swatting now,” Amanda replied, interested. 

An origami crane made of a napkin floated over to Alyssa, who stopped eating to read it.

“Razi says that it’s rather good that no one is starting to ‘swoosh’ as well because then they might sound rather silly. Don’t ask me how she knows what you’re discussing, she just does. She always does. Stop being a show off, Razi.” 

A moment later, another note floated over.

“She says that she wouldn’t have to if my brother would let her sit with us. Even the professors don’t usually mind. She would also like to tell us goodnight and that she’s leaving as soon as soon as a few other Slytherins finish.” Alyssa waved in Razi’s direction before returning to her dinner.

“I will never understand Slytherin politics,” Amanda remarked.

“That’s probably a good thing,” Delaney said.

Razi nibbled a biscuit to keep anyone from thinking she was waiting on something, and took it with her when she followed a larger group of Slytherins from the hall.

Alyssa followed behind Amanda and Delaney, smiling as one of the first years behind her starting reciting a page from Hogwarts: a History. Later, as she lay in bed, the thought of that first year would warm something deep in her heart. No matter what happened, there would always be her house, with its endless supply of ready minds and quick wits.

Elsewhere in the castle, Razi put the finishing touches on a charm that wake her if magic were cast near her bed before closing her eyes and imagining that the magic within her was something that she could feel, a more tangible sort of power, dangerous though unseen. For her, there would always be that power. Her certainty didn’t warm her in the slightest.


	3. Chapter 3

When the sleepy Ravenclaws trooped down to breakfast the next morning, Razi was already tucking into the food, her Charms book open a little to the left of where she sat at what was technically the Ravenclaw table.

“Good morning,” she said cheerfully, spreading jam onto another piece of toast.

“Nothing good about it,” a boy grumbled from a little ways down the table, his head pillowed on his arms.

“Good call, Pratchett,” Amanda congratulated sleepily.

Razi ignored him, instead wrinkling her nose at the contents of Alyssa’s breakfast plate. Alyssa ignored _her_ in favor of digging into the bacon and eggs, while Delaney ignored everyone for the same reasons. There was no living with either of them until after breakfast.

It took a pile of bacon, a fried egg, three slices of toast, two glasses of pumpkin juice, a cup of tea, and twenty-six minutes before Alyssa managed speech, and even then it was more of a string of garbled sounds around a mouthful of more toast. Razi answered anyway.

“No, they haven’t passed out schedules yet, and I’ve told you a million times that talking with your mouth full is disgusting. Your mother can’t approve.”

Alyssa swallowed and shrugged. It was early, and her mother wasn’t there. Early for Alyssa, of course, was normal for most of her friends, for most of her enemies, and for most of the people she didn’t care enough about to classify as either. Breakfast helped, though, so she and Razi chatted. If Razi talked more, it was mostly because Alyssa continued to nibble on a piece of toast. Eventually they noticed that Delaney wasn’t participating.

“Laney?” Alyssa asked.

“Who? Nothing! What?” Delaney snapped to attention.

“All I said was your name,” Alyssa informed her.

“Oh.”

Razi and Alyssa eyed her suspiciously.

“Look,” Delaney said hastily, “Professor McGonagall’s passing out the schedules!”

Alyssa levelled a look at her friend but allowed herself to be distracted afterwards; she knew Razi would investigate further and tell her about it later.

Professor McGonagall was two people away when a conversation reached Alyssa’s ears.

“-looking chummy,” a snide male voice finished.

“Jealous?” a different voice asked, sounding amused. “She’s only turned you down three times. Maybe Blythe has something Wesson likes.”

“Like a penchant for-”

It took her a moment to realize they were discussing her brother and not her, which was unfortunate for someone of her intellect. In her defense, most people left Jonathan out of their gossip. He hadn’t done anything more interesting than hex someone who had been cruel to her in her first year. She still got funny looks from the Slytherins over their second year.

“Ms. Blythe.”

Alyssa looked up from her plate and her eavesdropping. Professor McGonagall was standing over her, eyebrow raised, and her tone told Alyssa that it wasn’t the first time the professor had tried to get her attention. “Yes, Professor?”

“Your schedule, Blythe. Unless you’ve discovered some previously unknown talent for Divination I assure you you’ll need it.”

“No, Professor. I mean, yes, Professor.” Alyssa blushed as she accepted her schedule and the other Ravenclaws snickered.

Professor McGonagall raised her other eyebrow to match the first, quieting Alyssa’s tablemates instantaneously, and moved on to deliver Razi and Delaney’s schedules without incident. She didn’t even fumble with the removal of Razi’s from further down the pile.

“Pratchett, do you know who got captain this year?” Alyssa asked as she and Razi bent over their schedules to compare.

“That would be me,” he said. He sounded proud even if he didn’t look up from where he was making notations on his own schedule. “I’ll let you know when tryouts are, but they tell me you’ll have some competition this time around. Some of the second years absolutely aced flying last year, and I think Berk is planning to go for Chaser instead of Seeker this year.”

“I’ll remember that.” She couldn’t help but be a little miffed – she’d been a Chaser since third year. True, Berk had been one before then (he was a sixth year) and had only been pushed into seeking when they had no other options, but surely Pratchett didn’t really think a couple of second years would be better than she was.

“Excellent,” Razi said. “We’ve got Charms and double Herbology together Tuesdays, double Potions Thursdays, and Defense Against the Dark Arts Fridays.”

Alyssa made a face. The plus side of having classes was Razi was having class with Razi. The downside was that the other Slytherin fifth years would be there, too, including Avery.

“Potions with Gryffindor, too,” Delaney said excitedly.

“And Transfiguration,” Alyssa said slowly after exchanging a look with Razi, no eyebrows necessary. “And History of Magic.”

“What’s so exciting about that?” Amanda asked, as confused as the other two.

“Oh, nothing,” Delaney said with obviously fake nonchalance. An actor she was not. “It’s just I think this is the first time we’ve had Potions with the Gryffindors.”

“Except for first year,” Alyssa said.

“And third,” Amanda contributed.

“Remember, Alyssa kept complaining about Evans showing her up?” Razi prompted.

“I did not,” Alyssa protested. “I merely pointed out that if Evans wasn’t there I’d have been the top of the class! Slughorn _did_ invite me to his club, you know.”

“Snape has been heard to say the same thing,” Razi said, “though to be fair I suppose he hasn’t caught the eye of my illustrious head of house. You can’t both be right.”

Alyssa sniffed dismissively. Exposure to Potter and Black, however tangential, would have left her with a general distaste for Severus Snape over the years even if he hadn’t been her competition. She supposed the best she could say about him was that he generally ignored Razi.

“Blythe’s not interested in Wesson,” someone behind her said in hushed tones.

“He’s too busy giving me a hard time to be interested in Wesson,” another voice, this one familiar, grumbled. “I was only five minutes after curfew.”

Someone snorted. Alyssa rather thought it was the first person to speak. “Yes, Avery, I forgot the world revolved around you.”

Alyssa lost the conversation again in the general hubbub of the hall. She looked up to meet Razi’s quizzical look. “Just thinking,” she said.

“Think on the move,” Amanda advised, downing the last of her pumpkin juice and slinging her bag over her shoulder. “We’ll be late to Charms if we don’t hurry up.”

Professor Flitwick started with his usual roll call before greeting the class with his usual warning. “Welcome! It’s so good to see all of you back and ready to start your fifth year. This year we begin OWL studies. These, of course, cover quite a bit of new and complex magic, so I would like to take the opportunity to remind all of you of the attention and responsibility,” he stressed the word, his eyes meeting Razi’s for a moment, “you will need to practice and master the charms you learn here. Now, as I have had all of you for four years, I assume everyone has read the article on the swish and flick method I assigned over the summer…”

“I don’t know why he reminds me to be responsible every year,” Razi grumbled as Flitwick coaxed Cyrus Thomas into expounding on the various merits of different wand movements.

“Because you never _are_ ,” Delaney hissed, looking up in brief anxiety as silence fell around the classroom. She needn’t have worried; Flitwick was only ending the discussion so they could practice swishing and flicking the rest of the period.

“Nothing I’ve done since second year has affected anyone it wasn’t supposed to,” Razi said primly, relieved of the need to keep her voice any lower than normal.

“And wasn’t that a catastrophe,” Delaney muttered.

“Being deliberate and being responsible are two very different things,” Alyssa said severely. She had, after all, been caught up in that catastrophe. Just because she wasn’t above the occasional reminder, though, didn’t mean she really bore any ill will. “Do you remember that spell you tried to make your notes legible only to you? Do you think it could have used a swish instead of a swat?”

“I think you all deserve a swat,” Amanda cut in, “but I’m willing to negotiate if someone helps me with that squiggly swishing thing. I don’t think I’ve got it quite right.”

Delaney leaned over to help, earning three house points for generosity and purely by accident getting in the way of a paper projectile that Alyssa strongly suspected had been aimed at her. Her evidence? Avery’s irritated face as Delaney incinerated the folded piece of paper without bothering to examine it.

“The first day and he’s already starting,” Alyssa told Razi as they trooped to the greenhouse for Herbology. Technically they had a break period, but all of the fifth years knew very well that the trek to the greenhouse was a long one even if you didn’t run into any obstacles.

Razi’s eyes flicked to Avery, and Delaney sighed.

“Now you’ve done it. He’ll have nonstop detention for weeks or she’ll turn his hair permanently blue or something.”

“I am not averse to Avery having nonstop detention for _years_ ,” Amanda informed Delaney before Alyssa could say anything.

“I just think it’s a bit of an overreaction to a piece of paper is all,” Delaney defended herself.

“It isn’t the paper,” Amanda said. “It’s the principle.”

 “And the principle is that I can deal with it myself,” Alyssa interrupted. “Mostly. As I’ve told you. It’s just irritating, it’s not like he’s covered me with acid.”

“Yet,” Amanda muttered darkly as they entered the greenhouse.

Razi snorted. “I don’t need to do anything to him at the moment, anyway.”

“ _I do not want to know_ ,” Delaney told her, low and forceful. “I am a prefect and I can’t know these things.”

“Can’t and don’t want are two different things,” Razi replied sweetly just to be difficult. “I haven’t noticed Lupin having any crises of conscience.”

“You wouldn’t notice anything about Lupin unless he wanted you to,” Delaney replied as they entered the greenhouse only a few minutes early.

Razi shrugged at Alyssa, who shrugged back.


	4. Chapter 4

Double Herbology was still with the Slytherins, and Professor Sprout did not believe in letting students choose their own partners. Razi was partnered with Andromeda, which allowed both of them to cheerfully ignore each other in the pursuit of other tasks after silently finishing the assignment.

Alyssa was less lucky. Though she was partnered with Amanda, she was certain that Avery was staring at her the entire time, which put a damper on the whole experience. Every time he laughed (which was often) she wondered if she could get away with stuffing a snargaluff pod down his throat.

It was Amanda, of all people, who told her she was being paranoid, and when Alyssa reminded her of the summer homework disaster she was only asked how he had gotten to it.

“My parents had his over for dinner and Jonathan wasn’t there to remind me how utterly evil Avery can be,” Alyssa said. “He violated the sanctity of summer, Amanda. Who does that?”

“There’s summer sanctity?” Amanda asked, curious.

“Not anymore,” Alyssa muttered darkly, cutting the plant pod in her hand open with more force than was strictly necessary.

Herbology passed with only a few more bursts of laughter from Avery, but Alyssa was fuming anyway when she dropped her books on the table at lunch, putting her head down on folded arms. “I hate him.”

“I’m working on it,” Razi replied absently as she turned a page in her Charms book and sat down a little more gracefully.

“I take it Herbology did not go smoothly,” Jonathan commented, sliding onto the bench beside Alyssa. “People troubles or coursework troubles? I’m an expert in both, you know.”

“Alyssa’s just being paranoid about Avery, as usual,” Delaney said.

“It isn’t paranoia if he really is out to get me,” Alyssa retorted without looking up. Jonathan patted her shoulder and coaxed her into sitting up by sliding the plate of cheeses into the place beside her elbow.

“Alyssa wants to take care of things herself, but I have some ideas if she changes her mind,” Razi told him, still apparently absorbed in her book.

“I thought I asked you not to tell me these things,” Jonathan said mildly.

Razi finally looked up and, blinking, asked, “Why are you sitting here then?”

 “I’m checking in with my sister,” Jonathan said. “Surely a Ravenclaw can check in with his equally Ravenclaw sister- or has that changed under my esteemed colleague’s reign?”

“As you know,” Razi replied, “I rarely pay attention to the rules, save for my own purposes. I am, therefore, not the best person to inquire of.”

“One would think you would need to know the rules before you set out to break them.”

“Ah, you assume that breaking the rule is a goal; on the contrary, they simply get in my way.”

“You object to rules, then?” 

“I am, in general, a great proponent of rules. They keep small minded people in line and make it easier to operate.”

“You claim that those who follow rules are all small minded?”

“I claim anyone who lets a paltry rule get in the way of what is necessary to be small minded, yes.”

“While your conversations are fascinating, and not only because they scandalize Delaney, you have this one every year,” Amanda interrupted. “Maybe try something new.”

Alyssa nodded vigorously, mouth full of cheese sandwich, but she swallowed before saying, “And I think Wesson is looking for you over by the Gryffindor table.”

“If Potter and Black have exploded one more thing,” Jonathan grumbled, standing to look over. “Oh. It’s Stark.”

Delaney’s head turned immediately, an action not unnoticed by her friends.

“I probably won’t be back before the end of lunch, but try not to get into too much trouble,” Jonathan said. “I’d hate to have to give any of you detention.” He strode off.

“I can’t decide if that was supposed to be threatening or encouraging,” Amanda said into the silence.

“At least it’s undoubtedly sincere?” Delaney said uncertainly.

Alyssa snorted and snagged some celery from Razi’s plate.

Lunch was over all-too-soon, which meant the Ravenclaws were off to History of Magic and Razi was off to Ancient Runes with anyone who didn’t have a core class that period.

Stark waved at Razi when she arrived. She pretended not to notice, but something clicked in the back of her mind as she took copious notes on the lesson. Alyssa would be pleased to have some time to think of clever questions for when she had this class tomorrow, and discussing them with her would help Razi remember too.

Since the Ancient Runes classroom wasn’t far from History of Magic, Razi let herself move a little more slowly than usual when leaving, which meant most everyone had already trooped down the hallway. Most, of course, did not mean all. A very small girl in a Gryffindor robe ran up to Razi as she exited Ancient Runes.

“Hi!” she exclaimed. Razi refrained from looking around to make sure she was the one being addressed, but only barely.

“Hello,” Razi said cautiously. “Are you lost?”

“Oh, no,” the girl said, waving her hand like that was a ridiculous notion. “I was looking for you, if you’re Razi Levine.”

“I am,” Razi said, even more cautiously. “And besides being a tiny human being, you are…?”

“Pepper Green. Someone told me you were a poor excuse for a Slytherin.”

That was new. Razi had heard many insults in her time at Hogwarts – mudblood, of course, being the most common – but no one had ever popped up out of nowhere to doubt her suitability for her house. “I can see for myself that you have a poor excuse for a face,” Razi retorted, stung despite herself. “Run along, young lion. You’re new here, so I’ll give you some free advice: your kind doesn’t talk to snakes. And your kind definitely doesn’t insult them in empty hallways without backup.”

Green studied her for a long moment. Razi wondered if she should draw her wand to drive the point home, but Green broke into a wide smile, which was not the reaction Razi was used to when she made vague threats. “You seem like a pretty great Slytherin to me,” she said, and ran off before Razi could muster a reply.

Maybe there was something in the air in Gryffindor tower, Razi thought after a moment of staring off in the direction of Green’s retreat. Or maybe Gryffindors were simply by definition strange.

She was almost put off enough that she took a seat deep in the Slytherin side of the room in History of Magic, but self-preservation won out. She wondered absently as she sat on the edge near the Gryffindor side if Stark, in all his interesting new friendliness and not so new Gryffindor strangeness, would be inclined to act as a human shield if someone noticed her smug grin when this prank came to fruition.

Probably not. A wave was not a declaration of unending friendship.

“Sir,” she asked, raising her hand before Binns could really get started, “I’ve heard that the goblin Stonehook had quite the reputation for cruelty. Is that true?”

Binns blinked at her, and she wondered how many people actually asked him questions these days. She almost felt badly for what was about to happen, but she decided he would get over it quickly. Probably.

“You, in the back,” he wavered, recovering and floating a little closer to the students than usual. “If you managed the summer reading, you should be able to answer the young lady’s question.”

It was so nice when others made her plans run smoothly, she thought fondly as Avery, in the back, looked up.

“Yes, Twit,” Avery said, and stopped. The class turned to look at him. “I mean Fool. I’m sorry, Freak, I don’t mean-”

The class continued to look at him as he tried (and failed) to say something appropriate.

“I will not be insulted in my own classroom,” Binns cried, voice echoing through the room. “If you continue, I shall have to assign you detention.”

“But Cretan-” Avery cried, jumping to his feet.

“Enough! Twenty points from Slytherin for unpardonable rudeness, _and_ detention. Sit down, boy.”

Avery sat. Razi figured the sentence would be mitigated when McGonagall heard –the woman was entirely too fair, and it would be obvious to anyone who hadn’t been dead for many years that Avery had been cursed - but in the meantime, Avery was furious and in trouble. She basked in his frustration.

He was packing up his books when she stopped beside his desk. She waited until he looked up to say, “Have a nice detention.” It would end the spell – she wasn’t _heartless_ , just vengeful. The comments about her mother had been really uncalled for, and she wouldn’t even have to deal with Alyssa’s scolding this time. She didn’t think.

“It was _you_ ,” he hissed.

Razi shrugged and left. He could try to prove it, but she had performed several spells with her wand since setting that particular one. It was one of the reasons she liked putting things in motion early.

Stark stopped her in the hallway right outside. She considered ignoring him again – and wondered briefly if there had been some sort of memo in the Gryffindor common room that morning – but decided that Avery would be coming out soon. Stark, already over six feet in height and known for being a deft hand with a couple of handy jinxes, was good insurance. Even if he was a Gryffindor.

“Do you want to know if I’m a poor excuse for a Slytherin too?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“What?” he asked, brows furrowing. “No. I’m sure you’re an excellent Slytherin.”

“Your praise gives me life,” she said. “What do you want? I’m hungry.” She watched as Avery stalked out and headed off down the hallway without so much as a look in her direction. It was almost insulting.

“You’re Stowe’s friend,” he began. Avery turned a corner and went out of sight.

“Time’s up,” Razi said. “Be quick about it or be left midsentence. I’m not wearing green because it’s my favorite color, and you Gryffindors seem to have forgotten the order of things.”

“That’s a bit rich, coming from you,” he muttered. “But I just want to know if she’s seeing anyone.”

Oh lovely. Delaney would be ecstatic and Razi was going to have to deal with the lovey-dovey fallout. At least Amanda and Pratchett had the decency to behave like normal people when they weren’t finding corners to snog in. She doubted Delaney would have the same restraint. “So far as I know,” she replied in resignation.

Stark brightened. “Do you think I have a chance? I mean, she’s amazing-”

“Ask her, not me,” Razi snapped. “I am going to dinner.” She marched off.

Later, sitting next to Alyssa, she stared at Delaney fixedly. Delaney began to look a little nervous.

“Anything I want to know?” Alyssa asked, breaking the tension.

“You’re a Ravenclaw. You want to know everything. There’s nothing you desperately _need_ to know at the moment, though.”

“How about why Avery started insulting Professor Binns out of the blue in History of Magic?”

“I desperately need to know that,” Amanda said as Delaney began scolding Razi despite the staring.

“If I did it,” Razi said, looking away from Delaney to scout the hall for Jonathan just in case, “I would say that he undoubtedly deserved it, as he always undoubtedly does when people hex him.”

“So you admit to nothing,” Delaney sighed.

Razi smiled. “That’s the first rule of life, Delaney.”

“Has anyone else noticed Stark staring almost as fixedly at Delaney as Razi?” Alyssa wondered.

“He should ask you out already and put us all out of our misery,” Amanda told Delaney.

“Or you should ask him out,” Alyssa suggested. “I mean, you like him. I was wondering how it got that bad before I remembered you two live in the same town.”

“Spend much time with him over the summer?” Amanda asked sweetly.

“I was at my cousin’s most of it, remember?” Delaney retorted, blushing hotly. “But yes, some of us partbloods get together and get dinner over the summers. He’s very nice.”

“Also,” Pratchett observed from where he had been comparing his notes to his Transfiguration book and not contributing to the conversation, “those are good arms to have.”

Amanda took his book, since, she said, he obviously hadn’t actually been using it in the first place.

“Go ask,” Pratchett urged after failing to retrieve his textbook. “He can only say no.”

“He won’t say no,” Razi said. “Remind me to tell you about all of the strange Gryffindor encounters I’ve had today.”

“I don’t know…” Delaney trailed off.

“Go,” the rest of them said. Amanda pointed for emphasis. Delaney went.

“Batten down the hatches,” Amanda said when Delaney, after a short conversation, sank, beaming, onto the bench next to Stark. “Be ready for the winds of love.”

“Who actually says that?” Alyssa demanded.

“Avery’s staring at you again,” Pratchett informed her.

Alyssa threw a roll at him.

They separated again after dinner. Razi waved at the junction of corridors and headed down to the dungeons, whispering the password (“Facilus descensus averni”) before sliding unseen into her common room. She kept the spell up as she showered and dressed in her pajamas, and added her usual alarms and protections around her bed before settling in. Only then did she let herself pull out a photo taken of her and her mother over the summer.

Some trick of the lighting made it more of a picture of her mother with a white blob leaning against her, but that was all right. Pictures of Razi rarely turned out. She smiled at her mother, a real smile that spread across her face and made the world a happier place as opposed to her usual ones; those usually meant that someone was in trouble. Her mother had given birth when she was fifteen years old, and the two had gotten along remarkably well ever since. In honor of her fifteenth birthday the previous summer, her mother had spoken more candidly than ever before about what it had been like to be a mother at such a young age. No one could be ready for that, Razi thought, least of all Razi and her friends. She resolved to keep an eye on Stark and Delaney, and yes, even one on Pratchett and Amanda, though they were all by and large sensible people. Well. Maybe not Stark.

Alyssa was another matter, one who had told her once that the Blythes got along by being generally unobjectionable to anyone. Razi rather thought Alyssa had failed at that already, but she supposed blood covered all manner of sins until they didn’t. Alyssa toed the line seemingly without thinking about it, but when you didn’t think about things they snuck up on you. Some day she was going to step over that line, and Razi was going to have to back her up. She supposed that was the price you paid for having friends who would back _you_ up.

It was only the first day and there were already complications. It didn’t bode well for the rest of the year. But hers was the house of Salazar Slytherin. A bigoted wanker, certainly, but a cunning one, and if there was any way through this minefield in one piece, Razi – who was certainly not a poor excuse for a Slytherin – would find it.


	5. Chapter 5

Weeks later, Alyssa made a face as Professor Slughorn complimented Lily Evans on yet another potion made perfectly.

“I don’t understand,” she complained, stoppering her own apparently almost-but-not-quite-as-perfect potion, “I follow all the instructions in the book to a T-”

“Except when you don’t,” Amanda interrupted.

“My alterations work better than what’s in the book,” Alyssa retorted. “You know it, you’ve taken advantage of it often enough. But even when I do make alterations and they work perfectly, Evans’ potions turn out even _more_ perfectly.”

“So you’re jealous of Evans, blah blah. That’s nothing new.”

“I’m not jealous,” Alyssa said, miffed. “I just don’t understand how she’s in Gryffindor. It upsets the natural order of things.”

“There are plenty of smart people in other houses,” Amanda pointed out as she grimaced over her own acceptable but slightly off color brew. It was still in her cauldron, as most of the class’ potions were. Evans and Alyssa had always finished their projects first; even if a potion had to simmer for a while to be useful, preparation had never been as difficult or time consuming for them as it seemed to be for most of their yearmates. Slughorn still raved about their Swelling Solution from third year’s partnered exam.

Alyssa had enjoyed working with Evans. She had enjoyed the look on Potter’s face when Evans brought up an embarrassing escapade from the summer more, even if she’d had to deal with singing her feelings for five days when Potter found out who had told the object of his affections about it. There were only so many ways to sing about enjoying potionswork, but she’d made sure Potter and his friends heard all of them. And the repeats. Black had removed the hex out of self-preservation – Alyssa had never been anything but tone-deaf – and she had taken it as a win.

She did not enjoy being bested by Evans, though, not in _her_ subject. To move away from the ugly line of thought she looked over at Delaney’s cauldron, but she was too late to stop her friend adding too much armadillo bile. The potion promptly turned a virulent purple instead of the sunny yellow it should have been and belched a mushroom cloud of foul-smelling smoke into Delaney’s face.

“Too much armadillo bile,” Alyssa told her.

“Thank you, Alyssa,” Delaney managed through the coughing fit. “If you hadn’t told me, I don’t know how I would have guessed.”

Alyssa patted her on the back and passed her some undiluted bobotuber puss. “Try adding a splash of this.”

Delaney, coughing gone as suddenly as it had started, sighed and obeyed. Her potion turned a bluish green.

“Try another one.”

The potion turned yellow, if a little muddier than the optimal shade.

“Excellent,” Alyssa said, taking back the puss and carefully closing the container. “It had a bit less of an effect then I thought it would, but that was easily compensated for-”

“We’ve talked about using our potions to conduct experiments in class,” Delaney said sternly.

“What if it had exploded?” Amanda hissed.

“Then Slughorn would have let Delaney make it up later,” Alyssa said. “Especially once I said I put something in it. You know how Slughorn is.”

“Yes,” Amanda said, “but grades aside, _what if it had exploded_?”

Alyssa considered. “Probably nothing. They don’t let us do anything we can mess up _too_ badly until NEWT level.”

“Probably nothing,” Amanda muttered, and turned back to her own potion.

“Anyway,” Alyssa said, “if Delaney had been paying attention to her measurements instead of making goo-goo eyes at Stark it wouldn’t have happened.”

Delaney glared at her. Alyssa decided to immerse herself in her textbook.

“…and that’s when Alyssa decided that experimenting on my potion was a good idea,” Delaney finished later at lunch. “Tell her it’s not, Razi.”

“Not paying attention to potentially dangerous activities isn’t a good idea either,” Alyssa retorted.

“So you admit it was dangerous!” Amanda exclaimed in tones of triumph.

“Potions always comes with risks or we’d just toss everything nearby in a cauldron to see what happened!”

“Is there a problem here?” Wesson demanded, stopping the argument cold. The look the head girl leveled at them managed to convey that if there were, she planned to stop it by sheer force of will. Or detentions all around.

“Not at all,” Razi said, finally joining the conversation.

“Keep it down, then,” Wesson ordered, stepping away. Alyssa, Delaney, and Amanda tried to convey with the most innocent looks they could muster that they would of course keep it down, and they were wounded that she would think otherwise.

“Kinda makes you appreciate your brother, Blythe,” Pratchett remarked from where he had been sitting unnoticed.

“I’ll be sure to let him know you think so, Pratchett.”

“Where is he, anyway?” Delaney asked, looking around. “Usually he stops by, but I haven’t seen him. I wanted to ask him about a thing at the last prefects’ meeting.”

Alyssa shrugged and scooped mashed potatoes onto her plate after checking for the note the house elves stuck to anything vegan. Note present, she passed the dish to Razi. “He’s probably on some special assignment or something.”

“’Special assignment,’” a girl’s voice mocked behind them. “Yes, that’s it.”

Alyssa gritted her teeth and stared fixedly at her plate. There was no point in reacting to Dolohov, whatever she was babbling about. Should she add butter or gravy to the potatoes? She was definitely applying gravy to her stuffing, should she try the butter on the potatoes? Maybe both. She was spoiled for choice, and contemplating that was definitely better than dealing with Dolohov.

Amanda did not share the same philosophy. “What do you mean by that?”

Dolohov shrugged. Alyssa, failing to concentrate on the mashed potatoes, could hear the rustle of her robes, which meant Dolohov was standing entirely too close. “I was just commenting that our dear Head Boy seems to enjoy… both those things.”

Alyssa frowned, but Dolohov was not going away so she turned to look up at her. “If you’re going to say something, could it be something that makes sense?”

The raised eyebrow and look of smug superiority she received made Alyssa want to hex something, but she hadn’t ever been very good at it. Maybe Dolohov’s face would provide inspiration. Maybe Dolohov’s younger brother’s face would provide more: he was standing at his sister’s shoulder and smiling just as mockingly.

“You might want to rein him in, Blythe,” Avery added more quietly from farther off. For once Mulciber was not with him. “If people realize he won’t carry on your family line, your own future could be… difficult.” He smiled, a sideways twist of his mouth that conveyed very little good humor.

“Are you implying my brother is impotent?” Alyssa asked, confused, and glanced at Razi for a translation to Ravenclaw. She saw Amanda first, and her friend’s face had turned a peculiar shade of purple.

“I’m saying outright that your future could be imperiled if it’s generally known that your brother chases shirts instead of skirts. No need to worry too much though – I’m sure I could be prevailed upon to take you.”

There was a frozen moment of silence after that. Even Dolohov looked a little shocked. Razi’s eyes had narrowed to slits and Amanda’s face was even more purple: Delaney stared.

Alyssa punched Avery in the face.

 

* * *

 

 

The hallway outside the headmaster’s office was really very nice, Alyssa reflected as she waited with Razi, Amanda, Pratchett, Potter, and Black. Especially the stone walls. They were nice and cool on her hand, which Madam Pomfrey had said was only very bruised and not broken. It _felt_ broken. She hoped Avery’s face hurt more.

“Come in,” Dumbledore called.

She entered with a nervous glance at the rest of them. Potter gave her a cheerful thumbs up. It was all well and good for him, but she had never actually been to Dumbledore’s office before: usually whatever pranks Razi or Amanda talked her into were dealt with by Professor Fllitwick or, that memorable time in second year, McGonagall.

Alyssa walked quietly to stand in front of the desk and looked down at her feet, hands clasped behind her back before she remembered her injured hand. She switched to holding her wrist.

Dumbledore eyed her for a moment while she examined the rug. It was pretty, swirls of muted blue and green and cream that hinted at cohesive shapes if you could just look closer. She jumped when Dumbledore started talking.

“May I inquire, Miss Blythe, why a student with such a seemingly benign disposition would punch another? I am referring, of course, to Mr. Avery.”

Alyssa continued to study the rug, trying to come up with something to tell him. ‘Gee, Professor, I punched him because he more than implied that my brother isn’t interested in girls, which would actually explain a few things that I hadn’t actually considered before, and then tossed out that he’d 'take me’ because no other options for my future would present themselves’ sounded a little bit like whining, and where it didn’t it revolved around Jonathan. She could only assume Jonathan didn’t want people knowing, since he hadn’t even told her. Jonathan told her everything.

“I didn’t like the shape of his nose,” she said finally.

“I beg your pardon?”

“His nose,” she repeated, looking up and meeting the headmaster’s eyes with what she hoped was less defiance and more of a plea not to ask. “It’s all crooked, and it bothered me.”

His eyebrows went up.

“Not that your nose isn’t perfectly lovely,” she continued hurriedly, “but his doesn’t fit his face in the slightest.”

He continued to look at her, so Alyssa continued to talk. “And Razi and Amanda and Pratchett were just helping me. I don’t know what Potter and Black were doing – I suppose they just like to fight Slytherins. Or maybe they wanted to help some damsels in distress. Not that we were in particular distress, mind, and not that Pratchett is a damsel. I thought we were doing pretty well for ourselves, but Jonathan and Wesson and Delaney broke us up, as they should, being responsible authority figures and all.”

Professor Dumbledore, much to her surprise, smiled.

“I don’t suppose you’d care to give me the real reason?”

“Avery’s nose was the real reason,” she said.

She had to endure another moment of scrutiny, during which she tried to look trustworthy, before Dumbledore blinked. “I see. In that case, detention for a week with Professor Slughorn. Please try not to break anyone else’s nose in the meantime?”

“I broke his nose?” Alyssa asked excitedly, and, realizing that she might sound a little too pleased to have caused a fellow student bodily harm, added hastily, “I hope it’s nothing Madam Pomfrey can’t fix.”

“Broken noses are, I assure you, well within Madam Pomfrey’s considerable skill set. You are dismissed.”

Alyssa nodded and turned quickly, hurrying for the door.

“Miss Blythe?”

She winced, pausing with her hand on the doorknob. Had he done that for dramatic effect? “Sir?”

“In the future, when someone’s crooked nose offends you, I would suggest you remember that it is rarely a good idea to punch someone in the face when body parts that will do less damage to your own fist are available.”

Alyssa blinked and looked back at him.

“And sometimes it is better for everyone involved if you give less attention to the… crooked nose.”

“I’ll remember that, sir,” she said. “Thank you.”

“For what, Miss Blythe?” He smiled. “If you could send in Miss Levine on your way out, please?”

 


	6. Chapter 6

Razi stood before the desk, doing her level best to keep her face serene.

“This is not your usual brand of rule breaking, Miss Levine,” Dumbledore said, looking at her over the rims of his glasses. Razi tried to convince herself he couldn’t know everything going on in her head, even if he looked like he did. “A fist fight? Really?”

Razi nodded. “Yes sir.”

“Forgive me for reminding you of deeds for which you have already served penance,” the headmaster continued, “but I find this deviance from… shall we say, your regular kind of infraction? I find it startling. And against members of your own house, no less.”

“It is unusual, sir, I admit that,” Razi said.

“And to little else,” he observed. “Would you care to pretend I’ve listened to your clever wordplay already and we’ve moved on to the heart of the matter? Not that I do not appreciate your wordplay, but I have a school to run, Miss Levine, and four more troublemakers to deal with before I can.”

“I was rather close to Alyssa when the altercation began, sir. I believe Dolohov – the elder, not the brother – assumed I would join the fray and reacted prematurely. I’m afraid I responded instinctively.”

“How dreadfully _teenager_ of you,” Dumbledore said. He sounded amused, though the corner of his lip barely twitched. “Probably knowing that is punishment enough for you, but alas, I must bow to societal expectations of justice. Four days detention with Professor Flitwick, Miss Levine, and an essay on how you, at least, could have avoided a visit here. Lemon drop? I’ve found them to be very soothing.”

Razi blinked, both at the change of subject and the open tin in his hand. “I’m not very fond of sweets, sir,” she said, lying through her teeth.

“Pity. I can’t seem to kick the habit.” He eyed her long enough that she wanted to shift her feet. Razi wasn’t uncomfortable with silence, far from it, but Dumbeldore’s particular brand of it felt like being weighed and measured. “On second thought, I would prefer that essay to be about a civil conversation with one of your housemates. Perhaps if you knew one or two a little better you would be slower to reach for violence in your dealings with them. It might at least make for a more comfortable common room.”

Razi doubted knowing her fellow Slytherins would make her less likely to hex them into oblivion, but she wasn’t going to say so. Dumbledore nodded a dismissal and asked that she send in Pratchett when she left.

Alyssa and Delaney hovered at the bottom of the stair with Jonathan, who was examining Alyssa’s hand while she insisted she just needed to conjure some ice.

“What’s the verdict?” Delaney asked.

“Detention with Flitwick for a few days and an essay on communication with my housemates,” Razi said. “If it was actual parseltongue it would be less dangerous. Alyssa?”

“Detention with Slughorn for a week. It won’t be so bad, he’ll just have a captive audience for his namedropping while he has me do prep work for the other classes.”

“You got off lightly,” Jonathan scolded, including Razi in his lecture. “Punching someone? Bad enough to fight at all! And don’t think I don’t know you’re using concealing spells, Levine, there’s no way you got out of that without a few bruises. Let me take a look.”

Razi rolled her eyes but complied, letting Jonathan tilt her head up so he could look at the cheek Dolohov had gotten to first. She’d managed to avoid much else, thanks to Wesson, Lupin, Delaney, and Jonathan himself. Jumping in had been stupid, no matter what she told Dumbledore about Dolohov striking first.

“That’s not so bad,” Jonathan said in a suddenly softer voice. “That black eye will be gone by the time you finish your detentions. Ice?”

Alyssa grimaced. “You really shouldn’t have done anything, Razi. I mean, I appreciate the support, but-”

“You won’t let me hex Avery with anything permanent, the least I could do was back you up when you tried to disfigure him,” Razi muttered as she accepted the conjured bag of ice from Jonathan, feeling perversely driven to defend her actions.

“Undying declarations of friendship aside – don’t pretend, Levine, I can speak Slytherin – you two shouldn’t be fighting at all,” Jonathan said. “I don’t know what possessed you, Alyssa.”

“Momentary insanity,” his sister replied, sounding subdued. “It won’t happen again.”

“Good,” Jonathan said. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

“Go to class, Jonathan,” all three of them said in exasperation, perfectly in sync. He raised his hands in surrender and obeyed.

“While we wait for Amanda and Pratchett, can we discuss my impossible task?” Razi asked after a bit. “I was just in a fight that included Avery. _No one_ is going to speak civilly to me.”

“There are plenty of Slytherins who don’t like Avery,” Delaney protested weakly.

“Ninety percent of them I’m sure,” Razi agreed, “but he was friends with Malfoy before he graduated, he’s a prefect, and he’s a member of Slughorn’s little club. You didn’t think Alyssa avoided those meetings because she’s against mingling with high society, did you?”

“I _am_ against mingling with high society,” Alyssa said. “They always try to make small talk when I’m reading.”

“Slytherins won’t talk to me because nobody wants Avery angry with them,” Razi continued, ignoring Alyssa. “I’m almost surprised we haven’t run into Mulciber in a dark corner somewhere already.”

Her friends shuddered, but a moment later Amanda and Pratchett appeared around the bend of the stairwell.

“I have to go,” Razi said, duty discharged. “I don’t want to be late for Transfiguration.”

Her friends waved as she left.

McGonagall’s lecture on transfiguring objects that had already been altered was complicated enough that everyone was bent over taking detailed notes, but even so Razi noticed a few glances in her direction. She shouldn’t have had to – she sat in the back for a reason.

McGonagall appeared next to her desk as class ended. “You detention begins promptly after dinner, Miss Levine. Professor Flitwick will meet you in his office.”

“Yes ma’am.”

McGonagall looked over Razi’s work for the day. “Excellent use of Frezner’s Principles of Mutation. Did you find it easier to transfigure the paper when it was folded?”

“A little,” Razi said warily.

The Professor nodded thoughtfully. “Five points to Slytherin, Levine,” she said before turning to leave. “For sticking to principles.”

Razi stared after her, eyes narrowed. Was she imagining the wordplay? She tabled the question for later, hurrying to pack up her things. She had Defense Against the Dark Arts, which meant she would see the Ravenclaws.

Her path down the stairs was blocked. Pepper Green looked up at her; Razi considered stepping over her. She was probably short enough.

“Do you tutor?” the Gryffindor asked.

Razi took a moment to stare, dead-eyed, at the younger girl.

“I know,” Green said, as if Razi had actually said something. “Snakes and lions don’t mix, you’re big and bad, danger Will Robinson, do you tutor?”

She ignored the reference, though she hadn’t thought many people would have seen the American television show. “You’re a first year, what subject could you possibly be behind on? And what’s in it for me?”

“It’s not for me,” Green retorted. “But if there’s something in it for you you’ll do it?”

“I’d consider it,” Razi said. “Much the same way I’m considering what happened to the last person who made me late to class.”

Green snorted. “Stark didn’t have a mark on him. I’ll let her know.”

She ran off before Razi could ask her who ‘her’ was, which was just as well. If they kept talking Razi might start to like her, which would be inconvenient. She had too many people she liked, and she already had a Gryffindor she had to be nice to. She shook her head and headed off to lunch.

Delaney had saved her a place next to her but unfortunately near the other Slytherins. It took a special effort to speak kindly with friends in the presence of smug enemies, and none of the friends seemed inclined to rise to the occasion: instead the Ravenclaws held true to their house by immersing themselves in books, though she noticed that Amanda had pulled out her Magical Creatures text instead of her Defense. Razi leaned back in her chair and made herself look nonchalant as she pondered who in Slytherin she could talk to without risking bodily harm.

The list was depressingly short. She was repeating it in her mind when the new Defense professor entered the room and asked where their previous professor had left off.

Some of the answers, while serious, were a touch mean-spirited.

“The auror department is kind enough to send us people with practical knowledge of defense. We’ve been taught by two interns, a full Auror, like yourself, on sabbatical to deal with the loss of a partner, and another who was writing the text book you’ve selected for us, Professor,” Dolohov the younger said from the front of the classroom listed off.

Delaney added, “We learned a lot of theory last year. It was fascinating.”

The professor, a middle-aged woman who seemed in good health, of strong mind, and of quick temper, grimaced and flicked her wand at the board. The chalk darted across the board, leaving hard, fast marks, as if someone was writing angrily. The wedding ring on her finger slipped a little, showing skin not discernibly lighter than the rest of her. Newlywed. Razi wondered if someone was going to receive a Howler for benching her.

“Theoretical knowledge will serve you well on your OWLs,” Professor Ramsey said in the clipped tones of someone trying not to sound put out, “but this year we will make a point of focusing on the practical. Defense, particularly in such times as these, is of vital importance. It demands attention and diligent practice.”

The look she shot at them all made Razi consider what she meant by diligent practice. Ramsey did not seem inclined to let anyone skate by, which was a pity. Razi and most of her other friends didn’t have any difficulty in Defense, but Alyssa had never gotten the knack. She made up for it with the essays, but Ramsey wasn’t listing any on the honest-to-god syllabus the chalk was inscribing on the board. She supposed she would have to talk to Amanda about making Alyssa practice more.

Razi snuck a look at her friend, who was copying down the syllabus, face set and mouth tight. It grew tighter when Ramsey mentioned dueling practice.

“It’ll be fine, Alyssa,” Amanda assured her when they finally escaped. “We’ll throw some duels or something for class and they never test you on dueling in OWLs anyway.”

Razi shook her head. Amanda wanted to solve Alyssa’s problems for her because she thought that was what friends did. Alyssa wanted to solve her own problems. Razi would prefer no one knowing she had problems at all.

Speaking of which…

“I’m going to go sit at the Slytherin table,” she told her friends. “Then at least Dumbledore can’t say I’m not trying.”

Alyssa hung back after the others made faces of distaste and headed for their own table. “Are you really worried? I haven’t seen Mulciber around, but if you want me to sit with you...”

“And do what?” Razi asked. She kept her tone gentle, though. “Of the two of us, I’m better equipped to handle Mulciber.”

Alyssa shifted uncomfortably, looking down at her feet, but nodded quickly and followed the others. Razi hoped she hadn’t hurt Alyssa’s feelings, and truthfully Alyssa seemed to have a sort of Mulciber-repellant aura these days, but Razi wanted to be alone. And it was true: she knew to her bones that Alyssa would stand and take any curse aimed at Razi, but that would be the extent of her use if an altercation broke out and then Razi would have to worry about her.

Though she supposed Alyssa _could_ use her heretofore unknown and apparently effective right hook, if that first spell didn’t immobilize her completely. Her friend didn’t lack gumption, only tools.

Razi had wanted to be alone, and she got her wish all through dinner. There was a conspicuous amount of space on either side of her, and the bench across from her remained empty as well. She refused to look at the Professors’ table to see if Dumbledore noticed her comprehensive shunning.

It was after she had finished eating, and after she had waited for a large group of other students to depart the hall so she could join them, that Pepper Green called to her. Razi found herself stopping and waiting for her to catch up.

With the first year Gryffindor was a first year Slytherin, a waifish dark haired girl who eyed Razi warily.

“Here’s your pupil,” Green said. “Elaine Walker, Razi Levine. She’s a little touchy, Elaine, but I think if you feed her she’ll like you.”

“Is that what I’m getting out of this?” Razi asked, eyebrow raised and mildly insulted. “Free food in a castle full of free food?”

“The loving company of another muggleborn Slytherin?” Green suggested, undaunted. “A sense of decency and accomplishment?”

“Letting me know if you hear anything interesting in the halls of Gryffindor?” Razi countered.

Green blinked at her. “I am advanced for an eleven-year-old, but I am still _eleven_. How am I supposed to know what you’d find interesting?”

Walker cleared her throat. “You have someone to talk to for that essay requirement I’ve heard rumors about.”

Well. That was interesting. And annoying. “You shouldn’t put much stock in rumors, small child.”

“I am three years younger than you, not an idiot. And I heard it straight from Potter.”

“We heard it straight from Potter,” Green added. “And _he_ was telling it straight to Lupin. In our hearing. As we happened to be passing by. Completely coincidentally.”

Razi held back a sigh. Potter. She decided Pettigrew must have told him; had probably been lurking around the hallway waiting for his hero and gotten the information directly from her. As she told it straight to Alyssa. As Pettigrew was passing by. Completely coincidentally. Brown-noser. “Say the rumor’s true. What would it cost me?”

“Tutoring,” Green said before Walker could answer.

“Tutoring in what?” Razi asked with exaggerated patience.

“Slytherin!” Green exclaimed, as if the answer should be obvious.

“Pepper, I can talk. Stop it,” Walker said before Green closed her mouth entirely. She turned to Razi. “I met with McGonagall before school and she recommended books, and I know some stuff. I read my school books. I just get the feeling there’s more to this world than they’ll tell me up front.”

“You know enough to hang out with all those purebloods and not look wicked confused,” Green put in before covering her mouth with her hands. “Sorry,” she mumbled through them.

Razi examined Walker. Tiny, as she had noted before. Black hair. Wary expression. Obviously clever enough to use extortion on the only Slytherin who might have some investment in her existence if given a small push. New enough not to realize that only Alyssa and Pratchett were purebloods in the group, and new enough to think that getting on with the purebloods was a matter tutoring could solve. “The purebloods I’m friends with aren’t the ones you need to look out for. The others still hate me plenty. Being seen as my friend won’t help you with them.”

“Pepper mentioned that when I asked,” Walker said. “Nobody says much about Blythe, but it’s not the same way they don’t say anything about Mulciber or Lestrange or Dolohov. Them hating you is a recommendation, from what I understand. Will you help me?”

Maybe not as new as Razi had thought. She considered the girl for another moment.

“She can’t sleep in my common room every night,” Green said. “For one thing, I have sympathetic back pain. For another, I have actual back pain, because I sleep down there so nobody asks why _she’s_ there.”

“Well if it’s a matter of your comfort, Green,” Razi said, adding just a touch of dryness to her tone, “how can I refuse? Sunday, Walker. After breakfast, at the main entrance. Your first lesson will be warding charms so you can sleep in a bed.”

“Can I come?” Pepper asked.

“Do you need bed warding charms?” Walker asked, turning to her friend.

“Not as such, no…”

“Then work on your transfiguration. God knows you need practice.”

Razi left before she heard Pepper’s reply. She didn’t bother to make sound, and let herself smile at Pepper’s exclamation when they found her gone.


	7. Chapter 7

Saturday dawned bright and early. Alyssa despised it already.

And why were her curtains open? She never left them that way when she went to sleep: the windows in Ravenclaw tower were large, the one across from her faced east, and she highly suspected it had been enchanted to take any light that shone on it and make it bright and unwavering. It was excellent for studying on rainy days. It was less excellent for trying to sleep in.

“Rise and shine,” Delaney said, and Alyssa wondered why she had friends who liked to get up early – or, more to the point, liked to get _her_ up early. Razi would never do this to her.

She yanked the bedcovers over her head.

“Alyssa,” Delaney said. Alyssa could picture her standing out of the sunlight’s path, hands on her hips and making sure her poor, abused, exhausted friend was fully exposed to the menace.

“Mmph,” Alyssa grumbled into her pillows.

“Come on, it’s a Hogsmeade weekend! I need you to help me make sure Razi doesn’t do anything too terrible and get in trouble.”

“I am not Razi’s keeper,” Alyssa retorted, lifting her head from her pillows but refusing to remove the blanket. “She’s entirely capable of doing terrible things and not getting caught.”

“You’ll miss breakfast.”

Alyssa finally sat up, turning the full force of her bleary glare on her friend. The dormitory room, which was normally fairly neat, was today a mess of blue comforters and pale yellow sheets intertwined with various different articles of clothing and hair implements. “Shouldn’t you be hounding everyone about cleaning up?”

“It’s a Hogsmeade weekend,” Delaney said again, throwing a set of robes at her. “Get dressed. She’ll leave early and start without us.”

“You’re paranoid,” Alyssa informed her, tapping an unwrinkling charm over the robe and thinking longingly of the jeans Razi let her borrow over the summers. (“I’m so glad you’re showing that Miss Levine what good society is like,” her mother said once after she had seen Alyssa on her way out the door and asked, in a rare fit of maternal feeling, where her daughter was going. “Lord only knows what kind of examples she has with the muggles. But really dear, couldn’t you spend some time with Druella Black’s girls?”)

“I am not,” Delaney said firmly, and then, “Do you think Madame Pomfrey will have left Avery’s nose purple?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be disapproving?” Alyssa asked.

“I will be when Razi’s around. I can’t encourage her at all, or things will start blowing up and her alibis will all check out even though I saw her in the hallway just before. I really don’t like Avery.” Delaney bit her lip, pausing in rifling through Alyssa’s clothes for knee socks that weren’t completely heinous. “Do you know if he’s right?”

The robes muffled Alyssa’s reply, but if Delaney could understand her through pillows and a comforter then she could understand her through one layer of fabric. “Right about…?”

“Jonathan.”

The silence on Alyssa’s end was very, very loud. Delaney changed the subject.

It took them about ten minutes to get to breakfast, and Alyssa was positive that she saw Avery three times.

“Now _you’re_ being paranoid.”

“That’s what you always say when I complain about Avery.”

“Eat your food before you give Razi more ideas.”

Alyssa did not finish her food before Razi arrived, but only because she filled her plate with seconds.

Hogsmeade, Alyssa decided later that day, was not overrated as a school trip, but it was hardly as much a treat for her as it was for, say, Razi, who had hounded everyone about finishing breakfast and starting off.

“You could come visit me one summer,” Alyssa offered outside the Three Broomsticks. Delaney snickered when Razi’s nearly gleeful expression turned to incredulity.

“My mother wouldn’t mind,” Alyssa said hastily. “You know she wouldn’t!”

Razi did not point out that in all likelihood Alyssa’s mother wouldn’t say anything even if she did mind – even if she decided to notice – which was very nice of her. Instead, she said, “I don’t think your mother would like my summerwear.”

“She wouldn’t say anything about it,” Alyssa muttered uncomfortably. Though her father might, if he decided to speak to her this summer. Stranger things had happened.

“But you could practice magic,” Alyssa rallied. “And Jonathan’s really much more fun over the summer.”

“Or you could both come home with me,” Amanda said. “My mum loves to watch magic at work, and Dad thinks I should practice more anyway. I don’t have a summer-fun brother, though.”

“Won’t Jonathan move out this summer?”

Alyssa stopped and blinked. “I…”

“He’ll be graduated. He probably has loads of offers, given he’s Head Boy and all, right Lyss?” Delaney didn’t notice her friend’s confusion.

“He hasn’t said,” Alyssa said finally, once they all stopped and looked at her.

Amanda stared at her. “Don’t you two talk about everything?”

“Yes,” Alyssa snapped. “We do. Maybe he hasn’t decided what he’d like to do yet and hasn’t sent queries.”

“’Queer’ies,” someone snickered behind her, and Alyssa spun.

“Shut _up_ , Dolohov!”

“Do you really want a matching nose with your friend over there?” Amanda asked. Looking past Dolohov’s shoulder, Alyssa could see the girl’s brother standing with Avery, whose nose was still a fading yellow-green. The sight made her bite her lip to hide a smug expression.

“Does Blythe really want another week or two of detention?” Dolohov countered.

“Maybe I don’t care,” Alyssa retorted.

“Break it up,” Delaney ordered. “Alyssa, don’t give her the satisfaction, you know it’s what she wants.”

Dolohov tripped, apparently on thin air. Without having moved.

“You little _mudblood_ ,” she hissed at Razi, who had also apparently not moved at all.

“Razi clearly hasn’t moved,” Delaney said. “And I have to give you detention for using that horrid word.”

Dolohov gathered herself and stood, utilizing her much greater height to stare down at Delaney with angry green eyes. “You just wait, you little blood-traitor bitch-”

“Another detention for insulting a prefect and using more foul language.” Delaney met Dolohov’s eyes with her own grayish green and raised her eyebrows. “You should go back to your friends. They, at least, will enjoy your company.”

Dolohov managed to hold her gaze for another few seconds before casting a furious look around the group and stomping back to Avery and her brother.

“Delaney,” Amanda said slowly once they departed, “You are my new hero.”

Razi nodded somberly, but Alyssa was still glaring after the other Slytherins. “Is punching people addictive?” she asked. “Because I want to do it again.”

“Don’t,” Delaney said. “I hate giving my friends detentions.”

The rest of the trip passed peacefully, even Alyssa’s one run-in with Avery when the girls split up on separate errands. He saw her, stopped, looked at his feet, and scrubbed his hand through his hair before she turned right back around and stalked into the nearest shop (which happened to be Zonko’s Jokeshop. She contemplated buying a Perpetual Punning Pen, but could think of no way to replace Avery’s quill without someone noticing, and anyway making all of his papers have really bad puns lost its appeal when she remembered that Professor Flitwick enjoyed them).

A commotion at the dinner table wrested her from thoughts of vengeance, and she looked up to see Pratchett, lips tight, rolling up a letter that had to have been delivered specially, since the owls would normally be out hunting at the moment.

“My aunt,” he said.

Thoughts of Avery vanished. “How long?” she asked.

“They just got back from checking the place out. The Mark had been floating for a while, they said.”

Everyone looked at their plates but Delaney, who leaned over and covered the white-knuckled hand holding the note with her own.

“I’m sorry,” Alyssa said to her food.

“Hey, Pratchett,” Jonathan said quietly after a long moment. Alyssa hadn’t seen him approach thanks to food-staring, but usually she just sort of knew when her brother was around. Not today, apparently. “Come on. Let’s get you to bed.”

She looked up in time to see her brother sling an arm around Pratchett’s shoulders, and smiled thankfully at him. Jonathan always knew what to do. He nodded to her and flicked a hand at the rest of the table, telling them to go back to their dinner, before leading Pratchett slowly out of the Great Hall.


	8. Chapter 8

Razi stared down at the table for a moment, policing her expression before looking over at the Slytherins. Beside her at the Ravenclaw table, her friends were working to find words that would let them move forward with their evening. Razi settled into the appearance of listening to them while making small glances around the room, hopefully seeming a bit bored as she made her observations. It was too soon. They’d managed to go months without this in the year before. There had been easy stretches of time free of the specter of death that those hand-delivered letters represented and images of the skull with its serpent tongue in the papers. There had been time to forget the reports of disappearances and death in the papers at home; the unmoving pictures of grief and false hope.

They were growing more active, these murderers and their master.

The faces of the pureblood Slytherins were telling in their near-neutrality, in the barely concealed contempt or satisfaction in the movement of their hands as they gestured, in the corners of their eyes and their lips. Razi felt an odd chill and she had the sudden urge to write home to her mother, but both went ignored. Her mother was one muggle in a world full of them. Razi herself…she took precautions. She understood this world, even if she fit into it only slightly better than she had in the one where she’d been raised. She had her ways of keeping herself and her friends safe.   

Razi’s eyes strayed towards the head table and, unexpectedly, met with Headmaster’s. He glanced towards the Slytherins before meeting her eyes again. Razi, silently defiant, did not immediately look to see to whom he’d directed her attention. Instead she watched the odd Gryffindor first year, Pepper Green, stand and prepare to move. When Razi followed her line of sight she saw that Green was heading over to Elaine Walker, the first year Slytherin who’d become Green’s friend by some odd happenstance.

“Delaney,” Razi said, looking to her friend, interrupting her conversation with Amanda and Alyssa. “Quickly, would you mind intercepting that first year? The mad young Gryffindor girl? Tell her, ‘not now.’ It’s important, and I swear it’s not a trick.” 

Delaney hesitated for a moment but stood and did as Razi urged.

“What’s going on?” Amanda asked.

“She was about to do something unwise,” Razi replied.

“Which is so unusual for a school full of teenagers,” Alyssa noted, not unkindly. “It’s less typical for you to interfere. And your food’s been going cold while you sat there not-listening to us plot out next week’s O.W.L review.”

Razi took a bite of her food, and then another as she realized how hungry she was and how little prepared she felt to answer her friend’s questions. 

Across the room, Delaney, having successfully intercepted Miss Green, was walking back to the Ravenclaw table when she was stopped.

“Hey, um…Stowe! I… um…”

It was Douglass Stark. He was sitting at the Gryffindor table near several friends of his, one of whom might have kicked him under the table because he winced and stifled as grunt of pain before continuing.

“I’m Stark. Douglass Stark,” he said.

“I know, we’re in the same year,” Delaney replied with a small smile.  “We had potions together the other day.”

Stark’s face went a bit red before he spoke again. “We did. Yeah! Do you like potions? I’m kind of rubbish at them. Maybe we could study together? I mean I bet you study with Blythe and your other-”

“I do,” Delaney answered, then flushed a bit herself before correcting herself, “ I do study with them, but I think they can do without me for a bit. Maybe we could meet tomorrow for lunch and talk? About potions of course.”

Stark grinned, and neither he nor Stowe took notice of the happy exasperated expressions of his friends.

“Great! I mean... good. I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a while,” he told her, then, nervously moved to qualify it, “About-”

She laughed softly, interrupting him. Raising a hand in farewell she replied, “I know. Me too.”

She walked back and sat down in front of her plate, smiling the whole time. Turning to Razi, she raised an eyebrow and waited.

Razi looked back, the hand holding her fork remaining steady as she discreetly mouthed _not now_.  She kept eating. After a while she made a suggestion about their study plans and ignored the occasional curious look from her friends. She followed them back to Ravenclaw tower, where Alyssa led the group up to their dorm. Razi promptly put up a silencing barrier.

“Delaney, I got you to intercept the mad Gryffindor - Pepper Green - because she was going to comfort Elaine Walker, a Slytherin first year. Walker is a muggleborn and Green was about to call attention to that while the more…traditional members of my house were still being smug over Pratchett’s aunt,” Razi explained.

“She’s here though,” Amanda pointed out. “She’s safe. So what if they know she’s a muggleborn?”

“There’s no way to hide it,” Alyssa threw in. “She’s new. They already know she’s not one of us. Pureblood families tend to run in the same circles.”

“It’s the timing. Pepper going to her then would have made a public statement, several statements, before the other girl knew enough to choose to make them. As is, she could fade into obscurity. If she’d hugged that Gryffindor at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall after a death notice, her course would have been set,” Razi told them. She held back a comment about her uncertainty that being at the school necessarily made anyone safe.

“That doesn’t explain why -” Amanda started, but Razi reached for her bag and moved to leave.

“I’ve done what I needed to do to live as I choose,” Razi replied. “Is it so extreme to offer her the same opportunity? Particularly when it helps me write that contemptible essay?”

Alyssa stood as Razi did and went with her down the stairs and out into the corridor. The pair walked for a while in silence. They passed by portraits drowsing lazily in their frames and students straggling towards their dorms. They passed suits of armor and exchanged nods of greeting with the grey lady as she floated by on the stairs.

Not far from the dungeons, they paused. Alyssa turned to Razi. “We _are_ safe here, Razi. They’ll catch them, the ministry will, and we’ll all be fine.”

Razi felt something strange, a sudden fleeting rush of anger that she didn’t entirely understand. Not trusting her voice, she nodded in reply and slipped into the shadows of the lower part of the castle.  Alyssa watched, imagining that some bond of friendship would let her find her friend through the dark of the hall. It was a fiction that she maintained as she turned and walked back to the tower.

 

* * *

 

 

 The next day dawned more brightly. Razi marveled over breakfast at the good a night’s sleep could do. The tensions of the night before were lessened and she and her friends spoke easily, moreso as the meal helped them to shake off the last of the sleep lingering in their eyes. The Ravenclaws and Razi had finalized their O.W.L review plans for the coming week when Razi saw Elaine leave the hall and moved to follow.

“I’ll see you in the library before lunch, I suppose,” Razi told Alyssa and Delaney as they all stood to leave the hall.

“Try the common room instead,” Delaney suggested. “We might be doing flash cards or trivia.”

Razi nodded and, gathering her book and her bag, made her way out of the hall and off towards the main entrance. As she walked, she thought back to the evening before. What would Elaine want to know after that? What would she need to know to get by in their house?

Elaine was waiting by the main entrance when Razi approached. Razi considered what she knew about the odd young Slytherin. She was a muggleboorn student. She’d acquitted herself rather unremarkably in class thus far, performing averagely in most subjects. There were those who’d noticed her odd friendship with Green, who seemed to have made an impression on quite a few people herself. Aside from Green, she didn’t appear to have made many attachments, though she was friendly enough with others in her dorm.  

“Walker,” Razi greeted.

“Levine,” Elaine replied.

“I thought we’d talk in an empty classroom, if that suits you,” Razi said.

When Elaine nodded, she led her off towards the classrooms on the ground floor.

When they found one, Razi’s wand seemed to appear in her hand, though Elaine could not say where it came from. She warded the room with spells similar to the ones that guarded her sleep and turned to Elaine.

“What is it, exactly, that you think I have to offer you?” Razi asked. Her tone carried a calm awareness of authority, but not the thing itself. It implied that they were equals, but only because Razi allowed it for the moment.

“You’re a muggleborn witch in Slytherin house,” Elaine replied. “Pepper says you’re a better Slytherin than a lot of them. You seem to do what you want. You fit into this world enough to be friends with the headboy’s sister - a pureblood.”

“My thanks to Green but, aside from her kind judgment, you’ve yet to tell me anything new,” Razi pointed out as she moved to sit down at a desk.

“I think that you know things about our house and our world that I haven’t had time to learn. I think that I need someone in my house, someone who doesn’t have some social agenda, to have my back while I catch up to the rest of them.”

Elaine walked over and pressed her palms to the surface of Razi’s desk, looking her in the eyes.

“Maybe I’m not the only one who could use an ally, or even a friend in Slytherin. Besides, I heard what you said to those Ravenclaw girls at dinner the other day.”

Razi looked back at her, not a little impressed by the spine that the younger girl was showing. She held Elaine’s gaze until she looked away, and as she did she realized that Elaine would learn. She would find her way to every lesson that Razi herself had found, maybe faster or maybe slower, but in time she would learn. She seemed bold enough and the things that she saw in Razi that she wanted for herself were good. 

“Alright,” Razi told Elaine, who’d started to back away towards the door. “Do you have questions, or should I have planned for some sort of lesson?”

Elaine sat down in another desk. Shaking her head and slightly narrowing her blue eyes, she answered, “The deaths, in the papers. Some the older students have been reacting strangely to them.”

Elaine reached into her bag and pulled out a copy of The Prophet. Turning to a page near the middle, she handed it to Razi.

Razi at looked the article, discussing the mark and the murder of Pratchett’s aunt. _We’re safe._ Alyssa’s words from the night before came to her. She shook it off. What did Elaine need to know? 

“The deaths and the reactions have to do the idea that wizards with a certain lineage are better than those of another,” Razi began slowly. “You’ve noticed the purebloods. You mentioned that I fit in well enough to associate with them. What do you know?”

Elaine looked away, considering her answer, before turning back to face Razi.

“I know some, but not much,” she replied. “I’m not… I can’t say that I… look, I’m scared, okay? My family is out there and their children might be in here and nowhere feels safe.”

“They have no reason to go after your family,” Razi said, tentatively reaching out and putting her hand on Elaine’s desk. “No reason to go after you.”

“Excepting the obvious,” Elaine countered. “Please, explain it to me. What’s this about? How can I make us safe, my family and me?”

“It’s about power,” Razi snapped, and with a calming breath continued, “Who has it? What kind? Who wants it? What will they do or give to get it? That is the heart of Slytherin thinking. That is what you need to know.”

“Are there spells?” Elaine asked.

 “The spells are too advanced for you now. I'll ward your bed so that you can sleep in it, but you need those answers. If you pick your battles wisely, you won’t need the spells,” Razi answered.

“Alright,” Elaine sighed. “Slytherin. Those questions and I’ll ask more if I need to.”     

 The pair continued for a while until Elaine raised her hands in surrender.

“Alright. You’ve given me a lot to consider,” she told Razi. “Can I owl you if I have more questions? I never know if you’ll be at the Slytherin table at meals.”

Razi nodded. “Use a school owl, always a different one. You’ve said that my reputation recommends me, but it does you no favors.”

Elaine opened her mouth to argue but Razi continued, “Be intentional in your choices of associates, and in how you relate to them in public. I’d tell Green to be careful about approaching you at the house table during meals. ”

“I’ll keep that in mind, Levine. Thank you,” Elaine replied, standing and leaving the classroom.

Razi stayed, pulling some parchment from her bag and started on her essay. The sooner she handed it in the better.

  

        

       

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

A week after her discussion with Razi in the corridor, Alyssa was walking to the dungeons when she heard a scuffle down a little-used hallway.

“It could be some lucky couple working out frustration,” Razi said behind her. Alyssa, though she had thought herself alone until then, did not jump – she was used to Razi’s abrupt appearances after all this time.

“Do you really think so?” Alyssa asked hopefully.

“No.”

Alyssa bit her lip and thought about it. Point A: She would be late to class. Point B: possible injuries could occur. To her and Razi, specifically. Point C: Injuries could be occurring to someone else right now. Point D: Jonathan would charge in, wand ablaze, which was probably why whoever it was had picked a time when Jonathan had class in the greenhouse. Point E: She would be really, really late to class.

The thought of Jonathan’s disappointment won out, unfortunately. She pulled her wand from her bag and tried to project confidence as she strode around the corner.

It was a bunch of pureblood Slytherins. Excellent. Precisely what her day needed. Except how she did not need someone’s mother talking to her mother about fighting at school.

“Let’s all just walk away,” Alyssa said as Razi moved up beside her. “There’s no need for detentions or bodily harm or-”

“Walker?” Razi asked.

Sure enough, in the center of the group was Elaine Walker, looking significantly more purple than she might otherwise have due to the curse that was constricting her throat. Alyssa absently identified it as nasty and quite terrifying, but fortunately not lethal.

“Finite!” Razi snapped just before Alyssa’s temper-fuelled curse hit the boy with the drawn wand, Rowle if she remembered rightly.

Bad plan, her mind noted as he fell backwards, unable to move and itching uncontrollably. This plan ends up in that bodily injury we were trying to avoid.

But the Slytherins didn’t do anything, even when Razi braved the group to drag Elaine back to Alyssa by the arm.

“You should have stayed out of this, Levine,” another boy said. “Or at least not brought Blythe. This is House business.” Elaine was coughing loudly.

“I thought it was pureblood business, Mulciber,” Razi retorted. “In which case Alyssa is even more qualified than you.”

Alyssa couldn’t speak at the moment, entirely too flabbergasted at the gall of them, to try something like this on Hogwarts grounds.

“Finite,” the spokesperson muttered over the hexed Rowle. “We’re gone.” But as the group walked out, he stopped by Alyssa. “Keep your pets on tighter leashes, Blythe. Not everybody’s friends enough with Avery to care about your feelings on the matter.”

Alyssa blinked at him, feeling stupid for possibly the first time in her life, but he turned and left without further explanation.

 “Are you alright?” Razi asked the younger girl after they watched the Slytherins slink off.

Elaine nodded, stiff with anger.

“I never thought about it before,” Alyssa said after another long moment, “But they really could have been much worse to you over the years, Razi. I mean, we just saw.”

“They were plenty bad,” her friend replied.

“Oh, obviously, but we just saw what they’re capable of. Is it just the timing?”

“Your Ravenclaw brain is making too much of this. Maybe they just never had the opportunity with me.”

“Or they were too scared,” Elaine offered hoarsely.

“I wonder,” Alyssa murmured. Then, “Walker, sit next to me tonight at dinner.”

“I was going to sit with Pep-”

“This bears further study,” Alyssa continued, apparently not hearing Elaine. “No, Razi, don’t frown at me, I have a theory. We’ll walk you to class, Walker.”

“I really wouldn’t-”

“It’s part of my observations,” Alyssa said stubbornly. “I need it. And we’re already going to be late anyway.”

Alyssa and Razi entered the Dungeons, apologizing profusely to Professor Slughorn (who gave them only a warning; Alyssa was technically a part of his little club, even if she usually found something that she absolutely couldn’t get away from most meeting times, and Slughorn seemed certain he could get Razi there if he worked hard enough), but instead of sitting with Razi, Delaney, Amanda, or even Pratchett, Alyssa dropped her bag next to Avery, who didn't have a tablemate that day.

"Blythe," he said cautiously. "Going to punch me again?"

Alyssa ignored him for a moment, gathering her thoughts as she set up her potions ingredients. A: Mulciber had mentioned Avery in relation to 'her pets' and the messing thereof. B: Avery was always picking on her, small things. He'd even pulled her pigtails once in first year. As an addendum to B: her mother had always held that boys acted that way when they liked you, no matter how ridiculous that sounded. C: Razi had never had to deal with an actual attack like that on Elaine. D: Neither had Delaney or Amanda. Pratchett was as pureblood as herself, he couldn't count towards her hypothesis. And E:... there was no E. Her list got away from her.

"No," she said finally. "I'm not going to punch you again."

Avery eyed her. "Alright then."

"I would like to discuss something with you," she said as she lined her ingredients up. No on the porcupine quills, yes on the batwings, why in the world didn't this book tell her to use newt's eyes when they would clearly yield a more potent- whoops. He was waiting, watching her almost warily.

"Alright," he said again when she looked back over at him.

"Elaine Walker."

"What about her?"

"There was an altercation this morning between her and some fellow Slytherins. I don't know the details-" aside from the part where they made her think they were choking her to death, she thought - "but I had to step in. She's a friend of Razi’s, you know."

He sat back a little in his chair.

“I had to help Razi,” she continued apologetically. “But I don’t want any more trouble – I didn’t like my last trip to the Headmaster’s office. I am sorry about your nose,” she added as an afterthought. “I was just so angry, and I didn’t think I could hit that hard.” She could practically _feel_ her friends’ stares on the back of her neck.

“The nose is right as rain,” he said slowly. “And no, I don’t think there will be any trouble.”

“Really?” she asked, looking at him with her best approximation of Delaney’s longing looks after Stark. Out of the corner of her eye she saw that same friend drop her potions text into her cauldron with a splash.

“Really,” he said. And, after another moment of watching her sort through her ingredients, “I didn’t realize you were so worried.”

She blinked up at him. “About?”

“Trouble. You seem to get into it a decent amount.”

She bit her lip, doing her best to look a little embarrassed. “Oh, well, how can you avoid it, right? With my friends – I mean. No, I try to stay out of it when I can. Don’t touch that!” she said sharply when he leaned over, suddenly interested in her notes.

He jerked back. Whoops.

“Sorry,” she said. “I still haven’t forgotten that time you erased my homework over the summer.”

“You had another month to do it over,” he said, though he sounded slightly chagrined. “It could have been that two foot essay on the goblin wars.”

She narrowed her eyes. “You read through my homework?”

“It was there,” he said, shrugging. “You made the goblin wars seem interesting.”

Alyssa _thought_ that was a compliment.

Class passed quickly despite an incident where Amanda, trying to ask Alyssa what the _hell_ she thought she was doing via hand gestures, knocked some scarab beetles into her already over-thick indigestion cure and had to chip out the suddenly rock-hard contents of her cauldron. Delaney’s potions text seemed none the worse for wear, even.

Avery left her alone except to ask potions-related questions. “Why are you using newt’s eyes?”

“Because they’ll work better than the porcupine quills for thinning purposes,” she said absently, stirring the eyes in.

He paused for a moment. “Do you mind if I…”

“What? Oh, sure, yes. Don’t add too many or it will end up the consistency of water.”

“How do you know that?”

“Experimentation.”

“Are you always right?”

“Mostly. I did melt that cauldron once in second year. Too many toad toes.”

He chuckled.

“What in the name of Merlin and Nimue’s combined toenails was that about?” Amanda hissed at her later as they bent over their Arithmancy classwork.

“I was trying to make peace,” Alyssa said primly, accidentally writing six when she meant nine. She crossed it out irritably and corrected the error.

“What happened to ‘Avery is the spawn of the devil’?” Amanda demanded. “What happened to punching him in the face? What about the sanctity of summer? Never in a million lifetimes? What about _punching him in the face_?”

“You said that already. And I apologized for that.”

“You-“ Amanda’s splutter was loud enough to lose a point for Ravenclaw. Alyssa spent the rest of the period in silence, with her friend eyeing her as if she was about to turn fluorescent green with purple polka dots, which was ridiculous.

That had only ever happened once.

“Alyssa _apologized_ to Avery!” Amanda informed their friends when they reached the dinner table. She was not quiet about it.

Alyssa winced and glanced over her shoulder at the Slytherin table, where several heads had turned in her direction. One of them belonged to Avery. She winced again and turned back to the table. “Can you pass the mashed potatoes, please?”

“She’s clearly under the influence of something,” Amanda continued, ignoring Alyssa’s plea for food. “She sat with him in potions! Willingly!”

“That is odd, Alyssa,” Delaney said.

“Yeah, what happened to punching him in the face?”

“You’re obsessed with that!” Alyssa exclaimed.

“Because it was _fantastic_ ,” Amanda retorted. “And now you’re rolling over and showing your belly. Was this an assignment from Dumbledore? Like Razi? Make nice with the snakes?”

Elaine sat down then with Razi, conveniently right next to Alyssa.

“Say something to make me laugh,” Alyssa ordered her quietly.

“Like what?” Elaine asked, looking baffled.

Alyssa giggled. “No, I understand that Transfiguration can be difficult,” she said in her normal voice, staring pointedly at Elaine. “I would be glad to help.”

“Thank you,” Elaine managed, sounding mostly as she usually did. “I… really appreciate it.”

“Any friend of Razi’s,” Alyssa said cheerfully.

“Fine,” Amanda said after a moment. “You’re clearly up to something. I won’t ask any more questions.”

Alyssa ignored her, listening hard for anything coming from the Slytherin table. All she heard was an authoritative… something. It was too low to make out what, exactly, was said, but it was followed by an indistinct grumble, and that by a much more distinct yelp.


	10. Chapter 10

When the time came to leave the great hall after dinner, Razi turned to Elaine.

“Shall we study the common room?” she asked, reaching down to pick up her bag from under her seat. 

“Which subject?” Elaine asked. “Can we talk to Pepper before we go?”

“Not study in the common room, study the room,” Razi corrected softly, pulling out some parchment and a pen that she’d brought from home to write a quick message to Pepper. A whispered spell made the note seem to fade into the faint shadow cast by Razi’s hand on the table. “I think I need to take a close look at dynamics in our house. I can make us less noticeable and perhaps you’ll see something that I won’t.”

“Can we make it chess then?”  Elaine suggested as they stood. “Oh, my dad sent me two new Christie novels. You could borrow one if you like.”

Razi smiled a little, replying, “Chess, eavesdropping, and Agatha Christie all in one night? It’s like Christmas.”   

She turned to Alyssa, who had also stood up to leave. Alyssa seemed vaguely confused.

“Muggle author?” she asked.

“Puts out new books around Christmas time,” Elaine replied, nodding. “Dad found two I hadn’t read yet.”

“A mystery writer,” Razi added, “And quite a brilliant one at that. I have some of her books at home. You must have seen them on my shelf?”

“Of course,” Alyssa replied because she had, though she’d never thought for more than an instant about actually reading one. It wasn’t that she was opposed to it, but Razi’s house, with its colors and sounds and her mother constantly pulling them off into one adventure or another, hadn’t left her much time for reading more than the third drafts of her assignments.

Razi saw Pepper leave the hall and addressed her friends. “We’re studying in the tower after class tomorrow?”

Delaney nodded and Amanda added, “Unless it was yesterday, hard to tell with the world going mad.”  She looked pointedly in Alyssa’s direction. 

Razi let the statement fall unacknowledged. She and Elaine left the hall, heading towards the dungeons. Pepper was waiting for them in a small storage room near the entrance that was hidden behind a portrait of Winston the Wan. The portrait opened only if you told him irreparably bad news.

“I never met my grandmother,” Razi told Winston. “She died before I born.” 

“I rather disliked my grandmother,” the portrait replied listlessly.

Elaine gave a small laugh as Razi rolled her eyes and tried again. “A two year old in Wales was given lycanthropy last month. The first change killed him after he miraculously survived the bite.”

Now the portrait swung open, sighing, “Poor dear, off to his grave and all the world to follow.”

As it closed, they heard him say, “Nothing for it.”

“Definitely not a poor excuse for a Slytherin,” Pepper greeted Razi. “Unlike certain ones who turn down dinner invitations.”

“Sorry!” Elaine apologized. “Blythe didn’t really give me a choice and she had just helped me.”

“Alyssa’s human, what could she do?” Razi pointed out. “It was good that you came, but there’s always a choice.”

“Why-” Elaine began, but Razi cut her off with a shake of her head.

“It’s fine,” Pepper said cheerfully. “How’s your charms essay coming? Did you think the best Slytherin ever will tutor us now that you’re friends?”

Razi agreed to nothing but the conversation continued, oddly normal if one could forget that the participants were from opposing houses. In a moment of uncharacteristic optimism Razi hoped that the two could hold onto this. Her friends had, apparently, been more of a help to her over the years than she’d imagined. Besides, Pepper was a sharp kid, if a bit off the wall, and sharp was good to have around in a pinch.  

A few minutes later, with hugs from Pepper and promises to meet there again soon, Razi and Elaine headed off for the Slytherin common room. When they arrived, Elaine went up to get the book and her chess set while Razi found them a place to listen and begin their chess game. Razi noted the usual occupants as she gazed around the room. Severus Snape stood by the fire with Mulciber, looking as put-upon as he usually did when conversing with anyone who was not Lily Evans. Mulciber was a blond landmass of some sort with shadows in his piercing blue eyes. Razi might have found that reassuring once: she was fond of shadows as a rule. They hid pranks and facilitated several pet spells of hers. The shadows in Mulciber’s eyes, though, helped nothing, and they hid nothing that anyone would ever want to find.  

She settled on a low green chair near the corner farthest from the fire, conveniently near a lamp and small table, and continued to look around.

Avery was holding court not far from Severus and Mulciber, certainly within easy hearing distance. Both of the latter were in the interesting position of having Avery’s begrudging respect and no call to bend to his will. They were, in a way, artifacts of the previous regime, having gained status before Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Black graduated. Black and Malfoy had had the weightiest names and the oldest money in the room for years. When they’d taken the tainted heir of the Prince line into their circle of acquaintance, heads hand turned, and though whispers naming him the half-blood embarrassment of a once noble house had never died out entirely, Snape had been one of theirs until they’d left. Even now there were some who might see his exclusion from Avery’s circle as a judgment of the house’s former rulers.

As for Mulciber, well. A shared liking for a particular type of entertainment served to keep the peace between the two boys. The darkness in Avery might not have rested in his eyes, but it lived and thrived in deeper places, a homing signal to those who shared his skills and interests.   

Avery was talking in a low voice with Rowle, one of the boys who’d attacked Elaine. Rowle looked rather frustrated and, as Razi considered a spell to help her hear them better, obligingly spoke louder.

“This is bloody dim! You think You-know-Who is gonna care whether Blythe-” the boy fell silent and dropped to his knees. Parkinson, who’d been playing chess with Dolohov nearby, stood, wand pointed at him and waiting, glancing back towards Avery.

“Thorfinn seems to have lost his voice,” Avery told Parkinson. “Dreadful luck, should have minded it better. Would you care to help him find it?”   

Elaine sat down beside her, silent as she set up the chess board, setting the novel down near Razi on the table.

“Allow me,” Mulciber said, his deep rumbling voice tinged with arrogance and satisfaction. He walked to the door of the common room, tossing, “Bring him,” over his shoulder as if in afterthought.  Razi turned her eyes to the board as Elaine made her first move and Parkinson followed Mulciber, nearly dragging his dorm mate behind him

 _Death Eater?_ Elaine mouthed, looking curious.

Razi looked around the room again at the purebloods and their followers and suddenly felt her heartbeat. She imagined that she could feel the steady flow in her veins. It was the strange reductive experience of feeling herself the way that any death eater must see her, the perceived accident of her birth erasing all other features. She felt cold and small.  

 Razi shrugged in response to her young friend’s inquiry. Of course the girl was right in a sense, but to tell her how many of their housemates planned to take that title would only share the smallness that she felt. Elaine had had enough of that earlier, would have more than enough of it later without Razi scaring her then. The two played a good game of chess and identified a few of Avery’s newer followers. Neither admitted to waiting to see if Mulciber or Rowle would return.      

 

* * *

 

 

The next day, Razi rose very early and had breakfast at the Slytherin table before hurrying up to be seen in the library. After making certain that Madame Pince would believe her to be doing research in the back stacks before class, Razi cast a disillusionment charm over herself and made her way to down the Slytherin Common Room and into the fifth year girls’ dorm. Dolohov had slapped her during that fight. Razi was not the forgiving type. 

She used a potion that she’d gotten from Diagon Alley and put in a spray bottle from home to dampen Dolohov’s pillows. Then, for good measure, she charmed the pillow case so that the next person to touch it would feel the irrational need for a wash. The potion was water soluble and would spread and affect new areas if wet.

Razi hastened back to the library, checked out several books in time to share looks of mutual disdain with Dolohov, who was entering the library to study during her free period. Razi went back to great hall. It was nearly empty and well lit with the sunlight streaming down from the enchanted ceiling. The houselves set out a snack for her, and she studied comfortably at the Ravenclaw table until her friends and the rest of school arrived for lunch.

 When Dolohov appeared in History of Magic after her usual nap during the lunch hour, frustrated and swatting at her hands and face as though fending off bothersome insects, Razi prided herself on a morning well spent.

 

* * *

 

 

James Potter and Sirius Black were leaning against the wall in the Defense corridor when Razi and the Ravenclaws got out of class. This was not unusual. They were fond of pranking Slytherins, so much so that the sight of them often had members of Razi’s house casting _finite incantatem_ s as a precautionary measure. Why shouldn’t they be waiting outside a room containing several of their favorite targets?

What was unusual was the way they strode immediately to Alyssa as she left the Defense classroom and, faces shining with something akin to pride, ushered her off down the hall, leaving Razi, Amanda, and Delaney to gape and wonder.  

Razi turned to her friends and moved to speak, but Delaney cut her off. “We’ll pick up your dinner and hers. Go! Who knows what they’ll do with her.”

Amanda nodded agreement, adding, “We’ll see you in the tower.” 

Razi gave them a small smile and a whispered ‘thanks’ before hurrying off to catch up with Alyssa and the two mischief makers. She found them a few corridors away in an empty classroom.

“Well, Blythe, this is quite the turn of events,” James Potter said. Razi leaned closer to the slight opening in the door, but pulled away when she saw Lupin walking down the corridor. The two of them didn’t often speak, but their friends crossed paths from time to time and there were certain unspoken rules associated with being the slightly secretive best friend of a pure blood with dramatic tendencies.

Remus moved silently to stand behind James and Sirius, just close enough to grab their wand arms as needed.

“I never thought I’d see the day that little Alyssa Blythe-“

“We’re the same age, Potter,” Alyssa interjected.

James continued as if uninterrupted - “would be setting up a long con. Tell us, what’s the prank? Would you, by chance, like to collaborate?”

Alyssa did not roll her eyes. Razi knew her mother disapproved of the habit. She did close them briefly before opening them again and replying, “No con, no prank. “

“Then why,” Sirius asked, “did you apologize to that nitwit Avery?”

Now Razi moved to stand behind Alyssa, glancing up at Remus. In the silent language of their kind she informed him that she was giving him the chance to check his friend before she did. Razi wanted to know as well, but Alyssa would explain in her own time. Remus replied with a small confused nod and touched Sirius’s arm briefly.

Sirius glanced back at him but quickly returned his attention to Alyssa. 

 “We have common interests,” Alyssa replied. “Not that I am obliged to justify my choices to you. Besides, I did, after all punch him." 

Sadness, resignation, and anger flashed across Sirius's face in quick succession.

“Common interests?” Sirius pressed. “Don’t tell me you’re becoming one of them. You’re better than that.”

“I am what I have always been, Sirius Black. As are you,” Alyssa shot back.

“Not all of us are so quick to scorn family,” Avery said from the doorway, startling them all. “Alyssa, it’s alright, why don’t you and Levine let me talk to Black. I’d hate for you to lose study time attempting to educate a blood traitor.”    

Avery walked into the room, stepping a bit to the left to allow Alyssa and Razi to pass. Alyssa stepped towards it and paused. Turning, she nodded to Razi, acknowledging her for the first time since she’d entered. Her eyes were a maze of half hidden emotions; a minefield of pain, guilt, and, oddly enough, satisfaction. Then they seemed to clear, worry and a sort of surprised gratefulness suffusing her face.

Razi, feeling as though they were standing on some precipice, or more accurately feeling as though as though  Alyssa had just jumped off  of one while holding her hand, offered a murmured parting to the room and left with her friend after Alyssa turned the new face to Avery.

Razi looked back at Remus as the left the room, hoping irrationally that he would understand. Her hands were tied: she could no more stand against her friend than he could stand against his. Razi did not know what secrets Remus shared with his friends, but she hoped that he knew how little power bonds of trust and loyalty could leave a person.  Perhaps he did: all of the glares on the room were focused on Alyssa and Avery.

They heard Sirius’ reply as they passed through the doorway.

“I think we’d all do well to scorn some family, seeing the heights of devotion your lot recommends,” he spat, pulling out his wand. “Tell me, do you call him ‘father’ or ‘cousin’ when you’re at home?”

“Perhaps we’ll begin with a demonstration,” Avery replied coolly. Mulciber and the younger Dolohov appeared in the doorway as if by magic.

As the hexes, some of them dark, filled the air with power, light, and sound, Alyssa hastened them off towards the Ravenclaw common room. They were late for OWL review with their friends, and Jonathan had indicated that he might help them practice for the Charms practical exam as well. The promise of friends and learning, and the hope of finding a pair of cooling tea cups bearing their names, helped to ease them as they walked.      


	11. Chapter 11

Time passed quickly, as time did when Alyssa didn’t want it to. She spent a little time chatting with Avery here and there, occasionally sitting with him in classes.

No one bothered Elaine again that she saw, and even Slytherins who typically talked down to Razi kept their mouths shut, though they didn’t bother to wipe looks of superiority or contempt from their faces.

All in all, Alyssa was fairly proud of herself on the final Hogsmeade weekend before Christmas. Her mood was such that running into Dolohov the elder didn’t faze her, though Dolohov’s little brother was giving Alyssa a particularly discomfiting stare from behind his sister.

“Blythe,” Dolohov (the elder) said stiffly.

“Dolohov,” Alyssa replied, glancing around for a reason they would be here.

“Was there something you wanted?” Alyssa asked after a moment.

“Our parents,” Dolohov (the elder) said.

Alyssa nodded when Dolohov did not continue. “Your parents?” she prodded.

“Our parents would like to remind yours about the holiday get together,” the other girl said in a rush.

“All right,” Alyssa said. “But I’m sure they’ve received the invitation already.”

“We’d like to make sure you knew you were welcome,” Dolohov (this time the younger) said smoothly.

“Well,” Alyssa replied cautiously when it seemed clear they were waiting for her to, “My name is traditionally on the invitation.”

“That’s what I told my mother,” Dolohov (the elder) grumbled.

“So that’s it, then?” Alyssa asked. No curses or heavy objects had been thrown yet, and she thought she might like to keep it that way, given that A: she was outnumbered, and B: Dolohov (the elder) had a particular fondness for hexes that left people out of sorts for days, and her brother was no slouch in the same area. Though to be fair, Dolohov the elder didn’t always need a curse for the same effect.

Dolohov (both of them) stared at her through narrowed eyes.

“Right,” she said after another moment of that. “I’ll just go back to what I was doing, then.” She took a step forward. They didn’t move. “I’m headed to Hogsmeade,” she offered, all too aware that she was meeting Razi and her other friends at The Three Broomsticks, which was fantastic and only relevant to current events because it meant they weren’t with her now. “I have to exit the castle to do that. The exit,” she added helpfully, “is just past you and down that hallway.”

“I’ll walk you,” Avery said from somewhere behind her.

Dolohov shifted her gaze to Avery for a moment before turning on her heel, her brother following as if on a leash.

“Thank you,” Alyssa said. He had at least saved her from more awkwardness, if not from an actual fight.

“You are very welcome,” he replied. He moved up next to her as she turned, so her arm brushed against his chest. A strange feeling radiated from the point of contact. It was not exactly unpleasant.

 _Okay_ , Alyssa thought. _Okay, that was unexpected._ She blinked up at him (he was almost a head taller. It wasn’t sporting) when she realized he had said something else. “Sorry?”

He smiled. “I said hello.”

“Shouldn’t you have started with that?” Alyssa asked without thinking.

“You didn’t like how I started?”

She scrambled. “I don’t object to your heroics.”

“You just like things in order?”

“Yes. That.”

“Let’s ignore my faux pas, then, and move straight into a cliché. You can thank me by having lunch with me.”

“Oh, I have plans with Razi and Delaney,” she began.

“They won’t understand a proper appreciation of heroics?”

“So would you mind if I went by and let them know?” she continued, changing what she had been about to say.

“We can stop in on our way.”

She winced and looked at the ground. That was a bad plan. Amanda would do something drastic, Pratchett’s weekend would be ruined when he left to avoid saying anything he thought might hurt Avery and by extension Alyssa, and Jonathan would ask questions. She thought Razi might have already figured out what she was doing, though.

“What?” Avery asked.

“It’s just my friends,” she looked up at him through her eyelashes the way she’d seen muggle actors do in the movies at Razi’s, tucking a lock of hair that fell forward over her face back behind her ear. “I don’t think they like you very much.”

He shrugged, and Alyssa frowned. _Note to self_ , she thought, _school facial expressions_ and _watch your mouth_.

He made a rueful face. “Your friends aren’t people I usually talk to.”

 _Too busy hexing muggleborn first years?_ Alyssa wondered. “You didn’t used to usually talk to me,” she said instead, wondering how far she could press this point. “Not conversations, anyway.”

“Sure I did,” he said easily. “You just always thought I wasn’t. I’ll stay away while you convince Levine and Beech that you don’t want bodyguards.” He slung an arm around her shoulder and led her down the hall before she could stiffen.

“…so I’m having lunch with Avery,” she concluded. She had considered lying, but she had never been able to fool Jonathan for long. Added to that, Avery was sitting at a table across the room, chatting with people occasionally but clearly waiting for someone, and they had walked in together. Alyssa did not fool herself: most of her friends were Ravenclaws and the other was a Slytherin. They could put two and two together, even the ones who didn’t care for Arithmancy.

Also, she doubted Avery could be persuaded to be silent on the matter.

“You’re cancelling plans for a boy,” Delaney said blankly.

“For _Avery_ ,” Amanda added, clearly scandalized.

“ _Once_ ,” Alyssa said. “Just once, I promise.”

“Avery,” Amanda repeated.

Jonathan looked across the room at the offending party, lips tight.

“Stop it,” Alyssa snapped. “He’s not horrific.”

Five pairs of eyes stared at her, not unlike the Dolohovs had earlier.

“He’s not,” Alyssa repeated.

Amanda stood up. “I feel it is my duty to inform you, as a friend, that there appears to be something wrong with your cognitive processes and that this insane plan is simply not allowed.”

Alyssa saw Jonathan wince, but her good mood was gone. It had been slowly seeping away as she realized that no lunch with her friends meant no after lunch butterbeer, which meant no jokes about Delaney’s (probable) lack of firewhiskey tolerance, which in turn meant no promises to take no pictures but blackmail with stories to the end of time the next time someone got tipsy and proposed to Lily Evans (Pratchett). Which meant no implication that there would be a next time.

Also, realizing that you really just wanted to rub up against someone like a cat was very stressful.

So she informed Amanda (loudly and in no uncertain terms) that their friendship did not give her the right to disallow Alyssa _anything,_ and furthermore she would go to lunch with whomever she chose, _thank you very much_.

Amanda stood, mouth agape, as Alyssa strode through the now quiet crowd to Avery, who seemed to have stood the moment she started shouting.

“I find myself without prior engagement,” she told him.

He smiled (lazily – technically speaking that shouldn’t be attractive. It was anyway) and, putting a large, warm hand at the small of her back, led her outside.

Lunch was nice. Avery gave her some slightly embarrassing stories about his childhood that she would have returned in kind except she couldn’t think of anything.

“I didn’t do a lot before I came to Hogwarts,” Alyssa reflected.

“You played Quidditch.”

“Not a lot.”

“Enough to make the team in third year.”

“Not enough to make it this year, though.”

“I think Pratchett was practicing some reverse favoritism,” Avery said. “And anyway, you were always reading. That’s not nothing.”

“You know an awful lot about me for someone who hated my existence.”

“I didn’t hate your existence,” he said impatiently. “I may not be a Ravenclaw, but it doesn’t take much to know you read and play Quidditch. You always snuck a book into parties.”

“Which you stole.”

“You wouldn’t tell me what you were reading,” he said reasonably.

She wanted to point out that A: if he had been nicer she might have told him, and B: that was no reason to steal her book in the first place. She didn’t. He was trying to be nice, and making him irritated with her wouldn’t help anything. He must have seen something in her expression again – _refer again to note, self_ , she thought irritably – because he sighed.

“Maybe that wasn’t the best way to go about it.”

“In the future you can just ask,” she told him. “I promise to tell you.”

The crooked grin he gave her made something flop over in her stomach. It wasn’t comfortable at all, but it was… interesting.

Part of her, the part that could be named Logic with a capital L, said, _No. You are fifteen and a Ravenclaw. You are too young and too smart to let your hormones decide you’re falling in love with whatever Avery is_.

Her fifteen year old hormones told Logic to bugger off because it wasn’t a real consciousness.

 

* * *

 

 

Alyssa and Amanda ignored each other through the rest of the day. And the next. And the one after that. Alyssa was almost impressed with both of them. Ignoring someone who lived in the same room and shared a bathroom with you took serious willpower.

That same willpower allowed her to refuse to be impressed. “She should know me well enough to know I have my reasons,” Alyssa told the silent Razi. “You do.”

Razi shrugged.

They were still ignoring each other despite the efforts of their friends when everyone left for the holidays. Jonathan came to talk to her about it between studying for NEWTS and avoiding their mother’s attempts at matchmaking.

“It’s just that I’ve never seen you this angry before,” he said.

“I can get plenty angry,” Alyssa retorted from her closet, trying to find robes that made her look vaguely adult-like for the Dolohov’s party.

 “Not,” he said, “with Amanda.”

“Amanda needs to learn that just because we’re friends doesn’t mean she can tell me what I am or am not allowed to do,” Alyssa snapped. “And that I can take care of myself.”

Jonathan didn’t reply. It took a full minute, but Alyssa finally walked out of the closet to face what was probably a disappointed expression. He just looked sad.

“What?” she asked.

“I’m moving out as soon as I graduate,” he said.

Alyssa slumped onto the bed next to him. “I kind of knew that.”

“And, obviously, I’m graduating.”

She snorted, nudging him with an elbow. “I kind of knew that, too.”

He refrained from pointing out that their mother didn’t like it when Alyssa snorted, which she appreciated.

“You haven’t needed me to take care of you for a while,” he said. “I know. But when you did, I liked doing it. And even when you didn’t need me to, I liked doing it. Maybe your friends just like trying to take care of you because they’re your friends, not because they don’t think you can.”

She sighed. “You don’t like him either.”

“I really don’t like him,” Jonathan agreed. “And I had no idea that you did.”

“I don’t,” she said. “I didn’t! But I just…”

“If you’re doing this to make them happy,” Jonathan said, “please don’t. They don’t deserve it at the price of yours.”

‘Them’ was their parents, Alyssa knew. She wondered vaguely what it would be like to have your parents on your side, not ‘us the siblings’ versus ‘them the parents’. She wondered what it was like for Jonathan, who couldn’t tell them anything and still made sure Alyssa didn’t have to.

“I’m not sure I like him.” Being honest with Jonathan (about important things, anyway) was too easy, probably from force of habit.

Jonathan blew out a frustrated breath.

“But I really… I really like…” Alyssa struggled for words, which was not something she was accustomed to. “I like that he likes me? And his hands,” she hurried on. “I really like his hands.”

Jonathan sighed again and hugged her to him with one arm. “There are other people who like you, Alyssa. Also,” he added with a touch of humor, “Plenty of people with hands.” He let go of her after another squeeze, standing to leave. “Please believe me when I say that trying to change somebody doesn’t work – not the way I think you’re trying to.”

She sat on the bed for a long moment after he left. She wanted to believe that she wouldn’t be doing whatever it was she was doing with Avery if she didn’t have her goal.

Logic, after a thorough examination of the data available, laughed at her.


	12. Chapter 12

 

“So, how much do your parents know?” Elaine asked. “You know, about all of this?”

Razi was watching the ground outside the train, occasionally slipping into the conversation, but generally just thinking and making a mental list of things that should be done at home.  

In the compartment with her were Elaine, Delaney, Douglass Stark, Amanda, and a pair of third year Hufflepuffs whom Elaine said were friends of hers.  Pepper had opted to stay at school for the holiday, eager to see if Potter and his friends would have a special gift for the remaining Slytherins. Seeing the turn the conversation was taking, Razi discreetly raised a silencing barrier around the compartment.

“What was that?” Matthew, the one off the Hufflepuffs, asked, stiffening as he noticed the shimmer of the spell as it expanded.

“Just a precaution,” Razi replied before answering Elaine. “I don’t hide much from mum, so she knows rather a lot. McGonagall explained a fair bit when she came with my letter.” Matthew smiled at her and let down the guard anyone not a pureblood usually kept up around Slytherins.

“My dad knows a bit as well because of my mum, but he doesn’t really like wizarding places much,” Delaney contributed. ”They’re a bit disordered for him, though, I think he likes magic more than he lets on.”   

“Some of it just doesn’t seem important to tell them,” Robin, the other Hufflepuff, said. “They’ll never see a dragon or a mermaid, or know a fairy from a firefly. Mine are both muggles, and so are my brothers. I don’t want to taunt them with things they can’t have.”

Matthew shook his head fondly. “My sister would have boxed my ears if she’d found out I knew mermaids were real and I didn’t tell her. Little imp went through my books while I slept.” 

There was round of light laughter at that.

“What about the rest? “ Elaine asked, more carefully now, more subdued. “The death eaters and the disappearances? The Mark?”

Razi watched their faces as one after another, they turned away. Eventually Robin spoke. “I don’t think they’d let me back to school if they knew. Might be smarter to go somewhere safe but…”

“But it’s our world,” Stark said, “and if you leave them to it, it’ll only get worse.”

“Gryffindor,” Robin sighed. “I meant, if I leave that’s one less wand in defense of my friends and the school. Besides, how could I never fly again? Never feel the rightness of my wand after not touching it for a while? Never become an animagus or brew luck. I was told I could have this, if I was willing to work hard for it. I want to keep it. Tell them what feels right, Elaine, what you think will make things right for your family.  Tell your mum thanks too, for the American football scores. Dad would never let me live it down if I asked him.”  

“American football?” Matthew asked, scandalized. “That boring game where they hardly ever kick the ball?”

“Oh, ‘cuz rugby is so much better,” Robin countered, and the tension dissolved in a fit of laughter and outrage. Through all of that Amanda had listened but kept her silence. Razi could see her wanting to join in at points, but then she appeared to go back to being frustrated that no one had stood with her during her attempted intervention turned argument with Alyssa. She had been civil enough with Delaney and Razi, but the last few days had been tense: it was clearly starting to wear on her.  She slipped out of the compartment at some point and Razi hoped that the moment alone would let her rest.   

Elaine didn’t seem entirely reassured when the compartment emptied as people went off to change into muggle clothes, so Razi pulled her aside.

“If you don’t want to tell them everything, you might tell them the truth,” Razi suggested. “Tell them that our world has its dangers, but you have been careful and that you are becoming a fine young witch with friends who will look after you. Go change before you have to rush.”

Elaine gave a small smile and nodded as she went to do that.

Delaney, who had, quite sensibly changed earlier in the day, walked up to Razi. “First Alyssa being civil with Avery, now you going soft, did the fiery pits freeze with the lake this year?”

“I do not know, dear friend,” Razi said brightly in response. “Owl Stark and ask him after he opens his trunk tonight.”

“Razi, you didn’t!” she exclaimed, half scolding and half amused.

“He made you late for the pre-holiday OWL review. Don’t worry, it’ll wear off.”

Delaney sighed and gave a sharp, reminding tug at the sleeve of Razi’s robes. 

“It better had, or I’ll take points this time and ask Wesson to give you detention when we get back, you know she’d love to,” she threatened.

Razi removed her robe, set about straightening up the grey dress she’d worn beneath it, and got a jacket  from her trunk.

“Where did Amanda go?” Delaney asked, noticing that her trunk was still where she’d put it when the train left Hogsmead Station.

“Not far,” Razi replied, seeing Amanda through a window as she walked back towards the compartment.

The train was slowing: soon it would be time to disembark.

***

“Razi!”

Razi turned at the sound of her name. She’d been waving goodbye to Elaine, who’d glanced back with a faint smile as she walked away with her parents.

Amanda approached her.

“Do you have a minute?” Amanda asked, loud to be heard over the sounds of other students and parents. “Can you do the silencing barrier?” 

Razi obliged, the sounds outside fading quickly.

“Is there something I’m missing?” Amanda asked. “Some big reason why it’s not crazy that she’s taken up with that hateful pureblood git? Why I’m the only one angry? I don’t understand.”

There were several things that Razi wanted to say. She wanted to point out Jonathan and Delaney, both of whom had been surprised by the turn Alyssa had taken. She wanted to explain about that moment with Potter and his friends, the sense of being pulled from a precipice. She wanted to make Amanda understand the curious lack of direct scorn she’d received recently, and the need to know that was tempered by deeper knowledge, and the fear of being wrong. She wanted to tell her that understanding wasn’t as important as… as what? She didn’t have the words.

“You know what we know,” Razi said, almost helplessly. She saw her mother standing near the barrier and let the silencing ward fall. Razi rushed towards her, leaving Amanda and feeling the moment’s frustration fade into nothing. Her mother was close and safe. Razi was home.          

 

* * *

 

 

“You are harvesting all of the winter vegetables, possibly by yourself, while I sip hot chocolate and watch you from the kitchen windows,” Shara Levine announced as they pulled away from King’s Cross in the car. 

“I’ve missed you too,” Razi replied with a laugh.

“Don’t sass me, it took a week to put the flowerbeds to rights before winter. I still smell of mulch and there’s an entire side of the house that still needs doing,” 

She was right, and Razi knew it. School had, for the past few years, taken Razi from home during planting seasons. While there was a reasonable amount of work for each of them  when Razi was at home to help maintain the riot of flora  surrounding three quarters of their yard, putting the flowerbeds to sleep and ensuring that they were healthy for the spring involved still more work, and Shara had been left to do it alone. 

“It’ll be good to get out in the garden,” Razi told her. “Maybe once I’m of age I’ll be able to pop home and help on the weekends. Did Ms. Willows at least let us use her compost again?”

“Yes, thank goodness. Enough about the gardens though, once all of the greens and carrots are in, I’m taking you ice skating, and to the cinema, and there are some songs you should hear,” Shara said, and moved to continue but seemed to notice the growing look of bemusement on Razi’s face and added, “Not in the same day of course, unless you think that we could manage it. Wouldn’t it be lovely?”  

“If by lovely you mean entirely too much, yes, absolutely lovely,” Razi retorted. “I have wizarding levels to study for. And don’t the kitchen cabinets need painting? I think there’s a surface in our home without stenciled greenery on it, and we can’t have that, can we?”

“You adore it, I can tell,” Shara fired back. “I have seen your heart. I know your soul. Both are black as night with stenciled vines and daisies in bright pink over the lot.”   

Razi laughed before replying, “Only because I let you watch out for them. What did I expect, leaving a clean surface in your care?”

Then she leaned over and closed her eyes, smiling freely as she rarely did with anyone else and listened to her mother’s heartbeat, to her breathing, the warm miracle of her presence after months of just pictures and letters.

“You wound me then you cuddle up as though I’m meant to love you desperately no matter how you snark about my stunning stencils. Honestly it’s not as though I miss your face when you’re gone or that I miss it all the more because you have somehow resisted photography since your first ultrasound,” Shara sighed warmly, put-upon. “Motherhood is thankless.”      

When they arrived home, Razi and Shara pulled her trunk from the boot of the car and headed into the house. It was small, a single floor with three bedrooms, the kitchen and the living room. Propped against the walls outside in places were old shelves storing gardening supplies or tented over with greenhouse material to protect some of the more delicate plants from the cold. 

Razi took her trunk to her room while her mother went to the kitchen to warm dinner. When she opened the door she smiled at the vase of black roses sitting on her bedside table, her favorite. The rest of the room was as she’d left it. Her bookshelves, in rampant disarray and overstuffed, were set against one pale green wall. Her bed, with its deep purple sheets and grey comforter, lay opposite, the nightstand and its flowers beside it, in front of one window. A chair was set in front of the other.

The trunk found its place at the foot of Razi’s bed and Razi pulled a book from her shelf and waited to be called for dinner.

 

* * *

 

 

The next few days went by in a rush of gardening, cooking, and overwhelming joy.  Razi settled into an easy pattern of studying in the morning when her mother was at work and heading out into the less cold afternoons to harvest leafy green vegetables or pay needed attention the to the flowerbeds that hadn’t been put down for winter.  When Shara came home in the early evenings she hit like a small tornado, blowing off the ease of the day and spiking the nights with fun and activity. They watched movies and sang along to songs on the radio while they cut greens from their stems, scrubbed carrots, and washed leaves. They scoured Christmas tree farms in search of one worth decorating, and scoured pots and argued over whose turn it was to dry the dishes. Once, they went skating after the Christmas lights came on in the evening and they both stumbled home bruised and happy after Shara had attempted to copy a particularly talented skater’s spin on the ice and insisted that one of them would manage it if they both tried for long enough.

(“Why did I let you drag me into that?” Razi groused to a beaming Shara. 

“Have you ever had so much fun in your life?

“I live with you! I’ve done six things more fun than that before breakfast some days,” Razi laughed in reply)

On Christmas eve, things slowed down a bit. The two sat in the living room stringing cranberries to hang for the birds who hadn’t gone for winter. Paint was drying in the kitchen, as Shara had finally decided to take her stencils to the table and the floor. 

“Are you going to tell me, now? Or shall we pretend everything is fine for a bit longer?” Shara asked, casually reaching for another small fruit. 

“Pretend,” Razi replied definitively. 

Shara raised an eyebrow but let it stand.

“Any interesting pranks so far this year then? Come tell mummy so that she can live vicariously through her much more evil… I mean magical daughter,” she said.

Razi brought her string over and sat at her mother’s feet.

“Well there was this one on the train to school,” she began.

Later, after the strings were hung, and the gifts set teasingly close by beneath the tree covered in years worth of handmade ornaments, Razi curled up next to her mother on the sofa. She pressed ear into her mother’s chest and pulled her arm around her. It was Christmas or nearly, and the world seemed somehow softer, more forgiving than it had before. She turned her face to press her nose into her mother and shifted a bit.

 “They’re fighting,” Razi murmured into her mother’s side, “Alyssa and Amanda. They’re fighting. Amanda is …angry, and not entirely wrong.”

Shara gave Razi a slow, warm squeeze that might have been a hug if her other arm hadn’t been a little bit asleep.

“What about Alyssa?” Shara asked, staring off into the kitchen, feeling the slight frown pressed into her chest.

“She is my friend,” Razi replied. Her voice was certain and final. “Am I wrong?”

Looking down to meet her daughter’s eyes, Shara knew that with a word she could make her daughter doubt. She also knew something of the girl who’d left a comfortable world of wealth to weed gardens and see movies during the summer, who looked at their life with respect in spite of alleged training to do the opposite.

“I don’t believe so, Razi. She is your friend. If you can trust her with whatever Amanda does not at the moment, I don’t believe that’s wrong at all.”

“Good,” Razi said, relieved.

“Now, what about the rest of it?”

Razi gave a huff that was somewhere between a sob and a laugh. Of course Shara knew. She always knew.

“It’s happening more and more - the deaths, the notices in the hall.  I don’t know if I can make us safe enough,” Razi admitted. “Even Hogwarts might not-”

“Let me worry about safe,” Shara said, her voice not faltering. “I’m still the mother in this outfit. Safe is my job.”

“But mum, they-”

“Hush, Razi. Father Christmas won’t come if you’re awake. Trust your friend. Learn all you can. Leave the safe to me.”

Razi, who trusted her mother with everything, found it easy to add their safety to the list, at least for the night. She gave in and went to sleep.

The next day brought owls from her friends, much to her mother’s delight as the birds lined up patiently beside her closed window in the morning. There was also a long phone call with Elaine, whose parents had understood and were worried but glad that she’d told them about it all. She and her mother began planning the planting for spring and the year turned right on schedule. While ringing in the new year at a party in the local community center, Razi gave a moment’s thought to what would be. Only a moment though, as the countdown pushed everything else from her mind in a rush of uncharacteristic optimism. It was the new year, and she would spend it as she began it, with a very good friend and the hope for better days.


	13. Chapter 13

The Dolohovs’ party was boring. This wasn’t a surprise, exactly; it was boring every year. Somewhere in the back of her head, though, she’d been wondering if Avery would liven things up or if the Dolohovs’ strange insistence on her attendance would mean anything different.

Alyssa made the rounds with her parents early on, receiving the usual comments (or, rather, the usual comments to her parents _about_ her) on what a pretty young lady she was becoming and how clever she’d always been. She escaped to the library as soon as that was over, wondering who everyone thought they were fooling. The comments on her intelligence would have been gratifying if they had been delivered with anything other than the condescension it seemed everyone of her parents’ generation visited on her. The comments about her looks were quite frankly uncomfortable and somehow seemed more sincere than those about her brain, which was insulting. She worked hard on her brain; the only time she could recall working hard on her appearance was tonight. Maybe she would have felt differently if the compliments had been different than any other Christmas party she had attended.

The book on magical history she pulled from the shelves proved as dull as the rest of the party. She glared at it. Literature did not often fail her, though it figured that if it were to do so it would be a bit belonging to the Dolohovs.

“I see you’ve run afoul of one of Mrs. Dolohov’s famous misdirection spells,” Avery said.

“I think I know the misdirection hex when I see it,” she retorted, miffed. How in the name of Merlin did he manage to sneak up on her so often? How did he _find_ her? This window seat had been a reliable hiding place until now, positioned so it was out of sight of anyone opening the door.

“Not the hex,” he said, clearly amused as he squeezed in next to her. “A spell. She has a whole array of them.”

“I’ve never heard of different ones,” Alyssa said, holding on to boredom as a defense against the tingling where his leg and shoulder were against hers (more like his arm and her shoulder, logic said. He’s too tall for you. Her hormones pointed out that being taller was not a logical disqualification from attraction).

“I don’t think it’s common knowledge, but she’s very good. Whatever you’re reading is boring, right?”

“Deadly.”

He smirked and waved his wand over the pages, a complex gesture that made her think he was better at wandwork than he liked to demonstrate at school. She refused to follow a confusing thought about quick hands.

“Look,” he ordered.

She blinked at the space over the book first – really, looking at his hands and not even catching the spell? _Really?_ – and saw that the page had changed.

“Oh,” she said.

“Love potions.” Avery sounded nonplussed.

Alyssa shut the book with a snap. “Well, I certainly don’t need those.”

“No,” Avery agreed.

“Have I been reading fake books all these years?” Alyssa demanded.

“It’s possible.”

She eyed the library warily. It looked the same as it always had: well-worn chairs (wear not caused by this generation, she thought uncharitably), well-lit large shelves stuffed with leather or dragon-skin tomes of all sizes, two small tables. Her window seat was one of three. She couldn’t help but feel betrayed, silly as it was. This was the one thing she had ever actually liked about these parties.

She wished Razi and Ms. Levine were here.

Actually, no, she wished _she_ was where they were, wherever that was. She’d be much less lonely with the two of them than here with Avery and her parents.

“Alyssa?”

“Have you seen Jonathan?” she asked, ignoring the unspoken question about her wellbeing. She stood, abruptly just wanting to move.

“With one of the Prewetts,” Avery said, watching her. “Gideon, I believe.”

The way he said it made her pause.  Then another wave of loneliness crashed over her head, making it difficult to breathe for a short moment. Jonathan had Gideon. He had someone else to hold and to love and to tell that everything was going to be fine.

And he hadn’t told her.

Did he think she’d have a problem with it? Did he think she’d act like their parents and pretend it didn’t exist? Or did he just not think about telling her? Maybe this –this dating thing, this like-liking people thing – maybe it wasn’t something you were supposed to share with little sisters, even when your little sister shared something similar with you. Maybe Avery didn’t count – he wasn’t entirely real, was he? Not like Gideon was real. Jonathan had a real boyfriend, and she needed a hug. Her parents wouldn’t understand, her friends weren’t here, her brother was busy. She hated that her eyes teared up.

“Alyssa?” Avery asked again. “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head, lips tight. Crying will not help, she told herself. Crying just wastes time and moisture and your face itches afterwards. Also this is ridiculous, why do you even want to cry?

“Do you want to get him? I can go with you…”

She shook her head again, more vehemently. She didn’t want to be in this library with these fake books or this party with these fake people who were probably plotting ways to murder her friends while she sat in this room with her fake boyfriend.

“I want to go home,” she finally managed. It came out only partly as a sob.

“I’ll get your parents then?”

She grabbed his arm as he stood and went to walk past her, shaking her head yet again. She hadn’t meant her house, and going to her parents would cause far too much of a fuss, with her mother saying sympathetic things about being overwrought and her father booming loudly about, “women, eh?”

Jonathan would leave Gideon. No, she would ride this party out to the bitter end if it killed her. Neither Dolohov had managed to put her off anything at school, she would be damned if their library (or their mother’s spells) managed it.

Her plans were foiled. Oh, not the riding out the party plan. The no crying plan was defenestrated post haste when Avery sat her down on the window seat again and left to close the library door. She thought he’d put the door between them at first, and thought, there goes the anti-harassment plan too, but just when she settled in for a really good breakdown he reappeared with a handkerchief.

“Definitely not your parents then.”

That actually made her cry harder. She should want her parents – her mother at least. They should be the people she could cry in front of without them completely disappearing (her father) or tutting about how delicate she was and _then_ disappearing (her mother).

Home, she thought miserably again, I want to go _home_. Now if only she could figure out where home was.

Avery sat with her until her sobs became hiccups before talking again. “It’s okay to cry. I mean, well, my parents didn’t like it when I cried either, said it wasn’t very manly. I guess yours would say it wasn’t ladylike? You can cry in front of me, though, it’s okay.”

So nice of him to give me permission, she thought, but felt badly about it a moment later. He was trying to be nice.

“Sometimes you have to, I know.”

She wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe he meant it in the general sense and not in the sense of women. Maybe she hadn’t really heard the slight stress on ‘you’ that would probably mean he thought he was being delicate about menstruation.

That almost set her off again, the thought that it probably should have been her mother giving her information on that subject and not Razi’s (though Ms. Levine was an excellent source of information, and Irene Blythe’s version of a discussion on girl’s bodies and the happenings therein consisted of a vague monologue about something happening once a month and it being natural. If Alyssa had been a little less logical, she would have thought her mother meant she would turn into a werewolf). Everything she knew about sex came from Ms. Levine, too, but that topic had gotten awkward quickly. Razi’s mother seemed to be under the impression that religion played some part in Alyssa’s ignorance rather than parental reticence. Reading romance novels (muggle and wizard) occasionally directly contradicted facts given to her by Ms. Levine and didn’t give her much more to work with, and more informative books on the subject were absent in Hogwarts’ libraries and her parents’ collection.

So when Avery leaned down to kiss her, Alyssa knew in theory that tongues could be involved (which seemed a little unsanitary, if you asked her) and that he would probably expect… something. Also she figured she looked a little like a puffy-faced drowned rat at this point, and that was not how she wanted to look for her first kiss, which everything she’d read insisted was a Very Important Event. Also, also, she did not want to be kissed by her (maybe slightly less fake) boyfriend among the (still very fake) books.

She turned away quickly, looking down at her hands, now knotted in her lap around the handkerchief. Her hair fell around her now even redder face.

Avery stopped and breathed in deeply through his nose.

“Sorry,” Alyssa said hoarsely, wondering why she needed to apologize but doing it anyway. “I just… not _here_.”

“Okay,” he said. He sounded a little grudging, and it took him a moment to say it, but still. Points.

Another long moment of silence ensued, and the awkwardness was palpable.

Excellent, logic whispered. Alyssa thought that if it could it would be cackling and rubbing its hands together, except that wouldn’t be logical and, of course, it was actually her brain.

Avery slid an arm around her shoulders instead. It wasn’t a hug from her brother or her friends, but, she supposed, it was better than nothing. She leaned against his shoulder, and his arm tightened around her. They didn’t stay like that for the rest of the party, but she kind of wished they had.

The Potters’ Christmas party two days later made her wish Avery was there too, which was a first. Usually it was quite the opposite.

Then again, usually she wasn’t a social pariah to her peers at the Potters’ parties. His parents were perfectly nice as usual (Susanna Potter even had a short discussion with her on the effects of newts eyes versus toadstool rot for a few minutes before she had to greet more guests) but James Potter completely ignored her aside from a stiff ‘hello’ when his mother handed Alyssa off to him after the potions discussion. Black actually glared at her, and continued to do so until she escaped to the library. Again.

The Potters’ library was not nearly so familiar as the Dolohovs’; she hadn’t needed to hide in it often. She wondered sourly if _these_ books were disguised too, but stopped herself from being totally ridiculous and cast the counterspell she’d weaseled out of Avery. The books were real. She was, oddly, disappointed.

She told herself that as a teenager she was perfectly within her rights to have conflicting feelings on some subjects and yanked a tome almost as large as her head from a high shelf. Of course it overbalanced – it was that kind of day.

Someone caught it before it hit her face, though. She had a split second to wonder if Avery had even managed to follow her _here_ before Remus Lupin asked, “The Complete Treatise on Werewolves and the History of their Assimilation?”

“It’s a fascinating subject,” Alyssa said. “Even if the author seems intent on convincing his readers that werewolf rights have come along as far as they can or should. Because marginalizing part of the population is clearly the best way to go about things, don’t you know.”

Lupin regarded her with cool green eyes. “If you’ve read it already and don’t like it, why read it again?”

“Because I like to fully document when people are _wrong_ ,” Alyssa snapped. “With citations and red ink. And I like yelling at them for it in all capital letters in my notes, and right now I need to yell at something!”

“You’re doing a very good job of it,” he observed. “Yelling, I mean.”

“I wasn’t yelling,” she corrected him. “I was using great emphasis. My volume was within perfectly acceptable parameters.”

Lupin shrugged.

“Why are you here, anyway?” she asked.

“I was invited.”

“I meant the library. I’m usually the only one hiding in libraries.”

“We noticed,” someone said behind Lupin, and Alyssa noticed for the first time that Peter Pettigrew was with them.

“Shouldn’t you be out with the movers and shakers of society?” Lupin didn’t sound bitter or snippy, just curious. Alyssa was reminded of why she’d had a crush on him when she was thirteen and he wasn’t quite as terrible as the rest of the boys in their year (she still maintained that he should be in her house. Someone with his book smarts did not belong in the house of hitting people with sticks).

“This particular branch of the movers and shakers of society are following your friends’ leads and pretending I don’t exist with aggressive persistence.”

“To be fair,” Lupin said, speaking before Pettigrew could get a word out of his open mouth, “you are sending out some mixed signals.”

“I wasn’t aware I was sending signals at all.”

“Aside from googley eyes at Sirius?” Pettigrew demanded irritably.

She pointed at him. “That was one month when I was twelve, which is exponentially less time than you spend making googley eyes at Potter.”

“I think it was around three months,” Lupin said, “but that’s neither here nor there.”

“I would like that book you have _there_ to be _here_ in my hands,” Alyssa retorted. “Not that I don’t appreciate the heroic gesture-” She stopped. She seemed to be spending a lot of time thanking people for heroic gestures lately. She wasn’t sure she liked it. “- but next time let the book fall on my face and save me the passive aggressive lecture by proxy.”

“Peter does the lectures by proxy,” Lupin said while Pettigrew spluttered. “They don’t trust me with them. They seem to think I’ll make them more responsible-sounding than they’d like.”

“Then you can go tell Potter and Black that they can lecture me in person whenever they’d like,” Alyssa told Pettigrew. “Except no, they can’t, because they aren’t my brothers or even technically my friends, as they have very clearly shown.”

Peter’s glare could have peeled paint, but it was somewhat lessened by the way he scurried out of the room.

Lupin looked at her. He didn’t seem upset now, either, just seemed to be studying her.

“Does _nothing_ irritate you?” she demanded.

“I’ve learned to roll with the punches. You’re not usually mean, you know. Not to people who don’t deserve it.”

“Abrupt subject change. Maybe Pettigrew deserved it for being associated with certain people.”

“Is that why you’re being rude to me, too?”

“That and you won’t hand over the book.”

“The book that you hate for espousing the marginalization of people based on something beyond their control on the basis that that something is inherently a bad thing?”

Alyssa narrowed her eyes at him. She wasn’t a Ravenclaw for nothing. “I see where you’re going with this.”

Lupin shrugged again.

“I have every right to date whomever I like.”

“And my friends have every right to dislike proto-death eater bigots,” he said equitably. “Maybe they feel like you deserve their current treatment for being associated with certain people.”

She stalked out of the library and spent the rest of the night at her mother’s side, comments about her looks be damned.


	14. Chapter 14

Razi always arrived at King’s Cross early for the trip back to school. Her mother worked and after spending weeks together, it was… exactly as difficult as it always was to say goodbye. She and Shara had a ritual breakfast of weak tea and horrid scones at a stand in station, then lingered together, trying to hold on to the time left to them.

 “I’d tell you not to worry, but really, what’s the use? Come home to me in the summer and we’ll call it even,” Shara said. “The grass will be as high as your head, and the garden will be overrun with things that need clipping and protecting from the heat. Too many vegetables to harvest, even then. Too much to do alone.”    

Razi leaned against her mother, taking in her warmth and the picture she was weaving.

“I miss you,” Razi said, straightening and reaching for the cart with her trunk on it. 

Shara smiled. “I know. But you’re on your feet, and you’re leaving me, even though you’re worried. Know what that means?”

Razi thought about it and replied, “That I’m as crazy as you are?”

Shara pulled her into a hug.  “We’ve done well, we two. I’ll see you soon.”

Then she left and Razi went to the platform. 

It was nearly empty still, but Razi was pleased to see a familiar face.

“Glad it’s over?” she called out.

Alyssa, who’d been standing idly looking down at the tracks, turned and walked over to her.

“Always. Ready to go back?”

Razi smiled and walked back over to Alyssa’s trunk with her.

“So, more compliments about your hair or eyes this time? I made a bet with Delaney,” Razi teased. Eventually the platform filled and the train came. 

They rode in a compartment with Delaney, Stark, Pratchett, and Elaine. When Amanda came to window in the compartment door while the others were playing exploding snap or chess, but turned and walked away, Razi looked to her friends. For a moment, they all seemed wait for something, but the moment passed. Delaney lost the game, but won one later.

Razi sat with Elaine at the Slytherin table at dinner that night.  Listening to stories about her mother and father, who’d gone out and bought a security system but had also understood the importance of sending Elaine back to school, Razi tried not to think of her mother. The world seemed bigger, and somehow closer without her nearby. It was also likely an effect of the enchanted ceiling, she thought, looking out over the tables and glimpsing bits of the wide and starry sky.

“Did you tell them about that?” Razi asked, still looking up  but noticing the way that her friends at the Ravenclaw table seemed to have more space than usual. 

“Of course,” Elaine said.  “Though you know, I don’t think they believe me.”  

“Too brilliant?” Razi asked.

“Yeah, I think so. And pictures wouldn’t do it justice. Can we go over there?”

The abrupt change in subject caught Razi off guard a bit, but in a good way. Elaine was paying attention.

“I think we’d better not,  but we can see them at breakfast,” Razi replied. Up the table from them, Avery and his  friends were comparing notes on some party or another. The conversation effectively split the table between those who’d attended them and those who hadn’t and Razi noticed the few students who tried to bridge that gap. There were three or four halfblood students, first or second generation who nodded along and asked questions and generally tried to seem worthy of joining Avery’s court.

Even so occasionally the Dolohovs or Mulciber found time to look down table to where Razi and Elaine sat and beyond them, to the less willing members of Avery’s court and the halfblood students who accepted their places in Slytherin’s social order. Tonight, switching tables would be making a statement, and Razi wasn’t sure exactly what kind.

 “You could come hang out. Pepper would love it, and I think Winston misses you,” Elaine suggested.

Razi hid her amusement, taking a drink of her pumpkin juice. “Let’s go. We can unpack, and my mother will have snuck some Mars Bars into my trunk.” 

“I’m taking your silence as a yes,” Elaine informed her.

 “It’s not a no,” she replied, and the two made their way down into the dungeons.   

Breakfast the next morning passed without incident. Razi and Elaine sat at the Ravenclaw table, Delaney snuck glances at Stark from across the hall, and everyone generally tried not to notice who Alyssa’s eyes kept finding on those occasions she looked off in the opposite direction. 

After breakfast Razi had Double Transfiguration with the Gryffindors. As she entered the classroom, out of habit she moved to sit closer to the Gryffindors, but found her usual seat taken. She ended up at a table with Evans and her friend McDonald.     

 Professor McGonagall began class promptly.

“Today, in preparation for more advanced lessons, we will explore the precise art of correcting poorly done transfigurations. Your younger classmates have amassed a wealth of them. The theory behind the spell that we will use for most inanimate corrections-”

She continued and the class took notes in silence, excluding of course, the moment about half way through the first hour when Black, dozing off knocked his inkwell from the table then attempted to avoid detention by claiming to be losing sleep for love of Transfiguration.   

“Is that so?” McGonagall asked. “Then perhaps I should send you up to commiserate with the Headmaster. He used to teach this class. I’m certain he could instruct you containing your devotion.” 

 Razi had the sense that she’d let him stay to stop him from talking as much as for any other reason.  In any case, no one else so much as imagined speech again until it was time for the practical part of the lesson. They were each given a faulty match to needle conversion to begin with.  After several minutes of working, Evans spoke.

“Either of you having any luck?” Her assignment, which had begun as a metal matchstick, now looked a bit more wooden but still had the odd shine of metal in places. Razi’s was similar.

“No more than you have,” she replied. She’d been preparing to ask if perhaps they’d confused something of the theory when McDonald announced, “I’ve got it!”  drawing Professor McGonagall’s attention.  

She inspected McDonald’s needle, lifting it up to the light before putting it back on the table.

“Excellent work, McDonald. Ten points to Gryffindor,” she told her with a smile. Then she moved on, observing Dolohov’s attempts at a table nearby.   

“So, let’s have it Mary. What’s the trick?” Evan’s asked, bumping her shoulder against McDonald’s with a smile.  

“You’ve got to picture it just right,” McDonald informed them. “See what it is, not what it was, or what the person was trying to make it into. You’re changing what’s here.”

Razi tried it again and soon she had a perfectly well formed needle for her efforts.

“Thanks,” Razi said as she picked it up to check for wooden bits.   

When the class had mostly finished with the needles Professor McGonagall handed out other odd things, glass cups half turned into goblets and transfigured mirrors that showed things upside down, so that the class could try their hand at fixing them. 

After class, Razi had lunch in the hall with Delaney and Alyssa. She tried to get them to give her hints about the potions class, which they’d just left. Razi had double potions with the Gryffindors again after lunch. The two were tight lipped on the subject though.

“It wouldn’t be fair,” Delaney pointed out. “Neither of us knew anything ahead of time.”

“Yes, but both of you are better at potions than me. Fair would be giving me an advantage so that I might come to equal your greatness,” Razi replied. 

“The very nicest of tries, Razi,” Delaney said. “But you’ll do fine.”

Of course, she did exactly that: fine. Razi struggled but managed to make something vaguely effective that failed to melt her cauldron. They’d been working on wound cleaning potions, which meant no in-class testing of the potion’s effects. If it hadn’t been potions it might have been an enjoyable few hours. She’d sat by herself at a table in the back. 

After class, Razi stopped by her dorm to get things that she’d need to study after dinner before going up to meet them at the Ravenclaws at their table.  As she entered the hall she spared a small, controlled smile for Elaine, who sat with Matthew and Robin at the Hufflepuff table. Then she joined her friends for the meal. Over dinner she and Pratchett started a debate about vanishing charms that continued, on and off, through the study session afterwards in Ravenclaw tower. They got a late start when none of them could answer the question to get into the tower: “Who is the most recent person to be officially certified as fluent in Mermish?”

Eventually, frustrated, someone had guessed, ‘Albus Dumbledore’. The door swung open, and they’d all run in as though the statue might change its mind. Once inside the debate between Razi and Pratchett had continued until Delaney mentioned that their childish squabbling, or, as they called it, their fierce and well fought battle of wit, was distracting her from her note taking.

Razi left Ravenclaw tower alone not long after that, brushing off Delaney’s offer to walk with her. It was late and unnecessary. None of the Slytherin students had done anything more threatening than glare at her that day.  Elaine would probably meet her in the hall anyway, on her way back after spending time with Pepper.  

Looking around as she walked, Razi wondered if she should check with Winston to see if the girl had left yet, but decided against it, as the detour would lengthen the trip, and really, Elaine didn’t need a minder.  As she entered the dungeons, she heard something odd. It was a strange shuffling sound accompanied by a sort of cut off squeak. Razi stopped. It might have been a couple mice, or some students fooling around in one of the classrooms, even the just the old walls finding room to settle even after all of the years that the castle had stood. She was tired, and the stone that surrounded her was cold and damp.  She took a few more steps towards the dorm, but the sound came again. She turned and went back   the way that she’d come before walking down the corridor that led to the classrooms.

As she went she did a disillusionment charm on herself and her things, and a separate spell to quiet her steps. Through the square opening on the wooden door at the end of the hall, she could see the distinct flash of a spell, this time a rather odd reddish purple that she couldn’t recognize and the strange pale light of lumos. Razi had always found wandlight disconcerting. It didn’t mimic candles, torches, or sunlight at all and seemed all the more unnatural because of that.  As she drew nearer she could hear that there were several people in the room.  It was one of the larger storage rooms and usually locked.  

As she came to the door, which had been closed but not enough to prevent a sliver of that cold light from angling out at her feet, she looked into the opening and stifled a gasp.

“Such a brave little kitten,” Mulciber spat. He stood at the center of the room and several members of Avery’s court were there, standing along the walls and grinning, glaring down at the girl on the floor in front of them. “Stronger than I’d thought you’d be. So much more fun. _Facerevos!_ Why don’t you dance for us, McDonald? You crawled so well.”

Razi froze in sudden fear. Her dinner threatened to revisit as, fighting the spell the entire time, McDonald drew slowly and jerkily to her feet.  Her knees were red and scoffed, her robes pulled low on her shoulders with what liked shoe marks on the back and her hands were dirty.  Her face was red and wet with tears and she appeared to be shouting as she fought the spell but Parkinson, standing against the wall behind Mulciber was casting regular silencing charms. 

As she watched, McDonald broke the curses hold and lunged for the bag, her bag, where it sat on the floor just a meter or so from the door. 

“ _Facerevos!_ Dance, mudblood!” He stepped towards her where she lay struggling on the floor. “Stop, Parkinson, let’s hear what it has to say.”

“Coward!” McDonalad spat, still fighting the spell. “Couldn’t face me with my wand, without your audience.” 

Her eyes happened to lock on the square opening in the door where Razi stood, chilling her soul with the helpless anger she saw there, the fear that seemed to wash over her in waves.

Suddenly Razi could move again, but still she stared. If she opened that door and tried to help McDonald, Mulciber would have her too and nothing would save her from his anger.  Besides, Razi wasn’t stupid: they’d all left her alone the moment Alyssa had given Avery a chance. If she proved too troublesome, no amount of potential displeasure on Alyssa’s part would keep Avery from allowing his court to toy with her as they were with McDonald. Even if they didn’t do it directly, what might they do to Elaine or Pepper? McDonald’s bag, and likely her wand, was just a step away. Razi was one step away from helping the girl who, exhausted and beaten but still struggling, began to jerk to her feet again.

She ran. Sick with her own cowardice and the horror of what she might be leaving McDonald to suffer, she ran out of the dungeons and stumbled to the floor near the stairs.

“Levine?!” A voice called out. It was Evans, and Lupin was with her.

“McDonald!” she replied, standing. “I didn’t… I swear it, I’m not…down by the classrooms. It’s bad.”

A group of three Gryffindor girls walked up as she spoke.

“McDonald? Yes, we’re looking for her,” Evans said, she reached out with a comforting hand but Razi shrugged it off. Calming down, she tried again. 

“If you were to head down towards the classrooms, right now, it might help. Several of you, mind,” she said, emphasizing ‘help’.

Lupin took off, and Evans tossed a ‘Thanks’ over her shoulder as she followed and passed him, drawing her wand.   

“Don’t,” Razi breathed into the empty hall, only then wondering when the disillusionment charms had slipped away.

 


	15. Chapter 15

Razi seemed rattled the next morning. Not that most people would notice, obviously – the only reason Alyssa did was that Razi accidentally put a small quiche on her plate. Alyssa snatched it quickly.

“Quiche has egg, Razi, or are you changing your stance on your dietary habits? I think these even have bacon.”

“Thought it was one of the vegan pastries the house elves make sometimes,” her friend said, grimacing at the offending breakfast food.

Alyssa took a bite. “No,” she said, mouth full in a way her mother would close her eyes in silent benediction over if she happened to be eating with Alyssa, “that’s definitely egg and bacon.”

Razi shook her head and dished herself some shredded potatoes with onion.

“How do the house elves know where you sit?” Delaney wondered, not for the first time. Razi shrugged.

Alyssa waited until Razi had moved her food around on her plate for a few minutes (she finished the quiche in the meantime) before quizzing her. “Are you sick?” she asked. “Did something happen?”

“No and no,” Razi said firmly.

“Razi, you put animal products on your plate.”

“I thought it was a vegan pastry.”

“Exactly.”

“Exactly what, Alyssa?” Razi demanded.

Alyssa opened her mouth to answer, but caught sight of Mulciber and a few other Slytherins slinking into the hall looking rather worse for wear. “Were Black and Potter busier than usual last night?” she wondered. Razi didn’t respond. Alyssa looked at her, surprised. Razi never missed a chance to make clever replies.

Razi was looking at her plate.

“Something happened,” Alyssa said, suddenly furious. She looked around for Avery, part of her mind snarling about deals and plans and scratching backs. Then she stopped cold.

She hadn’t kissed Avery at the party. He’d seemed all right with it then: not ecstatic, obviously, but all right. But she hadn’t kissed him and two days after returning to school something had happened to Razi.

“ _No_ ,” Razi said, but Alyssa was already standing. Razi yanked her back down. “Nothing happened to me,” she hissed.

“Then why are you so upset?” Alyssa hissed back. Delaney looked their way, attention pulled away from Stark for a moment. Alyssa managed to smile at her and shrug. Delaney rolled her eyes and returned to dreaming of more intimate inter-house cooperation (or so Alyssa assumed).

“I’m not allowed to have an off day?” Razi demanded.

“There are off days and there are days where you are freaked out enough to almost break being vegan and Mulciber comes in with his cronies looking like he’s been in a fight,” Alyssa retorted. “ _Mulciber_ , Razi. And there’s a whole slew of Gryffindors missing that don’t actually include Potter and Black.”

“So I’m having an off day and the Slytherins and Gryffindors had a rumble,” Razi said. “Coincidences happen.”

She was lying. That hurt.

“Razi,” Alyssa said, pleading.

Razi sighed and gave in. “I might have let the Gryffindors know one of their own was having an altercation with a few of my housemates. Can we keep it quiet?”

Razi hadn’t been the target. Alyssa relaxed a little.

Then she noticed that the Slytherin table was very quiet that morning.

In Alyssa’s experience, the Slytherin table hadn’t ever been exactly boisterous, but it had always held its own in the never-ending war of noise to be heard in the great hall. Now it was almost silent. She glanced over her shoulder to look again at Mulciber.

He glowered across the table at Lestrange, his blonde hair reflecting the sunlight in a golden halo that might have been attractive except that he was Mulciber. Avery wasn’t there yet, and Lestrange seemed to be taking advantage of that by speaking quietly but apparently clearly, leaning across the table in a way that seemed to be more looming than anything else. Mulciber didn’t look to be backing down, though he was sitting unnaturally straight on the bench.

“Think that’s about the fight?” Alyssa asked.

Razi favored her with a long, slow blink.

“Right, what else could it be.”

Avery walked in then, and, noticing Lestrange’s focus, strode immediately over to put a hand on Mulciber’s shoulder and say something curt, but still quiet, to the older boy. Lestrange sat back, but the twist to his lip said he wasn’t happy about it. Mulciber relaxed.

“I don’t understand,” Alyssa said. “Why in the world does Avery keep Mulciber around?”

“Because evil enjoys evil company,” Razi retorted, and returned to her meal.

Alyssa blinked, slow and hard. It wasn’t the blink Razi had given her before, because she enjoyed Avery’s company. Sometimes. Often. He _liked_ her. It wasn’t why she’d started hanging out with him or why she agreed to lunch with him or even why she kept seeing him, but she still liked that. Nobody had ever told her they liked her before, not like that. It was nice.

She had to remind herself that he was hardly that nice to everybody.

She also had to remind herself that staring at him might be construed as creepy, but that was only until he turned and met her eyes. She smiled tentatively. He returned it with a surer one, but slid onto the bench next to his friend instead of coming over.

“I’ll be back in a little bit,” Alyssa told the table at large absently, standing up.

“Where are you--” Delaney began to ask, but Alyssa walked away.

It took Avery a moment to notice her, during which time she considered her options. She could leave without him seeing her (though that would be difficult, with Dolohov the younger eying her curiously from next to Lestrange). She could do something daring, like shove her way between him and Blackthorn (she was not going to sit next to Mulciber unless no other option presented itself).

Or she could wait until he noticed her, which was the default choice when sitting and thinking about options took too long.

“Hi,” Alyssa said, when he looked back at her. It wasn’t particularly suave, but given that her spleen was trying to crawl into places in her body it in no way belonged, she decided to take it as a win.

“Hey,” he replied. She was surprised that he seemed surprised, not because he _was_ , necessarily, but because he let her see it.

“I just wanted to say that,” she said. “Because I haven’t since we got back.”

“Oh,” he said. She smiled, convinced she was showing too many teeth. Or maybe not enough. How many teeth were appropriate for a smile?

Avery shoved at Mulciber’s shoulder. They proceeded to have a silent conversation with their eyebrows that Alyssa found supremely annoying and made her wonder if she and Razi ever did the same thing, but in the end Mulciber scooted over.

“Sit with me?” Avery asked, looking back up at her.

Success was to be hoped but not planned for. Alyssa couldn’t figure out whether sitting next to Avery was a success or not. Either way, she still had to sit next to Mulciber. She slipped onto the bench with as much room as possible between her and Mulciber without touching Avery.

Avery turned back to his conversation, though his hand now rested rather distractingly on her knee. She glanced at Mulciber to see how he was taking this.

Mulciber smiled, wide and predatorily, and slid slightly closer. Alyssa gave him a look her mother would have encouraged (‘I am a descendant of Merlin on both sides with no muggles recorded ever, and you are not worth my time, peasant’) and slid more than slightly farther away, pressing her entire leg up against Avery’s with no qualms whatsoever if it meant making sure Mulciber didn’t touch her even accidentally.

The Dolohovs watched the interplay with interest while Snape picked at the food on his plate with the air of irritated boredom that he wore when not brewing potions or speaking directly to Lily Evans.

Or being tormented by Potter and Black, but she supposed Evans had mostly put a stop to that through the power of sheer attraction. Alyssa should ask her for tips.

“And what brings you here to sit with us, Alyssa?” Mierin Smythe asked, sugar-sweet. Alyssa was quite certain that she’d never exchanged more than ten words with Smythe in the entirety of their five years at Hogwarts, and even more certain that they were not on a first name basis.

“Society,” Alyssa said shortly, and turned her back on Mulciber and Smythe to lean more into Avery and listen in on his conversation with Parkinson and Rabastan Lestrange.

“MacDonald shouldn’t have been in the dungeons,” Parkinson said. “Snooping around near our common room.”

“You could have been more discreet,” Lestrange retorted.

“How were they to be more discreet?” Avery asked, thumb stroking where his hand had slid infinitesimally up Alyssa’s thigh. “If they’d gone anywhere else the Heads would have run into them, given Parkinson’s luck.”

Parkinson made a sour face. “I swear Blythe has it out for me.”

Avery turned his head to look at Alyssa where she rested her chin on his shoulder. “Do you think your brother has it out for Parkinson?”

“Does one have it out or in for someone?” she mused, distracted momentarily. “I’ve always wondered.”

“Is that a yes?” Lestrange asked dryly.

Alyssa shrugged. “As far as I know Jonathan has never looked for specific interlopers. Well. Maybe Black and Potter.”

“That could change,” Mulciber said, far, far too close for Alyssa’s liking. “Considering who’s dating his sister.”

She pretended to consider it as the rest of the table snickered. “No, I think he’d still prefer to catch Black or Potter. Or better yet, both.”

Smythe sighed. “I’d like to catch Black.”

“I don’t think he’s interested,” Alyssa informed her. “He cut all ties to me when I started dating Avery, and given how long you’ve been friends…”

“I wouldn’t call it friends,” Avery murmured in her ear. “And you can call me Josh, you know.”

“Oh, do you think he was jealous?” Smythe asked, hot on the trail of gossip.

Alyssa blinked at her, but managed not to burst out laughing. “No.”

“Why would you want to date a blood traitor anyway?” Lestrange demanded.

“He’s a pureblood,” Smythe defended herself. “Maybe he just needs to be away from Potter’s influence. And that awful little Pettigrew.”

“Not to mention Lupin,” Snape muttered.

“You’re never going to pry him away from any of them,” Alyssa said, “So the point is moot.”

“We could do some prying if need be,” Mulciber contributed. “Give me an hour or so.”

Alyssa shuddered despite herself.

“You’re not as good as you think you are, Mulciber,” Lestrange said. “Don’t get a swelled head because you’ve hurt a couple of mudbloods.”

Alyssa turned her head so she lay against Avery’s shoulder instead of just resting her chin there, sliding an arm through his in lieu of saying something pithy about word use or Mulciber. Or Lestrange, for that matter. Avery squeezed her thigh, and she couldn’t decide if it was a good or bad thing that his hand was considerably higher than where it had been a moment ago. Was this all it took to be accepted here? she wondered. Just a pedigree and a boyfriend? Smythe didn’t even have the boyfriend, though if Alyssa remembered her family trees Smythe was as pureblooded as Alyssa herself, so her presence still made sense. Snape was a partblood, Mulciber’s great-grandmother had been a partblood (but a Black; that counted for something), Lestrange probably wasn’t descended from Merlin on _both_ sides but the blood was definitely there…

Of the group, she, Smythe, and Avery – Josh – were the purest, unless the Dolohovs had a scion of Merlin on their tree that she couldn’t remember.

Mulciber didn’t deign to reply to Lestrange, but Parkinson grumbled. Alyssa snagged a sausage from Avery’s plate.

*             *             *

It was Alyssa’s Slytherin Day. Usually this would have meant clustering around Razi with the rest of her friends all morning through Charms and Double Herbology, followed by lunch while clustering around Razi, followed by grudgingly heading off to History of Magic with the Hufflepuffs.

Today Slytherin Day was spent with Avery. In all fairness it wasn’t horrible, though not even the crystalized pineapple he gave her at break made up for not exchanging snarky notes with Razi and Delaney. It was even almost as difficult to trudge off to History of Magic after lunch.

History of Magic was a class that Alyssa had long ago realized was worth sleeping through. Binns never deviated from the textbook (which could use some updating, if she was honest) in his lectures, and he never noticed if a student was doing something else. So when she put her book down on the desk and opened it to a page somewhere in the middle, she promptly put her arms on the book and her head on her arms. She had a deal with Delaney involving potions work that would ensure she was woken up when it was time to go to her next class.

It was shaping up to be a nice after-lunch nap until someone on her right poked her in the shoulder. Since Delaney was on her left, Alyssa ignored it. Someone had probably accidentally gotten her with a quill. The poke came again, harder this time. Alyssa turned her head where it lay on her arms to look at the Hufflepuff beside her with one irritated eye.

Ted Tonks frowned at her.

“ _What_ , Tonks?” Alyssa asked quietly. “You know I’m not taking notes.”

“And that you’ll get a good score on the exams anyway, which is unfair, but that’s not my point,” Tonks said in a normal voice. Binns didn’t even look up.

“And what is your point, besides the ink stains on my robes?”

“It’s black on black, you can’t even see it.”

Alyssa felt that this would be beside the point even if it were true, but Tonks never noticed things like inkspots anyway.

“Why in god’s name are you dating Avery?”

Ugh. Alyssa turned her head back so that her face was hidden again. “Why do you care, Tonks?”

“Because until recently I thought you were a decent person,” he retorted. “You start hanging out with Avery and people are going to wonder.”

“You hang out with Andromeda,” Alyssa said into her arms, using her cousin’s first name only because there were currently four Blacks attending Hogwarts, Bellatrix having graduated a year ago. Alyssa and Andromeda did not get along. It was possible that it had been Alyssa’s fault, but how was she supposed to know those pants were _Andromeda’s_ , for heaven’s sake?

“Andromeda doesn’t preach pureblood philosophy every chance she gets.”

“Nor does Avery,” Alyssa said, though this was only true for a given value of, well, truth.

“Uh-huh.” Tonks did not seem impressed by her comeback. “Well, when you get invited to one of his Slytherin pow-wows I’m sure you’ll still think so.” He turned back to Binns.

Pow-wows? What kind of pow-wows? Razi hadn’t mentioned pow-wows.

The thought occupied her all the way through Arithmancy, where Alyssa was usually attentive if only so she could get nearly-perfect grades to justify taking a class that her mother had thought too hard for her. She managed to remember to wave to Avery at the Slytherin table at dinner before she slid onto the Ravenclaw bench next to Razi.

“Slytherin pow-wows,” Alyssa said.

“Are to be avoided?” Delaney guessed from across the table, for once not mooning after Stark.

“What do they involve, exactly?”

“Nothing particularly pleasant,” Razi replied. “Why, were you thinking of going to one?”

“I strongly advise you to steer clear of that crazy,” Delaney offered. “However nice Avery may be to you, the people he tends to hang out with _are not_.”

Alyssa smiled widely at Delaney. “Of course.”

The prefect watched her for a second and sighed, shoulders slumping. There was something sad around her eyes when she said, “I think I’m going to go see how Amanda is doing.”

Alyssa nodded. Delaney picked up her plate and hesitated a moment, but turned to walk down the table a little ways to sit next to Pratchett, who led the pack in greeting her like a long-lost sister.

“So?” Alyssa asked Razi, who seemed entirely too interested in the goings on at the other end of the table.

Razi shrugged. “How would I know? They don’t exactly hand out invites to muggleborns.”

“You usually know something,” Alyssa pointed out.

“Avery holds court, people tend to do what he tells them, they sit under one of the windows,” Razi replied. “You think I want to know their death eater nonsense?”

Alyssa blinked at her. “Yes.”

“Not at the expense of my wellbeing,” Razi said firmly.

“Oh.”

They sat in silence for a bit.

“Delaney’s not coming back, is she,” Alyssa said.

“No.”

Alyssa managed a much smaller smile than she had earlier. “That’s what I thought.”

Razi shifted uncomfortably, which was unusual and uncomfortable for Alyssa too.

“You should go sit with them,” Alyssa said.

“I’m fine,” Razi replied, taking another forkful of broccoli.

“No, really. You should.” Alyssa smiled a little more genuinely when she met Razi’s eyes. “You should,” she said again.

Razi eyed her for a long moment. “Thursdays. After dinner. Before my astronomy class. Wander around the halls a bit – I’ll find you.”

Alyssa watched her walk away and pause behind Amanda. The other girl didn’t even wait a moment before moving aside so Razi could sit beside her.

Alyssa went back to the Slytherin table to sit with Avery.


	16. Chapter 16

The next days were some of the strangest Razi had ever experienced. In some ways, it was like having her life reset to the way it was the year before.

She went to bed that first night, having eaten and talked with her friends in Ravenclaw. She got up the next morning, took down her wards, spelled her belongings safe for the day, and went to rejoin her friends at breakfast.

The differences, harsh and new, registered as she was waved over to the Slytherin table by Elaine, who’d eaten with other houses the day before. When she sat down, she noticed that Avery had arrived and was using his bag to ensure that there was room for someone next to him on the side opposite the one Mulciber occupied. Across the way at the Ravenclaw table, Delaney and Amanda were talking, getting caught up.

When Alyssa came in to breakfast and walked towards the Slytherin table, Elaine moved to wave her over.

“Alyssa, hey-” Elaine started but stopped when Razi nudged her in the side with her elbow.

Alyssa still approached though, pausing across the table from them.

“Razi, Walker,” she said as she nodded in brief greeting and flashed a small smile at Elaine. “Nice to see you finding where you fit. Razi, OWL review in the library at break?”

“If you can spare the time. I know it’s a long day,” Razi replied with polite ease.

“I’ll see you then,” Alyssa told her, and with a quick raise of her hand in parting she continued up the table and slid into the now empty place at Avery’s side.

“Oh, I’ve found where I fit alright,” Elaine muttered. “Should I ask?”

“About  OWLs? If you like,” Razi said casually, as she gave a barely noticeable shake of her head. “Though I will say that there are some things that you can’t understand from the outside. We’ve been studying for months.” 

“Then I’m sure you’ll do well,” Elaine replied carefully.  

Razi reached out and took some apple slices and walnuts  from a nearby platter with a great silver spoon, grabbed a small wheat roll from a platter that had appeared in front of her when she’d sat down,  and began to eat, avoiding sending so much as a glance up the table. Casting an eye around the hall, she noticed Jonathan at the Ravenclaw table, sitting in midst of Alyssa’s formerly regular area. The expression on his face was dark.

 Razi pulled a bit of parchment from her bag and wrote something down. Then she folded the note and it disappeared into the shadow under the table. A moment later, Pratchett, casting a vaguely confused look in Razi’s direction moved and sat down near him. Amanda and Delaney followed and soon he looked… if not better, at least more occupied.  

Further across the room Razi noticed MacDonald. Even from a distance Razi could see the strength in her. She was quiet but proud somehow, and worn looking in a way that she hadn’t been before. Razi looked away, feeling her heart speed up and her face warm in remembered fear and shame, just as they had when Razi had seen her in class the day before and looked for a sign as to whether or not she’d seen Razi in the doorway that night.

MacDonald was all right, no lasting physical injuries, but that didn’t change what Razi had seen and done. She’d made the only choice that might have kept herself and her younger friends safe. Razi had done the smart thing, the Slytherin thing. Pulling a bit of apple from her plate, now nearly empty, she wondered if she’d ever forgive herself for it.

“Come study with us in Gryffindor tower,” Elaine offered, standing. Razi realized that several people were rising, it was time to head to class, Herbology in greenhouse five. “Tonight, you can tell me what you can about OWLS or whatever the thing with Alyssa is.”

Razi had a sudden vision of Robin or Matthew in MacDonald’s place, and knew that she’d still have run, though the knowledge made her feel less regret at how light a breakfast she’d eaten.

“Maybe another night,” Razi sighed, and gathered her things to go to class.

 

* * *

 

 

Classes that day went was well as could be expected. She’d had Herbology with Hufflepuff and partnered with Joan Miller, whom Razi had seen practicing as Hufflepuff’s reserve seeker; she was polite enough and had sat next Razi in charms that afternoon, chatting in a kind, low voice in between attempts at a charm that organized bookshelves. Directly after lunch, she’d had Defense with the Gryffindors. Razi ended up seated next to Pettigrew, because Lupin was out sick and the professor was insistent about not leaving empty chairs near the front. They’d ignored each other and been pleased to do it, so class passed in peace.

After Defense and before Charms, she’d gone to the library and studied with Alyssa. They’d been quiet, and mindful of other patrons, though they had passed notes.

_Thanks for Jonathan, but he’ll learn to deal.  –A_

_Probably. He won’t be alone while he’s learning. Our friends aren’t entirely disloyal. –R_

_Don’t. How are they? –A_

_Fine. Confused. You? –R_

“Fine, oh charms mistress of infinite wisdom, please explain the theory behind Flame Freezing charms , and use very big words, I hear the OWL judges are fond of that,” Alyssa said, and after they stayed on topic.

Razi had dinner with the Ravenclaws, meeting up with Amanda as she walked into the hall and going with her to where Pratchett and Delaney sat.

“So, Razi, you’ve missed our last few study sessions,” Amanda said as they sat down, “I found this article in Charms Monthly, about light manipulating charms. I thought I’d hand it off at yesterday’s but-“

“Do you have it with you?” Razi interrupted. “It was kind of you to hold onto it. I know it’s easy to lose track of things when there’s so much going on. I didn’t know about the session yesterday.”

“Feels like OWLs are right around the corner and career meetings!” Delaney added while looking back and forth between her friends. 

“I don’t have the article with me but we’re reading class together at first break tomorrow, you could stop by the tower,” Amanda invited. “Pratchett could fill you in on our review schedule.” 

Pratchett nodded his willingness as he took another bite of his meal.

“That’ll be fine, though I might not be able to make it to all of the sessions. I’m tutoring a first year,” Razi replied. They usually set the schedule as a group, so that classes and other conflicts could be planned for.

 “They could come with you,” Delaney offered. “We’re doing a lot of review, so whoever it is  might get ahead in something.”

“Yeah, any friend of yours is a -” Amanda began, but paused.

 “I wanted to hear how your break was, Pratchett,” Razi said, changing the subject. “I know you were  talking about some research before…”

The conversation turned to Pratchett’s research on heating spells and snow dwellings. Down the table, Jonathan and Wesson were talking. Razi noticed that he’d chosen a seat that let him see Slytherin table, and by extension Alyssa.

He wasn’t the only one watching. Albus Dumbledore, who appeared to be deep in conversation with McGonagall, occasionally glanced over there, as did Sirius Black.  Razi couldn’t tell whether Black was glaring at Avery and Alyssa or simply putting on a mask of irritation so that he could look at his younger brother and third cousin, Regulus, without seeming to care about him. 

The younger Black brother was sitting close to Avery and Alyssa, presumably attempting to learn something of the new entrant into their game of bloodlines and allegiances. If Razi could have summoned the will to care, she might have felt sorry for him. The very fact that he’d had to come to Alyssa, though he was second in line to inherit in a family with pure blood, deep vaults, and deeper ties to power, proved that if it ever was a game, he’d lost it in a previous round.

 Razi tuned back into Pratchett’s ramblings, letting a final thought about the effect of Sirius Black’s perpetual war against Slytherin on the power of his family’s name within Hogwarts pass by unheeded. He was so enthusiastic about his findings that eagles would probably find it rude not to have a good question ready. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Tutor me,” Elaine demanded quietly walked towards the hall for breakfast the next morning, “The subject is still Slytherin, because I have no idea what’s going on right now. I’ve noticed-”

“Not here,” Razi told her, stopping and pulling her into an empty classroom, before setting silencing wards.

“Well?” Elaine asked.

“Today’s lesson is this: Knowledge is power.”

“So we’re Ravenclaws now?” Elaine huffed, sitting down in a nearby chair. 

“No, for Ravenclaws knowledge is knowledge, and they love and respect it in and of itself. For us, knowledge is very often currency, or a shield, or wand. What we know is the foundation for our choices,” Razi instructed.

“So what does Alyssa know, all of a sudden?” Elaine asked leaning in. “And her friends are Ravenclaws but they seem to think they know some things as well.”

“What Alyssa knows is…” Razi paused and Elaine waited, entranced only to falter as Razi finished, “her own mind. She’ll thank you not to question it, or she would if that weren’t an act of common decency when the person involved hasn’t given you reason to believe them incompetent.”

Elaine looked somewhat stung by that, so Razi continued, “I’m sorry, but you are still very new to this world, and still eleven years old. There are things you don’t need to understand, and there is power that you will grow to wield in time. The eagles are angry because, to them, associating with Avery is making a declaration: the sort that they won’t echo by associating with her.”

“But you will,” Elaine extrapolated, “And you’re okay with me echoing it too, because you never told me that I shouldn’t be friendly with her. I’m trying to stay safe here, to do well, like you have. And I’m twelve by the way, late birthday.”

“Sorry, but the point stands. As for echoing…You make your own choices. She’s my best friend. Maybe I believe that what she’s saying is something altogether different than what they hear,” Razi replied. She was taking something of a risk, and not being entirely honest with her young friend, but declaring her trust might keep Elaine from turning away from Alyssa in the same way that Delaney and Amanda had. Alyssa’s fond regard was just as protective for Elaine as it was for Razi. Breaking faith with her now could have consequences.

“Fine,” Elaine replied. “We’re hanging out again and doing homework, though it’s a slightly different group. We’re with Winston tonight, so if you just didn’t want to be seen wandering into the lion’s den…” 

“Maybe,” Razi replied. “Let’s get to breakfast before class.” 

Razi ate breakfast with the Ravenclaws, sitting next to Delaney and across from Amanda. She pulled out her Defense book and began rereading the chapter for the day, but stopped a few pages in to join a debate on the usefulness of the Patronus charm beyond the fighting of dementors. 

She partnered with Tonks in Defense, practicing shield charms that conjured wooden shields, and afterword, made her way up to Ravenclaw tower for the first time in the calendar year. By walking in with a group of 6th years, Razi avoided having to answer the question at the door. When she entered though, she found Delaney waiting in a chair nearby.

“I thought might have to let you in, the knocker’s been in a mood lately,” Delaney said. “Come on, Amanda’s upstairs.”

Delaney turned and led the way through the white marble chamber with its old but pristine tapestries and hangings in blue and bronze above sensible chairs and desks where students talked, studied and experimented. The spiral stairways up to the dorms had shelves set into the wall with a library of books left behind by Ravenclaws who’d come and gone before, leaving behind their treasures in love and good faith.

 The fifth year girls’ dorm was just as it had been earlier in the year. The circle of four-poster beds with their royal blue hangings was unchanged by the trials and tiff of its occupants. Razi shrugged off the sense of déjà vu and walked over to where Amanda sat on her bed.

“Here’s that article, and Pratchett needed to get to the library but here’s when we’re studying,” Amanda informed her, handing her the charms journal open to the relevant page, and a bit of parchment. “ Sit down. It’s been a while. I got a new wireless with my Christmas money.”

The three of them found comfortable places on or against the bed and fell into a new approximation of an old routine. Razi got out her datebook and began working out which study sessions she would try to make it to while the other two read for classes. Briefly Amanda and Delaney discussed the merits of Astarian Gimbole‘s music over that of Lunaria Warbeck, much to the distaste of another girl from their year who’d come up to fetch a book from her trunk, but otherwise they were quiet.

Razi went with them to Double Potions. When they arrived in the classroom, Alyssa and Avery were already seated at Avery’s usual workspace. Razi and Delaney sat together at a table not far behind them and Amanda sat with another girl in their year a few tables further back. Alyssa acknowledged Razi with smile and a quick wave as she passed, but turned her attention back to Avery, who seemed quite, if quietly, pleased with the state of his life and the world at large. Razi wondered if any face in all the world had ever seemed more deserving of a swat.

Slughorn entered, immediately instructing them to acquire ingredients for the day’s potion while spouting off about it in some language that Razi was certain could not be English. Dutifully she went and got the needed items, taking a moment longer than she should have because she wasn’t certain whether it mattered if they used powdered or chopped newt-wart. As she walked back with her things she noticed the apparently genuine look of enjoyment on Alyssa’s face as she responded to something Avery said. She turned her face away a bit, as though hiding the hint of red on her cheeks or the upturned corner of her mouth. Good acting? Maybe. Razi tried to put it from her mind, because if she’d bought the lie then so would he, and if she’d stumbled on the truth, if Alyssa was in some way happy to sit at Avery’s side…? Razi trusted her friend, and really, she couldn’t find it in herself to begrudge her some happiness after all that she’d given up recently.         

Razi stayed with the Ravenclaws through lunch before heading off to History of Magic with the Gryffindors, where Binns, forgetting which class that he was teaching, proceeded to lecture them about the same goblin war for the second consecutive class period. Razi felt justified as she pulled out the article from Amanda and read it through twice, preparing to debate its claims.

 

* * *

 

 

 Razi had the odd sense of being watched as she walked out of the great hall after dinner. She glanced up at the emptying dais where the professors and headmaster sat at meals, expecting to see the headmaster looking back, but he wasn’t there. She ducked behind a door and wished suddenly for the days when she’d had simple friendships and people who’d guard her back and stand at her side. Elaine and her group had that, Razi knew. She was offering to share it. Razi shook her head to clear it and stepped out of the shadows. Maybe just one time, she thought.

Distracted, she bumped into someone who was leaving the hall.

“Sorry,” she said quickly, then focused and noticed who she’d hit.

MacDonald smiled apologetically.

“No, it’s fine, I was a bit distracted myself,” she said, and turned to walk up towards Gryffindor Tower.

Razi, in a moment of sudden realization, called out to her, “Wait. Are you busy?”

Razi had done the smart thing, that horrible night. She’d done the Slytherin thing; the right thing for her and hers. It had not been the right thing overall. Razi owed MacDonald for that, even if no one else in the world ever sensed that drop of red in her ledger. 

“No, Why? Can I help you with something?” MacDonald asked, walking up to her.

“Not as such, but… There’s someone who’d like to meet you. A first year slytherin, muggleborn,” Razi started walking and MacDonald, curious, walked with her.  Razi lowered her voice to near a whisper, “She and some friends meet sometimes to help each other with things.”

Razi gave her a pointed look, but MacDonald seemed utterly baffled.

“I think you could help them,” Razi hedged, “and I think they could help you. Please will you meet them?”

“Where?” MacDonald stopped suddenly, noticing that they were heading toward the dungeons.

“See that portrait over there? There’s a room behind it, I’ll show you how to get in. There’s at least one Gryffindor girl inside already. You’ll come to no harm,” Razi told her, taking a step away from her and trying to seem somewhat harmless. The effect was vaguely comical and MacDonald relaxed a bit.

Razi walked up to the portrait and MacDonald followed a couple of steps behind.

“My mother will never fly a broom,” Razi told Winston. 

“That’s not so bad, and she might do. The future is horribly uncertain,” Winston replied.

“You don’t know my mother, she’d love it. And she’s a muggle. There are some certainties in life,” Razi told him.

“And most of them unhappy,” Winston sighed drearily as the portrait opened.

“You came!” Elaine cheered as they stepped inside and the portrait closed slowly behind them.

“Mary MacDonald, Fifth Year Gryffindor, and muggleborn student,” Razi said, “meet Elaine Walker and Pepper Green, both muggleborn  first years, and Matthew…”

“Ellison, Matthew Ellison,” he volunteered. “Proud  third year Hufflepuff and also a muggleborn. Elaine has got something like a club going. It’s nice to meet you. And nice for you to come too, Razi.” 

 Matthew had been standing near the back wall and reading what looked to be a divination text  when they entered. He put it down as they spoke and Razi realized it was probably some sort of fantasy novel.  She noticed other books now, amid the old textbooks and caldrons on the shelves, and a strangely still poster of a woman that Razi recognized vaguely as a muggle actress spellotaped to a wall on one side of the room. They’d made themselves at home.

“What is this?” MacDonald asked.

“Well, we look out for each other. We’re friends,” Elaine told her carefully and somewhat solemnly. “There are a couple of others, and we make sure we aren’t alone. All the purebloods know each other. I want to know some people too. And talk about home with people who understand.”

“We have cookies,” Pepper said, mocking Elaine’s purposeful and somber tone.

MacDonald looked at Matthew. He nodded, and added, “I heard about… it happens a lot. More now than before. There are other first years besides them, and another from my year, Robin Arnesworth. We can help them.”

That, more than anything seemed to decide her. She walked over and sat next to Pepper.

 “Oatmeal chocolate chip?” she asked the young Gryffindor.

“Next time for sure,” Pepper promised, grinning. “What kind of movies do you like? If you say romantic comedies I’ll mock you forever, won’t I Matt?”

Razi was relieved when MacDonald slipped in as though she were always meant to be there. She was in good hands.  Razi moved to leave unnoticed – she thought – but Matt crossed the room and stopped her at the door with a hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off, though she met his eyes to soften the gesture.

“You’re not staying?” 

“No,” Razi said. “I’ve got a prior engagement. I’ll see you around.”

She hoped that she did, however much she feared what she might see and what she might have to walk away from or decide to do. She remembered the way he’d talked about his sister. She sounded like Razi’s mom, and Razi wondered how old she was.  She liked how open he seemed, too, and wondered if it was just the company that made him so at ease.

“Chance would be fine, if you won’t stay,” he said, not unkindly, “but I won’t keep you from your engagement.”

“It won’t be chance,” Razi replied. “The book you were reading looks interesting. We’ll talk, just later.”

When Razi left, she thought she was alone, but the portrait stayed open for a moment long than it should have.

 

* * *

 

 

Wandering the halls, Razi found Alyssa sitting on sill of a window near the library. They shared a glance; Razi did a quick pair of notice-me-not charms on them and they slipped into the library. They passed a few people finishing up work or looking up books in the stacks, but they did so quietly. There were study carrels in the back, dusty and forgotten; tiny alcoves without doors, spelled to keep out most sounds. These were their destination.

The two of them sat on the desk, facing the open part of the wall, looking out on bookcases and the occasional floating candle visible above them. Razi spelled them silent and safe.

“Think the Cannons have any hope this year?” Razi said when she was done.

“Do they ever?” Alyssa replied on a startled laugh. “Are we really going to talk about quidditch?”

“Or movies. There’s a ton you should see, if you come this summer,” Razi replied.

“We could make a day of it. What are you planting this year?” Alyssa asked.

“Loads of things. Strawberries, blueberries, those might be jam before we get there,” Razi listed, closing her eyes. “A few herbs in the window boxes, lots of flowers.”

“Lovely, I could work on my weeding. You know, I’d love a good jam. The ones here are fine but…” Alyssa let it trail off.  “Are my garden things still there?”

“In your drawer, in my room,” Razi told her, offering her a small smile. Her eyes stayed closed as she leaned against the back wall. 

“I have a drawer?”

Alyssa sounded vaguely surprised by that, and Razi opened her eyes and turned to face her.

“You have a house. Mum’s all but adopted you. I know there’s something of a quality difference there, but you know it’s still yours,” Razi replied, then smirked a bit. “Whatever hovel you grew up in, I promise, our riches are yours to share.”

“You’re too kind,” Alyssa said quite seriously before adding, “I might get you to repeat that one day if my mother is ever in tremendous incurable pain; the world’s sweetest mercy killing.  Did you need any help with the theory from today’s potion?”

“I’ll trade you for Herbology review. It felt like Slughorn was speaking Greek today,” Razi returned despairingly.

“Josh…Avery, I should say,” Alyssa faltered but Razi nudged her shoulder.

Tired of guarded words and forbidden topics, she gave Alyssa a look. _Go on, it’s fine_.

Alyssa raised an eyebrow. _Really?_

“You’re around him a lot now, and I think that you… that you don’t entirely… Why even do this if we can’t talk?” Razi sighed.

“He says Slughorn’s probably starting to plan one of his parties. He’s always focuses less on reviewing as we go when he’s distracted, forgets we aren’t NEWT level yet,” Alyssa replied.

“That’s well spotted, clever even.” Razi offered, somewhat flatly.

“You don’t have to compliment him,” Alyssa murmured. “I know what you think of him. I know what he is.”

“It was due,” Razi countered softly. “I’ve made a point of giving people what they’re owed. Even if they’re Avery. Now, we don’t have much time. Translate Slughorn for me?”

She did, and they even had time to touch on Herbology before Razi had to leave to get her things for Astronomy.  Before they left the carrel, Razi turned to Alyssa and asked, “When?”

“I’ll let you know,” Alyssa replied. “Same time next week if I don’t?”

“I’ll find you,” Razi promised, and took down her spells. The two headed back through the library, and parted, going off in different directions.

 


	17. Chapter 17

When Alyssa came down to the Slytherin table for breakfast on Friday morning Avery wasn’t there yet. Lestrange was, though. She sat a little away from him down the table, but he turned to look at her anyway.

“Alyssa,” he said pleasantly.

Alyssa eyed him. She hadn’t actually spoken to Lestrange away from Avery before, and when the two of them were together there was almost palpable strain. Razi, Alyssa thought, would have seen the power plays going on, but all Alyssa knew at the moment was that there _were_ power plays.

“Lestrange,” Alyssa acknowledged. She didn’t like that he’d used her first name. It implied a familiarity she didn’t feel. She saw Jonathan stand up at the Ravenclaw table, but she couldn’t tell if he was about to come over or go discipline a pair of rowdy second years farther down.

“Come now,” he said. “Surely we’re friends now. You regularly sit with me at meals, after all.”

Alyssa was saved having to answer by Mulciber of all people, who sat between her and Lestrange, though not so close as to make her uncomfortable. Mierin Smythe slid onto the bench across from them, giving Lestrange an arch look as she tossed her pitch black hair over her shoulder.

“Alyssa,” the other girl said.

“Smythe,” Alyssa replied. Again with the first names.

“Blythe and Smythe,” Mulciber mused. “It could be a comedy routine.”

Alyssa favored him with a stare, which made him smile. That was entirely too creepy for her, so she forked some bacon onto her plate and tried to ignore everyone until Avery arrived.

He announced that arrival with a hand on her shoulder that allowed her time to glance back and see that it was indeed him before he slid it up under her hair and cupped the back of her neck. “Morning,” he said with a smile.

“Morning,” she said back with one of her own, both of them ignoring Mulciber’s irritated expression.

“I notice we don’t get a good morning,” Smythe commented, smiling prettily when Avery looked at her. He smirked, but glanced from Smythe to Mulciber to Lestrange, who cocked an eyebrow at Avery with a smirk of his own.

“I see,” Avery said. “Good morning, Smythe. Blake, I saw you earlier. Thank you for keeping Alyssa company.” Mulciber preened a little at the notice.

Lestrange snorted, turning back to his own meal as Nott settled next to him and Regulus Black placed himself meekly another seat down. Andromeda, Alyssa noticed, was entirely alone at the end of one table. She looked as if she preferred it that way.

“It was no trouble really,” Smythe said modestly. “Lestrange was being his normal self, and we all know I can deal with that.”

Mulciber and Avery both snickered, and so did Parkinson when he joined them though Alyssa didn’t know if he’d been close enough to hear.

“Smythe and Lestrange dated near the end of last year,” Avery told her like he wanted her to get in on the joke. “He didn’t know what hit him.”

“Literally,” Mulciber commented.

“When I say we’re breaking up I really mean it,” Smythe explained to Alyssa. “He didn’t appear to understand that. So I educated him.”

Alyssa nodded slowly.

“I heard you punched Avery once,” Smythe added. “Was he not taking the hint?”

Avery put a hand on Alyssa’s knee when she froze.

“I accidentally insulted her,” Avery said, note of finality clear. “We’ve straightened it out.”

Smythe raised an eyebrow, one edge of her mouth quirking up the slightest bit, but she dropped the subject.

Talk turned to the chances of Slytherin’s quidditch team (moderate: Hufflepuff had managed to field a surprisingly adept seeker, and Gryffindor, of course, had Potter. Avery insisted Ravenclaw’s chances were over the second Alyssa hadn’t made the cut). Alyssa smiled, ‘mm’ed in the right places, and considered whether it was weird to be having an internal freakout over Avery’s hand on her leg given that he’d had it there before.

She was so absorbed in figuring this out that it wasn’t until the food actually began disappearing from the tables that she realized she had to leave _right now_ if she wanted to be on time for Transfiguration.

“McGongall!” she exclaimed, standing abruptly. “I have to go!”

“Skip,” Avery suggested.

“No, no, no,” Alyssa said, dodging the hand he tried to tug her down with. “Jonathan will _end_ me if I skip a class to spend time with a boy. Not to mention McGonagall. I’ll see you in Defense.”

“And lunch.”

“And lunch,” Alyssa agreed quickly, and turned to run for her class. She was halfway down the hall and wondering if ducking through the passageway behind the tapestry of Wilfred the Winsome that Razi had shown her would save her time or if the argumentative and completely pointless gargoyle in the middle would trip her up too much when someone caught her elbow.

Avery smiled at her. “Hey.”

“Josh, I really do have to get to class-”

He leaned down and kissed her.

Alyssa was late to transfiguration. And, after that, to Care of Magical Creatures, where she almost got her fingers bitten off by a hippogriff after she failed to feed him a mouse quickly enough. At lunch she actually sat down at the Ravenclaw table before remembering that Avery was one table over.

A rude awakening from her daze came in the form of her brother, who she ran into in the literal sense two steps towards the Slytherin table.

Jonathan caught her shoulders when she rocked backwards, eyebrows furrowing with worry. “Are you coming down with something?” he asked.

Alyssa blinked up at him, suddenly aware that she was still standing on a couple of his toes. She stepped back hastily. “What?”

“You were late to class,” he said, letting go of one of her shoulders but keeping a brotherly hand on the other. “Two of them. You aren’t ever late. And now you’re tripping over me?”

“I didn’t trip,” Alyssa replied with great dignity, straightening. “I ran into.”

“And rebounded. So the question remains – what’s wrong?”

Alyssa opened her mouth to tell him – not that anything was _wrong_ , really, just overwhelming and possibly a bit confusing – but then she remembered Gideon and the lack of information that had been forthcoming on _that_ subject. “Nothing’s wrong,” she said, completely truthfully.

He didn’t believe her. She could tell, because just like she and Jonathan never ran into each other, they could always tell when something was bothering the other.

Well, they’d just run into each other, so she looked her brother full in the eye and, smiling, said, “I was just preoccupied with a project. It won’t happen again.”

Jonathan looked at her for a moment, and she let her smile slip a little so she looked confused. He sighed. “Don’t get too wrapped up in that project. You know how you are sometimes.”

“No promises.”

He shook his head and let her go.

Lunch was unremarkable if she ignored the tingly feeling that spread through her body whenever Avery touched her. Since she was sitting plastered against him, though, that was pretty much a constant. As was Mulciber’s glower. Kissing Avery goodbye did not make her late to History of Magic only because she announced her departure five minutes earlier than usual.

It wasn’t until Alyssa found herself sitting alone at a desk that she realized she couldn’t take her usual nap, because there was no guarantee that someone would wake her up when it was time to leave. The tables were designed to sit three: Delaney was with Amanda and Pratchett. She glanced around. It was no surprise that Potter, Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew had squeezed into one table together (and how Lupin and Black could fit into one chair she could not figure out), but so had Patil, Bones, Carter, and Thomas. And Evans and her friends.

Alyssa allowed herself a moment of self-pity (and another to mourn her nap) before straightening her spine and favoring the entire room with a haughty stare. Not that Evans and her crowd could see it, sitting in front of her as they were, but Black glared back and Pratchett shifted uncomfortably. Delaney didn’t meet her eyes. Just to spite them, Alyssa took excellent notes and added comments from her own reading in the margins.  Some of them directly contradicted Professor Binns’ lecture, so she cited her sources and listed _their_ sources for maximum effect. By the time class was over she had effectively finished the next week’s essays, and in much more detail than usual. That should at least keep Jonathan happy.

Finishing that much that well made her feel accomplished but no more happy, so when she walked into Defense Against the Dark Arts to find Arielle Douglas sitting on the side of Avery that Mulciber wasn’t occupying despite the books he had clearly put in front of the seat, Alyssa straightened her spine even more (her mother would be proud; she always claimed that Alyssa slouched abominably), stalked over, and stood beside her. Douglas looked up. Alyssa looked down.

Douglas moved.

Avery reclaimed his books right before Alyssa slammed hers down on top of them. “Did something happen?”

“Why would you think that?” Alyssa asked sweetly, waving at Razi when she entered. Razi nodded back, which was a relief: Alyssa had been half afraid that Razi, too, would ignore her, no matter how little sense that made.

Avery didn’t have time to answer, though Mulciber managed a snicker before Professor Ramsey called everyone’s attention to the front.

“We will be having practical practice,” their teacher informed them, ignoring or pretending to ignore her alliteration. “As no one in this class is a Gryffindor, I trust I need not worry about ill-advised dueling partners. I will assign the first pairs anyway, and from there we will rotate. You know the rules, Mulciber, no blood or internal injury.”

Alyssa actually hated dueling. She never won and Ramsey knew it, so it was probably intended as a kindness that she paired her with Amanda. Razi was paired with Delaney, Avery with Patil, and an unfortunate Pratchett with Mulciber. Douglas was paired with Andromeda, whose stare cowed her further. Alyssa would have felt sorry for her on a better day. Alas for Douglas, it was not a better day, and Alyssa was up first with Amanda.

“On my signal,” Ramsey said, and fired a shower of sparks from her wand. “Begin!”

“Expelliarmus!” Amanda called. Alyssa’s wand flew from her hand immediately. Alyssa gritted her teeth but managed a twitch of lip that was meant to be a smile of thanks when Ramsey returned it to her.

“You must be _faster_ , Blythe,” Ramsey admonished.

“Thank you,” Alyssa muttered as she sat stiffly beside Avery, cheeks burning. “I couldn’t have figured that out myself.”

Mulciber and Pratchett made a good show of it, letting fly a flurry of spells that got progressively nastier in a way that made them look like they were dancing. Mulciber got the upper hand eventually, sending Pratchett tumbling out of bounds. Douglas and Andromeda’s match went as expected – Douglas was not disarmed quite as easily as Alyssa, but nearly.

“I could help you with that, you know,” Avery murmured in her ear as Smythe and Carter (Smythe victorious) stepped down and Razi and Delaney squared off.

“Being embarrassed in front of the whole class?” she muttered back.

“Dueling. It’s not hard once you get the hang of it. Anyway, you’re posture’s all wrong. Ramsey hasn’t said anything because…” he trailed off.

“Because she thinks I’m just _that_ horrible at it,” Alyssa finished.

“Well,” he temporized. “You could get better if you practiced, I think.”

Alyssa turned back to the duel without responding. It was probably the most polite duel on record – even Ramsey looked bored at the sedate exchange of spells – and ended with Razi nudging Delaney ever-so-slightly out of bounds.

Avery and Patil were called up. Avery squeezed her leg when he got up (when had he put his hand there?) and practically bounced out.

 _He enjoys this_ , Alyssa realized. Maybe like she enjoyed potions. He was undoubtedly good at it; maybe even as good as she was in potions. So she looked closely, and, yes, he stood very differently than she had. Even his wand was at a different angle, though that could be because he was significantly taller. Why on earth had no one told her she was getting the very fundamentals wrong?

Patil didn’t stand a chance, and she had something like pride in her chest when Avery came back, which was ridiculous. It was only a classroom duel.

“If you were to help me,” she began as Bones and Dolohov (the younger) started, “how would you go about it?”

“After dinner,” he said promptly. “I have something I have to do right after, but a little later I’m free. And after that…” he leaned close to her ear to murmur, “you can tell me why you always use lionfish spines when our text calls for porcupine.”

Alyssa was fully aware that some people would find it abnormal that she found Avery talking about potions ingredients in her ear to be attractive. She found that she didn’t care in the least.

She lost every match, with Avery taking the second longest to disarm her (“Buck up, Avery, you aren’t going to kill the girl with an expelliarmus!”) and Razi the longest because they kept casting illusions at each other (“Levine, if you make a sparkly dragon _one more time_ …”). Even Douglas beat Alyssa, though when she smiled in triumph Smythe hissed something at her that made the expression trickle off her face like cold syrup.

Clearly Douglas was at the bottom of the Slytherin pecking order. Razi seemed to rate higher than she did – at least, Alyssa didn’t see Razi scurrying out of everyone’s way. Then again, most people were at least a little wary of Razi. And, apparently, Alyssa rated higher than Douglas did, though she wasn’t sure if that counted for much outside of Avery’s crowd.

“ _Douglas_ beat me,” she reiterated at dinner.

“If no one bothered to teach you the basics, there’s no way you could be expected to win,” Smythe pointed out. “Shameful, really. Your mother never took you out back and taught you how to hex someone’s ears off?”

Alyssa had no idea how she had ended up having her confidence bolstered by _Mierin Smythe_ , but at least it wasn’t Mulciber. That would be when she knew the world was about to end. “My mother taught me how to set out an excellent tea service by example, not a one-on-one session,” she told the other girl. “I’m not sure she’s ever dueled in her life.”

“That’s not dueling, that’s basic defense,” Smythe protested, sitting back to look at Alyssa in surprise. Alyssa decided not to mention that hexing someone’s ears off sounded more like offense than defense to her.  “What on earth would you do if someone attacked you?”

“Scream,” Alyssa said dryly. “But the Blythes get along by being basically unobjectionable to everyone, so being attacked is not usually considered a discussion for the dinner table.”

Smythe frowned, managing to make the expression look attractive in a way Alyssa was positive she would never achieve. “Then I suppose it’s a good thing Avery is teaching you dueling. But ignore all the rules outside of class. Those won’t get you anywhere unless someone announces they’re going to attack you and waits for you to assume a proper stance.”

“Why are you people so convinced that someone is going to attack you?” Alyssa demanded. She wanted to add, _especially when you’re the only ones attacking people in the first place,_ but doubted that would go over well.

“Oh, no one here is going to attack _me_ ,” Smythe said. “Not after that incident third year. But there are people who aren’t as close to Avery as we are, and if they decide they don’t like you…”

Alyssa waited for her to continue, realized she wasn’t going to, and wished with all her heart that Smythe had. It was triply worse imagining. “Is Slytherin always like this? Or is it only that I’m an eagle in a snake’s nest?”

“Eagles generally have the advantage over snakes,” Smythe said. “I’d get that metaphor out of your head quickly. We’re all people here, and some people don’t like the company you keep, and some people don’t like the company you kept. Some don’t like either.”

The story of her life, really.


	18. Chapter 18

The great hall was still fairly empty when Razi came in for breakfast that Saturday morning and sat down at the Ravenclaw table with Delaney, who was filling a plate. The two were eating quietly when one of the school owls, a tired looking tawny bird, dropped a note in front of her.

_Find me in about an hour or so? –A_

Razi wrote back in the affirmative and took one of the vegan hotcakes from the tray that had appeared when she’d sat down. She ate slowly, taking her time to enjoy the meal and clarifying the OWL schedule with Amanda when she arrived.  When Razi left, she wandered back down to her dorm to fetch her cloak. Her mother had given her the fasteners for it for Christmas the year before: a pair of aluminum snakes decorated with green stripes. She strengthened the wards on her bed with a couple of whispered words and wand-flicks before going off in search of Alyssa.

She found her sitting on a conjured cushion behind one of the greenhouses.

“One day, that will be less useful and more creepy,” Alyssa sighed in greeting.

Razi shrugged. “On that day, maybe I’ll tell you how I do it and find a new skill that you can tap into. Business or pleasure?”

Alyssa glanced off to the side but replied, “Business. Avery’s going to invite me to Slytherin commons soon, I think.” 

Razi held back the comment that rose to her mouth about the ways business and pleasure seemed to have merged in all of this. 

“Would it be easier if I weren’t there when you took him up on it?” she asked instead.

“Maybe? They’d notice if you left every time I showed up,” Alyssa pointed out. “You’d be obviously avoiding me.”

“Which would have its own consequences, I know. So what business is there to discuss?” She sat on the ground beside her friend. “I don’t really know more than that they meet, generally in plain sight but speaking softly. Sometimes people are missing from the group, and sometimes muggleborn first years get anxious at the color green for a few days.”

“What’d Douglas do? They really seem not to like her.”

“Does it matter? Your name and Avery’s will write different rules for you. I suppose her tramping after them like a gosling doesn’t help.” Razi nodded sharply, as if working something else out for herself. “Anything else?”

“Do you have somewhere else to be?” Alyssa asked. 

“Not for a while, I just don’t want to distract you if there was more.”

Alyssa nodded but didn’t reply, so Razi started talking again. “You seem to be getting along well enough. Avery was almost charming to you during the duel yesterday.”

“I don’t want to talk about Avery,” Alyssa said, almost sharply.  “Delaney looks well.”

“She and Stark may never stop mooning over each other,” Razi replied, letting the touchy subject lay. For now. “It would be nauseating if they weren’t so nice, the both of them; hard not to enjoy their happiness.”

“It’s good that she’s well.”

“Are you?”  Razi asked. She did not list off the ways that her friend had behaved uncharacteristically over the last couple of days, though there were a few things that she could name. Much better to look at her, long and even, and trust that her penchant for knowing more than she should would let her friend believe that she was aware of more of the oddness than she actually was.

“Your fellow Slytherin fifth years are interesting,” Alyssa said, and when Razi’s eyelids lowered infinitesimally, “I’m fine. Josh plans to help me with my dueling, so maybe I’ll come out of this with more skill in Defense.”

“Dueling,” Razi corrected.

“Which is covered in Defense Against the Dark Arts,” Alyssa countered slowly.

Razi touched her friend’s hand briefly, “You’ve got an approach that likely won’t ever be taught, but we both know you’re doing well with defending. I’ll miss our duels if you start actually attacking.”

Alyssa smiled crookedly at that. “You’re asking me to keep to illusions for your benefit?”  

Razi smiled back but didn’t otherwise respond.  Silencing barrier removed, they separated to gather their things. On her way back from the dungeons, Razi collected Elaine for more conventional tutoring. Alyssa always seemed to enjoy helping new people with potions, even if few other than their friends asked for a second session. Razi had high hopes for Elaine, though.

When it was time for lunch Elaine went off to meet with some friends and Razi and Alyssa watched each other awkwardly for a moment. The new order reigned; Alyssa would eat with Avery, and Razi with their Ravenclaw friends. Razi sighed, a whisper of a thing, and Alyssa shrugged equally subtly. In the secret best friend language of eyebrows, it was agreed, as always these days, that they would do what they had to.

Razi moved to leave but stopped, asking, “Thursday?”

“Maybe I’ll find you this time,” Alyssa replied.

Razi’s mouth quirked in the faint shadow of a smile before she picked up her bags and made her way out of the library.  

After lunch, she walked with Amanda and the others to Ravenclaw tower to review for OWLs. They were met with a question about flame freezing charms, which Pratchett answered almost instantly. Transfiguration review followed as they hunched over papers that might have been a little too close to the fire, and a combined Potions and Herbology review after that on the basis that the care of plants was linked to the use of them.

“No, wait,” Amanda said after Delaney had described an interaction between monkshood and lemonweed. “That’s not right. That only happens in the presence of moonflower seeds, right? And only when you stir counterclockwise under a half moon?”

“No, I think you’re thinking of nightshade?” Razi wondered aloud.

“That’s not right either,” Delaney replied, frustrated.

“Alyssa would know. I’ll have to ask her,” Razi said, and promptly kicked herself in her mind.

“She would know,” Amanda acknowledged and there was a tone there, a pause and the sort of waiting sensation like the ones during  a sentence that has gone on entirely too long from someone whose existence has also gone on entirely too long for anyone’s good.

“Aconite,” Pratchett read off the next flashcard, and the world itself breathed and kept spinning.

Delaney left early for dinner to meet with Stark and Razi, with plans to check in on Pepper and Elaine, walked with her. 

As they neared the great hall, Delaney turned to Razi asked, “I know that you still… I mean you’re still, not that we aren’t or that you shouldn’t but… how is she?”

“Fine,” Razi replied shortly, and strode over to the entrance where Pepper was waving to her with obnoxious enthusiasm before Delaney could think of anything else to ask. It wasn’t fair: Delaney was only doing what she had to, just like everyone in their little drama, but understanding that didn’t make it much easier to swallow. She paused just before she reached Pepper and, turning, caught Delaney’s eye, offering her as reassuring an expression as she could muster. She threw in a nod for good measure to make certain her forgiveness was understood. Delaney had never been quite as attuned to nuance as Alyssa.

Delaney nodded back, thankfully, and turned her attention to Stark, who was taking her hand and looking sort of dazed at her proximity. It truly was a good thing that they were nice.  

 

* * *

 

 

The next Monday, Razi took a walk on the grounds. She’d sat in Transfiguration with the Gryffindors for what felt like half of her life, sitting with Evans and MacDonald again and continuously reminding herself that she’d done the other girl a good turn to atone for her actions – or lack thereof. MacDonald was still quieter in class than she’d been before. Razi shook her head to clear it and, tugging her hood back down over her braids, let her feet set the course. She found herself walking towards the lake. When she saw Matt sitting on a rock down by the water, she stopped for a moment before moving towards him.

“What are you reading?” she asked, taking a kind of joy in the way Matt jumped at the sound her voice. It was his free period -- Razi’s too, really -- and he was holding a book that she recognized as the one from the room behind Winston.

 The water rolled as a cool breeze stirred it, restless in a way she might sympathize with if she thought about it for long. Razi still had trouble, at some points, believing that a colony of mermaids lived beneath those waves, and more than that. There were grindylows, vicious and untamable to wizards, and the giant squids. There were rumors of a baby squid, newly hatched and barely daring to come close enough to the surface of the water to be seen. 

“The Lord of the Rings,” Matt replied, lifting up the book and turning so that she could see. “I think Gandalf might be based on Dumbledore, and I have a theory about Saruman that needs some research before I dare speak it.”

Razi gave a small smile before stage whispering, “Grindelwald?” 

Matt smiled back. “Tolkien is probably one of the best muggles ever.”

“You don’t get enough magic in your life already?” Razi asked, sitting down beside him on the large rock.

“When the entwives are found, I’ll stop reading Tolkien, but only because it’ll take years to learn what they’ve been up to all this time,” he vowed, and Razi let her smile widen.  

“Think Ents are real?” Razi asked, only half joking.

“Think Dumbledore will tell me if he met Tolkien?” Matt shot back. “It’s all real, Levine, every good reader knows. It’s all always real.”

“That is only a little bit terrifying,” Razi told him dryly.

“And a lot wonderful. It’s almost time for class,”  he said, standing and offering her a hand.

She took it. Greedy in her enjoyment of the afternoon, she also took a last long look over the lake where one of the waves seemed oddly smooth and solid. It was too small to be the mother or father. It was all always real. She dropped Matt’s hand and turned toward the castle.  She had Potions and she didn’t want to be late

 

* * *

 

 

Wednesday found Razi and Elaine having breakfast at Slytherin table. They ended up talking about Transfiguration, of all things, as Elaine had a question about the sorts of things that one learned in later years.  Jonathan was watching his sister during the meal and Razi found herself watching him. She found that she could tell when Avery touched Alyssa based on the narrowness of Jonathan’s eyes. She also found that he glanced over towards Gryffindor table sometimes, his eyes searching for and finding someone’s, though Razi couldn’t immediately tell whose. Alyssa seemed to be getting on well with Smythe, and Razi tried not to study on it over-much. With as much distance as she could summon from the situation, it was better for Alyssa not to be alone. Really it was.

She had Herbology next, with the Hufflepuffs. That day, they worked to repot a set of herbs that were fond of certain types of magic and they’d used their wands more than usual, experimenting to see which of them responded well to traditional pruning charms and which preferred odd things, like levitation or being transfigured into other plants prior to repotting. Razi worked with Tonks who, being fairly clever and quicker with a wand than most people remembered most of the time, was fine to work with.  

During her break, she reviewed her notes for Runes at the Ravenclaw table, where she was joined by Pratchett. The two worked quietly together, coming up with a memory aid for the newer symbols, and sat at the same table in Runes, which passed without incident. That was more than could be said for Defense after lunch, where Black and his friends had charmed the desk to launch things at the Slytherin side of the room. The spellwork had been somewhat impressive and if it hadn’t some of the faster projectiles had certainly made impressions of their own; The boys seemed to have some control over the trajectory of items, as things like ink wells seemed to make their way for Avery and those closer to him while those who sat nearer to the Gryffindor side found themselves dodging the softer end of quills.

The professor tried but couldn’t identify the originators of the prank. Razi knew it was them because she’d heard them celebrating as they walked away with impunity, and if she hadn’t she’d have worked it out from the way Avery glared at them as they grinned and high-fived. Avery’s eyes promised retribution as he walked away, using a charm to rid himself of the drying ink on his hands and face. It was the red the professor used for grading. 

The day ended on double Charms with the Hufflepuffs.

“Ms. Levine, a word?” Professor Flitwick stopped Razi after class.

“Professor?”  Razi asked, standing beside her desk.

He waited to call her over to his own desk until the room cleared and the door closed behind the last of her classmates.

“Ms. Levine, the headmaster has recently decided to explore a variation on an old apprentice system at Hogwarts,” he began. “ As you may know, Hogwarts once had a thriving apprenticeship program with a legacy reaching back to the days when early students were assisting in the building of the castle and the establishment of Hogsmeade village. It’s really quite fascinating actually. Renaldo the wretched was one of th-“

“A variation, professor?”

“Oh yes, back to the point,” Flitwick  replied, taking the interruption well. “Where once apprentices were bound to work for the person to whom they were apprenticed until such time as they achieved master status, the headmaster has decided on a looser system. Several professors will make themselves and their resources available to assist promising students in developing their talents.” 

“Intriguing,” Razi noted.

“I should hope so, Ms. Levine, and I look forward to the chance to aid you in your research. It would, of course, remain yours to publish or hide as needed. Tragic though it may be, I understand that we live in times where some knowledge is best kept close.”

Razi paused for a moment before asking, “I would get your help and you ….?”

“Would have the chance to see a student flourish. It was the headmaster’s plan: you may, of course, ask him about it if you’ve further questions about its development.”

Razi watched the professor’s face. Professor Flitwick was good at his job. Ravenclaw house trusted him implicitly and he could be regularly found spending his office hours debating seventh years or reviewing papers sent to him by Dueling Sporadically, a well respected journal that sent out new issues whenever the owner’s daughter asked about when the next one would be available.   

Seeing her hesitation, Flitwick added, “Each professor in the program will be taking on two or three students.  Ms. Lily Evans has agreed to accept help and supervision in her research and will be meeting with me here this Thursday over lunch to go over specifics. Will you join us?” 

“Yes, professor,” Razi said, deciding even as she spoke. “But now I’ll be late for dinner if I stay longer.”

“Best be off then. Remember next Thursday,” he replied.

Razi nodded before picking up her bag and leaving the room at a brisk pace.   

 

* * *

 

 

That evening Razi begged off of OWL review and went to find an empty classroom. It was easier than it should have been and Razi wondered at the lack of security, the forever unlocked doors and passages into alcoves where dark deeds might go unseen. 

She paused on the way to chat with Winston but when he’d mentioned that Elaine and her group were already meeting inside she moved on. It had been too long since she’d given her research much time and if she was going to be working with Flitwick she wanted to know her projects well. 

She pulled a large old tome from her bag and, after setting it at a comfortable angle on the desk, began reviewing the notes that she’d written in the margins. Further notes were pulled from her bag when a particular point puzzled her, even more notes scribbled for clarification, and wand retrieved from her bag when she felt, at last, that she had as much a handle on the plan as she was going to get at the moment. One more glance at a chain of incantations and, in a chant that was barely a whisper, she began.

The light from the candles floating lazily near the ceiling began to bend in odd ways, casting half of the room into unnatural shadow, but Razi continued. Her eyes were open and fixed in front of her; the shadow moved in different ways, allowing light into different parts of the room, until suddenly all of the light from the candles coalesced into a bright sphere just outside of Razi’s line of sight.  The low chanting of her spells stopped, but the sphere held for several minutes, connected to the candles by strange thin golden strings. It was like a small sun in the near dark that trembled around it as the light within it moved. It flared, bright and blinding, and Razi dropped her wand.

Clapping filled the air and Razi turned to find Professor Flitwick in the doorway. 

“Very clever, Ms. Levine,” he said, “though you’ve over a year yet before it would be useful to attempt wordless spells of that caliber.”

“Because I lack the training?” Razi asked in a tone adjacent to defiance. It was very nearly time for her to be back inside her dorm. If she was going to receive detention for being out late, she may as well express frustration at a year’s work being called merely clever.

“Because you are physically incapable,” Flitwick replied. “As you approach your seventh year, your magic will grow more stable, more easily directed in some ways.  Until then, you’ll find that your ability to enchant wordlessly will fluctuate. ”

Oh. Well that was a different matter, Razi thought, pacified. “So the spellwork was sound?”

“Until it wasn’t, through no fault of your own. You might consider a mediwizardry text if you wish to know more about the limitations of young magic users,” Flitwick suggested. “Though as your supervisor, it appears that I may be helping you to explore them. “

“You may be,” Razi replied, neutral to the last.

“It is nearly curfew.  Run along and I shall see you at lunch with Ms. Evans,” he said, and watched as Razi gathered her things.

As she walked down the hall she realized, rather too late, that Flitwick had slipped past her wards. 

Behind her, Flitwick walked off in the opposite direction.  He had a report to write up and lesson plans to review before the next day’s classes.     

 


	19. Chapter 19

Dueling practice had taken the place of review with her friends this week. Much to Alyssa’s surprise, Avery was a decent teacher, even on nights when he had Astronomy later and should be napping.

She mentioned that as he stepped closer to move her foot infinitesimally farther forward. She supposed it only made sense that dueling was as detail-oriented as Potions, but it had not occurred to her until Avery had corrected her absolutely abysmal stance. Possibly she should give all of the hex-happy Gryffindors more credit.

“I have History of Magic tomorrow morning,” he replied. “I can nap then, since there’s this girl who likes me a bit and is absolutely brilliant at the subject.”

Alyssa blushed and moved her foot the way he wanted.

Half of her expected the adjustment of her position to be an excuse to touch her – not that he needed an excuse at this point – but except for one long moment where he was pressed up against her back (one hand wrapped around hers and her wand, the other shifting her hip just the slightest bit) he barely lingered.

That was worse, Alyssa decided. She’d _liked_ leaning against him. Now she just had a lot of warm shivery feelings and what ifs, and they were very distracting.

“There you go,” Avery said. “Try that.”

“Does this add anything extra to the spells, or is it a physical dodge-y thing?” Alyssa asked. She’d meant to ask him earlier, but generally she was busy trying to keep her feet in the right place and her wand pointed at the bit of air in front of her that Avery assured her was the approximate height of most opponents’ faces.

He snickered. “Physical dodge-y thing?”

“Well?” she asked, for lack of any defense.

“Mostly it’s designed to help with sight while keeping you a small target,” he said, relenting. “It’s the mindset that you have to capture for more spellpower.”

“I know how to concentrate,” she said, letting her wand drop so she could turn to look at him. “I’m excellent at concentrating.”

Avery shrugged, spreading his hands out to the sides. “You’re also best at finicky Potions work and research. That’s not a bad thing,” he added hurriedly. “You just need time to set things up. Dueling is a lot more immediate, a lot more emotionally driven, I guess? You have to want it to work. You have to really want to hurt whoever you’re dueling.”

“But I don’t want to hurt people,” Alyssa protested. Her mind immediately presented her with Mulciber, which she dismissed. She didn’t want to hurt people. Amanda and Delaney’s distance made sense. She understood it. Even Potter and Black made sense, now that she’d had time to think about it. Everyone had a right to feel how they did.

“Try the reductor curse on that desk now that you’ve mostly got the position,” Avery suggested.

“How will a desk help improve my mindset?” Alyssa asked, getting into position anyway. “If intent is what really matters.” Her parents made a certain sort of sense, even, if she decided their intent was to raise self-sufficient children.

“You’ll get used to using spells without falling out of form,” Avery explained patiently. “Which will at least be a step forward.”

“Oh, at least,” she muttered, looking at the desk. Lestrange was trying to gather power, or maybe he just thought he was being friendly. Andromeda wanted nothing to do with her anyway, let alone now that Alyssa was falling into the arms of her cousin’s elder sister’s sort. Pratchett was following his girlfriend’s lead. Pettigrew’s lecture was brought on by his overshadowing, larger than life friends. Lupin was infuriatingly well meaning, because he felt she was making poor decisions. Tonks clearly thought he knew more about the dangers of Slytherin than she did, and probably thought telling her would scare her too much.

The desk exploded. Alyssa did not remember saying the incantation.

“Hunh,” Avery said after a long moment. “I guess stance is more important than I thought.”

“Again?” Alyssa asked, swiveling to face another desk. “I think I’ve got the trick of it.”

She caught Avery’s grin out of the corner of her eye after she destroyed that one and turned to her next victim.

“Meet me after dinner tomorrow?” he asked when he declared her capable of blowing things up, though he did caution that live moving targets would be more difficult.

“I’m meeting you _at_ dinner,” Alyssa pointed out.

“And before that I get to watch you practice what we’ve learned here,” he agreed easily. “But I have something to show you after.”

He was just the slightest bit on edge, which made her curious. Tonks’ words about powwows came to mind.

“Alright,” she said. “After dinner. Shouldn’t you be napping so you can survive Astronomy?”

“Probably,” he said, but he reached out to tug her closer to him. “Shouldn’t you be studying for Transfiguration?”

“Probably,” she echoed as she let him turn her so she leaned against one of the few intact desks. “But I don’t think I’m in danger of falling behind.”

She shooed him off to his common room a little later (though she’d meant to do it earlier. Who knew kissing was so distracting?) so she could head to the library. Slughorn had mentioned a possible substitution for apple seeds in certain potions that she wanted to research. Not that apples were in short supply, but they never worked quite as well when they weren’t grown in season.

Jonathan found her there, alone at a table in the back. “I don’t suppose you’re running around with Avery just for the Defense tutoring,” he said, sounding hopeful.

“We already had this discussion,” she replied, flipping a page. So far the only mention of apple seed substitutions involved hippogriff talon clippings, which was ridiculous. Everyone knew ingredients derived from plants and mammals were not interchangeable, and hippogriffs definitely suckled their young no matter the composition of their front half. Maybe if she tried something reptilian…

“We had a variant on this discussion,” her brother agreed. “Put the book down and look at me, please.”

Alyssa blinked at him. Jonathan had never asked her to put a book down in her life. They were Ravenclaws. It simply wasn’t done.

“That kid is bad news, Alyssa,” Jonathan said, sitting across from her so he could look her in the eye with unnerving steadiness. “Not in a wrong side of the tracks kind of way.”

She could tell Jonathan. Nobody was around – most people had better things to do an hour before curfew. _She_ used to have better things to do.

Well. Maybe not _better_. Research was a perfectly valuable use of her time. But _other_ things to do.

She could tell him. Of course, that would lead to his disapproval which, while currently nothing to sneeze at, would rise to monumental levels if he felt she was being unnecessarily self-sacrificing. He’d told her after the punching incident that it wasn’t her job to look out for him but his job to look out for her. She wasn’t looking out for him now, precisely, but he probably thought the principle was the same. The problem, she reflected, was that the people around her invariably decided she needed to be protected or that she could be ignored altogether. And that she might like Avery in a real way, but that was too confusing to think about at the moment.

Jonathan, well used to her rambling thoughts and occasional absorption in them, rapped his knuckles lightly on the table, returning her attention to him.

“He’s nice to me,” Alyssa said, as she had for what seemed countless times now.

“And I’m sure that’s a great comfort to him as he continues on his path to death eaterdom and general awfulness,” Jonathan retorted, crossing his arms stiffly.

Alyssa couldn’t quite bring herself to defend Avery, no matter her plans. His treatment of her in earlier years, while upsetting at the time, was nothing like his treatment of muggleborns who didn’t happen to be associated with powerful and/or attractive purebloods. The unfortunate muggleborns occasionally ended up in the hospital wing and more usually tried to avoid him entirely. That Mulciber was probably the one doing the actual spell casting should not make her feel better: where Mulciber was, Avery was probably within ten feet, twirling his wand in long, elegant fingers and looking amused. She hadn’t known about many of the hospital landings until recently, but Mulciber was a goldmine of information when he thought he might be making her uncomfortable.

She looked down at her book and caught a reference to frog intestines. Apparently they could be substituted for apple seeds in a classic bunion cure, but verification for use in other potions was pending. What year had the book been published?

“Alyssa.”

She looked up. Jonathan was still staring.

“Jonathan,” she said.

“Why are you dating him?” her brother demanded.

She wondered when he would stop asking her that question: she was running out of ways to phrase her answers differently. She took refuge in the girl she had been working not to be for years: the girl who always felt awkward outside of a classroom or library, the girl who yearned for someone other than her brother to acknowledge her existence, the girl who had been so pathetically pleased to find _friends_ that she wouldn’t disagree with any of them for two months (at which point Amanda almost put cinnamon sticks in a Swelling Solution and had to be corrected for the sake of the entire classroom. Nobody wanted to be repeating nursery rhymes nonstop in a monotone until an antidote could be made up).

Sometimes she suspected that Jonathan still thought she was that girl and didn’t take into account that even that girl had stopped a classroom full of people from being (very) mildly poisoned.

“He likes me,” she said, in a variation on the same theme. “And my options aren’t exactly thick on the ground.”

Jonathan sat back, raking hair that wasn’t in his eyes back with one hand and buying into it completely. Her brother was very smart, she knew, but apparently that did not mean he couldn’t be a bit stupid too. Just because that reason had a small kernel of truth didn’t mean he had to fall for it so easily.

“Hell, Lyss, if I’d known you were looking I could have pointed out a few. There’s the Hufflepuff in my year, Shacklebolt-”

“Shacklebolt’s not a wizarding name,” Alyssa said, and stopped to examine her word choice. A couple of months ago she would have said ‘not a pureblood name.’ That was the more correct wording: obviously Shacklebolt was a wizarding name, because Shacklebolt was obviously a wizard.

“I didn’t think you cared,” Jonathan said carefully.

No matter the words she used, the sentiment behind them came straight from their parents, who cared about The Right Sort even if they wouldn’t lower themselves to do anything about it, and from the company she kept now. She hadn’t meant it like that, but she knew how it sounded now that she’d said it. Shame made her flush, and she looked down at her book again.

“I couldn’t exactly bring him home to mother,” she muttered as a weak explanation.

“Stop caring about that,” Jonathan snapped. “Stop caring about what they think or you’ll just roll over and never do anything. One day you’re dating Avery, the next you’re giving up potions and learning to set tables!”

“I already know how to set tables,” Alyssa said quietly for lack of any other response. The last time Jonathan had yelled at her was her first year, when she’d pulled a stunt in flying class to try to impress Razi and Amanda. She’d gotten a concussion – easily fixable by Madam Pomfrey, but enough to scare Jonathan into skipping class for the first and as far as she knew only time. She’d felt small then, sitting in her bed while a thirteen year-old Jonathan yelled about safety, and she felt small now. Her mother sent peppermint toads, forgetting entirely that Alyssa had refused to eat anything in any variety of mint since the age of four, and Jonathan noticed and quietly swapped them for Honeydukes’ chocoballs before Alyssa woke up in the morning. He didn’t look inclined to give her sweets this time.

The silence stretched on. Alyssa tried to take refuge in her book, but the words refused to make sense.

“I want you to be happy,” Jonathan said finally, “and I want you to do what you want to do, whether it’s potions or setting tables or dating or being celibate for the rest of your life, but I want you to be safe. Avery and his friends aren’t.”

“Nobody’s safe,” Alyssa replied, still quiet, still staring at her book. “Safe, or safe to be with.”

He eyed her. She couldn’t see him, since she refused to look up, but she knew it anyway. “Some people are safer to be with than others.”

“Some people are safer than others.” When he didn’t respond, she closed the book and picked up her bag.  “Curfew’s soon. I should head back to the common room.”

He let her go without argument. She wasn’t sure she was grateful.

 

* * *

 

 

Friday’s classes went smoothly, even History of Magic with the Gryffindors, where Potter and his friends pretended she didn’t exist almost as well as Amanda did. Alyssa ignored all of them back, but it was harder to ignore the occasional wary glance from the muggleborns. She hadn’t realized how many people she had been on friendly terms with until she wasn’t anymore.

Regardless, McGonagall could find no fault with her transformation of an ice block into a crystal goblet, Kettleburn applauded her handling of an unusually fractious unicorn, and she once again finished her History of Magic essay _in_ History of Magic. If nothing else, having so few friends was good for her schoolwork.

In Defense Against the Dark Arts her dueling had, thanks to weeks of practice with Avery, risen from abysmal to the point that the professor could give her constructive criticism. Today she was partnered with Patil.

“Move your feet Blythe, _move your feet_! The spell won’t hit you if you aren’t in front of it!”

Alyssa reflected that she might have liked Ramsey better when the woman hadn’t given a damn about Alyssa’s dueling practice. This was the longest duel Alyssa had ever managed, and both she and Patil were panting.

“Patil! Don’t drop your wand! Are you aiming for her toes? I don’t think freezing them will slow her down any more than she already is!”

Alyssa took Patil’s startled pause to bundle up her irritation at being yelled at and channel it through her wand in a picture perfect hurling hex. Patil flew backwards, hit the floor just in front of the line marking out of bounds, and slid over it.

“And that is why we always pay attention to our opponent,” Ramsey said after a moment.

Alyssa found herself looking at Avery and Smythe, who gave her very similar smug looks. Razi, when Alyssa looked to where she was sitting with Amanda, raised one shoulder in a shrug and nodded to where Patil was getting to his feet, still clearly out of bounds.

“Good work, Blythe,” Ramsey told her. “Go sit down and get some water.”

Alyssa, feeling oddly let down by the whole thing (shouldn’t defeating someone in battle be worth at least some applause?), obeyed. Avery grinned down at her as he slung an arm over her shoulders when she settled onto the chair beside his.

“I might have used a different hex,” he said, pulling her closer so their hips pressed together and she was leaning into him, “but that was great.”

“It was the first thing I thought of,” Alyssa replied.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Smythe admonished Avery, crossing her legs and lounging in the armless chair. Alyssa envied briefly Smythe’s way of making a space entirely her own, even if she inhabited it less than a day. “It doesn’t matter how she won, only that she did.”

Alyssa considered that as she settled more comfortably against Avery and watched Razi hex Pratchett with a dozen tiny nuisances until he looked ready to explode and stumbled over his own feet to land out of bounds. Smythe looked at her significantly, as if to say, you see?

Alyssa did.

Later, she sat with Razi at dinner. It took her away from Avery for a bit, which was probably a good thing right now, and anyway, why would Avery care anything about Razi’s welfare if Alyssa stopped seeming to care about Razi at all? More than that, she wanted her friend.

Walker joined them, an intrusion that didn’t actually feel like one. The first year was, obviously, much younger, and yes, Alyssa was Razi’s friend first, but she also chose to sit with Alyssa despite everything. Just because Alyssa understood her other friends’ reactions – even knew that those streaks of immovable decency that made them separate from her and her death eater acquaintances were what had made them her friends in the first place – didn’t mean she wasn’t the tiniest bit resentful.

So she helped Elaine with her Potions essay with a little more zeal than necessary and was gratified when the girl asked questions about one of Alyssa’s quick tangents into more effective ingredients than those listed in the book. Razi rolled her eyes as if Alyssa couldn’t see her taking notes and took over when the subject turned to Charms, at which point Alyssa noticed Avery standing and looking over at her.

“I have to go,” she said, regret no more real than usual but somehow deeper. She’d missed relaxing with friends.

Elaine blinked at her, followed her gaze, and looked quickly back at the parchment in front of her. Razi patted Elaine’s hand a little awkwardly, gracing Alyssa with one of her small, rare smiles, barely there and tucked into the corners of her mouth.

The tiny flare of jealousy – Razi wasn’t free with physical affection and it was _Alyssa_ who was supposed to be her best friend – died a quick and vicious death, held under and drowned by Elaine’s quiet, “Be careful.”

Alyssa made herself smile reassuringly and gave Elaine’s had a pat of her own. “There’s a reason I’m not in Gryffindor. I’m happy with my skin the way it is.” She collected her things and went to Avery, who slid an arm around her waist and led her to the dungeons.

 

* * *

 

 

It should have been silly, sixteen year-old Joshua Avery sitting at the focal point of all these people’s attention. Some of them were seventh years, for heaven’s sake, and she saw prefect badges gleaming on the robes of two of them. Avery – Josh, remember Alyssa, Josh – sprawled in the chair, eyes lazy and heavy-lidded like the oddly expressive stone snakes carved everywhere that Alyssa tried not to be unnerved by. The teenagers in front of him sat a little straighter on the sleek couches, which were black leather and elegant in a different way entirely than the Ravenclaw common room. Alyssa craned her neck to eye the large window behind her warily: she didn’t see the point of windows that you couldn’t open, even if she had to admit that the shifting waters of the lake had a certain alien beauty.

Of the rest of the group, only Smythe had her own chair, set a little apart from the couches everyone else sat or leaned on. Alyssa wondered briefly who had set that up before noticing the way the wavering light of the window lent an ethereal glow to Smythe that was given strength by the way she held herself, set like her chair a little apart from the others, the only one whose attention was not focused wholly on Josh. Of course Smythe had done that herself: no one else would have done it so well.

The whole thing should have been ridiculous. It wasn’t.

Mulciber leaned a hip against the edge of Josh’s chair, the side she wasn’t perched precariously on. No one else sat on couch or chair arms – probably they already knew how uncomfortable it was. The chair arm had not been designed as extra seating, and she distracted herself now with the question of whether she would tumble into Josh’s lap or onto the cold stone floor.

What really boggled the mind, once she had exhausted the subject of seating arrangements, was how _organized_ they were. They were not, as Alyssa had half expected, directed by parents or other relatives that she could discover. They were directing themselves with a ruthless kind of efficiency she would have thought out of place in a group containing Dolohov the younger, whose mediocre grades and poor classroom performance she had always assumed came from lack of ability. Apparently he had simply been distracted.

“The Prewetts were never going to side with us anyway. They’re a bunch of blood traitors if I ever saw some,” a seventh year whose name Alyssa might have known at some point said dismissively. “They’re already on the list.”

“Sometimes individuals don’t follow their families, Trent,” Smythe said, examining a fingernail that looked perfect to Alyssa but did not apparently pass muster. Smythe tapped it lightly with her wand. “Look at Black, despite my efforts.”

“Which one?” some heckler from the audience muttered. Smythe didn’t seem to have a problem identifying him: her slow smile at the sixth year boy made him flinch.

“Look at Alyssa,” Josh said after a moment, letting the sixth year shrink further into the couch under Smythe’s stare. Alyssa heard his fingers drum the arm rest near Mulciber’s hip. His knee nudged her calf, disrupting her balance. Willpower and years of broomstick riding kept her where she was, but it was a near thing. She smiled weakly at Josh.

They did look at her, even Smythe and Mulciber. She wondered what they saw, what they thought: they had barely given her a second glance after Josh set her on the chair arm, but now they examined her from top to toe.

Alyssa knew she was pretty in the academic sense. She had always known it – it was what people commented on at parties and social functions, what her mother had been relieved about since her hair had grown in after Alyssa had been born bald and screaming, the only compliment her father had ever bestowed on her except for one careless aside about her being a brainy girl (which she hadn’t ever been sure had been _meant_ as a compliment). Pretty girls were looked at idly, like moderately valuable pieces of art. She had not until this moment known what it was like to be looked at as if she had been presented as a lost masterpiece, value and authenticity pending.

What was she supposed to do? Irene Blythe would smile and nod graciously, letting them look their fill, secure in the knowledge of her authenticity at least. Razi wouldn’t have found herself in this situation. Shara… she didn’t know what Shara would have done. Probably coerce all of them into helping her garden. She could feel herself shrinking like that sixth year before movement at the corner of her eye caught her attention. Smythe raised her chin sharply and stared at her with raised eyebrows, like she was daring her.

Alyssa narrowed her eyes and straightened her spine a split second before she felt Josh take her hand, and, following Smythe’s example, raised her chin high, looking down on the sheep in snakes’ clothing who thought they could judge her.

Reactions varied. Douglas dropped her eyes at once, as Alyssa was beginning to expect from her, and the Dolohovs leaned back almost in sync, crossing their arms as if to show how unimpressed they were. They looked away anyway. Others shrugged or raised eyebrows or, in one case, chuckled, but no one continued to stare.

No one except Smythe. When Alyssa met her gaze she only smirked, eyes dark and eerie in the dancing light of the lake. For whatever reason, Alyssa smirked back.


	20. Chapter 20

Razi was walking towards Professor Flitwick’s office on Monday morning.  Double Transfiguration with the Gryffindors had been largely uneventful.  She’d sat at a table near Lupin, Potter, and Black, and they’d been civil with her, either not caring enough to shun her as they did Alyssa, or understanding that she could no sooner turn her back on her best friend than any of them would betray the others.  Pettigrew had still glared at her but he was sitting beside MacDonald, who’d seemed indifferent to his attempts to strike up a conversation as they practiced turning water into watercress, and really it was possible that the shape of his face had made him seem more cross than he was. 

Whatever the case, she was free of the Gryffindors as a group, and the hostile edge that the school’s longest standing rivalry brought to classes, for the rest of the day and most of the next besides.  She was also free of classes till after lunch, allowing her time to make her way up to Flitwick’s office to be given guidance before beginning to research and experiment during her free period.  It was her first official day as Flitwick’s apprentice and Razi wasn’t sure what to expect.

She’d met with him and Evans for lunch on the previous Thursday and learned several things about the program.  For one, the students to be offered apprenticeships in each subject had been handpicked by Headmaster Dumbledore, though professors had been allowed to nominate or argue for the exclusion of students.  He’d asked for written reports on their progress, though of course the specifics of any aspect of their work were their own to guard or share at will. Evans had seemed comfortable enough with that, though she’d been the one to ask for more information about the reports.

“Sir, if you’d keep our research from him if asked, then what would you put in the report?”

“Vague descriptions of your progress, some information about your skill levels, nothing that wouldn’t be evident by looking at your marks, or observing you in classes, I assure you,” Flitwick had told her in reply.  The red head had seemed almost careless in her immediate trust of the circumstances but she’d continued to ask well thought questions throughout the lunch, so perhaps Razi had internalized some prejudices in regards to members of Gryffindor house.  She’d learned, through Evans’s questions and her own, that other apprentices included  Potter, Lupin, Vance, McKinnon, Longbottom and several others all working to make advancements in their best subjects. Several people had declined, but most had signed on with little hesitation. Razi had joined their number after determining that the access to resources was worth the risk in another person having hints at her extracurricular spellwork.

As she rounded the corner onto the charms corridor, Razi realized in all of the chatting over lunch that day, they’d never stated what their research interests were. She had no idea what Lily Evans was studying. The other girl was waiting by the door as Razi approached, and Razi nearly asked, but then remembered. If they were going to be meeting with Flitwick together, she’d likely find out in a moment anyway.  

“Come in,” Flitwick said, coming to the door as Razi greeted Evans with a nod and her name. Lily smiled in reply as Flitwick continued, “Can’t have bright young scholars left waiting at the door.”    

“Now, we’ll have to be quick so that Miss Evans is not late for her next class, but I wanted to give you each one of these,” Flitwick told them, taking a small bit of thick parchment bearing the headmaster’s seal  and signature and the words “apprentice pass” and handing it Evans before giving another to Razi. “This pass permits you to use the library and the charms class room for one hour and forty-three minutes after curfew, and will allow you access to a selection of pre-approved books from the restricted section relevant to your interests. You each have your own small shelf there, and the books have been chosen by the headmaster and myself to guide your research. The books are enchanted so that no one may remove them from the restricted section and these privileges and your position as apprentices may be revoked if you use them for less than savory purposes. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir,” they chorused.

“Then, Miss Evans, would you like to share the nature of your research with Miss Levine? And Miss Levine would you like to do the same? Collaboration is of course voluntary, but it is a resource that is open to you,” he suggested hopefully.

“I’m studying magical theory,” Evans told Razi with a smile, “and the effects of novel interpretations of magical principles on spells common to dueling. The rules of magic influence how we think of spells. How we think about a spell affects what it does… there are some interesting things that could come of it.”   

Razi’s eyes widened slightly and she found herself intrigued by the topic. Deciding that Evans, as a friend of MacDonald’s and a genuinely nice person in her own right was unlikely to use the information against her, she replied, “I’m inclined to believe you on that. I study light manipulation, through spell-work as opposed to phosphorescent or dimming potions.”  

“You modify spells?” Evans inferred. “Me too, and I’ve met some stubborn ones lately, maybe we’ll be able to collaborate after all. I should be off to class now though.”

“Of course,” Professor Flitwick agreed, and Razi nodded to her as she swept from the room.

When the door closed Flitwick turned to Razi, “Well, Miss Levine, to begin with, shall we discuss what I saw last week? Have you performed that spell with an enchantment before?”

Razi told him that she’d experimented with using an incantation but found that holding the sphere of light together required continual casting of the spell and simply focusing on the intent was less cumbersome.  The first time she’d stopped incanting had been an accident and Razi only really attempted wordless casting for her experiments.  

Flitwick reiterated his warning about the instability of wordless spells cast by young magical people, but encouraged her to do some research on wandless casting, and to consider the next step.  Once she could gather the light from other sources what might she do with it? There was a magical device called a deluminator that might interest her and studying its uses and its invention might also prove helpful.  

“Now, I believe that’s enough to get you started. With OWLs approaching, I’d hate to draw you away from your preparation, but if you do have something to share or ask about, you are welcome to contact me,” He’d told her kindly.

Taking the dismissal for what it was, Razi stood and made her way to the library to begin researching.  She considered stopping by the restricted section to see what books were on her shelf there, but decided against it. She was supposed to have lunch in Ravenclaw tower with Delaney and Amanda for OWL review, and she was quite certain that getting lost in a previously forbidden book tailored to her research interests would make her late. 

\-------

"You're here," Delaney said. 

She sounded more surprised than she ought to as Razi approached them at the Ravenclaw table and began gathering food take with her to the day's OWL review meeting over lunch. Razi nodded then, looking back, realized that between considering the apprenticeship, catching moments with Elaine, Pepper, and Matt, and getting some practical experience applying certain spells, she'd missed a few study sessions over past couple of days. 

"I'm sorry I missed sessions," Razi replied. "Things got a bit out of hand. Am I still welcome?" 

"Of course," Delaney replied. "We missed you. None of us are great with charms theory and OWLs are coming up just after Easter Holidays." 

Amanda nodded and Pratchett added, "Your company is nice too." 

The group laughed at that and then took their hastily packed food and made their way up to Ravenclaw tower. As they left, Razi noticed that Elaine, Pepper, Matt, Robin, MacDonald, and Evans were all seated together at the end of the Gryffindor table furthest from the dais where the professors sat, and they weren't alone. Razi noted a couple of other students, a Gryffindor girl, and a Hufflepuff boy both in their seventh year were involved in the conversation going on there. Resolving to ask her friend about it later, Razi went walked on with her friends, and tried to ignore the sight of Alyssa, on the other side of the room. She was sitting with Avery near the middle of Slytherin table, holding a conversation with Smythe as lesser members of Avery's court looked on in interest, hoping for the rise in status that might come with joining that conversation. 

When they were nearly at the tower, Amanda turned to Razi. 

"So, what was consuming last week?" 

"Tutoring," Razi replied, "and Flitwick asked if I wanted to be his apprentice. It's just some help with my research, but I wanted to get my notes in order while I considered it." 

"I've heard about the apprenticeships," Delaney told them, "Potter and Black have been celebrating getting Transfiguration and Defense ones for days. Doug is at his wits end. They're making it hard to study and the library has been so crowded lately that it’s hard for him to focus in there." 

"Glad to hear you've left time for Stark in all your OWL preparation," Razi teased. "He'll get all O's just to make you proud." 

"He'll do it because he's clever and he's worked very hard," Delaney defended, smiling. 

"He'll do it to be in all of the same NEWT level classes as his one true love," Amanda laughed, before turning her attention to the eagle. 

"Where does magic come from?" it asked. 

"A witch, wizard, or magical creature," Amanda replied. 

"Fair enough," it answered, and the group was allowed to proceed to the common room.

As they entered, Amanda smiled at Razi before continuing, "Alright, now, Razi, none of us could make sense of the theory behind banishing charms. Help us out?" 

Razi did, and for the rest of lunch they worked to go over concepts that had been persistently difficult for them. Easter Holidays were less than a week away, and with Razi heading home to spend the week with her mother, she needed all of extra help that she could get.  

During the study session after dinner that night, Jonathan came over the group and sat down, next to Razi. 

"Have you all been thinking about what you'd like to do after Hogwarts," he asked. 

There was a beat silence before Pratchett, Amanda, and Delaney all nodded. 

"What makes you ask?" Razi replied. 

"There will be a set of career advice meetings for fifth years following the Easter holidays. They are done with your head of house, meant to make you aware of the scores on your OWLs that will be needed for your chosen career. There will be an announcement during the holiday, but Ravenclaws have a history of being the best prepared for these meetings, and I'd like to continue that." He caught Razi's eye and she made a mental note to pass the information along to Alyssa. "Is there anything that I can help you with before I patrol?" 

Pratchett asked a question about potions and the review continued for a while before Razi left.  

With some time left before she had to be back inside of her common room, and the apprentice pass in her pocket giving her more time still, Razi made her way over the portrait of Winston the Wan. She’d nearly arrived when a voice called out to her. 

"Razi? Well, that's luck!" 

It was Matt.  He, Robin, and Elaine were coming down the stairs to the castle’s main floor.

“There are many kinds of luck,” Razi replied, walking over to them.

“This is a good kind,” Robin said in turn. “We were walking Elaine to her common room, safety in numbers, but just the two of us, walking back through the dungeons at night…”

“I told them that they could leave me at the entrance to the dungeons, but they were going to insist. Walk with me?” Elaine asked. 

Razi nodded and Elaine moved to her side.

“Now that I’m in good hands, you two can get on. Don’t forget, you’re meeting Stephy Allen and some friends at breakfast to walk to Care of Magical Creatures,” Elaine advised. “Can we study in hufflepuff tomorrow?”

“Not a chance,” Matt said, smiling. “Night, Elaine. Razi, my theory on the topic that we discussed needs some revision, will you join us?”  

“I’ll be busy.” Razi told him. “Maybe on the train ride home for Easter holidays.”

“If we don’t have time before then,” Matt agreed, and then he and Robin turned and walked down another set of stairs.

Elaine started off down to the dungeons. Razi followed just behind her.

“It was nice of them to walk with you,” Razi said as they reached the bottom of the stairs.

“We have a buddy system now,” Elaine replied, “but I’m the only Slytherin who meets with them regularly, so unless you start hanging out with us more, my buddy is whoever happens to be going my way.”

“Smart,” Razi acknowledged, dodging the invitation. “You might want to avoid meeting in the great hall or in common rooms, if your group is as large as it seemed when you met at Gryffindor table. You don’t want them to decide you’re a threat, and uncertainty about your numbers could be a deterrent for some who might harm you.”

“This is why you should come and meet with us,” Elaine shot back. “Come on, we’ll let you study and you can tell us when our attempts at self-defense have gone wrong.”

“You’re doing fine on your own. I have my reasons.”

“You don’t have to be my buddy or help walk younger years to class. You’ve been teaching me Slytherin for months, I just want you to keep doing that. You don’t have to be with us all of the time, but more often? And not just to bring us new people,” Elaine said.

“Maybe after OWLs,” Razi replied, and the two came to the common room entrance, said the password, and went inside.  Razi did not jump, or show any outward sign of surprise when she saw Alyssa, seated with Avery in the midst of his crowd of followers.  Alyssa was pulling away from him, but with a fond sort of reluctance. 

“I’ll be late and get points taken,” she argued as he tightened the arm around her waist.

“All the more reason to hold onto you,” Avery teased, and wasn’t it the eeriest thing to see Avery teasing someone, his voice in the same family as the one Mulciber had used with MacDonald though a different species.  

Alyssa laughed lightly at that and then glanced up and around seeing Razi and Elaine. 

“Really, Josh, I have to go.  Razi can get me back to Ravenclaw without detention or point loss on either end, and I want to tell her about my new end-of-holiday plans,” Alyssa said, standing up. Avery stood with her and kissed her cheek before letting go. If his hand lingered on the hip closer to him, Razi made a point of not noticing.

Elaine tapped Razi’s hand. When Razi looked over at her, she gave a small wave and headed off towards her dorm, waving to Alyssa as she went. Alyssa waved back as she walked up and all but pulled Razi out of the common room. 

“Thank you,” Alyssa whispered a few minutes later. Razi shrugged her shoulders. She hadn’t done anything.

“So you’re not coming home with me for the holiday?” Razi asked, quietly, though not whispering.  Whispering implied that there was something to hear, and encouraged previously uninterested people to speculate.

“I’ll have to leave early,” Alyssa replied. “Mother will send a house elf for me. The family has been invited to a dinner at the Avery home.”

Razi nodded. “It’ll be nice to have a break from all of this, even if we will have to spend most of it studying for OWLs. Don’t forget, if you want to get in practical review, you’ll need to do it before we leave.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Alyssa said. “Your mother knows I’m coming with you? I know it’s almost tradition but I’d hate to seem rude.” 

“I’ll write to her tonight, remind her, and let her know that you’ll be leaving us early,” Razi assured her. “Would you like for me to do your disillusionment and silencing charms?”

“I can manage. Find me Wednesday evening?”  Alyssa asked in return.

“Better make it Saturday morning and we’ll catch the train together,” Razi said, “If I miss more study sessions, Delaney will fret and Amanda-”

“I understand. I’ll see you then,” Alyssa replied, and there was a frustrated sadness in her voice. Razi wanted to kick herself. Of course Alyssa understood, they’d been her friends first.

Razi nodded and Alyssa cast the spells to make herself less noticeable before making her way out of the dungeons.  Razi stood there for a while before slipping back into the commons and further, into her dorm. She had a letter to write.            

___

It was several busy days later when Razi and Alyssa made slow progress out to the carriages to ride down to Hogsmeade Station. Each of them carried a bag, charmed to hold more than their size would imply and to be lightweight. They were full of materials to study and less essential items, like clothing and toiletries.

Razi had eaten breakfast with Alyssa at the Ravenclaw table that morning. Jonathan had joined them somewhere around Alyssa’s second helping and he and Razi had carried out their usual, purely philosophical, debate on the role of laws and regulations in society before Alyssa gave her usual protest to that particular conversation happening within hearing distance of her and asked a question or two about the Arithmancy OWL.  He walked them to the main entrance afterwards, advising them to stay safe and study hard before telling both young witches goodbye.  He sent them off with a fond smile in Razi’s case, and a slightly stiff approximation of a hug in Alyssa’s.

 Razi might have smiled at that if she hadn’t been standing in the front hall amongst several others, because she knew that Alyssa wasn’t naturally a very tactile person in communicating her affection. Fortunately, she didn’t seem to mind it. She’d certainly get some practice with it during the week. Shara Levine and restraint had a complicated relationship. 

 It was a fairly small group of students making their way home for the short holiday this year.  A death notice had arrived for a muggleborn Hufflepuff girl on Wednesday. Her parents and siblings had all been killed by the death eaters.  Feeling safer within the walls of the school, many students had changed their plans.  That, and the twin axes of OWLs and NEWTS lingering over the necks of two sevenths of the population of the school, meant that Razi and Alyssa got a carriage to themselves. Avery had opted to ride to the station with Mulciber, Black and Crabbe, and been generally accepting of Alyssa’s preference for a less crowded one. 

When they arrived at the station, Matt, Elaine, and Pepper ran over and the lot of them got a compartment together. Razi did her usual silencing barrier before the train left the station, but it proved unnecessary, as Alyssa used the train ride and the presence of students from lower years to practice her spells in several subjects, soliciting requests for demonstrations of charms and transfigurations that they’d learned in their classes.  Matt and Razi divided the time between joining in on the demonstrations and talking about subjects of great importance. The subjects, naturally, were things like the question of whether or not anyone had ever told a house elf about Rivendell and Lorien, and had Tolkien ever seen a house elf? Was he, perhaps, a squib? Would it ruin things to learn that he was? They only stopped long enough to take off their robes and make sure that the clothes they’d worn underneath them were presentable.

As the train pulled into the station, the two of them made a deal.

“If you bring a book from home,” Matt suggested, “I’ll bring one as well and we can trade. I’d give us something besides Tolkien to talk about.”

“That sounds fair,” Razi replied. “It’ll have to be fiction though, I’ll be rather sick of textbooks by then.”

“I’m going to disown you if you repeat that,” Alyssa said. She’d been saying goodbye to Elaine and Pepper but now she was free to join them. “They said that they’d see you soon.”

“I’m allowed to be a bit tired of texts,” Razi replied. “There are other ways of acquiring knowledge.”

“None that you’re using,” Alyssa shot back. “The platform is clearing and your mother will be waiting for us.” 

“Right. I’ll have that book for you, Matt,” Razi said in parting. Matt echoed the statement and the three of them grabbed their bags and disembarked, going their separate ways.

Stepping out into King’s Cross, they looked around at the other travelers for a while before locating Shara Levine, Leaning against a nearby wall and thoroughly engrossed in a book.  The two made their way over and stood in front of her. It was a full minute before she looked up, but when she did, she smiled widely.

“Who are these lovely, mature young women? Certainly not my Razi and our Miss Alyssa Blythe,” Shara said, bringing them in for a hug with arms that seemed as though they could encompass worlds, and with a warmth that seemed to say that, in her opinion, they already did.

“I’m afraid it is, Mum,” Razi said as Shara released them. Alyssa took a step back, but Razi stayed close, putting a hand on the older woman’s shoulder.

“It’s nice to see you, too,” Alyssa said, and the three of them made their way out of the station and to the car. Shara caught them up on the news in muggle world as they rode towards home. Most of it went over Alyssa’s head, but she hmm’d at the appropriate moments until Shara mentioned the peculiar murder of an entire family earlier that week in another part of the country.

“They found them with their eyes wide open,” Shara told them, “as though they’d died of fright, like something from a film.”

Razi and Alyssa turned and met each other’s eyes in the back seat of the car. Through several moments of conversation with small gestures of hand and eye, it was determined that no one would mention the likely culprits on pain of death or exile to the lumpier end of the couch when they watched television later that evening.  

“So, Razi tells me that you’re leaving us early for a family obligation,” Shara said when neither girl showed interest in discussing the mysterious murder. “A happy one? My little ray of sunshine was as vague as always in her letter.”

“My… a boy I’ve been…. My family was invited to a dinner and my mother wants me to attend with them,” Alyssa clarified.

“I heard that! There’s a _boy_ ,” Shara teased. “Likely the kindest, sweetest, brightest young man in the world. Is he dreamy?” 

Razi, forgetting her outrage at her mother’s prying, nearly laughed aloud at that. Alyssa, a complicated expression on her face, asked a question about the garden. 

“Alright, no questions about your fellow, but if you ever need to talk, or write about it, I’m here. If he gives you anything but his best, you show him the door and give him a good kick on the way out of it. You too, Razi, if there’s someone you haven’t mentioned.”    

Upon their arrival, Razi and Shara started talking about dinner and discussing things that urgently needed doing in the gardens, weeding, and pollinating some of the things on the greenhouse shelved by hand, in addition to the usual watering and planting. When Alyssa went off to put her things in the guest room, Shara turned to her daughter.

“Is he good to her?” she asked, and Razi knew exactly what she meant. Razi and Alyssa were the same age that Shara had been when she’d had Razi.  Razi wanted to explain it all. She wanted someone else to understand what was happening and how much her friend was doing on her behalf, but they weren’t her secrets, or her decisions, to offer up for evaluation.   

“He wouldn’t hurt her for the world,” Razi replied. Shara looked as though she wanted to press the issue but, seeing something in her daughter’s face, asked instead about Razi’s other friends and if she’d been taking enough breaks from her studies. 

When Alyssa didn’t turn up to help make dinner, Razi went to the guest room to look for her.

“In your room,” Alyssa called. Razi found her looking through a book, standing by the shelves.

“We’re making dinner soon,” Razi said, walking up to stand next to her.  Alyssa put the book back into its place and the two joined Shara in the kitchen. It was an unspoken rule of Shara Levine’s kitchen that if one person was working, so was everyone else.

Years ago, Alyssa had come in and watched while Razi and her mother cooked. The two of them had stopped and looked at her with eyes like judgment, disappointment, and shame until Alyssa had asked a question about the location of the plates. As she’d set the table, they began their own cooking tasks again. She’d gotten her vengeance when Razi had been reading at the table the next day and Shara had announced that it was time to make lunch.  

That night, they made a quick and easy stir-fry and had it over rice. Alyssa chopped vegetables from the garden while Razi warmed the rice in the microwave and set the table. Shara decorated cookies that she’d made earlier to celebrate the start of the holiday.  As they worked, Razi and Alyssa traded quiz questions for Ancient Runes and Arithmancy, with Shara asking the occasional question. They ate dinner and dessert while watching the old black and white television.  

When Shara went to bed, Alyssa stood and walked into the kitchen to look out at the garden through the window.  Razi grabbed an old blanket that had been folded near the couch and the two of them went outside and spread the blanket on the ground in the clearing around the door. Seated, there were plants that stood taller than them.  Herbs, some newly sprouted, cast scents into the air. Razi felt so peaceful.  Looking over at her friend, she saw she was alone in her peace.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

Alyssa, sitting with perfect posture, even outside, just a layer away from the ground, straightened further before answering with a request. “Tell me about the apprenticeship.”

“You heard from the Slytherin prefects,” Razi guessed. “I would have mentioned it.”

“Why haven’t you?” Alyssa asked.

“We haven’t had much time without prying ears and there were other concerns,” Razi explained. “I don’t understand this at all. Slughorn’s collected you and everyone knows how much you love experimental potions. Why wouldn’t you be a potions apprentice? Or Snape? The students asked are not necessarily the best in their subjects.”

“You didn’t want me to feel passed over without knowing why,” Alyssa translated. “You’re not the only one who can solve a puzzle, Razi. Tell me more about it. You have restricted section access?” 

The two talked about the facts of it for a few minutes more and when they’d hashed out all of the details of the program, Razi brought up another thing that had been puzzling her.

“Are you and Jonathan alright?” Razi asked.

“Why?” Alyssa asked in return.

“He came to me and the others to tell us about career advice meetings that are taking place after the break, seemed to want me to tell you. He gave this look when saying that Ravenclaws are always the most prepared for the meetings, but why wouldn’t he have just-”Razi began but Alyssa cut her off.

“You’re getting paranoid. He probably just remembered that he was saying that in front of someone from another house. He told me about it last night when I got to the common room.”

Razi was relieved: this whole business was taking enough from Alyssa without hurting her relationship with her brother.  With that cleared up, the two got into a conversation about Ancient Runes, which led to a discussion about the spy thriller that they’d caught the end of during dinner. 

(“Her shoes must have been charmed, there’s no way she ran in them without magical aid.” 

“Alyssa, muggle shoes are, and please don’t die of shock, not charmed in any way.”

“You thought _you_ were a muggle for ten years, maybe your judgment on who is and is not a muggle is not to be trusted.”

“For one, that’s not fair and you know it. Slytherin is corrupting you. Also, you forget that Shara ‘See, Razi I told you magic was real, say it again Ms. McGonagall’ Levine raised me. I’m fairly sure, there were one or two years in there when I believed that I was a fairy or a changeling.”)

When they caught each other nodding off beneath the stars, they went inside. As they parted ways, heading for their respective beds, Razi tried to say, “Good night.”

What she actually said was, “I don’t know what I want to do after Hogwarts. Can’t we just stay here and weed things?”

Alyssa, who would have asked about that funny, horrid, muggle saying with the bedbugs said, “And dig. I’m good at digging. And planting.”

They were so sleepy that neither fully recalled having said it in the morning, but then it didn’t matter.  They had time, and studying, and Razi’s mother who wanted to drag them out to the park to ride a bicycle or see some street performer that she’d noticed before. They had weeding and planting.  In short, they had all of the makings for a brilliant holiday, complete with the chance to introduce Shara to a real, live, house elf.    


	21. Chapter 21

When Professor Flitwick reminded the Ravenclaws about career counseling on their first night back after winter holidays, Alyssa stabbed her baked potato with her fork in a manner previously reserved for thoughts of Josh and his crowd. These days, though, they were her crowd too, and the only one she genuinely entertained fantasies of stabbing with a fork was Mulciber, who continued to resent her time with his best friend.

This time the potato suffered on behalf of her anxiety. The future was a nebulous grey area in Alyssa’s mind, and she did not appreciate being forced to consider it more specifically. She had no response planned for ‘what would you like to do with your life’ that a professor would accept – or at least, not one that Jonathan had thought useful. ‘Move away from our parents’ was declared a worthwhile goal but not a career path, ‘something to do with potions’ was met with the suggestion of trying for Healer, and ‘can’t I just move in with Ms. Levine and help her with her garden in exchange for room and board’ was met with a sigh.

Alyssa didn’t want to be a Healer. It seemed like a pretty thankless job, and anyway, if she messed up people would _die_.

She’d mentioned her misgivings to Josh after the family dinner, when their parents had gone to another room to ‘let the young people talk without us boring them’ and undermined that by Avery Sr. suddenly remembering that he had some old spellbooks he thought Jonathan might be interested in.

“You don’t _have_ to have a job, Alyssa,” he’d pointed out. “I mean, your potions research will probably occupy more time than your husband would like, anyway.”

“Only if he doesn’t have a job himself,” she’d retorted. “And my mother says I’ll grow out of that.”

“Your mother is an idiot,” Josh said, and winced. “I mean. She doesn’t understand that you’re brilliant.”

Alyssa hugged that thought to her now, as she had when Flitwick had sought out Razi and Evans and Slughorn had walked past her with a smiling nod but hadn’t stopped to chat or, as she’d half-hoped, request her apprenticeship, and as she had when she realized she had a remarkable amount of elbow room when compared to everyone else at the Ravenclaw table. At least _Josh_ thought she was brilliant.

Someone slid onto the bench next to her, close enough that their arm brushed hers. She turned her head so that she was staring right at Mierin, whose face was closer than Alyssa had expected anyone’s face to be.

“Evening,” Mierin said. “Your housemates seem to be acting like scared little mice instead of the eagles they should be, so I came to keep you company.”

“I thought you didn’t like animal metaphors,” Alyssa said instead of hugging the other girl or pointing out that her housemates had reasons to be wary of her, one of which just sat down in their territory.

Mierin shrugged, arm brushing against Alyssa’s again, shockingly warm even through two layers of sleeves. “I never said I didn’t like them, I said they wouldn’t be helpful to you. In this case I think them apt – eagles and snakes both eat mice.” She smiled at the third year boy across the table, showing her canines. The boy looked like he couldn’t decide whether to throw himself at her feet or off a tower. “Is Ravenclaw food any different from ours? I swear the house elves play favorites.”

Alyssa shook her head, repressing a smile, but the rest of dinner passed much more enjoyably. When she and Mierin parted ways she was actually sorry.

“Don’t look so glum,” Mierin ordered. “Chin up. Stare them all down. Remember – you’re better.”

“Ravenclaws don’t hold as much with blood purity,” Alyssa said instead of ‘no I’m not’.

Mierin shook her head in exasperation, light casting glints of near-blue in her hair as it swung. “Blood purity, bah. That comes from somebody else. _You’re_ better. Remember it.”

Between Mierin and Josh, Alyssa reflected as she watched the other girl leave, she was going to get a swelled head.

 

* * *

 

 

“Now then, Miss Blythe,” Flitwick said, smiling at her over the desk the following morning, “What do you want to do with your life?”

Alyssa no longer worried about having a swelled head, and she still didn’t have a satisfactory answer (though ‘lure Smythe away from the dark side’ had been added to the list of goals teachers didn’t need to hear about).

“I don’t know,” she said partly truthfully.

Flitwick made a noncommittal sound. “I suppose you have time,” he said. Did she imagine the slight stress on ‘you’? Probably. “There are a number of charitable options you might pursue. St Mungo’s always appreciates potions donations and notes from people with potions knowledge, and several private researchers have been looking for talented assistants.”

Alyssa blinked at him. Was that it?

“St Mungo’s is, of course, always looking for Healers,” Flitwick continued, “but I must caution you that it takes a great deal of time and effort. It is not enough to be skilled – they accept only the most dedicated of candidates.”

She blinked again, staring at him. Did he think her potions skill was the result of innate talent? Well, she conceded, maybe a little bit, but did he know how much of her summers and breaks went to reading and researching and experimenting? And this whole thing with Avery – was she not _dedicated_ to that? Was she not losing all of her friends in this one attempt at shielding them from what she could? Was that not _dedication_?

Flitwick, she decided, completely ignoring the logical part of her, the part that said obviously he didn’t know, that it was a _good_ thing he didn’t know because it meant everything was working, Flitwick didn’t understand a damn thing.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she told him, using her mother’s party voice, the voice that said she was happy, obviously. “Thank you for your time.”

She left.

“He said _what_?” Mierin demanded later, when they were all sitting in the Slytherin common room. Avery wasn’t presiding over anything this time; if anything, Mierin was.

“There were some people looking for assistants,” Alyssa said.

Mierin looked outraged. Josh sighed.

“I’m sure Flitwick thought he was giving her the best advice he could,” Mulciber said, sounding pleased.

“Shut up, Mulciber,” Mierin snapped.

“That little troll obviously doesn’t know her well,” Josh added, using the arm he already had around her shoulders to pull Alyssa closer to him, further away from Mierin. Mierin stared coldly at him for a moment before tossing her hair over her shoulder.

“The solution, obviously, is to invent an entirely new, incredibly useful potion,” she declared. Alyssa laughed in spite of herself.

“Don’t laugh,” Mierin said. “You are a genius. Crush Snape and Evans in NEWTs and be the best potions maker in history and laugh in Flitwick’s face on his deathbed.”

“That doesn’t solve the problem of employment,” Alyssa pointed out, knocking her ankle into Mierin’s playfully.

“You won’t need to be employed,” Josh said lazily. “Just make the potions.” He tugged her head down on his shoulder and began running a hand through her hair.

Mierin shook her head as Alyssa leaned comfortably against him and wondered why so many people seemed to think she wouldn’t accomplish anything worthwhile – even people who knew she had the skills to do so.


	22. Chapter 22

Razi hurried down the hall away from Slughorn’s office in the wake of her career meeting. It took all of her self-control not to stop on one off the trick steps and wait to slip into the void, or more likely, fall a very long way and not wake up for a very long time. Or maybe she could do better than that, there had to be an oubliette somewhere in the dungeons. If she could find it and bring some books and work something out with a house elf, well, there would be no need for careers.  It would probably even be safer, and no one would need to cuddle up with a bigot to keep it that way.

Slowing down, but walking with more intent, she steered herself towards the stairs that led to the castle’s main floor and the portrait of Winston the Wan.

“Professor Slughorn is a blind fool,” Razi sighed, barely audible. “And maybe I am, too.”  

“Is that so?” Winston asked, somber and almost disinterested.

“The muggleborn head of the department regulating misuse of muggle artifacts resigned following the death of her husband last week. The mark was left above their house for hours before she came home and saw it.”

Winston opened at that, as he always did for incurably bad news. 

“‘lo Razi,” Matt said as Razi stepped inside. The small room felt crowded. Matt, Robin, Pepper, a Ravenclaw first year whose name escaped most people, and Elaine were all seated in conjured chairs or leaning against shelves.

“Or hi, or in the middle somewhere,” Razi mused. “Wherever I am, can there be tea? I’d like a cup.”

Elaine smiled gestured to a pot, kept warm by a spell, and some cups, “We’re complaining now, before we study. Want to join in? You’ve only missed Lenore talking about a movie she wanted to see. It came out yesterday. It sounds brilliant.”

Razi shook her head ‘no’ and the group carried on but Matt spelled his chair larger and invited Razi to share it. He mouthed, "silencing charm” and Razi cast a barrier around their seat before Matt spoke again.

“Rough day? Did you dislike ‘The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe’ that much?” Matt asked. He was turned as though he was listening to the others and Razi did the same. None of them seemed at all aware of their conversation, and sense of not being seen made Razi feel at ease.  Speaking more freely than she might have, she let it spill out.  

“I’m enjoying the book. Professor Slughorn suggests that I seek a high level position in the ministry,” Razi replied, “perhaps in a charms oriented department, in keeping with my interests. That is his career advice. He hopes to collect me, I think, and he doesn’t seem to realize that I’d have to be alive to win him any glory by association.  You know what’s happening now. What if it gets worse? And I’d be just as conflicted if he’d told me take my charms skill and put it to work somewhere safe and remote.” 

“Wouldn’t that be the Slytherin thing to do?” Matt asked, “Take your mum and fly away to safety?”

“Shouldn’t a Hufflepuff try to talk me out of it then?” Razi deflected.

“We like our friends safe,” Matt countered.

Razi thought about Alyssa, about Elaine, and the things that they’d done and risked. She thought about Amanda and Delaney, and the ways that they’d shown a kind of loyalty even as they shut out one of their own. 

“We all do,” Razi replied.

“It might be different in time,” Matt said, his tone oddly neutral, “in two years, or six. A lot could happen. We’ve seen it.”

Razi dispelled the barrier and moved to sit closer to Elaine and Pepper, both of whom gave up half of their normally sized chairs and let Razi sit between them.

“I’m sure you’ll see that movie someday, maybe on television? How were your holidays, I missed you lot on the train back to school.  Alyssa and I were-”

“Studying for OWLS,” Elaine and Pepper chorused.  The explanation was the default one for any unexpected absence involving a fifth year student.

“As is proper,” the Ravenclaw first year whose name had, once again escaped Razi replied. “Most of their year didn’t even go home, how did you make sure that you covered everything?”

Suppressing a smile at the horror on the younger girl’s face, Razi listened as she backtracked and introduced herself before the conversation turned to the odd study habits that had been observed among the fifth and seventh years while Elaine and Pepper had been gone.  

When curfew approached, the group split up. Matt and Robin agreed to each walk a first year to their respective towers before meeting in front of the great hall to head to Hufflepuff. Razi and Elaine made their way to the dungeons.

As they walked together, Razi asked, “What do you want to do when you leave here?” 

Around them, the castle lights were dimming and it made the stone halls seem more narrow, the portraits somehow closer together, the shadows longer. Razi felt more at ease, but Elaine tensed as they walked down the stairs and the effect intensified.

“I can guess some things,” Razi said when she didn’t reply. “You have so many friends in higher years, I suspect that you’ll make use of those connections, but what will you do with them? Start a business? Join the Aurors? Take over the world?”

Elaine smiled, “I asked you to tutor me in Slytherin. You’re not honor bound to help me with whatever comes after that.”

“I never said that I was,” Razi replied, “Though I could certainly do much worse in life. “

“I might like to teach Muggle Studies,” Elaine said as they came to Slytherin common room. “I hear the professor now is rubbish at it, and maybe I could start a club and keep the group going. Even if things are different, people will still need the sorts of connections I’ve made.  If you can help with that, I guess you’re welcome.”

Razi nodded and the two entered the common room before parting ways for the night. As she warded her bed, it occurred to her that she really could do worse.  There had to be a way to help them from outside; the ministry? Or maybe she could help less directly? With charms?  Her head fell heavily against her pillow as forming ideas gained form and weight. The career meeting had been frustrating, but some good might still come of it.

Razi made plans to talk with Flitwick after OWLs and as she drifted off to sleep, she wondered why she hadn’t just owled him about careers in charms and picked one to parrot at Slughorn in the first place.

______

Razi sat alone at Slytherin table during breakfast the next morning. Elaine was sitting with Matt and Robin at Hufflepuff and of their friends in Ravenclaw, only Alyssa had ever joined her at the Slytherin table before.  It had happened in third year during the first and only real fight between Alyssa and Delaney prior to this year’s shunning. Razi remembered the meal, sitting next to each other with a silencing barrier up as Alyssa had ticked off members of Razi’s house that she’d met prior to entering Hogwarts.

She’d told stories about stiff young witches in child-sized dress robes in lovely shades of purple and green.  They’d been trained to stillness and played quietly or talked, sometimes summoning house elves to see to their spills or ask for sweets, while their parents chatted amongst themselves in other rooms or gardens. Razi had recalled the social engagements down at the community center, glued to her mother’s hip as she’d tried not to get food or juice on her faded blue dungarees, covered in hand-sewn flowers and patches that had made them smile, and resolved to show her friend what had passed for formal wear in her early years.  

Glancing up the table, Razi could see Alyssa chatting with Smythe about something. Razi’s eyes met hers briefly and Alyssa smiled briefly before refocusing on her conversation.  Times changed. 

The post owls descended not long after that and Razi watched them as they flew overhead. She liked the way that the feathers looked in the light. When the last owl had entered she reached over to spoon some cut fruit onto her plate, content to get on with her breakfast.

She stopped short as she noticed a package wrapped in brown paper and twine that had not previously been sitting beside her plate. Glancing around, Razi saw that several other people had received similar packages.  Some were apprentices, not all, and there seemed to be three or four from each house. Most were opening them without a thought but Razi let it sit at for the moment. The other packages seemed to be a copy of some sort of book, and Razi decided to inspect it later. In all of her glancing she never wondered at where it had come from. Later, for a time, she assumed that the owl who’d delivered it had moved quickly while she’d been watching the others.

Razi looked at the head table and found that Dumbledore was looking out over the hall as well.  There was something assessing about his gaze. This was the look of a man standing before a chess board and Razi felt oddly certain that this hadn’t been his move. 

Doing a quick scan for hexes, Razi decided that it was safe to open the small envelope that had been slipped under the twine.  It contained, as envelopes  often do, a letter.

“Dear young witch or wizard,

It has come to the attention of the Ministry of Magic that you may be considering a career within our hallowed halls. To aid you as you pursue this lofty goal, we present to you this guide on the structure of the Ministry and its associated professions. We invite you to study carefully and further, to keep it on hand as it may prove useful. We look forward hearing of your progress should you choose to apply in the future.

Wishing you the best of luck in this trying but productive time,

Selan B. Spuake

Head of Recruitment “

Reasoning that Slughorn had given them her name, Razi put the letter and still unopened package into her bag, finished breakfast and went on about her day. She might have cast the book aside without a thought but that night the wards around her bed signaled the presence of foreign magic when she moved to put it into her trunk.

Slipping it back into her bag and recalibrating her wards, she decided that perhaps it was worth a look after all.

__

 

 When OWLs began, the fifth year class at Hogwarts developed into a strange farce of itself. The lot could be divided into fairly even groups, often consistent with their houses. The Hufflpuffs were handling it all best, holding student led review groups but also student led breaks involving board games and snap. The Gryffindors, meanwhile, had gone fatalistic. They were generally being nuisances and congregating in places where no one was meant to be and attempting things which no one ought to be doing. Razi had seen a group huddled in a corner of the library talking too loudly about what would happen if a person walked on the roof of the great hall.

The Slytherins were doing a horrid job at both studying during most of their waking moments and feigning assured boredom at the idea that their knowledge of magic would be tested and their futures affected by the results.   As for the Ravenclaws, well… it wasn’t pretty.

  Razi leaned into a rare shadow in their fifth year girls’ dorm and watched a scene unfold. Someone had gotten a question wrong on the Charms written test  that morning and Delaney and Amanda were trying, all at once, to comfort the girl, to find out what the question had been, and to recall their own answers.  The poor, young witch was having none of it, and the attention seemed to make her more frantic.

Razi thought about hexing her to sleep but it would only make the girl panic more. She would wake in an hour or so having lost the chance to review some obscure spell for the seventh time prior to taking the practical exam for some other class.

“It’s okay, I promise. I bet you still even made an ‘O’,” Delaney soothed. “Just a few more tests left and we can put this behind us.” 

The girl straightened and reached out her hands as she tried, suddenly, to calm her breathing. Amanda put a set of notes into the outstretched hands and soon she was studying with an almost frightening intensity.  Delaney and Amanda gathered their own notes and, avoiding sudden movements, signaled carefully to Razi before walking out of their door.

The common room was full but the trio picked carefully through the crowd to where Pratchett sat, talking with Jonathan in a far corner of the room.

“She’s studying again,” Delaney reported, and Jonathan nodded.

“Keep an eye on her, all the same,” he said. “Madame Pomphrey has an extra batch or five of calming draught made up, if she needs one or if any of you do. Just ask. And get as much rest as you can.”

Amanda and Delaney nodded but Razi asked, “Know about those draughts from experience, do you? How are NEWTS coming?”

He smiled and replied, “I’m head boy and in that capacity I am responsible for modeling good behaviors, including proper utilization of school resources. NEWTS are, of course, nastily exhausting, but I’m coping well. Your concern is heartening, given your own circumstances. Dark times, these.”  

“Dark times,” the group chorused in agreement. Around them, the world dissolved further into a chaos of anxiety and academic fervor. There was nothing for it, the moment they’d prepared for all year had arrived.

___

Razi stayed after Flitwick dismissed them from their Defense Against the Dark Arts written exam. She approached him to ask about using his classroom to practice later that evening.

“I asked earlier this morning,” a voice from behind her replied.

Razi turned to find Evans, who added, “But it the professor doesn’t object, we could share the room? I can’t study for the transfiguration OWL any more than I have without putting my sanity or my textbook at risk.”

Razi looked to Flitwick in askance.

“Of course you may share the room, perhaps I’ll stop in and see how you’re progressing,” Flitwick told them.

“Thank you,” Razi replied and nodded to Evans for good measure before picking up her bag and striding towards the door.

“Levine,” Evans called, rushing after her, “I actually wanted to speak with you about an experiment that I would like to try.”

Evans explained as they walked, moving with the flow of students heading out of the castle, into bright day.

“Then, if you could try saying the spell for lighting a wand while manipulating light the way that you’ve been studying, I  could-”

Evans stopped mid sentence as she noticed a crowd forming and heard Potter ‘s voice.

“How’d the Exam go, Snivelly.” 

Severus Snape was laying bound on the damp ground near the lake, choking on soap bubbles and curses. True to form, Evans rushed to his defense, casting an apologetic glance over her shoulder. Razi was struck by the memory of another time when Evans had rushed off to defend an unfortunate friend. She felt an odd chill as she could all but see Mulciber standing over Mary Macdonald, wand raised as she writhed on the floor.

Razi made herself focus on the present and   she watched Potter fail to win Evans with his display. Snape crawled to his wand and lashed out, cutting his attacker with a spell only to be swept up into the air. There were different players here and different stakes.

Still, Razi watched, frozen as Evans continued to defend Snape.

Then Snape, angry and humiliated hissed, “I don’t need help from filthy little mudbloods like her.”   

“Fine,” Evans replied, and when she blinked Razi saw the steel form in Evan’s eyes as she continued, “I won’t bother in the future. And I’d wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus.” 

Razi wondered if there was enough Slytherin determination or enough Gryffindor magnanimity in the world to fix what Snape had just broken. He certainly didn’t think so.  It was in his eyes, in the way that he stood there, losing the chance to escape the situation as he stared at Evans with faint dawning horror at his own actions.   

It was entirely dissimilar to the last time that Razi had stood by and born witness to cruelty performed before an amused crowd, but then Potter  defended himself from comparison to Snape by saying that he’d never call Evans a mudblood and Razi wanted to run, just like before.  

Evans shrieked about Potter’s arrogance and it occurred to Razi that she hadn’t been the only one to witness Macdonald’s suffering that night. Too kind to shout her friend’s pain to the world, Evans had likely settled for a secondary complaint.

 Potter was the boy who’d never hurl a slur at Lily Evans. He’d said so immediately, tossing the words up like a shield against her accusation. She and the crowd around them were meant to understand that this made him different and better. Potter was equally the boy who’d singled out another student and made  awful sport of him without provocation, and Razi understood on a personal level how that could sicken a person.

Potter wasn’t Mulciber. The chill in his eyes was harsh and jarring because it was atypical, so far removed from his usual ease and mischief.  The student he’d singled out had likely singled out others and Razi had seen him stand idly by as they’d done much worse to people. They were neither of them innocent. Still, Snape was one person while James had back up. James had struck first and hard. This was wrong.

She wasn’t the only one who thought so. She hadn’t missed Lupin, hanging back and focusing intently on his book even as Pettigrew had crowded against him trying for a better view. Of course he’d never say anything. Snape wasn’t worth the fallout that would result if he did, even Razi knew that much.

As Evans hurried away, Razi saw some of the tension drain from Snape’s face and posture only to return in force when Potter’s next spell swept him into the air.

“Who wants to see me take off Snivelly’s pants?” Potter asked the crowd. 

Razi had seen enough. She walked at an even pace towards the stairs and up towards the library. She had research to do, and studying.

 ____

It would be wrong to say that life calmed down after OWLs. Alyssa was still dating Avery. Razi still had her apprenticeship. The death notices still came on occasion. The world was sliding slowly and inexorably into darkness, and most importantly, end of term exams still loomed. The more correct description of the state of things, to Razi’s mind, was that the chaos had become familiar.

She had routines for completing assignments while making time to experiment for her apprenticeship and spending time with Elaine’s band of misfits and the eagles in their tower. She even had time, on weekends or in the early hours, to work on the puzzle of the Ministry guidebook.  When she walked into common room to the sight of her best friend on the arm of Avery’s chair as Mulciber seethed nearby, she knew how to greet her and then fade into the background again. She knew when and how to find Alyssa and get them to places where they could talk unobserved, making plans, or just speaking about their increasingly separate lives and having a moment to feel normal.

On the Friday before exams, Razi was standing in the middle of the Charms classroom incanting under her breath with her wand raised.  Flitwick and Evans were sitting together at his desk watching as the light moved unnaturally, darkening half of the room utterly before shifting again. Grey swirls of lighter shadows moved eerily in the blackness giving brief glimpses of the things on that side of the room.  On the other side of the room, the lights burned brighter.

The spell faltered briefly as Razi moved from her usual incantations to apply a newer skill.  Evans’ work had revolved around the bending of existing spells through will and Razi applied her theory as she whispered, “Nox” and the lights under control of her spell went out, leaving a single candle in the center of the room, its light trapped like an invisible lantern. She held it for three or four breaths then lowered her wand, ending the spell as the professor and her fellow apprentice applauded.  Out of the corner of Razi’s eye she thought that she saw something move but she dismissed it as her eyes still adjusting.

“Congratulations,” Flitwick said, “to both of you. You have worked hard in these weeks and much has come of it.  I have books for each of you to borrow for the summer, selected to guide your research. If you require other references, you may take them from the library, with the understanding that if they are not returned we shall simply turn you over to Madame Pince. I look forward to reading your thorough notes on the preselected tomes and their applications for your work  when we return in the fall.”

“Yes Professor,” The two students chorused, though Evans added, “Thank you.” 

He dismissed the pair, and Razi went off to force herself to study and not to think about how soon it would be until she saw her mother again. As the door closed behind them, Professor Dumbledore flickered into view.

“You’ve done well with them,” he praised, walking over to Flitwick.

“They are bright and eager students. I dislike betraying their confidence,” Flitwick replied.

“And so I thank you all the more for doing it,” Dumbledore said. “If you would continue steer them towards the more practical applications of their work in the coming year, I would thank you for that as well.”

“They seem inclined to move in that direction regardless of how I steer them,” Flitwick told him. “I will assist them as I’ve agreed.”

Dumbledore nodded and went on his way; there were more apprentices to observe and the actual work of running the school to attend to. He allowed himself a smile as he vanished, quite literally, into the corridor; it was lovely to see a plan going well. That his seemed to do so rather often did not diminish his pleasure.

____

Days later, Razi was beginning her journey home for the summer. Pepper and Elaine were with her, walking slightly ahead as they went out to meet the carriages down to Hogsmeade station. They’d nearly made it to the door when the sound of Razi’s name stopped her.

She turned to see Jonathan approaching her and she offered him a small and fleeting smile. Razi had wondered if the opportunity to speak to Jonathan would present itself. He was graduating, going out into the world with all of the lessons and honors he’d received as a student.

“You’re almost done now,” she remarked. “How does it feel?”

“Like an ending, though a good one. I should be getting to the train, as should you, but I’ve enjoyed our discussions. Can I have another on the way?” Jonathan asked.

“Of course,” Razi replied, walking forward and keeping her young friends in sight. “Just recall the futility of asking me to behave.”

“I do know you a bit, after these years,” Jonathan shot back. “So I’ll also assume that I don’t need to ask you to look out for my sister.”

“She can look out for herself and me too. We’ll both be fine,” Razi assured him. “I expect to hear from you. You could even come for lunch when Alyssa comes to visit this summer, if you like. Mother is always happy to have another guest. ”

 “I’ll owl or have Alyssa mention it if I can come along,” he told her.

The group stopped in front of a carriage.

“Thank you,” Razi said on impulse. “You’ve helped me and been kind. You didn’t have to be.”

“You’ve helped me as well, but of course you’re welcome,” Jonathan replied, giving her a quick hug.  “If you will not behave, be good – there is a difference and you know it. Be careful. Some rules shouldn’t be ignored.”

“Sometimes we make our own rules, “Razi said in answer even as she nodded acquiescence. “I know that you’ll make great ones.”

“I’ll try,” he said then rushed off to catch up with Pratchett and Amanda who were getting into a carriage with several other Ravenclaw students.

 Razi’s talk with Jonathan had given Matt a chance to catch up and the four of them got into the carriage.  As was becoming a pattern, they sat together and were joined by Alyssa later on.  Up and down the train people were saying their goodbyes and planning meetings over the long months of summer. There was angst over exam results, and over OWL and NEWT scores.  Razi understood the impulse to say, feel, and do it all before the train stopped, but she was with her friends and on her way home to her mother.  The worries and the emotions would be there later. Razi focused in on her conversation with Alyssa on the feasibility of using a potion on the ministry guidebook, and she enjoyed it until, finally, the train pulled into King’s Cross.  


	23. Chapter 23

Alyssa curled up against the train window, Polyjuice Potion: the Evolution of Disguise Through the Ages held resolutely in front of her face. Nobody expected her to join a conversation when she was reading: she _was_ a Ravenclaw.

It was one of many such tricks she had learned in the past two years or so. So long as Alyssa had a book, no one expected her to respond. Interestingly, no one ever bothered to check whether or not she was actually _reading_ the book.

“Those first years never knew what hit them,” Mulciber bragged. Alyssa turned a page with exaggerated care.

“I find your penchant for tormenting them boring,” Mierin said, turning a page of her own. People bothered Mierin when she was reading. Probably her magazines weren’t as intimidating as the tomes Alyssa lugged around, which could be as big as her head and which people seemed to think she would want to talk about. “Surely you’ve better uses of your time. Potter, for instance.”

“Not all of us have your penchant for daredevilry,” Avery said dryly.

“Oh?” Mierin asked. “Scared of Potter now?”

Alyssa turned another page. Mierin had been challenging Avery more and more recently, pulling at the yoke of his leadership. Alyssa’s money was on Avery, but only because she didn’t think Mierin wanted to be in charge of anything but herself.

Alyssa couldn’t say she blamed her.

“Josh isn’t scared of Potter,” Mulciber said, leaping to his friend’s defense. “He just knows it’d be stupid to fight the Head Boy – especially with his posse.”

“We have a posse,” Mierin retorted, not quite willing to separate herself from the group yet.

“They have Evans,” Mulciber muttered.

“She’s a mudblood with a talent for potions, not a demon. Alyssa’s better at them anyway.”

Alyssa hated that she no longer flinched when someone said ‘mudblood’. She hated that she liked it when Mierin said her potions were better than Evans’. She hated that she still enjoyed Mierin’s company.

Mostly she hated that she hadn’t gotten away to spend any time with Razi and Ms Levine over winter break.

“Snape beat her on that last practical,” Mulciber said.

“Blake!” Avery exclaimed. He was still convinced that Alyssa was sensitive about that. She was, but not in the way he thought. She was going to _obliterate_ Snape in the next practical: Mulciber’s weekly reminders just hardened her resolve.

“Don’t _glare_ at me like that, Smythe,” Mulciber snapped. “She can’t hear me anyway, she’s got her face in a book. You know how she is. Blythe!”

Alyssa let herself look up, blinking as if startled.

“Did you hear what I just said?”

“Was it important?” she asked.

“No,” Mierin said, still glaring at Mulciber. “Just his usual nonsense.”

Alyssa smiled at her, accepted a kiss from Josh, and went back to her book.

That night at the feast, Alyssa sat with Razi and Elaine instead of Avery. She no longer sat at the Ravenclaw table if she could help it: no one had so much as sneezed in her direction since the end of fifth year. She _slept_ in the Slytherin dorms now, mostly.

“I don’t understand why you won’t just break up with him,” Jonathan had said yet again over winter break. He still came to the Christmas parties, though she was sure it was just to see her. He and Gideon had to arrive separately.

“I don’t ask you to break up with Gideon just because nobody approves,” she snapped, and immediately looked around to make sure no one had heard her.

“The people who don’t like me,” Jonathan said, “are the ones who like Avery.”

She should just tell him, she thought as Razi filled her in on the Levine Christmas celebrations. It wasn’t as if he could _stop_ her, could he?

He could tell Avery. Whether or not Avery believed him would be a different matter, but Mulciber would believe it in a flat second. He wouldn’t target Alyssa, and he wouldn’t target Razi out of self-preservation, but Elaine was only in her third year. Alyssa felt a bundle of panic rise in her throat. Elaine had four more years after this one, and Razi and Alyssa wouldn’t be there. People who wouldn’t hesitate to hurt Alyssa’s friends would hesitate to offend Avery, but if Avery wasn’t here...

She couldn’t tell Jonathan.

“I don’t suppose there’s an accelerated program you could take?” she asked Elaine in the middle of Razi’s recitation of Ms Levine’s latest winter gardening endeavor.

Razi and Elaine looked at her oddly.

“Razi and I could help you,” Alyssa said, warming to the topic. “Between the two of us we can manage most classes. You could be the youngest graduate of Hogwarts! Surely that appeals to your ambition. Let’s go talk to Slughorn. Maybe we can get you out of here with us at the end of the year.”

Understanding flooded Elaine’s face, though Razi went back to inscrutability.

“I haven’t even taken OWLs,” Elaine reminded her gently. “And what about the rest of us? Are you going to tutor the entire muggleborn student population for early graduation?”

Alyssa did not say that she did not care about the entire muggleborn student population. She thought it, briefly and furiously, but she did not say it. Elaine did not understand that Alyssa had to prioritize. Elaine would not understand if Alyssa explained.

Razi did. Her best friend exchanged a knowing look with her before Alyssa stood and said, “I’m off to spend some time with the boyfriend before he pines away.”

“Alyssa,” Elaine began, but Razi shook her head at their younger friend, and Alyssa went to sit beside Avery.

He put his arm around her when she sat, and smiled, and she wished her return smile wasn’t sincere.


	24. Chapter 24

“Razi, I’m nearly a fourth year student. Surely by now I can protect myself enough? And you’re almost done here. She doesn’t have to do this,” Elaine said. She spoke quietly, careful of the angle of her face though the silencing barrier would prevent those around them from overhearing. 

Razi sighed but shook her head. “Halfway out of a dangerous situation is exactly in the middle of it. You can’t afford to get too comfortable. Besides, she’s never had to do this. It was all always her choice and if we don’t respect that, no one will.”

“You want me to respect that she’s with that-”

Razi shook her head, “I want you to make your own choices and to allow her to make choices for herself. I want you safe and I want Vanessa to have someone she trusts in her house. I want your group to outlast our time here. You want some of that too, and as does she. We’re all agreed; trust me, even if you can’t trust her.”

“I do,” Elaine sighed, “It’s just hard. And I’m sorry; I know this is a bad place to talk about things.”

“Remember that in the future,” Razi said. “You might be able to manage silencing barriers and other wards now, by the way. I’ll add them to the list of things we need to go over this term. Did you read that book on warding theory?”

“Yes professor,” Elaine teased. “The three principles of proper protection spells are as follows…”

Elaine began listing them and Razi listened, but scanned the hall as she did. Vanessa Grey, the newest muggle-born student to be consigned to the dubious care of Slytherin house, was sitting with Pepper, Matt, and another of Elaine’s friends over at the Hufflepuff table. Coming to the school for the first time only the previous September, she trusted Alyssa even less than Elaine did and tended to retreat to simpler companionship when Alyssa sat down with them.

Razi didn’t blame her. Her friend was decidedly queen consort of Slytherin these days and avoiding those in power was a good strategy.

Matt caught her eye and smiled from his place next to Vanessa. Razi nodded back, dimly noting that a lot of things had advanced since they’d met years before. She was looking forward to speaking with him after dinner.

“You’ve got it,” Razi said, returning to her conversation. “I’ll show you the spells this weekend, and we’ll have you warding your own bed all by yourself inside of a month.”

Elaine had been doing a couple of more basic spells on her bed since the previous year, but Razi still came through her dorm regularly to add to them. Between her bed, Elaine’s, and Vanessa’s, it was no small task. If Elaine could do her own and help keep wards on her younger friend’s Razi would be able to spend more time studying for N.E.W.T.S or learning spells of her own from the ministry guidebook.

Over the last year, the odd book had been a puzzle to Razi, full of hidden instructions for detection spells and potions that revealed still other notes in the margins or significantly underlined passages. She’d done research on the person who’d signed the letter that had come with the book, but while Selan B. Spuake seemed to be well known, mentioned as an inspiration in books by several ministry officials, no one described him, or told how they met him. Razi had distant plans of taking the book to the ministry after graduation and asking to speak with him just to see what might happen.

Razi ate a bit more food before standing and preparing to leave the hall. Vanessa noticed and she met Razi and Elaine by the entrance to the hall.

“Common Room first or Winston?” Elaine asked as they started walking.

She was ostensibly asking both of them, but really she was checking to see if Vanessa would rather not spend the evening with her group. Razi suppressed a smile as the younger girl replied, nearly on top of the end of the question, “Winston.”  

When they came to the portrait, Vanessa said, “Levine won’t be a student here anymore after this year. You won’t get to see her as much, if ever.”

Razi felt warm as the portrait moved. She knew Winston that liked her but it was nice to get the reminder.

Over the next few minutes several others joined them in the room, including Matt, Pepper, Macdonald and several second years from Gryffindor who’d been recruited the previous year.  Romans, a fourth year from Ravenclaw entered shortly after with a couple of friends of hers.

“’lo, Tasha,” Elaine greeted. “Now that most of us are here, let’s get started.”

She sat on the desk and began listing out things that needed to be done soon, gathering schedules from the younger students that they walked with to class and planning meetings to learn protective spells and share bits of muggle news and culture that filtered in from home.

Razi was, by turns, impressed by how much their group did and worried about how much attention they drew. Still, with death notices coming even more frequently this year than they had in the last, and with Mulciber getting ever more creative in his methods, she knew that she’d be more worried if they were scattered and untrained.

They sat in the room planning for about half an hour before splitting off and talking casually.

Matt turned to her with a ready smile. “It’s been ages.”

“Since the train?” Razi teased. “You’re right, I don’t know how I’ve survived the hours.”

“I’m just relieved that you have, and thrived even. So, any big plans for your last term?”

“Getting through certain nastily exhausting tests not enough of a goal?”

“Not for you,” he said with some certainty. “You’ve been busy for as long as I’ve known you.”

“Not as busy as you lot have been this year. Have you made time to read anything since I saw you at New Year’s?”

Razi’d apparated to see several of her friends on the first of the year. She and Matt had spent a happy afternoon in a used book store they’d found.    

“Narnia has been my home lately, I wanted something light. You?”

They talked for a bit longer before the group broke up and headed towards their respective common rooms.

Elaine and Gray gave Razi knowing smiles as they walked, and Razi allowed it, though she and Matt weren’t involved as they assumed. It was harmless and made them happy, so she felt no need to invite that conversation by denying an unspoken inference. If that inference sparked interest in her, well, perhaps there’d be a more opportune time later their acquaintance when it might be explored. For the moment, he was a good friend who didn’t judge her for her friendship with Alyssa or rely on her more than she did on him, and the worth of that was immeasurable.

Razi pulled her wand out as they went down the stairs and into the dungeons but, though they were glared at by the occasional passing Slytherin, no one tried to approach them. Razi walked them to their dorms and then went to her own. When most of the girls in her dorm were asleep, she disillusioned herself and went back to cast wards on their beds.

On a whim and still rendered effectively invisible by the charm, she walked into the common room to find Avery holding court with a few of the others in their year. Alyssa was seated on the arm of his chair. It was not an unfamiliar sight, though never entirely a welcome one. The Slytherins gathered around them, hovering as Avery spoke to Mulciber. Despite ostensibly listening to his best friend, his eyes never really left Alyssa for long.

 Razi could see the almost covetous love in his eyes when he looked at her. She saw the way his eyes flitted down from her face, the way he held her hand where it rested on his leg. The way she looked back, and leaned into him even as she spoke quietly with Smythe. That was a pit of trouble that Razi was content to walk around. She couldn’t help but see that Smythe was sitting a bit too close, that Avery’s weren’t the only wandering eyes, though Smythe’s focus seemed to be on the way that Alyssa’s hand turned to clasp Avery’s, still resting above his knee. Razi couldn't not notice, but she didn't allow herself to give it much thought either. Alyssa was with Avery, was conning Avery, and Smythe was just…. A side-effect? The line between near traitorous truth and protective lie had always been thinner and more permeable than Razi would like for it to be. 

Razi told herself that this could only last, at the most, another six months. Their time at Hogwarts and safety that Alyssa bought had the same expiration date. If there was any luck in the world, the friendship between her and Elaine might keep Elaine safe in their absence, but they’d have other things in place by then. Alyssa could undo the damage to herself that had resulted and they could enter true adulthood unburdened by all of this. As she walked back to her bed, she forcibly shut down the image of something soft and warm inside the contentment on her friend’s face. It was good acting. Avery was a monster and no one knew that better than Alyssa, whatever she chose to use him for.

Razi slipped into her bed, taking the charm off, and fell asleep quickly.

\---------

The next day, Razi walked Vanessa and Elaine to the great hall for breakfast. When they were happily eating at Gryffindor table with Pepper, Razi sat down with her friends in Ravenclaw.

Delaney greeted her with a warm smile. “Razi, how was your break? Did you get the study guides that Amanda and I made?”

“I did,” Razi replied. “They were really helpful. I was sad to miss you on the train yesterday. Have I missed scheduling revision?”

“Just discussions of the years we want to cover this month,” Pratchett said, sitting down across from her. “Hard to do more until we get our class schedules.”

The last year and a half with the Ravenclaws had been calm and civil for the most part. They all knew what subjects they didn’t talk about now, and if sometimes they were tempted to retread old ground, well there was always a new journal article or book that could be discussed instead. It was dysfunctional and stilted sometimes, but it couldn’t really be any other way. In their eyes, her best friend was an avowed pureblood bigot and in love with the king of avowed pureblood bigots and she was condoning that out of some misguided loyalty. It made Razi tired to think on it much, but there was always new knowledge to keep everyone settled. Broken and odd though it all was, it worked.  Maybe things would be better once Alyssa left Avery. Maybe once they’d all graduated, it wouldn’t matter.

Professor McGonagall came through with the schedules, not even pausing as she delivered them to the handful of students who never sat where they were meant to. Razi examined hers comparing it to Delaney’s to get an idea of how Alyssa’s schedule might work. She’d be in class with her friend whenever she was in class, and over the next week she’d learn which of those classes she did not also share with Avery. She had plenty of free periods to use for study and research as well.  Just a moment after that Razi received her schedule, she got an owl from Flitwick, asking if she could meet to begin her work as an apprentice for the semester during her first free period on Tuesday. She replied promptly before leaving the hall to get her things for Arithmancy. 

The day passed quickly, ending in Raveclaw tower with a review of spells from the previous year and an exhausted trek to the dungeons just after curfew. 

\----

Razi held the wordless enchantment by sheer force of will, holding the unnatural shadow on floor and the illusion of a person standing in front of the window at the same time.  It was actually easier to do when she moved, but that was why she had to be still as she practiced. The disillusionment spell she’d cast before starting was holding steadily without continued attention.

“Try moving the illusion and the shadow in time with one another?” Flitwick asked. “I understand from your disciplinary record that you’ve some experience with timed spells.”     

The illusion waved its right hand and the shadow followed naturally before Razi fell to her knees and both illusions vanished. She heard Professor Flitwick cast a ‘finite’ in her direction and tried to find the strength to stand again but he walked over to her while summoning an elf to bring juice, bread topped with peanut butter, and some chocolate.

“Very good application of the theory, Miss Levine. You’ve clearly studied well over the break,” he said, conjuring a cushion and inviting her to sit. “That series should be easier to do with practice. It takes work to build up the strength to hold and manipulate so many spells at once. Your wave there was remarkable.”

“Thank you professor. I’ll continue working on it,” Razi replied. The elf came back with the food and she realized that she was starving despite the breakfast she’d had not long before. “Is there a specific action I should try for?”

“Natural movement,” Flitwick suggested. “When one figure and shadow get easier, add another and try to make it seem as though the two are conversing behind a silencing barrier. At some point you might try for showing an animagus transformation, but that may be something to consider after you leave school. I know that preparation for N.E.W.Ts must remain a priority this year.”

Razi nodded, taking a bite of some chocolate.

“It must, but I do find myself really interested in this. Are there more books on magical shadows and light manipulation that you would recommend? Or is there an expert that I should write to?” Razi asked, feeling stronger and standing up, moving the conjured cushion into a nearby chair before sitting down again.

“There are some papers that you might find instructive, but you may benefit from avoiding them for a while yet,” Professor Flitwick replied. “I’ve seen you attempt things that they speculate are impossible and fail, only to make discoveries on the path to seeing them work properly. I think that it might be rather more fun to go your own way before looking back to see how far behind you’ve left them.”

He finished on a laugh and Razi allowed a small smile before retrieving her things and preparing to leave.

“Thank you for your guidance, sir. We meet again in a week?” she asked.

“Just so, Miss Levine. I shall see you in class.”

Flitwick moved to sit down at his desk and began writing as Razi left.

Still tired, Razi went to an empty classroom not far off to study and try new spells on the Ministry Guidebook. The book was teaching her ways to continue examining it, and she was going to keep studying it until she understood why.

     


	25. Chapter 25

Alyssa wasn’t sure what woke her: the drapes around Avery’s bed were closed, all silencing charms in place, and there weren’t any goosebumps rolling across her skin that couldn’t be explained by the chilly dorm room. Finally, a tiny speck of light caught her attention.

It held far too steady to be anything but wand-cast, since the windows in the dorm did not allow for sunbeams. Was Razi signaling her?

She slipped out of bed. Avery made a face and flung an arm out as if searching for her, but he stayed asleep, so she tip-toed out. No one in the other beds stirred either.

Mierin stood just outside the door, spinning her wand lazily in her fingers. “Morning,” she said.

Alyssa sighed. “It’s Saturday, Mierin. Don’t you ever sleep?”

“Sleep is for the weak,” Mierin said airily, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “Or for those who don’t have cosmetic spells.”

“I don’t have cosmetic spells,” Alyssa told her.

Mierin grinned. “You don’t need them. Come on, let’s go watch the sun come up or something.”

Alyssa followed her. Mierin was much better company when Avery wasn’t around, and watching sunrises wasn’t something she was known for – Alyssa wanted to know what was up.

Mierin led her through a warren of passages until they emerged near the quidditch field.

“I’m in my pajamas,” Alyssa protested, looking around. Her pajamas were a sensible flannel top and pants, but it was the _principle_ of the thing. You didn’t just wander outside in your pajamas.

“So am I,” Mierin pointed out, spreading her arms so Alyssa could see Mierin’s silky shorts and somewhat less silky camisole. “Come on, Alyssa. Live a little! There isn’t anybody but me here anyway.”

Alyssa crossed her arms and considered. It was true, there didn’t seem to be anyone around – a minor miracle, given their proximity to the quidditch pitch.

“We can go back if you want to,” Mierin said. If Mulciber had said it, Alyssa would have known it was a taunt. If Avery had said it, he would already be guiding her back inside. Jonathan wouldn’t have done this in the first place, and Alyssa would not have questioned Razi.

Mierin said it as if it was obvious – they would go back if Alyssa wanted, to change clothes or just pretend the outing had never happened.

It wasn’t like Mierin had never seen her in her pajamas before.

Alyssa stepped forward and caught Mierin’s hand. “Show me what this is all about,” she said.

Mierin laughed and pulled her with interlaced fingers into the dressing rooms.

It turned out to be all about quidditch.

“Shouldn’t someone be practicing?” Alyssa asked, whispering as if someone was and would hear her.

“Technically,” Mierin agreed as she opened the door to the changing rooms for Alyssa. “Dawes let me have it for the morning.”

“Dawes let you,” Alyssa began, but a quidditch jersey – Slytherin, of course – was tossed over her head. When she managed to disentangle herself and pull it fully over her head she wrinkled her nose at Mierin, who raised both eyebrows and tugged another jersey over her own head.

Fine. Alyssa didn’t need to know why the Slytherin quidditch captain had reserved practice time and then given it to Mierin.

She didn’t need to, but she desperately wanted to. More importantly, she wanted to know why Mierin thought it was necessary.

They strapped on the pads at Alyssa’s insistence, Mierin pulling on a pair of slightly too-large pants, and hopped onto the brooms Mierin had waiting.

Flying barefoot in pajamas was a new experience for Alyssa, and usually her hair was tied back when she was on a broom, but when Mierin produced a quaffle for them to throw back and forth Alyssa decided not to care. The wind felt good in her hair anyway.

When they landed, laughing and pink-cheeked from the wind, Mierin staggered into Alyssa. Alyssa flung an arm around her so neither of them would fall.

“There,” Mierin said, leaning in as Alyssa braced her feet. “You had fun?”

“I had fun,” Alyssa confirmed, though now that they were done her pajamas were sweat-stuck to her in several places that the cool breeze made her shiver. Her hair would probably take forever to brush. Mierin put her arm around Alyssa’s waist, huddling against her as they hurried back to the locker rooms.

“What was that all about, anyway?” Alyssa asked as, out of the wind now, she began to divest herself of pads and jersey.

“I thought you said you had fun,” Mierin said. She did not take off her jersey, though the pants were hung back up. Alyssa thought of what Mierin’s camisole probably looked like after a workout and sympathized, though if Mierin was going to be running around and surprising people with impromptu quidditch games at infeasibly early hours on Saturday she should probably look into more practical nightwear.

Mierin’s jersey covered the edges of her shorts, Alyssa couldn’t help but notice. It was almost like she was wearing only the jersey, which would be even more impractical than the shorts and camisole for broom riding.

“Alyssa,” Mierin prompted, hand on one hip. A few strands of hair stuck to her cheeks, but otherwise she looked remarkably unruffled. Mierin had, like Jonathan and Razi and Josh, become used to Alyssa’s silent tangents.

“I had fun,” Alyssa assured her. “That doesn’t answer my question.”

Mierin shrugged and turned away to stow the pads. She was wearing Wilke’s jersey, Alyssa noted. Alyssa was wearing Dawes’. “You seemed down lately,” Mierin said, voice only a little muffled by the locker. “I thought maybe flying might cheer you up. You didn’t even try out for the team this year.”

Trying out for the team would have been difficult, since Pratchett still avoided her.

“I have so many classes,” Alyssa said. “I have to do well in them. Even if most of them are easy, Defense Against the Dark Arts isn’t my best subject, you know.”

Mierin snorted. “None of it’s _easy_ , Alyssa. I see how you work.”

Alyssa managed to shrug, but it took a split second longer than she thought a real reaction would have. She was sure Mierin noticed.

She worked hard to make it look like she _wasn’t_ working hard with the obvious exception of Defense Against the Dark Arts, where she had essentially become the collective project of her Slytherin yearmates. Even Mulciber had gotten in on it, though always with a sneer. Razi had always considered her something of a project anyway.

“I’m a Ravenclaw,” Alyssa said. “It’s my job to get good grades.”

Mierin snorted again. “Men hardly ever change their minds, Alyssa, even when presented with evidence. Flitwick already knows what he think about you. Slughorn too.”

That hurt. Slughorn, of course, had his little parties, and Alyssa no longer avoided them. She went with Avery nearly every time, but all Slughorn wanted to talk about was her father’s work in the ministry. Alyssa knew next to nothing about her father’s work in the ministry except that it seemed to involve a great deal of sitting in his study with other men his age and older, his wife and children banned from the room.

The only time her mother remembered seeing her mother glare was when that door closed in her face despite being several feet away. After that Irene Blythe avoided the hallway altogether and smiled prettily no matter what.

Alyssa didn’t really want Slughorn to like her, but it would have been nice to know he had invited her to his club because of her skills and not her father’s connections. Flitwick, though? Alyssa had _liked_ Flitwick. He answered questions fully and precisely, he didn’t treat anyone as if they were stupid. He had directed Alyssa to some of her favorite potions books over the years. It hurt that he didn’t think she could do anything useful.

What did Slughorn and Flitwick see – or not see – that told them she couldn’t be useful? Was it her work, or was it something else?

“You should talk to McGonagall,” Mierin said. “She won’t have formed an opinion on you yet, probably. And even if she has, she’ll still notice if whatever she thought of you doesn’t match up with what she’s seeing.”

“You think so?” Alyssa asked.

“Didn’t I say so?” Mierin retorted, turning back around. “Come on. Let’s go practice your footwork.”

“I’m going to read your History of Magic essay,” Alyssa threatened, following her. “I’m going to find at least six mistakes.”

Mierin laughed. “You can try!”

Alyssa found only five, and one of them was a common misspelling. Her footwork was still subpar.

 

* * *

 

 

Two weeks later, Alyssa stood outside McGonagall’s office, eyeing the door. She had an appointment. She’d be late if she waited more than three minutes to knock.

“I haven’t seen you get caught for anything,” Razi said from behind her.

“I haven’t done anything worth catching me for,” Alyssa replied, still staring at the door. Two minutes, some-odd seconds.

“As a rule, people don’t visit McGonagall for fun.”

“I’m almost positive half the trouble Black gets into is so he can snark with McGonagall without being accused of actually liking her.”

“There’s an exception to every rule,” Razi said.

Probably Alyssa still had two minutes. She wished passionately for a muggle watch like the one Ms. Levine always wore.

“I’m going in,” she said, and opened the door.

“Blythe,” McGonagall said. “Perfectly punctual, as usual.”

Alyssa glanced behind her. Razi waved once and disappeared into the shadows. Alyssa closed the door. “Yes, Professor.”

“Sit down, Blythe.”

“Yes, Professor,” Alyssa said, perching on the edge of one of McGonagall’s chairs.

McGonagall watched her over the rims of her spectacles. Alyssa focused on McGonagall’s inkwell, which was plain brass but very shiny.

“You made this appointment, Blythe,” McGonagall said finally.

“Yes, Professor.”

McGonagall, when Alyssa glanced up from the inkwell, had pursed her lips. “Well?”

“I-” Alyssa stopped and cleared her throat. “I need advice?”

“Is that a question? Are you unsure?” McGonagall asked.

“No! I – I need advice.”

“Something you could not discuss with your head of house?” McGonagall prompted.

“In a manner of speaking?”

McGonagall nodded slowly. “Many young women come to me for advice,” she said as slowly as she’d nodded. “I have to warn you, I am not the most qualified to dispense advice on dealing with quarrels or boyfriend difficulties, but I will of course do my best.”

Alyssa bit back a smile in spite of herself. Professor McGonagall had, at the mention of boyfriends and quarrels, looked as if she sucked on an unsweetened lemon.

“None of that, Professor,” she said, more comfortable with a woman who, like herself, seemed more at home with practical details than emotions. “I was looking for career advice.”

“You’re two years later than usual,” McGonagall said. “Did Professor Flitwick not answer questions to your satisfaction in your fifth year? There isn’t much to do about missing requirements now, unless you’re looking for extra points in Transfiguration. However, I can assure you that your performance in my classes has always been acceptable.”

Better than _acceptable_ , Alyssa thought with a brief flash of irritated pride. _Exceeds expectations_ , thank you.

Well. She had exceeded the OWL examiners’ expectations. Maybe McGonagall’s expectations were higher.

“No,” Alyssa said. “I mean, if you’d like to give me extra credit work I won’t say no, but… I’m not sure Professor Flitwick is the best person to advise me.”

“Professor Flitwick is highly qualified, and your head of house,” McGonagall said.

“Professor Flitwick has always been kind to me,” Alyssa said carefully. “But I don’t know if his assessment of my abilities is accurate.”

McGonagall sat back in her chair, arms draped to either side, to examine Alyssa from top to toe. “I will be frank, Blythe,” she said. “I am not sure of Professor Flitwick, but it is not your abilities that I doubt.”

Alyssa blinked. “No?”

“No,” McGonagall confirmed.

“My dedication then?” Alyssa asked. “My work ethic-”

“I do not doubt your dedication to whatever you set your mind to, nor your ability to succeed,” McGonagall said. “But sometimes I wonder what you would like to succeed _in_. Some of the staff are of the opinion that you would like only to succeed at marriage. I do not disparage marriage – I myself would not be here without it, as my parents are the traditional sort. Nor do I disparage wanting to be married.”

“But?” Alyssa prompted.

McGonagall sighed. “I am disappointed,” she said. “And not by your academics.”

Alyssa had known dating Avery would affect her life, even if she broke up with him immediately after graduation as she planned. She had not, for some reason, thought of how it would affect her _career prospects_.

“I see,” Alyssa said finally. “But I can’t help your disappointment, Professor.”

McGonagall sighed, a full-bodied thing that raised and lowered her shoulders. “As I thought. Well. Your Potions work is, obviously, exemplary.”

Alyssa nodded, though she wanted to shout. McGonagall thought her potions were good. It didn’t matter what McGonagall thought of her personally, Alyssa assured herself, she thought Alyssa’s work was exemplary. McGonagall, who thought an exceeds expectations was only acceptable _._ She thought it was _obvious_.

“If you plan to go into pure research, however,” McGonagall said, “you could focus a little more on your Charms. No one wants a researcher who can’t properly protect themselves from mishaps.”

“Charms,” Alyssa murmured. She wasn’t terrible at Charms. She was in fact rather good: it was impossible to study with Razi and not pick up some skill in the area.

But then again, McGonagall was right. She could be better.

“Researchers do have to petition for grants, and usually they need another job to support themselves and to prove that those grants will be well spent,” McGonagall continued. “You could of course apply to St Mungo’s – they are always in need of Healers or even just someone to stock the supply room. That would give you connections and ideas for grants, as well as some paperwork I’ll get to you within the week. Some researchers manage to be hired at the Ministry. There you would work often in conjunction with cursebreakers and often with the Auror department – poison being something of a worrisome subject these days. You might, if you could pull your performance in Defense Against the Dark Arts up again, be eligible for Auror training, if that is the most secret and deepest desire of your heart.”

Her sarcasm was noted, but she had still given Alyssa more options.

“There are of course the Unspeakables,” McGonagall finished. “I think, however, that there would already be signs if you were being considered for that profession.”

Alyssa nodded. She had contacts in the ministry already. Her parents might be pleased if she tried to use them, though they might not like her working with the Aurors.

Supposing, of course, that they noticed her trying to use them. She might have to ask.

“Thank you for your time, Professor,” she said. “And your honesty.”

McGonagall smiled a little. “I think you will always find me honest,” she said.

Alyssa nodded again and left, closing the door behind her.


	26. Chapter 26

Razi was, as a rule, not very fond of potions. She was decent enough when she focused, but it wasn’t an art that she typically enjoyed. That she called it an art at all was purely a result of years of exposure to Alyssa, who adjusted instructions and considered changing colors and textures like an artist recreating a classic painting. Razi had never been much of an artist either.

There was a time and place for it though, as with most things. 

There’d been a death notice that morning. The black envelope delivered to Hufflepuff table over breakfast was the third in as many days.  They were only a month into the spring term but Razi had the horrifying sense that they were glimpsing a new normal. The emotional upheaval had the peculiar side effect of making her appreciate potions making more than she usual did.

The activity balanced space to think with need for action. The warmth of the low fire made the small room behind Winston’s portrait feel cozy and safe. The work settled her in ways that nothing else had managed since the first two notices had come during dinner on Sunday. 

Razi was making a ‘reveal and reversal’ potion. The instructions had revealed themselves that morning after Razi had used a spell to change the color of the ink, looking for something on a seemingly blank page that had cropped up in the middle of a section on magical law.  The potion was meant to undo complex spells that hid text so that masked material could be read.   The potion formed the base for another, which would make hidden text even more difficult to expose. 

Carefully stirring the forming potion, Razi let her mind drift back to the morning, when Slughorn, who’d been reluctant to allow her to use the school’s ingredients, had abruptly changed his mind and pulled her into the ingredients cupboard to get what she’d needed. 

“The ingredients are for use by potions students, Miss Levine, and while you were perfectly adequate during your time in my class-”

Razi had shifted her bag, settling the weight differently on her shoulder as she prepared to be dismissed.

“-on second thought, what’s the harm, do take what you need, but don’t make too much of a habit of it.”

Something in her bag then?

Razi adjusted the heat on the potion before adding in the last ingredient – white chrysanthemum roots, of all things – and taping the side of the cauldron with her wand.

The answer struck her suddenly and seemed obvious. He’d seen the guidebook.  As her mother might say, curiouser and curiouser.

Razi put out the flame beneath the cauldron and transfigured a quill into a brush. The sound of a voice on the other side of the portrait made her tense, turning her wand towards the entrance. She lowered her wad when it opened, revealing Matt and a nervous looking Vanessa.

“’Lo Razi,” Vanessa said. “Mind if we spend the break with you?”

“The company might be nice,” Razi replied easily. “Come and sit down, just don’t laugh if this potion doesn’t do anything.”

Matt and Vanessa sat down, and he and Razi exchanged greetings as Razi dipped the brush she’d made into the potion and swept it down the margins of the page with the instructions on it, a streak of red that seemed harsh and eerie.

For a moment nothing happened, but then the potion seemed to evaporate, leaving behind numbers in an odd sequence. Spell or cipher, Razi wondered, but put the matter aside as Matt and Vanessa clapped.

She put a stasis spell on the potion and on the book before turning to her companions.

“Glad to have provided a show. Are you alright?” Razi asked. Her eyes scanned them for sign of injury or distress.  

“We’re fine,” Matt assured her, putting a hand on her arm. “Everyone’s as fine as anyone could be this week.  Mulciber and some of the others have been spotted lingering near some of our routes, but that’s nothing new, and they haven’t done anything.”

“You’re off by yourself,” Vanessa said, answering Razi’s unasked question. “There was a notice at breakfast, you’ve said we should be more careful after them. I wanted to walk to lunch with you.”

“I told her that you were fine,” Matt added, “but she said that she was worried, and there’s been enough of that. Besides, I wanted to ask if you have plans for Hogsmeade, this weekend.”

Razi focused on Vanessa first. “I know what I’ve said, and you’re right, perhaps I should be more careful today. Thank you for your concern, and well done, using it to your advantage.”

The eleven year old glowed with the praise as Razi turned to Matt. “There’s an N.E.W.T study meeting with the Ravenclaws at The Three Broomsticks, but I can come late, or leave early. You could even join us, if you wanted to work on preparation for O.W.Ls.” 

Razi gathered her things, put the cauldron on a low shelf at the back of the room, and cleaned the table with a quick spell.

“I wanted to check out some things at Zonko’s and Scrivenshaft’s,” Matt said. “I think I’d enjoy seeing one of these infamous  Ravenclaw study sessions after, if you think it’d be alright.”

“The worst they’d do is ignore you,” Vanessa said, walking over the portrait and leading the way out. “They’re like that with Elaine sometimes, but I don’t think it’s always on purpose either.”

“It’s not,” Razi confirmed. “They’re like Romans… like Natasha Romans rather. I think it’s just a Ravenclaw thing. They get so deep into things that if you’re not falling in with them, they just can’t really hear you anymore. “   

Matt nodded his understanding, and three chatted idly till they reached the Great Hall.  

Razi, seeing Alyssa sitting by herself at the Ravenclaw table, went over to join her.  If she noticed the glances coming from farther up the table, or those from Slytherin, she was used to them. The pair engaged in some N.E.W.T review while they ate.

\----

That evening, after dinner, Razi met with Lily Evans in the Charms classroom to discuss the projects that they were working on with Professor Flitwick and get in a bit of practice.

Lily was sitting of the floor beside the tall window. She was surrounded by heavy tomes on magical theory but she’d taken a break to help Razi work on making her illusions more believable.

“Show me James. James Potter,” Lily requested, smiling at the name as she had since about half-way into the previous term. Razi didn’t entirely see the appeal, but she’d noticed that the tenor of the Marauders’ pranks had changed, that Potter seemed different. Feeling a bit mischievous, she dimmed the candle light. It was easy enough to do non-verbally now that she had more control.  She wove the illusion of the bespectacled young man with dark hair and warm brown skin kneeling in front of Lily. The illusion reached a hand inside a pocket, as though preparing to pull something out.

“His eyes are a shade too dark,” Lily said absently, momentarily transfixed by the image, “and there’s a small, white scar just there, at his wrist.”

Lily moved to touch the image, to show Razi where the scar should be. Her face flushed as she added, “Everyone thinks we’re headed here, but it’s only been months.  My mum and da where together for ages longer.  I like to think we’ll have time to wait and see.”

The illusion of James pulled a flower, a mum, from inside his pocket, and held it out with a smile and a casual shrug. The color of his eyes lightened as a scar rose on his wrist. The room itself got brighter as Razi released her hold on the candlelight.

“There are so many small things,” Lily said. “You’d have to really know the person to make it perfect, but that’s very close.  Do you need a break?”

Razi nodded, and dispelled the illusion before pulling a Mars bar from her bag and offering it to Lily, still wrapped.

Lily accepted it with thanks.

“You’re welcome,” Razi said, pulling out another for herself. “Mum got a bit out of control with them; I’ll be finding them hidden in my things for months.” 

“Then you may get to return a few.” Lily grinned. “Only so many of those left here. Have you worked out what you’ll do for the final project?”

“I have some thoughts,” Razi replied.  Something about the set-up of the final project made her anxious. There was no reason for it. It was just like the demonstration she’d done for Flitwick last year and the year before. It was nothing like either of those though, because the headmaster, tall and spindly, with those eyes of his ever-searching, was nothing like short, kind Professor Flitwick. Flitwick was easy to perform for. He delighted in her progress and thrilled respectfully at the instructive possibilities in her failures. Albus Dumbledore plotted.

“What are you doing for it?” Razi asked, keeping up her end of the conversation. “Have you decided when you’ll set the meeting?”

“After N.E.W.Ts,” Lily answered.  “I made the appointment last week. You?”

“I haven’t made the appointment, but perhaps I’ll plan to do it before we test. Holding multiple spells at once is nastily exhausting enough. I’d like to be able to sleep after the tests,” Razi said.

They talked a bit longer, and Lily demonstrated some of her own work with manipulating spell effects. She showed Razi how, by visualizing the desired effect, she could make a shield of water or ice with a simple _aguamenti._    With an _avis_ charm and the wand motions for a spell to make flames, she made a flock of firebirds that circled the room, only to be banished before they could land and do harm. 

When Razi had recovered enough, she crafted an image of Elaine. Evans had been joining Macdonald in meeting with Elaine’s group for a while, and she knew her image well enough to critique Razi’s illusion.

On a whim, Razi imagined her older. The illusion stretched upward and lines that had been straight when they’d met softened to more pronounced curves. The determination in her smile became more self-assured. Her clever eyes grew wise with experience.  The image pulled a wand out and silently cast “lumos”.  Razi dimmed the room just enough to make the wand’s light stand out more. The illusion raised the wand high and Razi worked to keep the resulting shadows realistic, to hold it solid through the motion. When it put out the light with a mouthed ‘nox’, it took a slow bow and then moved to sit on the floor beside Lily.  

“Your best one of the night,” Lily declared.  Razi, taking deep breaths, ended the spells and rested a bit more while Lily went back to her work.

They gathered their things and began walking towards Winston’s portrait. As they got close to it, Lily seemed to remember something and turned to Razi.

“Zonko’s is looking for paid apprentices. James found out when Sirius wrote to them asking about jobs.  Even if you don’t want to do it forever, think how much fun it would be. Would you like the information about it?”

“That would be great,” Razi said, startled. “Thank you.  You plan to apply?”

“Of course, and if we both get in neither of us will have to break in a new research partner,” Lily said, grinning.     

 Razi nodded amiably and spoke to Winston, who opened for the story of one of the notices from the previous week. Of course he’d heard it before, but he moved all the same as Razi considered how nice it might be to work in Hogsmeade Village. 

Elaine and Vanessa greeted her with fond smiles as Lily moved to sit beside Macdonald.

Zonko’s wouldn’t be Hogwarts, but it would be in sight of the castle and her friends who’d reached their third year could come and visit from time to time. Maybe it could be close enough.  She resolved to apply as she turned her attention to the others in the room and got swept up in the mix of greetings and partings as they prepared to head off to their house dorms for the night.   

Before the week was out, she’d sent both her Zonko’s application and the request for the appointment for her charms demonstration by owl post.

\---

 Razi and Matt had breakfast together in the great hall on Saturday morning. The early risers of Hufflepuff house were used to Razi and no one so much as glanced up till the sound of wings signaled the post’s arrival. Razi was pleased as an owl with a letter from her mother flew over. She paid him the three knut fee for muggle to magical postage and opened the letter.

 

 

 

> “My dearest Razi,
> 
>      Despite the cold, those herbs we put on the greenhouse shelves are starting to peak through the soil. They’re shy, but I daresay they’ll do. You were shy once, and you grew up just fine-”

Feeling a smile working its way onto her face, she stowed the letter away in her bag to read it later.

Matt, who’d gotten a thicker envelope, pulled out a note before passing it across the table.

“Mum finally developed the pictures from my sister’s birthday. Have a look,” he invited.

Razi did, seeing pictures of a happy newly nine year old girl smiling widely. Matt had been going off to Hogwarts since the girl was four years old, Razi remembered.  As she flicked through them she tried to imagine how hard it must be to watch a sibling grow up in photographs and summers.  She put the thought away as it occurred to her that her mother didn’t even get pictures when Razi was away at school.

“She’s a lovely young woman,” Razi said, giving the pictures back. “Any sign that she’s more magical than we already know?”

“She’s not,” Matt told her. “There was a dementor in the churchyard when they buried our grandfather last year, and she couldn’t see it. I felt guilty for how happy I was that she couldn’t, but she’d have freaked if she saw. It’s better this way. Safer.”  

“Maybe,” Razi said. “Does everyone else going down to the village have a buddy? Is Vanessa accounted for?”

“Yes and yes,” Matt replied. “Elaine and Tasha drew up charts and everything. Vanessa is spending the day in Gryffindor commons with some of her friends. We’re all fine.”

“Good,” Razi said. “Shall we head out?”

Razi glanced over at Slytherin table and saw Alyssa, Avery, Smythe, and Mulciber all standing to leave as well. Matt, following the line of her gaze, said, “Take another muffin, harder to find vegan things in Hogmseade right? I could hold some things for you.”

They stalled for time, grabbing snacks for the day. When Avery, Alyssa, their court, and other followers were well on their way, the two stood and set out for their day in the village.

\----

They took longer than either had planned on in getting to The Three Broomsticks that afternoon.  The joke shop, always a favorite of Razi’s, had taken on a new sheen of interest with the idea that she could be apprenticed to the shop owner. Then she’d met the woman, and really it was no wonder that they were late.

 he wizard at the front desk overheard her name. Matt had been trying to work out which magical sweets he might send to his sister (“Razi, do you think it’d break the statute if it’s only a sugar quill? The writing’s not very magical in the grand scheme of things.” ). The wizard at the front desk recognized the name from the post, and called for his boss, Zinnia Zonko. She and Razi had discussed the possible job for a while as Matt browsed . Razi’d allowed Matt to show her what he’d found to make up for leaving him without a companion, and they’d still needed to stop by Scrivenshaft’s for stationary.

 There was a nervous energy to the village as the moved between places. There were fewer people on the streets, more popping sounds as people apparated  near doors rather than linger outside. The tension made them walk faster, but it didn’t escape Razi that  most people were worried more about what might be waiting for them at home than any threat they might face in the village. Razi reached a hand into her school bag and touched the letter from her mother. There’d be time and privacy later, she told herself.

By the time they arrived at their destination, Delaney and Amanda were debating the uses of mandrake leaves.

“I hate to jump in,” Razi said approaching the table, “but you’re both sort of half wrong.”

“Please,” a harried looking Pratchett interjected, “jump in. I’m more confused now than when they started.”

Delaney laughed and pulled out a chair in welcome. Amanda glared at Pratchet and then at the seat the Razi was pulling over from a nearby table for Matt.

“You’ll all remember Matt Ellison? He’s studying for O.W.Ls, mind if he joins us?” Razi asked.

Pratchett and Delaney both shook their heads, and Amanda frowned but relented.  She mellowed still more when Matt offered to do flash cards with her despite the fact that most of the material would go over his head.

They studied there for most of the afternoon. Elaine and Pepper walked by their table, not stopping but letting Matt and Razi see that they were both well and together. Elaine had been carrying a bag heavy with sweets that muggle-born first and second years had sent her with money to procure. Razi smiled to herself, knowing that there were probably extra sugar quills and chocolate frogs for Vanessa in both girls’ bags.  It was nice to see lifelong friendships forming. It was nice to know that they’d have each other, whether or not Razi managed to stay nearby.

Glancing around the table, Razi thought about lifelong friendships. She watched Delaney and Amanda debate about the uses of a particular hex and felt the complex rush of fondness and the desire for distance that she always felt with them. They’d shunned Alyssa for literal years. They’d had what looked to be good and clear reasons. When the year ended and Alyssa no longer needed to carry on with Avery, would they apologize? Would they understand? Razi couldn’t see how they could ever be what they’d been before. She could barely imagine writing letters to them after the school year ended.

Matt touched her hand briefly, bringing her back to the present with a raised eyebrow and a question in his eyes. Razi shrugged and joined in the debate.  She had fun and learned several things about bat-bogey hexes that she might otherwise have missed. Maybe the way out of their mess of a situation was through it. If not, well, Razi had what she needed, had Alyssa and her mother, Elaine, Matt, and Vanessa. She even had a friend in Evans, and a clearer possibility for her future than she’d had since entering the wizarding world. It was enough to go forward with.

\------

Razi was eating breakfast with Elaine and Pepper at Gryffindor table when an owl dropped a letter from the headmaster beside her plate.

It was early on a Sunday, and the hall was less crowded than it often was. Elaine and Pepper likely wouldn’t have been there, but they’d promised to walk groups of Ravenclaws to study sessions in the library and out on the grounds so that the Ravenclaw girl in Elaine’s group could head down to the village.

Looking up the table, Razi noted that Lupin had received a similar envelope, as had Lily.

Razi opened the letter.

 

 

> “Miss Levine,
> 
>      Thank you for taking the time to note a preferred day for your demonstration. I am pleased that you desired to get it done before N.E.W.T.S, in particular do to the news I must now convey. Due to recent events, I find that I must ask you and your fellow apprentices to meet with me rather sooner than previously planned. I have set aside the morning of the first Tuesday in March, during your usual free period.  Come to my office with an open mind and be prepared to show what you’ve learned. I understand that you’ve substantially less time to prepare than you anticipated, and will keep that in mind.
> 
> Your forbearance is appreciated and I assure you that much will be explained when meet.
> 
> Albus Dumbledore”

Razi looked up at the head table, expecting to see the headmaster looking benevolent and enigmatic as always. Instead, she found his expression grave. The hall had gone quiet while Razi was reading. She looked around for the bird and the black envelope, for another death notice.

Elaine tapped Razi’s arm and Razi looked down at the copy of the Prophet that had been dropped off after the headmaster’s letter.

In bold black letters the headline read “Three Aurors killed defending Ministry official’s home”. Two of the three had left Hogwarts in the last three years. There’d be no notices for them in the hall, but there may as well have been. The grief and fear would spread as their friends came down to breakfast and learned of their fate.    

“I’ll find Vanessa and bring her to Winston if she wants to come,” Razi said, noticing the beginnings of worry on Elaine’s face. “She can help me with a project or study while you attend to the eagles.”

“I’ll see if she wants to join us. I already know where she is.” Elaine countered. “I’m fine to walk alone; no one ever bothers me anymore. Would you mind spending some time with them in the library? The grounds might be a bit much today, but-”

“I can do that,” Razi said.

“I can get things in the room set up for some hardcore hanging out if one of you wants to go by the kitchens with me,” Pepper suggested.

Razi agreed to walk with Pepper before heading over to meet the Ravenclaws.

She spent the day in the library trying to work out what to show the headmaster and watching the first years. She could see in them the same tension that straightened her spine, the same dull fear that she’d watched Elaine develop. She’d denied it in herself for so long, thought that she’d risen above it, only to realize that if she’d chosen her friends differently, she’d have been just like them.  Even as she thought this, she knew that it was wrong. They had never been alone as Razi would have been, because Elaine, Matt, and Pepper had realized ages before the first years arrived that they didn’t have to be.

Razi smiled to herself. When she found herself answering questions about the wizarding world, about Elaine, and the school, she answered – or refused to do so – kindly, and she filed them away for further use.

 

\---     

On the first Tuesday in March, Razi rose early and looked in on the other two muggle-born Slytherins, though her last round of wards wouldn’t need renewing for another week. She noted, a mix of pride and relief, that Elaine had managed one or two of her own since she’d been there last.

Razi went to the kitchens to have breakfast. The doors to the hall were closed when she passed, and murmur of the house elves moving around and starting their work was soothing.  She ate oatmeal, heavy with nuts and dried fruit, and got them to pour some tomato soup into a thermos her mother had sent her, in case she needed to eat after her demonstration. 

Her next stop was an empty classroom to go over her notes and consider her illusions a final time before making her way up to the headmaster’s office. 

“Sherbert lemons,” she told the gargoyle when she arrived, and he stepped aside, allowing her up the staircase.

Albus Dumbledore was seated behind his desk. His expression was calm and pleasant as he greeted Razi, but there was something in his eyes, in his posture, that made her hesitate at the door. Fawkes, his phoenix, was perched on the back of his chair, and he trilled a warming note or two.

“Come in, Miss Levine,” he instructed. “It is my understanding that you’ve been working on manipulating light and illusions. Show me what you’ve learned.”

Razi walked to stand in front of his desk . She considered the sources of light in the room, the candles and the windows, bright with morning.  Taking a deep breath she began the wordless enchantment that shifted the light from the part of the room where they were, slowly and subtly. Working her first illusion, she faded into the grey shadow and spelled herself invisible as she moved to stand in the closed doorway.  The stage was set.

Letting the light go back to normal, she sent the illusion of one of the Ravenclaw first years she’d spoken to in the library weeks before running up his desk.  She made certain that she shadows cast by the figure were natural and then used a spell to throw her voice, as she made the girl appear to ask questions.

“I’ll be safe if I’m not an auror right? Or a politician? They won’t come for me when I leave here?”

Another illusion ran up, asking, “What’s a spell really?” and then another, “Can I still just study maths? I like numbers.”

Other students from Elaine’s group joined the crowd until finally they stepped aside, allowing an illusion of Razi through to the desk. She bowed stepped back, joining the crowd of muggleborn students.  Then they disappeared, and the illusion sat down in a chair and waited.

Dumbedore clapped, a smile warming his face as he considered the illusion. Then he turned and spoke to Razi, still standing cloaked in the doorway. “Well done, Miss Levine, and again, do come sit down.”

Razi let the illusion vanish and made herself visible, coming to sit down in front of the desk.

She pulled the thermos from her bag. “Thank you sir, may I…?”

The headmaster nodded. “Of course. I have something of a confession to make – and then an offer. “

“A confession, Sir?”

“The apprenticeship program, while it served the stated purpose of allowing students to work with professors and further research goals, was created with another purpose in mind,” Professor Dumbledore began. He sat his hands on his desk, fingers clasped and slightly forward.

“You’ll have noticed that, for quite some time, the wizarding world has been headed down a dark path. The death eaters have been growing more active under the direction of their leader. I have hoped that the aurors and the ministry might put a stop to them, but that has not been the case. They are overwhelmed, and in need of assistance.”

Pausing, the headmaster looked to Razi, who froze for a moment, thermos to mouth, before putting the cap on it and asking, “You’ve been training us? Testing us?”

“I have,” Dumbledore confirmed. “I am in need of witches and wizards whose skill and character can be trusted to worked against Voldemort and his followers. You were among several students who came to my attention through your… shall we say extracurricular activities? You’ve had a long standing knack for putting magic to odd uses, and a tenuous respect for the rules, both of which are useful qualities when properly directed.  Then, in what I think was a moment of serendipity for both of us, you became acquainted with Miss Walker, and I saw you use those talents in service of your fellow muggleborn students. Indeed, you’ve gone so far as to bring them to my attention using your demonstration.  Joining this group would give you a way to continue that work.”

Razi nodded reflexively. There were so many thoughts whirling through her mind that she couldn’t quite process any of them. Now she knew why Alyssa hadn’t been picked for the potions apprenticeship. Now she knew and she felt sick. Had Dumbledore been planning to include her friend before she’d taken up with Avery? Did that have any bearing on her answer? Should it?

“By ‘work against’ them,” Razi asked slowly, distantly, “you mean fight them?”

“Among other things, yes,” Dumbledore said. “The work will be dangerous, but what is at stake is nothing less than the soul and future of our world. There are risks worth taking.”

“Could I still work?” Razi asked. “Evans and I, we’ve applied at Zonko’s.  I’d thought about the ministry.”

“A job at the ministry could prove helpful,” the professor replied, “and even Zonko’s might have its uses.  I will be extending this offer to Miss Evans as well, though I ask that you not speak of it with her until I’ve done so, and even then to be discrete.”

“I need  to think about this,” Razi said. “May I have time to consider your offer?”

Dumbledore’s eyes scanned her face before her gave an answer.  “Of course. It would be best if you could decide before the leaving feast, though  we would always be glad of your help. Simply send me a yes or no.”

Razi gathered her things, and moved to leave the room, but found herself incapable of not asking a final question.

“Alyssa?”

“Your loyalty is admirable,” the professor said carefully, “but she has been set on a certain course for some time now, as you have been. Whatever your hopes regarding your friend, the time for testing and choosing lightly will soon be done, and the consequences will only grow heavier from this point. I advise you to do what you must. I caution you that she will do the same, as I have. I await your reply.”

Razi nodded and left the headmaster’s office, the click of the door closing behind her lost in the sound of her beating heart.   

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

Much to Alyssa’s embarrassment, her first NEWT was monitored by one of her father’s friends in the Ministry. He made a point of talking to her before the exam began, as if he thought her father might hear or care about it.

“Don’t worry too much, Alyssa – I mean, Miss Blythe,” he said with a wink. “These tests aren’t as scary as we make them seem. Your father knows what he’s about.”

Since her first NEWT was Potions, the only worry Alyssa had was whether or not her preferred substitutes would be supplied, and if not if she absolutely _had_ to use the ingredients listed. She stared blankly at the man, whose name she couldn’t remember if she had ever known it. He appeared to take it as pre-exam fugue, abandoning her in favor of his chair after giving her a pat on the shoulder.

Josh, who would have had more worries about Potions if Alyssa hadn’t been essentially running an extra Potions class out of the Slytherin common room for the last three weeks, sneered after the man. Even Mulciber snorted.

“Must be nice to have contacts in the Ministry,” Snape muttered not quite quietly enough to miss.

“If you work hard, Mr. Snape, you too could have Ministry contacts,” Slughorn said grandly, sweeping into the room.

Evans, sitting in the front of the room, pointedly did not look over her shoulder. Lupin knocked his elbow into her side gently and offered her a small smile when she glanced at him.

Alyssa, briefly distracted by the way the room’s torches made Evans’ hair look as if it were actually made of flame when she turned her head, found herself thinking that Mierin’s hair was prettier. She also found herself wishing Mierin was here, but Mierin hadn’t taken NEWT level potions. Alyssa had been sure she would have passed and said so, but Mierin had laughed and said she was sure too but she didn’t want to bother. Razi had only made a face when Alyssa tried to get her to sign up.

It would have been nice if Mulciber hadn’t bothered either, but where Josh was Mulciber still did his best to go.

Josh nudged her, and when she looked up cocked an eyebrow at her. She realized she’d been staring at Evans for a full minute: Slughorn had begun giving instructions.

 _Oh, Amortentia_ , she thought, _that’s fine_ , and started looking closely at the ingredients spread on the table at the front of the room. Pearl dust obviously, rose thorns, powdered moonstone… peppermint. Alyssa made a face. A side effect of her utter and complete hatred for mint was that she could always smell it if she used it in a potion. You couldn’t put intent for love and obsession into something you couldn’t help but feel disgusted by, but peppermint was the traditional ingredient.

She raised her hand. Slughorn blinked at her.

“Miss Blythe?”

“Will points be docked if we don’t use the listed ingredients, professor?” she asked.

She heard Mulciber cough ‘ _show off_ ’ into his fist.

“The only points given or taken will be for the completed potion,” Slughorn said. “Which I encourage all of you to remember.”

Evans was too polite to sigh loudly, but Alyssa saw her shift in her seat as if she wanted to. Snape sneered.

It wasn’t as if anyone had told her beforehand, Alyssa thought irritably. She had just wanted to know whether she’d lose more points for a by-the-book potion that hardly worked or a potion that worked but didn’t follow all the instructions.

“Any other questions?” the proctor asked, hand resting on a large hourglass. No one raised their hands. “Excellent. One person to a table, please.”

Josh gave her a quick kiss before he moved to the next table over. Alyssa waved absently, already thinking about peppermint substitutes. Cinnamon was a possibility, but it tended to induce more lust than was strictly expected in amortentia. There was always basil, she supposed. No, sage would be better.

Magical walls rose around her, creating a sort of cubicle that meant she couldn’t hear or see any other students.

“Please keep in mind that though you cannot see us, we can see you,” the proctor said. “Cheating will not be tolerated. Last chance for questions.”

No one said anything.

“Begin.” The hourglass turned over as if by itself, though Alyssa knew the proctor had turned it over: the nearly transparent walls just hid living things. She would ask Razi if she knew how to make them later.

Alyssa glanced at the board again, but the proctor’s handwriting was hard for her to read. She shrugged and began from memory, trying to think of happy things at the same time. First unicorn water, seven drops (She was gardening. The sun was warm on the top of her head and her hands, and Razi and Ms. Levine were teasing each other behind her). Pearl dust, a light sprinkle (flying, flying, she missed flying, Mierin was the only one who – happy thoughts. Early morning, Mierin laughing as Alyssa fumbled but managed to catch the quaffle anyway). Ashwinder eggs, twenty six exactly (Jonathan helping her clean up her room after her experimental potion exploded her first summer after Hogwarts, sitting with her while she tried to figure out what had gone wrong). The moonstone powder was Hogsmeade chocolate with friends in front of a fire, the finally decided on sage was Elaine mastering an OWL level potion…

A little over an hour later, Alyssa blinked down at her nearly completed potion. All it had to do was sit for fifteen minutes and she was done. There was a lot more than fifteen minutes worth of sand left in the hourglass.

“Finished already, Miss Blythe?” Slughorn asked much too loudly from behind her.

“No sir,” Alyssa replied. “It still needs to sit.”

“You and Snape and Evans,” he said, still too loudly, shaking his head. “Years and years of mediocrity, and then I have the three of you in one class. Of course, they don’t have your Ministry contacts.”

“No sir,” Alyssa said again, for lack of any other answer to give.

Slughorn nodded slowly, eying her as if she was a batch of newt’s toes he wasn’t sure were still good. “See me after the exam, Miss Blythe.”

“Oh, but I have to study for-”

He had already walked away. Alyssa stood very still, beating down the sudden flash of temper. One day people won’t ignore what I say, she thought, biting her tongue hard enough that it hurt. One day, but apparently not today.

She waited, seething out of all proportion to Slughorn’s casual disregard, for the fifteen minutes to be up. Her potion was perfect, which soothed her somewhat: it smelled like cold, sharp air with a brassy tang, chocolate and musty potions storage and damp earth underneath. She took a deep breath, held it, and let it go.

Ladle into a vial; stopper; place in the stand; label. Finished, and still with half an hour to go.

Alyssa picked up the roll of parchment that had probably been intended for notes and calculations and began scribbling potion ideas. She didn’t notice when the proctor called a halt until he stood in front of her desk and tapped her parchment, smearing a note about bat guano.

“Time’s up, Alyssa,” he said kindly, as if he thought she was still working on the assignment. Did the man not pay attention?

“Yes,” she said, nodding at her labelled and displayed potion. “I’m finished, thanks.”

She went back to her notes.

“Perhaps you would like to give me your attention, Alyssa?” he asked, still gently.

“What for?” she asked, crossing ‘frog tongue’ out with extreme prejudice. What had she been thinking?

“I am about to examine your potion.”

“Thank you for the alert,” she said.

She heard snickers from her classmates as she tugged the parchment out from underneath his finger. She was being rude and didn’t care. Let someone else be ignored.

“Miss Blythe,” he said more sharply. “I must insist.”

It wasn’t worth whatever consequences might ensue to continue ignoring him, she supposed, but just before she looked up Slughorn said, “Miss Blythe, do look up please.”

It was beautiful. The proctor had no way of knowing she was about to look up anyway: it looked as if she had only obeyed Slughorn. She folded her hands politely and gave her attention to the proctor as if nothing else had occurred.

He looked as if he’d had one those sour candies Razi loathed so much. It probably didn’t help that she said, “You may proceed.”

It wasn’t feasible to taste Amortentia, especially if it was perfectly prepared, but the proctor did everything but taste, as he should. Alyssa was bored by the whole thing. The color of her potion was perfect, the smells would be pleasant, looking at the proctor through the vial and liquid made him look much more attractive than he actually was, and the temperature was just cool enough to be pleasant on a warm day but not cold enough to hurt anyone’s teeth.

In short, her potion was perfect. She knew it. Slughorn knew it. The proctor knew it. He took five more seconds to look irritably down at her before moving on. She went back to her notes and didn’t look up again until the walls lowered.

Josh came over to help her collect all of her parchment, but before she could stuff it in her bag the proctor appeared in front of her again.

“Miss Blythe,” he said, gently chiding. “You know it isn’t allowed to take any notes from the testing area.”

Alyssa had, actually, known. She had also been aware that this man wouldn’t say anything about it – or he wouldn’t have, if she hadn’t been rude to him earlier.

“Sir,” Josh protested, Mulciber looking behind him. “Alyssa would never help anybody cheat.”

“It would be a shame to let them be burned with the rest of the notes,” Slughorn said. “Miss Blythe often has creative solutions.”

Slughorn chuckled at his own pun before continuing, “Maybe just let the girl keep them?”

The proctor watched Alyssa through narrowed eyes. She tried to look polite. Was there anything in the notes that she couldn’t remember? She didn’t think so. It wouldn’t be an unmitigated disaster if she had to get rid of them, but –

“Perhaps,” the proctor said slowly, “I could give them to your father after reviewing them. To make sure nothing test-related is discussed.”

Alyssa almost handed them over before something occurred to her. Why would he need to look them over? There was no way the notes would get back to her before NEWTs were over, and they were changed every year.

Maybe she was being paranoid. Maybe he was just putting on a show of benevolent authority. Maybe he just wanted everyone to remember that he knew her father.

And maybe he, someone good enough with potions that the ministry allowed him to oversee the making of them at NEWT level, wanted to look at them.

Alyssa looked at the proctor’s outstretched hand.

She _was_ being paranoid. He couldn’t care what her scribbles were, but… she was good with potions. Slughorn had once called her work stupendous. Her work was, in the words of McGonagall herself, _exemplary_.

She put the notes, slowly and deliberately, into the little magical fire still burning by the desk, and held them there until the flames threatened the tips of her fingers.

“What--” the proctor began.

“I understand,” she said. “No special treatment, just because I’m my father’s daughter. All the notes get burned. It’s very upstanding of you, and it’s perfectly all right – I have an excellent memory.”

She shouldered her bag, smiled politely at all four of them, and walked out.

Josh and Mulciber caught up with her ten steps down the hallway.

“What a _dick_ ,” Josh said. “Can you remember all those?”

“Oh, probably,” Alyssa replied. She would write it all down again when she reached the common room. Except that Mierin would be there, and while Mierin would certainly understand the necessity of replicating important work she was distracting just by being there. And Josh would want her attention, and Mulciber would glower…

The common room was a bad plan. She stopped.

“I’m supposed to see Slughorn,” she said. “I mean. He asked me to come by after the exams.”

“We’ll walk you,” Josh said, slinging an arm over her shoulder and turning to head that way.

“You don’t need to wait,” she protested even as she leaned closer and let her steps fall in with his. “I know you have studying to do.”

“We’ll just drop you off, Alyssa,” he said, smiling down at her. “Don’t worry about me, okay? It’s my job to worry about you.”

Since when? she wanted to ask, but she ducked her head so her hair fell over her face and let him guide her to Slughorn’s office as if she didn’t know where it was.

As she had thought Slughorn wasn’t there yet, so she sent Josh and Mulciber off with a kiss and nothing, respectively, before taking one of the chairs in front of the desk and pulling out parchment and a quill from her bag. She was halfway through recopying when Slughorn opened his door.

“Miss Blythe,” he said with apparent surprise.

“You asked to see me after the exam, professor,” she said, folding the parchment and sliding it back into the bag.

He nodded and sat at the desk. “I do wish you hadn’t been so cross with the proctor, Miss Blythe. He was only doing his job.”

Alyssa ducked her head again. “I was frustrated,” she said. “I’ll apologize if you think I should.”

She peeked up through her veil of hair to see Slughorn shake his head and say paternally, “No, no, that’s not necessary. He isn’t someone you really need to bother with. All he could talk about was knowing your father, and really, that’s just not enough most days. Not that your father isn’t an important man, but really one must have some skill to back up one’s contacts or there’s nowhere to go.”

Alyssa bit her lip so she didn’t smile. She should have known Slughorn’s snobbery would work in her favor.

“On that note,” Slughorn continued, “you have plenty of talent, and plenty of contacts. You could go far, Alyssa, if you chose to.”

Alyssa did not look up. If she did, he would see the confusion in her expression.

“I would like to help you.”

“Professor?” she asked, head still down.

“Have you heard of the program that has been instituted here? It’s an apprenticeship, of a sort. It wasn’t until Mr. Snape brought it to my attention that I thought, well. Why don’t I have any? Of course, I do like to think of the Slug Club as a whole bevvy of apprentices, but they are perhaps not suited to the most advanced of potions work.”

“I was under the impression that it was a school program,” Alyssa said slowly. “I’m almost finished with school, professor. I just took my potions NEWT.”

Had he _forgotten_?

“Of course, of course,” he said, waving that off. “This would be… less formal. But I assure you, I have much to impart. Perhaps weekly meetings? Perhaps even substituting for my classes once and a while, hmm?”

Alyssa looked up at him. He smiled brightly at her.

There were potions that Hogwarts didn’t teach as part of the established curriculum. There were tricks that she hadn’t discovered yet, books she hadn’t read, maybe techniques she hadn’t perfected, and here was Slughorn, offering it all to her on a platter. She could research to her heart’s content.

And she would be breaking up with Josh in mere weeks. Mierin would come around, she had to, Alyssa didn’t think it would take much, Alyssa had a trust fund opening up soon, she could do what she wanted, she and Razi could rent a flat, they could have a garden, she could commute, she could keep Elaine safe if she was here at the castle all the time…

“I would be honored, sir,” she said.


	28. Chapter 28

Razi was sitting on the floor in the astronomy tower, leaning against the rails and letting her feet hang over the side as she stared out over the lake and forest. It was early in the morning, and sun rising behind the tower and reflecting on the lake made for a warm, dim light. It was far from her only comfort as she watched Alyssa’s face, pensive with the weight of all that they’d shared.  She’d needed this, Razi had, needed to hear about Alyssa’s plans to train under Slughorn for her mastery and she’d needed to process Dumbledore’s invitation to join the war effort.  She’d needed this actual friendship, and not just the accumulation of visible reminders to Slytherin that their reigning queen would be displeased if she, Elaine, or Vanessa were harmed.

“I’m not sure _what_ to do about it, honestly,” Razi said, “and I’ll need to give him an answer soon.”

“What’s stopping you?” Alyssa asked. She was looking out towards the lake as well, but she’d tilted her head to see Razi’s face.

Valid concerns raced through Razi’s mind, and she listed them easily, “It would be a new, higher level of risk. I’d be under Dumbledore’s command and subject to his plotting, as well, more so than I’ve already been. I might have to give up the Zonko’s apprenticeship, or take a position in the ministry that fits with the needs of his group-”

“Razi,” Alyssa admonished, raising an eyebrow.

Razi sighed and admitted, “the way he talked about you when I asked bothered me. I am sick of walking quietly through doors unlocked at your expense and then being praised for moving forward despite my ties to you. Whatever training I’ve received because of Dumbledore, I don’t owe him anything.”

“You don’t owe me either, Razi” Alyssa said. “And anyway, if I’ve been good enough to fool the headmaster, that’s not a reason to be angry with him. I asked what was stopping you giving him an answer, not why you didn’t want to say yes. I think that you know what you want to do, even if you don’t like it.”

“Safe was never an option, but I’d hoped to be safer after this,” Razi said, turning to meet her eyes. “I’ve been sleeping next to them for seven years, haven’t I spent enough time behind enemy lines? Haven’t we both done enough?”

“If you were really satisfied, would you be asking me that?” Alyssa asked. “I’m fine if you are. There’s only so much I could do for our younger friends after this year anyway. I’ll be content to spend as much of the summer as I can with you and Shara, when I’m not in the lab or researching for Slughorn. On the bright side, you probably won’t have to sleep near death eaters again after this year, whatever you decide.”

“That’s true,” Razi conceded. Then she gave a humorless laugh. “People in our year are starting to propose. If you plan to join me in the peace of less bigoted sleeping arrangements, you might want to consider how and when you’ll deal with Avery.”

“Shh,” Alyssa retorted, turning her face back towards the view. “We have some time to study before breakfast, if you want.”

Razi nodded, and pulled some flashcards from her bag, and they quizzed each other in Runes until it was time to go down and eat.

 

* * *

 

 

The Rune’s NEWT was fairly straightforward. When she arrived at the designated classroom, she’d only had time to take a seat next to Alyssa before anti-cheating quills were handed out and the exam began.  There was a test over the various runes and the known history around them, some translations, and then a practical in which they used Runes to bind a shield ward and were graded on how many spells the shield kept out. Razi was pleased enough with her performance, but couldn’t help being distracted.

Dumbledore’s offer was never far from her thoughts, and she’d be meeting with professor Flitwick after the exam to discuss her presentation and get final recommendations for her research moving forward. Even as she cast her shield charm she wondered how she was meant to feel about Flitwick’s deception.  As she walked towards the Charms corridor, she wasn’t altogether sure. 

Professor Flitwick called her inside when she knocked on his office door. “Come, join us.”

She opened the door to find Lily and the Professor in their usual places, seated on opposite sides of the desk. Lily looked tense, her back straight and her arms crossed.

“You know what this has been about?” Lily asked.

“I do,” Razi answered. “I’d have told you, but I’m still deciding. I didn’t want to confuse things for you.”

Lily gave her long, steady look, and then smiled a little, as if she’d read Razi’s heart and knew its contents more certainly than Razi did.

“That’s fair. He did tell me that he’d asked you not to talk about it.” Lily sighed and relaxed. “I answered him on the spot. For what it’s worth, I’d still like to keep my research partner in the coming year.”

“There are few people I’d rather work with,” Razi replied. “Whatever I decide, just owl me, and I’ll do what I can.”

“That’s all anyone can ask,” Lily said.  There was a protracted silence and then professor Flitwick cleared his throat.

“Ah well, I suppose there is no need to tell you that you two have done brilliantly, both over the course of this year and in your final presentations,” he said. “Whatever else this has been, teaching you both had been a joy. I have a pensieve here, and I’d like to give you the opportunity to share your final presentations and to see them yourselves.”

“Thank you, professor,” Razi said quietly. Lily hesitated, but echoed Razi.  The two had a quick lesson in the use of pensieves, and soon enough they were falling into the memory of Lily’s demonstration.

Razi watched her turn the fire-birds that she’d shown Razi into a large, brilliant phoenix,  watched Fawkes rise from his perch and soar around it, singing, and something her warmed and relaxed. Lily Evans was going to join Dumbledore’s group. Lily Evans was perfect for it, compassionate and fierce. Lily could stand forth and blaze with her knowledge. Was that why Dumbledore had asked them both? It occurred to Razi that if she chose to join, she’d be serving in a far different capacity than her friend. Though that much seemed certain, little else did. What would she be asked to do? How frightening was it to think of placing that control in Dumbledore’s hands?  

The memory changed over and Razi searched for herself in the shadows of the doorway after her own demonstration had begun. It was nearly impossible to see where the memory of her stood. When the illusion of herself walked to stand with those she’d cast of the muggleborn students, Razi saw something that she’d never noticed during practice. In the illusion, standing for and with them, she’d made herself just a bit taller than she actually was.

 

* * *

 

 

At lunch, Razi sat with Matt, Robin, and Vanessa at the Hufflepuff table. The Ravenclaws had invited her to a study session during lunch, but she’d told them that she’d join them after. She wanted to see Elaine and Vanessa.  

That’d fallen through partially, as Elaine, along with Pepper and Tasha, had decided to meet at Gryffindor table to strategize, passing notes between them. The Ravenclaw students always presented more of a challenge at the ends of terms, and they needed to work out how to give them the opportunity to join study groups without having them walking alone in the halls after dinner. Razi had stopped by and brushed a hand over Elaine’s, receiving a smile and a promise in return.

“Come find us before dinner if you can, and we’ll run some things by you,” Elaine had said. “We’ll be at the usual place.”

Plan in place, Razi had been content walk on and take a place next to Matt. A tray of vegan goods appeared not long after she sat, and she was tucking into a veggie burger as Matt told her about a book he was reading.

“An ancient charms text, can you believe it? just sitting in a used book store in muggle Greece, waiting for my mum to find it on holiday!”

“And you’re certain it’s real?” Razi asked, intrigued.

“I will be after you have a look at it,” Matt said. “You could even run it by Flitwick if you like.”

“Or you could, “ Razi pointed out. “He’s your charms professor as well.”

“Would he mind?"

“I’m sure he wouldn’t."

They talked more, and Vanessa and Robin exchanged conspiratorial smiles  at their ease with each other. If Razi noticed Professor Dumbledore’s eyes lingering on her and several other students more than usual well, that was fine. She’d keep thinking about his offer, and its potential consequences for herself and her mother and friends, for as long as she needed to be sure.  There were weeks yet before term ended, weeks that seemed long and easy from her place in the midst of NEWTs. There’d be time to make the right choice for her purposes. With her future hanging in the balance, she planned take as much time as the choice required, and not a moment less.

 

* * *

 

 

Razi was walking back towards the dungeons to put away her things before dinner when she turned, remembering that Elaine would be waiting in the small room behind Winston’s portrait.  She’d been so busy with preparations for the end of the year that it had been days since she’d properly talked with her friend outside of meals, and Matt might be there, with that charms book that he wanted her to look through.

 Warm inside at the thought of time with her young friends, she reached Winston and asked, “Are they in there? I’m hoping to find Elaine.”

She tried to think which awful, unfixable, thing might get him to let her pass but he opened before she could speak.  She moved to question it but Pepper pulled her into the room.

“Razi, have you seen Elaine?” Matt asked as Pepper hissed at the portrait to shut faster. “She was meant to be walking some first years to Charms after lunch and no one has seen her since.”  

Vanessa was sitting at the desk. A book and several rolls of parchment  were spread out on the table, but her gaze was fixed on the hands clenched together in her lap. She looked up and relaxed, when Razi put a hand on her shoulder, nearly smiling in her relief. The display of faith made Razi feel stronger though her answer wasn’t the one that they were hoping for.

“I haven’t,” she said evenly, trying to stay calm. “I could check her dorm. Robin and the others are out looking for her?” 

“Yes, we were hoping she’d come back here,” Pepper replied. She began to describe the logistics of the search but Razi raised a hand to quiet her.

At the back of her mind, something clicked.

“Did you ask Winston if she’d come by here?” Razi asked. “What’d you say?”

“We brought up yesterday’s death notices,” Matt replied. “Win told us she wasn’t here. Why?”

Razi turned and all but flew at the exit with Matt, Pepper, and Vanessa on her heels.

“Winston, what have you heard? Where is she?” Razi demanded.

 The portrait shook his head, intoning, “Nothing can be done.”

“Winston!” Pepper snapped reaching for her wand. The portrait cast its eyes downward and sighed, more resigned than alarmed.

“Below and away,” Winston murmured, “in the shadowed halls. The dungeons.”

If he said more, no one heard it or stopped to listen to other portraits in the area as they whispered mournfully. The three sped off towards the stairs. As they reached them, Razi turned. “Go get help. Madame Pompfrey or Slughorn, the headmaster; it doesn’t matter. They’ll all be at dinner.  Stay together. Get your wands out.”

“I’m coming with you,” Matt said, and Razi wanted to argue but Elaine might be in trouble and Vanessa looked moments away from offering to go as well, despite her obvious fear. Razi pulled her wand from her bag and watched the others do the same.

“Alright,” she conceded. “Pepper, Vanessa, go. Look after each other. We’ll be fine.”

Razi and Matt moved quickly rushing down the stairs and into the darkened corridor, nearly blind in their haste, stopping for seconds at each door they passed. As the pair reached the Slytherin Commons, Razi nearly crashed into Avery and Alyssa, who’d just walked through the door.

“Razi, what’s wrong?” Alyssa asked as Razi moved to continue her search. Matt stepped back but kept his wand out and his eyes trained on the purebloods in their midst.

“Elaine’s in trouble. We have to find her. Winston opened when I said I was looking for her,” Razi blurted grabbing for her friend’s hand.

Alyssa let her take it but turned to look at Avery with questions, the beginnings of pain and the seeds of a perilous darkness in her eyes.

“Winston the Wan, on the first floor, Razi and I used to study in there sometimes,” Alyssa said. “It’s proof she needs help. Josh…”

His face had gone cold and blank.

“I’ll see to it. Go help your friend,” he said, giving the hand he still held a kiss before releasing her and stepping back into the passage to the common room with a whisper of the password.

The three took off down the hall, Matt casting odd glances at Alyssa until finally Razi suggested that they split up.

“Alyssa, could you ask around? Are there places they’ve mentioned?”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Alyssa replied. “Keep your wand out.” 

Alyssa went off down a branching corridor and Matt and Razi continued.

They opened doors and searched rooms quickly, staying together the whole way. They looked in storage and abandoned classrooms with odd stains on the walls and doors, full of warped remnants of cauldrons and half melted desks. They nearly missed her.

In a small room down a twisted hall that opened near the current potions classroom, Razi had been about to move on when she’d spotted a yo-yo on the floor near the door. They’d passed it going in: It was Elaine’s.

“Elaine?” Razi called. Then she looked over to a pile of cauldrons in the corner of the room. They were rusted, trash really, and she’d dismissed them before but now she walked over to them as if in a trance.

“Razi,” Matt said, after a beat, “are you alright? We should keep looking, they might have taken her somewhere when they heard us coming.”

Razi couldn’t hear him over the thunder of her pulse, over the strange and halting wind that had rushed past her ears since she’d run down the stairs. It was growing louder. She moved some of the cauldrons, looking inside and then setting them down away from the others. In the midst of the pile, Razi saw Elaine. She fell to her knees and closed her eyes as the still body of her friend, shoved carelessly into a large, pewter cauldron seared itself onto her memory. Razi screamed.  Tears joined the maelstrom as the truth settled in Razi’s mind and she looked again.  She shook with wanting to touch her friend, to let hands put to lie what her eyes knew, what her heart knew, but knowing that if she did, she’d have the memory of that cold skin forever. She screamed again and felt far from herself, snatched up by the power of it.

Footsteps joined the din and Matt pulled Razi away as Madame Pomphrey, Professor Slughorn, and the headmaster rushed, in followed by Pepper and Vanessa. They fell to the floor beside Razi as the healer moved away from the cauldron, her hand over her mouth. As the headmaster conjured a stretcher, she coaxed the students to stand and walked them out of the room.

A crowd had gathered around the narrow corridor. Students bunched together in doorways and adjacent hallways craning their necks to investigate the source of the screaming. Razi saw them as if through a veil. Distantly, she noted Avery in the crowd and further down she saw Alyssa trying to push through. The headmaster had conjured a sheet and covered Elaine’s body, but the still form and the expressions of those escorting it told the story clearly. A student had been murdered at Hogwarts and everyone in the school would know within the hour. The headmaster spoke from behind her, but she couldn’t focus enough to grasp the words. She focused  her gaze forward, toward Pepper and Vanessa, occasionally glancing to the side, hoping to see Alyssa.

Alyssa saw her first, and reached for Razi’s hand as they passed, but Matt put an arm around her and pulled her closer to him. Razi locked eyes with her, trying to communicate even one or two of the thousand awful truths that thickened the air between them.  Elaine had been found. Elaine was lost. Someone here had killed her while the school had operated undisturbed above them. Nothing that Elaine had built, nothing that Razi had taught, nothing that Alyssa had done had saved her.

Razi felt the tears working their way down her face and turned forward again, away from the onlookers at either side. This was the last time that she’d walk these halls with her friend. She tried her best to be strong for it.  

 

* * *

 

 

Razi and the others were taken to the hospital wing, walking in front of the stretcher until Professors Dumbledore and Slughorn turned and split off from the procession, taking Elaine’s body to some other room in the castle.

It seemed they’d been in the wing for only seconds when Madame Pompfrey pressed a cup a tea into Razi’s hands. She looked down at it before passing it to Matt.  He sipped it and sighed, making a face before asking a question.

“Is it just the milk or do you not want the calming draught in this? I know…. I know, but it helps.”

“Just so,” Madame Pompfrey agreed. “I can get you a cup without the milk. I’d forgotten you don’t use it dear, but the tea and draught will help you settle down. Have seat and wait for the headmaster.”

Razi nodded and sat down on the nearest bed, pulling the still shaking Vanessa down to sit beside her and wrapping an arm around the younger girl. Matt sat down in the chair beside the bed, taking Razi’s other hand as Pepper walked around to the other side. Once there, Pepper leaned so that her back was a warm weight against Razi’s. In one way or another, Elaine had brought all three of these people into Razi’s life. It was beyond comprehension that she could be gone.

 “Her first-years,” Razi said, shaking her head. “The rotation should change. They got to her when she was alone, I bet, after dropping them off.”

Pepper nodded, a gesture that shifted her head against Razi’s shoulder, making Razi more aware of its weight. Razi felt a surge of warmth behind her eyes. Her breath caught in her chest, and she wished that she could have her mother with her, despite the danger and the laws that made it impossible. She wanted Shara’s arms, her gentle and loving strength. Her own felt small and too ineffectual to do anything useful.

The hospital wing doors opened and Professor Dumbledore entered with Professor Slughorn following behind him.

“There is much to be done and little time. I ask that you remain here until I state otherwise. If you’ve any immediate concerns, I’ll hear them, and then I must go.” Dumbledore said gravely.

“Who-” Pepper began, but Dumbledore interrupted her.

“That is a concern for myself, your professors, and the aurors.”

“Her parents,” Razi said.

It wasn’t a question but Dumbledore replied, “They will be notified as soon as someone may be spared to bring them the news.”

Razi nodded and then looked down at Vanessa before saying, “Sir, I’m graduating. We’ve been warding her bed but I can’t… she can’t stay in Slytherin dorms alone. Not after this.”

Professor Slughorn sighed deeply, hearing that. Dumbledore tilted his head and replied, “That is not your decision, but your concerns have been noted. All efforts will be made to ensure Miss Grey’s safety, and your own while you remain here. That is enough for now. Rest. Dinner will be sent up for you. Again, do not leave the infirmary until expressly told that you may do so. All other students have been ordered to their common rooms. All remaining NEWTs and OWLs will be postponed and taken when the situation has been resolved.” 

With that, he turned and swept from the infirmary.

Professor Slughorn hesitated a moment, meeting Razi’s eyes. She stared back.  Then she shook her head, and turned her attention to Vanessa. Matt did the same, picking up a cloth that had been folded in a basin beside the bed, and spelling some water into the basin. Wetting a corner of the cloth he gave it Razi, who warmed it and began to wash away the younger girl’s tears. By the time she finished, Vanessa had started to fall asleep, and Slughorn was gone. 

Madame Pomphrey hung back, watching the small group, but only interfering to assign beds once Razi had lain Vanessa down and covered her, shoes, robes and all, with a blanket.

Sitting alone on a bed between Pepper’s and Vanessa’s, Razi looked to the hospital wing doors. She half expected Alyssa to stride in – but the school was locked down. Whether Alyssa had been held in place with the Slytherins or escorted up to Ravenclaw tower, she was unlikely to find her way to the hospital wing, to Razi, no matter how much either of them might have wished otherwise. Everything was wrong, and Razi’s mind was a snapped wire, jumping and sparking wildly. For years, the two had managed to ground each other. Absent from her friend, Razi didn’t know if she feared more for herself or Alyssa.

When dinner came, Razi and Matt sat at the end of Razi’s bed, seeing to Pepper, and using the food as an excuse to sit up together. Far from helping them settle, the tea and calming draughts made them relax enough to huddle more closely together. Razi’s hand met Matt’s behind Pepper’s back, and they each held one of Peppers with their other one, until Pepper went to sleep and leaned more heavily onto Razi’s side. Razi weathered another wave of tears, her face pressed into Pepper’s hair.

When it had passed, she looked up into Matt’s eyes. Raw and empty, more broken than she could remember feeling, Razi whispered, “She asked me for help. She asked me, and she made me want to help. I failed her, Matt. She’s only fourteen, and her eyes-”

“Razi, don’t. I offered,” Matt said, “I let weeks slip by, while she got to know Robin, but, I offered to help. She made us all better. She wouldn’t want that to be sad, or wrong. Everything else is, but not that. Not her.”

“Not her,” Razi agreed, her voice equal parts certainty and pleading. Pepper woke with a start and clung to Razi like a much younger child. Matt tightened his hold on both of them, maintaining contact until Madame Pomphrey came out to clear their barely touched food, and send them to separate beds.  

 

* * *

 

 

“I can’t believe she’s gone,” Vanessa said distantly. “I’ll have to go back when we get out of here. It’s never just been me, before.”

They were sitting up in the hospital wing, having woken before the others. Razi had cast a silencing ward so that they could talk.

 “It’s not just you now,” Razi replied. “I’ll be there with you for weeks yet. Matt and Pepper will still be in the castle for years. More will come. You won’t be alone unless you try to be, she made sure of that.”

“It’s not the same,” Vanessa countered, “without her... Even if there’s another muggleborn Slytherin next year, they’ll need just as much help as me. I can’t ward things. I can barely find my way half the time, and no one will be her.”

“You are coming back next year, then? Not thinking of trying to transfer to Beauxbatons or somewhere?” Razi asked.

“I don’t know. Voldemort is a French name: how do I know it’d be any better there?” Vanessa replied. “At least here I’ll understand what they’re saying when they come for me.”

“Slughorn’ll be watching closer from now on, I think. They shouldn’t come for you, but if they do, you have more friends and more places to hide than I did when I was alone,” Razi said evenly. “You’ll make something work. You’ll have to.”

Razi took a deep breath then wrapped an arm around the younger girl, she looked smaller with each minute. Razi wished irrationally that she could spend the rest of her life holding her.

 “It’s scary,” Vanessa said, leaning in to Razi’s side.

“It is,” Razi said, pressing closer. 

She looked down at the younger girl, the sunlight turning her hair from black to russet brown. The abandon of curls and waves almost hid a face that was all too constrained by grief and fear. Dark, small, and anxious, Vanessa looked a lot like Razi imagined she’d looked in her first days at school.

Razi pulled away and sat up straight. Vanessa did the same, looking up at her.

“You are a Slytherin. No matter what they say or do,” Razi said finally. “You’ll be alright. I’ll do what I can to make it safer.”

With the beginnings of a grim determination in her eyes, Vanessa nodded. Razi looked up and saw Dumbledore, standing in the doorway. She nodded to him and met his eyes as she said, “I will.”

He nodded and walked through the infirmary to Madame Pomphrey’s office.

Later on, she’d send the owl with the response that he’d asked for, but that would be a formality. Razi had chosen her course.


	29. Chapter 29

Alyssa tried to line up the facts as Razi was led away. Someone had killed Elaine. That someone was probably still in the castle, given, A, the relatively recent time of death the professors had muttered about, B, the current lockdown of the school, and C, the anti-apparition wards. She supposed they could have snuck through the secret passages, but surely they would have concealed Elaine’s body better if they had.

“Alyssa,” Josh said quietly.

She ignored him. The hasty concealment of Elaine’s body meant either the person who had killed her had been surprised one way or another: had they meant to kill her but heard Razi and Ellison coming down the hallway, or had killing her been an accident?

“Alyssa,” Josh said again.

People _liked_ Elaine. The Gryffindors had made a pet of her early on; the Ravenclaws had applauded her skills on multiple occasions; Ellison had more than enough sway in Hufflepuff for all he was a third year, and Elaine was just likeable anyway.

It had happened in the dungeons, and Slytherin had never quite forgiven Elaine for being able to take care of herself instead of knuckling under. But no one wanted Josh angry with them either, and he had made it clear that Elaine was one of Alyssa’s friends and therefore untouchable.

They were leaving this year, though. She was so _stupid_ , she had thought about it before, she’d _known_ Josh’s influence wouldn’t last past graduation, that was why she was going to break up with him –

“ _Alyssa_ ,” Josh said for a third time, and she looked up at him. “Are you all right?”

One friend was dead, one was unsafe, the others hated her. If one of her friends hadn’t been safe, why would the others? Razi could be next, and he wanted to know if she was all right?

“No,” she said, and turned on her heel. The Slytherins wanted to take everything she had, didn’t they, right down to the friends they would have kept if they had been decent human beings. How many would it have taken, to beat Elaine? How many before the wards and tricks Razi had taught her had failed?

How many, to decide that Alyssa’s protection wasn’t enough to stop them even trying?

The door slid open, though she couldn’t remember saying the password. Mierin looked up when she came in.

“Lyss?” she asked, putting her book down and leaning forward, a frown marring her usual expression of casual boredom.

Alyssa ignored her, too. The common room was a hive of activity, the only empty seats around Mierin, everyone crowding into the corners or the other sofa groupings. Alyssa glanced behind her when she didn’t see Mulciber: he stood directly behind Josh, frowning at her.

She looked back around the room. It didn’t seem as if everyone had heard yet – or maybe they just didn’t care. She considered the thought and shelved it for a later date. Irritation was prominent, even in the students who moved so that Mierin could cross to them without elbowing her way through. Douglass joined them with less elegance, Dolohov (now the only) edging to stand at Josh’s elbow. Snape sat squished into the edge of a sofa, where he ignored everyone and was ignored in return. Nothing unusual –

Rowle stood crammed into a corner, arms wrapped around himself. His eyes darted this way and that, and he jumped when Graille tried to talk to him. One of the fifth years who pulled at the yoke, unwilling to truly upend the status quo but maybe to bend it a bit, trying Josh’s patience every other week or so as if to prove that he wasn’t _really_ afraid. He would have to do better than that if he wanted to take over when Josh left.

Something like, say, ignore which muggleborns were off limits.

Alyssa smiled. She knew something about it was off – Mierin was usually pleased to see her smile, but now she frowned harder and reached as if to take Alyssa’s elbow. Alyssa shrugged her off and walked easily across the room, unknowing and uncaring if the other Slytherins parted because of her or because Josh and Mierin followed her.

“Hello, Rowle,” she said.

He looked at her. She looked at him. He was afraid and trying to hide it, pupils dilated and hands held tightly between his elbows and his body.

Had it been an accident? She supposed it probably had been, looking at him. Alyssa considered whether or not she cared. Rowle might not have meant to kill Elaine, but all evidence and precedent showed that he meant to hurt her. And, too, it might have been slightly personal, but the root of all of it was Rowle had been trying to prove a point to Josh. He hadn’t thought of Elaine as a person at all, just as a means to an end.

So it had been an accident, the killing? Alyssa decided she didn’t care.

“Blythe,” he said finally, after glancing quickly at Josh.

“Did you have fun today?” she inquired, and watched him squirm.

“Listen,” he began. The idea that he might try to _explain_ killing Elaine, _explain_ treating her like a toy to steal to bother someone, _explain_ why the three years of Alyssa’s life had she’d given away for the purpose had achieved absolutely nothing...

She had given up friends for this. She had given up the respect of people like Potter and Black and Evans and Lupin and Tonks and Ellison, _decent people_ , and peace of mind, and little things like sleeping spread eagle alone in a bed. She had given up her brother even, who she only saw on holidays and who always looked at her as if he was waiting for her to think something horrible or say something horrible or _do_ something horrible. It was all supposed to be worth it, because Elaine and Razi and even Vanessa were supposed to be safe.

Nobody was. Nobody would be, except this boy who had decided that her friend was worth less than he was because his family had been doing mediocre magic for centuries. Well. She was going to make him a little less safe.

She drew her wand, cutting off the words she hadn’t been listening to, and said, “Crucio.”

He fell, writhing, though no sound emerged. Alyssa wondered, watching him with head cocked to the side, cold fury freezing her face into that smile, whether it was his usual response to pain or if she had only cast the spell that strongly.

A hand closed on her wrist. Another pried her wand from her fingers. Alyssa spun to face Mierin, who kept pulling until Alyssa took a reluctant step away from Rowle.

“If you keep doing that,” she said, “You’ll get caught. Come on.”

“He killed Elaine,” Alyssa told her.

“I know,” Mierin replied. “He said. Come on, come back to the dorm with me.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Josh said. Alyssa glanced at him: he watched her carefully, as if he thought she would break. Mulciber, over his shoulder, stared at her with undisguised delight. Douglass had edged away, eyes wide. Only Dolohov watched Rowle where he lay on the floor.

“Alyssa, come _on_ ,” Mierin hissed. “You’re clever, but if you’ve figured it out-”

The door to the common room slid open. Alyssa heard Mierin hiss something.

“Professor,” Josh said as the student took themselves to the sides of the common room, leaving a wide, clear path for Dumbledore, McGonagall, Slughorn, and people who were presumably aurors to stride directly to the group of people around Rowle.

“May I see your wand, Mr. Rowle?” Dumbledore asked.

Rowle, panting on the floor, managed, “What?”

“Your wand, Rowle,” McGonagall said, her own wand in her hand.

“I want to lodge a complaint,” Rowle gasped, staggering to his feet. “That girl – Blythe – she –”

McGonagall stepped between Josh and Mulciber and plucked Rowle’s wand from his fingers, tossing it to an auror.

“Priori incantatum,” the auror said, and Alyssa watched.

Elaine clawed at her throat in midair, blinking in and out of a hazy grey state. Alyssa supposed that meant some of the spells weren’t Rowle’s, but she was in no mood for the realization. She could figure out the others later.

She didn’t have a clear idea of what she was planning, since Mierin had taken her wand, but she knew she wanted to put her hands around something and squeeze, professors and aurors be damned. Mierin and Josh caught her when she tried to go for Rowle again, though.

“I can’t say he wouldn’t deserve it, Miss Blythe, but muggle dueling is beneath you,” the auror with Rowle’s wand said as he stowed the wand in his robes.

“She doesn’t have her wand at the moment, sir,” Mierin said, as if the muggle dueling was the charge Alyssa needed defending against. “I think she left it after lunch – she didn’t need it, she was done with NEWTs for the day.”

“Left it in Ravenclaw tower?” the auror asked, as Rowle snapped, “That’s not true!”

“Oh, no,” Mierin said, eyes wide, casting an unsettled look at Rowle. “She stays with Avery, mostly. I don’t know why-”

“She used an unforgiveable curse on me!” Rowle snapped. “Look, what I did was an accident, I just wanted to rough the kid up, but Blythe --”

 “I don’t know why he’s trying to say anything about _Alyssa_ ,” Mierin said, her grip changing so even Alyssa could tell that it had turned protective instead of restrictive. “He couldn’t have picked a less believable person to accuse. Ask anybody.”

“Aren’t you arresting him for murder?” Mulciber asked, as if the thought had just occurred to him. “He’s just trying to make himself look better. ‘Oh look, I killed somebody, but I don’t cast unforgiveables.’”

“As if we haven’t seen him practicing,” Dolohov said.

“Like you _haven’t_ ,” Rowle snarled. Beside Mulciber, Douglass put a hand to her throat, eyes dark pools of shock and hurt. They were eyes you wanted to trust. Alyssa thought coldly that maybe Douglass was, after all, a little bit dangerous.

“All of you lot, with your rules and --”

“I did make rules,” Josh said, voice cutting through Rowle’s tirade. “I said, no touching the muggleborns.”

Silence reigned. Josh, an arm still wrapped around Alyssa, though made awkward by Mierin’s refusal to release her, turned to the headmaster. “Professor Dumbledore, I must apologize. I didn’t realize my fellow prefects weren’t capable of keeping order when I wasn’t around to keep an eye on things.”

“Ah,” Dumbledore said softly, eyes meeting Josh’s. “I had heard of your particular skills at keeping order, Mr. Avery.”

“I try,” Josh said easily. “But in this case – I’m not too proud to leave it to the professionals.”

“Indeed,” Dumbledore replied, just as easily, and spun on his heel. “Greengrass. We will also need your wand, and your cooperation.”

“It’ll go easier with both,” the auror said.

Alyssa couldn’t help but feel cheated when the adults walked the murderers out the door. It was better than feeling whatever was rising up inside her. She couldn’t put it off much longer, probably, but she was starting to feel almost like she had at the Dolohov’s Christmas party three years ago, when Josh had tried his best to comfort her, only so much worse.

Stay back, she told the feeling firmly. I cannot deal with you right now.

She shook off Mierin and Josh both and asked, “Where’s my wand?”

“Under Avery’s pillow,” Mierin said promptly, and followed her when she started walking. “Alyssa, slow down.”

“No,” Alyssa said, and walked faster. She could have asked Mierin to summon her wand, but she didn’t want anyone’s help right now. Once she reached the bed she threw the pillows aside, retrieved her wand, and turned back around, forcing Mierin to jump out of her way and striding past Josh where he lurked in the doorway.

“Where are you going?” he asked, but she kept walking until Mierin caught up and grabbed her arm.

“Alyssa –”

“I can’t look at any of your faces right now,” Alyssa told her, and left the common room.

It was a long walk up to Ravenclaw tower. Alyssa spent it trying not to be overwhelmed.

The eagle on the door eyed her beadily and said, "It brings back the lost as though never gone, shines laughter and tears with light long since shone; a moment to make, a lifetime to shed; valued in life but then lost when you're dead."

Alyssa stared at the eagle. The eagle stared back.

“Fuck you too,” she told it, and stalked off to the astronomy tower, where she curled up against the rails she and Razi had leaned against that morning and cried hot, viciously itchy tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The answer's memory, if anybody's curious.


	30. Chapter 30

“She’s not here,” Razi told Winston. Once he might have asked which ‘she’ or morosely suggested that Razi go join this ‘she’ and leave him be, but now he sighed heavily and the frame moved out of the way, letting Razi in.

It’d been nearly four days since the night Elaine had been killed. Dumbledore had announced, in a speech  the next morning, that Thorfinn Rowle and Althaea Greengrass had confessed to the act under veritaserum. The two of them were going to be expelled and then tried by the wizengamot.

There’d been more to the speech, but none of it really mattered. The damage was done. Nothing could give back what had been stolen that night. Razi felt her loss; a low constant ache occasionally accompanied by the roar of her breathing, the memory of a scream, the too-still  body tossed carelessly aside. What use was Dumbledore’s speech?  With the killers caught and taken in, with  grief and fear mixing and settling like a fog around those Elaine had loved and protected, Razi struggled to see the point in anything.

Coming to the room behind Winston felt like pressing on a bruise, but so did breathing. Razi had been long acquainted with the concept of working through anger, hurt, and fear. She knew that if she took the needed steps she’d eventually find herself in new circumstances. She’d chosen a course of action for once school ended, she just had to get herself and as many people as she could help and look out for to the end of the year. After that, things would be different; for all of them. Studying was a part of that, with N.E.W.Ts set to resume the next day. Being in the room, waiting to see if some other muggleborns would return was part as well.

  Already things were changing from the way they’d been just days before. Razi set her bag on the table. It had been transfigured into a smaller rectangle from the circle that had dominated part of the room. Razi had altered it to allow space for a cot and Alyssa’s trunk. Both items had been shrunk down  and put away in the bag that Alyssa had taken to the library, but with her friend free from slytherin and uncomfortable in her own house, they’d be back with her in the evening.

The empty space in the middle of the room was unwieldy, but reassuring.  It was a reminder that Alyssa was on neutral ground, away from Slytherin’s bigotry and Ravenclaw’s scorn for longer than she’d been in years. Razi could see her with little effort, and with less risk. There were only few weeks left, Razi told herself. Their friendship could survive this loss, this failure of a plan that they’d sacrificed so much for, and whatever Alyssa was rumored to have done in retribution. Together, they could move on.

Razi read for a few minutes, but in the silence and against her will, her mind brought back the whispers of fifth year slytherins who’d been in the common room when she’d come through earlier that morning. “She got him mid-sentence,” a boy had hissed, sounding horrified. He’d glanced up and around, looking out  for Avery, probably, or Smythe. Razi had been under a disillusionment since before she’d left the closed hangings around her bed, and had gone unnoticed. “-and the way she smiled down at him like that as he jerked? She bloody-well liked it. No wonder she’s with Avery.”  Razi  had dismissed it then and refused to dwell on it even a couple of hours later. She turned her mind from the rumors abruptly, as if shutting a door. Not now, she thought. There’d be time to find out what else had happened that night, time to decide if she should ask her friend or let it go, time to decide if what she had done mattered in a world where nothing really did, but that time hadn’t come.

Razi read for several more minutes before the portrait opened behind her.

Razi reached for her wand as she turned, but stopped the gesture as she recognized Lily standing in the entryway, with James standing next to her.

“They’re looking for another place, Pepper and some of Elaine’s younger friends,” Lily said softly, “and they’ll find one, once it’s not so new, and some of the fear has faded. Can we go somewhere else? I don’t think any of the others will be back in this room for a while. You shouldn’t be here alone.”

“I haven’t been, for the most part,” Razi protested, but she stood, watching James’s response.

“Not sure Blythe is much better, if that’s who you mean,” James said. “Don’t start. I don’t understand it for the life of me, but I know you’re still friends.”

Lily’s eyes pleaded and Razi stifled a response, picking up her bag.

“Who am I to refuse the Head Boy and Head Girl,” Razi said. “Where are we going?”

James looked to Lily in askance, and Razi wondered for a second how she’d gotten him to come with her without offering details. She herself had done the same thing. Lily was easy to trust.

Even if she hadn’t been, James Potter could never have refused Lily Evans.

“I hate to admit it,” Lily said, “believe me when I say that I do, but I think we could all use a little mischief and distraction. I have it on good authority that you two have some skill in those areas. Think you could come up with something?”

“If it’s pranks you want, there’s no reason to bring a slytherin in on it,” James said. “No offense, well… passive offense? None worthy of retribution is my chief point. Levine, you can go back to studying. I know just where to find Sirius and-”

Lily put a silencing charm on him.

“Ignore him,” Lily sighed, exasperated. “Worked for me for years; haven’t the faintest idea why I stopped. I want you two to collaborate, because it’s a shame that you haven’t already. You’re both brilliant, and Razi, you’re close enough to everything to make sure that this doesn’t have negative consequences for the muggleborns coming back next year. Besides, if James and Sirius get started, I won’t be able to help.”

Lily lifted the silencer on James, whose expression had turned from irritation to utter joy.

“You want to pull a prank?” he said, sounding as though she’d offered to marry him. “You want to help me pull a prank?”

“With Razi’s help,” Lily re-affirmed. “James, when you see what she can do… between the three of us we might be able to see them all smile again before we head off to war, or whatever else Dumbledore intends this summer. Are you both in?”

James leaned forward in a rush kissing Lily on cheek and nodding before turning to Razi.

“If it had to be a Slytherin, well… we’ll be working together soon enough anyway, right?” James said. “Shall we laugh a little?”  

With both of them watching her expectantly, Razi felt pressured in new and strange ways. Her friend had just died, how could they ask her to laugh now? Breathing hurt, everything hurt, and nothing mattered, and Lily and James wanted her to pull a prank with them.

But that was the rub, wasn’t it? because if everything hurt, and nothing mattered, then she had no real reason to refuse them.

“I’m not agreeing to laugh,” Razi replied finally, “but I’ll help.”

It was just as well that Pepper and the others were looking for a new space to call home, as James’s exclamation of pleasure and gratitude could have been heard several halls over.

They went to an unused charms classroom to brainstorm and experiment, working through lunch before the three of them were satisfied with the beginnings of their plan. They had a late afternoon meal in the kitchens after, and Razi was exhausted, but she also felt lighter than she had in a long time.

“She’d have loved this stunt,” Razi murmured, and she could say it objectively, without the immediate swell of grief that she’d expected.

“Her friends still will,” Lily said. “Maybe she’ll see. There are ghosts. We know there’s more after death.”

Razi shook her head. In the depths of her soul she hoped that Elaine had found a place where she belonged in death, as she’d been denied  in life.  The idea that such a place could be close enough to Hogwarts that someone could easily look back seemed impossible.

Aloud she said, “Dumbledore might have us confirm that after we do this.”

James laughed, a startled bark of it. His smile after was like an adult looking on a child who’s done something unexpectedly clever.

“He hasn’t killed me yet,” James pointed out. “Besides, I think he’ll enjoy it. I’ll even take all the credit if you’re worried. Like that time Peter and I -”

Lily and Razi both silenced him at the same time, and their meal continued pleasantly.

* * *

 

“Razi.”

Razi could hear the relief in Alyssa’s voice as she stepped into Winston’s room. She wondered briefly about the last time, if ever, her name had held so much feeling in it; maybe when her mother said it last. Continuing, Alyssa added, “You weren’t at lunch.”

“I was with Lily,” Razi replied, realizing suddenly what Alyssa might have thought. “James Potter was there as well. I should have left a note. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“It’s fine,” Alyssa said. “I thought you’d finished with the apprenticeship sessions. Is this for Dumbledore’s group?”

“Something else entirely. Plausible deniability might be useful if it goes wrong,” Razi answered, moving to sit in the chair in front of the desk and then realizing that Alyssa hadn’t unshrunk her transfigured cot. “Where you sitting here? I can grab another.”

“I didn’t feel like sitting,” Alyssa said, enlarging her cot. “Whatever it is, I don’t think anyone would believe you haven’t told me. You might as well.”   

“It’ll make a better surprise than an intrigue,” Razi insisted. It felt odd. It had been a while since she’d ‘insisted’ with Alyssa.  For so long it had seemed as if lives depended on their compatibility.  With the worst behind them, they were free to have crossed purposes. Razi didn’t quite know if she liked that yet. “How was the library?”

“Full,” Alyssa said shortly, seeming stung by Razi’s refusal. “And quiet, as expected. It gave me time to think.”

“The earth trembles,” Razi said, dry but not unkind. “The skies draw close and seem fragile. A Ravenclaw has been given the time to think.”

“That’s very funny. Facile, but your timing is beyond reproach,” Alyssa replied. “How have things in Slytherin?”  

“Vanessa and I are fine,” Razi said carefully. “I told you this morning. She canceled the wards on her bed herself, once she realized I hadn’t been the one to place them. They were good work. I think someone in Slytherin is looking out for her. She’s off with Pepper today.”

Alyssa raised an eyebrow and waited.

Razi looked back, and wondered if she could say anything without having to sort through everything. Could she avoid mentioning the rumors?

The look from before, the small stinging hurt was returning to Alyssa’s eyes. There was something else in her expression, worry? Resignation? Either way, Razi couldn’t let it stand.

“Things are a bit subdued,” Razi said, giving in. “People who mention Elaine, Greengrass, Rowle, or you in earshot of Smythe, Mulciber, or Avery seem to vanish and turn up later with bruises or hexes.”

“If that were all you wouldn’t have hesitated,” Alyssa pointed out. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.”

Razi nodded, but frowned and cast her eyes to the desk, suddenly craving the numbness of the previous days. The afternoon away had made her soft. This mattered.

“There are rumors – not even Avery can stop them all. They say that you got to Rowle before the aurors did. I suspect that you know what they’re saying you’ve done,” Razi said, looking past Alyssa. On the shelves behind her friend were the books that had been left behind when house elves had collected Elaine’s things. Several were gifts, with their givers and occasions inked lovingly into their covers by a hand that would never write again. If the rumors were true, Alyssa had made Rowle suffer for that. A decent person might be excused a moment’s consideration on the possibility that Alyssa had done a fair and righteous thing. A good person would know better.

Razi wanted to believe that the person Shara Levine had raised (the person that Elaine had befriended and whom Vanessa had trusted) was good. But if goodness meant not being a friend to the person who’d given her life for the past two and a half years to protect her, who’d understood and seen her clearly on countless occasions before that sacrifice, Razi wasn’t altogether certain she could do it.   The simple fact that it was Alyssa and that she’d been acting against Rowle made the Unforgivable understandable.

“I have an idea,” Alyssa replied, and the look in her eyes took Razi back years. It was guilt, pain, and satisfaction, no less than in the moment before she’d let Avery fight Potter on her behalf and pulled them firmly into the arrangement that had defined them all for years. “Did you believe them?”

“I know you,” Razi answered. Alyssa stood abruptly.  Razi held herself still.

“And torturing an idiot with delusions of grandeur,” Alyssa mused with a kind of forced calm tone, “that is something I would do?”

“Not just an idiot, a murderer,” Razi argued, “and that’s not what I mean. Whether I believed the rumors isn’t important. I know you, so I’m here in any way you need me to be. Except maybe as your conscience, but just because I’d be terrible at that.”  

“Would you have helped, if you’d been there?” Alyssa asked, looking down at her strangely.

“I’m not sure I want to know that,” Razi admitted. “I might have to add ‘memory modifier’ to that list of things I can’t be for you, but I am sorry that you don’t benefit from the doubt.”

“I’m not-” Alyssa began, then sat down as forcefully as she’d stood. “I’m not. Is that okay? I swear I’m not like Josh- but I’m not sorry either.”

“Okay,” Razi said, and she knew that she could never have responded differently, but she still felt a bit sick. Alyssa was right, and she was not Avery, but maybe she wasn’t as far off as Razi would previously have believed. That wasn’t good, but it was no worse than any other truth Razi had learned in the last week. It couldn’t be worse than the growing understanding of how easily she herself could have been Mulciber.

Alyssa pulled her feet onto her cot and seemed to focus internally for a while, before nodding, and saying a quiet “Thank you.”

“Do you have pictures from first year?” Razi asked once Alyssa had had a moment to settle. “Not just ones with us? I’ve been feeling nostalgic lately.”

Alyssa unshrunk her trunk and started looking for an old album, eventually abandoning the search to ask a question she’d had in the library about the patronus charm. 

* * *

 

A couple of days later and, for three particular students, a few busy and absent meal periods into the resumed OWL and NEWT exams, the seventh-year students of Hogwarts school were starting to hallucinate in exhaustion. Surprisingly, very few of them seemed to mind it. 

MacDonald was the first to notice. She was walking down the corridor after using a spare room to study and practice, when she felt someone tap her shoulder. She stopped and turned, jumping nearly half a meter in the air as an eleven-year-old Lily Evans ran past her and disappeared around a corner, soon chased by a similarly aged vision of herself.

Razi and Lily watched, hidden in a shadow nearby as MacDonald looked around for another person in the seemingly empty hallway.  MacDonald was looking away when the young image of Lily ran up again. When the older girl noticed her standing there, the image whispered, “Good luck, Mary.”

When it ran off a final time, MacDonald watched with a small smile, and then seemed to decide that this was Hogwarts – up to its usual unusual tricks.  When she’d continued on her way Razi released her hold on the shadows hiding them and leaned against the wall, accepting the bag of crisps that Lily had been holding for her. She watched Lily undo the spell that had thrown her voice, thrilling that their test had worked.

“We were so young,” Lily said, smiling a bit sadly. “Are you too tired to do a few more, now that we know our system will be effective? Or shall we try one more to test other actions from the images?  Maybe Tonks, or one of the Slytherins next.”

James, who’d been hiding on his own nearby, added, “You could do us, so it won’t look like we’re involved.”

“I’ve got ideas about that,” Razi said, pausing to cast a silencing ward, as they were still in a fairly public place. “We talked about setting a real scene? And that would involve the Slytherins, but it should be later. Let’s work with the Ravenclaws in the library, and pull in any other seventh years we can. Maybe make the image lift something?”

James considered what Razi meant for a moment before grinning. “Best Slytherin ever, you really are. And Remus is in the library right now as well.”

Lily laughed as well, saying, “Alright, let’s be off then. I know just the spell for the books.”

When seventh year Ravenclaw students one by one began to notice that they were being handed books by their eleven year old selves, it was only fear of the librarian that kept them from doing more than gasping and running off, some wiping eyes and shaking their heads as if to wake properly up. James transfigured bits of paper to seem like items that some of the visions dropped, and by the end of it, Pratchett and Delaney were off to research illusions while Amanda just stared at the space where the image of her had been before an eleven year old Alyssa had pulled her off to look at potions texts.

Privately, Razi enjoyed Remus Lupin’s reaction most of all. When visions of first year versions of himself and his friends had sat down at the table where he was studying, Remus had blinked once and then taken to asking them to pass him things as needed. Occasionally he muttered things like, “Merlin, Sirius, whatever was your mum thinking with that haircut?”

When they’d finished with the images and Razi was well and truly exhausted, she levitated him a vegan cupcake that Lily had gotten for her from the kitchens that morning. She felt warm when he called out a general “Thank you” only to be scolded absentmindedly by the librarian.


	31. Chapter 31

Alyssa didn’t mind sleeping in the little room behind Winston. She had worried at first (well, after the first night) that she might be taking the room from Razi’s friends

She knew what they thought. What she heard people whisper made sense: even a girl who looked the other way at bigotry and harm might not be comfortable with outright murder, and Elaine had after all been her pet.

Alyssa had looked up and stared unblinking into the eyes of the boy who had said that. Elaine wasn’t a pet, Elaine was a  _ person _ . Alyssa hadn’t reached for her wand, though she had considered it. Punishing –  _ torturing, Alyssa, say it  _ – torturing Rowle had been satisfying at the time, and maybe even a little after, but she’d just felt sick by the time she’d stopped crying. Elaine wouldn’t have wanted it, probably. Razi wouldn’t. Shara would have been ashamed.

Alyssa might have wanted it if it had been her tortured to death in a dungeon corridor, but Alyssa wasn’t sure that was the correct response, given Elaine and Razi and Shara.

Regardless. The boy who had called Elaine her pet was casting aspersions on Alyssa’s character and not Elaine’s, and Alyssa probably deserved it. The boy had moved tables when he had looked up for the third time to find Alyssa’s eyes still fixed steadily on him anyway.

Rowle had deserved what she’d done to him, whether or not she’d deserved to do it, but this third year hadn’t murdered anyone that she knew of.

Graduation was at the end of the week anyway.  After that she only had a few months before she could collect her trust and move out. After that… she didn’t know. What was the point in coming back to learn from Slughorn, if she couldn’t also help Elaine? 

But Razi and Elaine’s first year - Vanessa. Use her  _ name _ , Alyssa. Vanessa was still here. Razi’s other muggleborns were stuck in school. Alyssa could help them, couldn’t she?

She hadn’t been able to help Elaine. Would she be more effective as Slughorn’s apprentice or assistant or TA or whatever he decided to call it?

Someone had moved up beside her and sat while she thought. Alyssa turned, expecting Razi, and saw Mierin.

“Can I talk to you?” Mierin asked.

“No,” Alyssa replied, and stood, shoving the bench rudely back. Stepping over it to leave lost some of the effect, but she strode out of the hall anyway.

Mierin followed her. “I have a  _ reason _ .”

Alyssa ignored her.

“You need to talk to Grey,” Mierin called.

Alyssa drew her wand, spun on her heel, and moved more quickly than she ever had in her life, shoving Mierin up against the wall, wand jammed under her chin.

“Why do I need to talk to Grey?” Alyssa asked.

“I have a cousin,” Mierin said, seemingly unconcerned about the circumstances. “I’ve had her put wards on Grey’s bed ever since Walker-”

Alyssa hadn’t meant to put more pressure on the wand, but she seemed to have done it anyway. Interesting.

Mierin coughed. “Grey keeps taking them off.”

“Whyever would she do that,” Alyssa said. Mierin frowned at the sarcasm.

“They’re wards, they wouldn’t do anything bad  _ anyway _ , look - we’re trying to help her.”

“Your cousin has a streak of common decency, does she?” Alyssa asked.

“What she has is a talent for warding,” Mierin said. “What I have is a talent for getting people to do what I want.”

Alyssa supposed Mierin could have had an attack of conscience, or maybe she just felt that it reflected badly on her that someone nominally under her protection had been murdered. Avery had gone on the warpath, after Elaine, trying to suppress any and all hopeful successors on the principle that if no one had the upper hand beneath him they would all fight each other instead of him until they did. It was a decent strategy, as far as staying in power went. It was a terrible strategy to make sure no other murders were committed. It wouldn’t have crossed his mind to ward Vanessa’s bed.

She wasn’t sure what it meant, that Mierin had decided on wards.

“Alyssa,” Mierin said. “You were so sad, after Walker. You’re still sad. I don’t want you to be sad, okay? I’m trying to make sure you aren’t.”

Alyssa knew Mierin cared about her. Alyssa cared about Mierin too, or she had. She might still. She wasn’t sure. But Mierin wasn’t doing any of this out of the kindness of her own heart, was she? She was doing it to try to worm her way back into Alyssa’s good graces.

Only, if she was, it would have made more sense to tell Alyssa about the wards earlier and not only when they were ineffective because Vanessa was taking sensible precautions.

She shook her head, stepping back so Mierin could stand. She hadn’t realized he had physically lifted the other girl off the floor. Mierin watched her carefully.

Mierin  _ wasn’t _ doing it for moral reasons, Alyssa didn’t think. She was doing it because Alyssa cared, and she cared about Alyssa. Wasn’t that what Alyssa had been doing this whole time? Only caring about Elaine and Vanessa because Razi cared about them in particular, or caring about only Elaine when Elaine had spoken so confidently about saving other muggleborns, secure in her surety that Alyssa cared too. Alyssa had only cared about Elaine and Razi then, because she’d thought they were the only people she could afford to care about, the only people she could afford to protect.

She hadn’t protected Elaine that way, though. 

“I’ll talk to her,” Alyssa said, and left. This time, Mierin didn’t follow.


	32. Chapter 32

In the last days before the end of term, Razi noticed that quite a lot of seventh years were receiving post from school owls. It had happened every year, and, before, Razi had thought nothing of it. the seventh years were leaving, after all. They were going out into the world alone. Of course, there must be all kinds of advice and things being sent last minute, and plans to meet up over the summer would need to be finalized.

It was only this year that she noticed how familiar those envelopes looked.

When she received hers- on the day before she was set to leave Hogwarts for the last time as a student- she did not smile, but it was a near thing. The letter was the mirror of her acceptance letter, addressed to “Ms. Razi Levine, second bed on the left, Seventh Year Girls Dorm, Slytherin, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.”

She was sitting at the end of the Ravenclaw house table on the side closer to Hufflepuff, and Alyssa was sitting next to her, holding a letter of her own. With a shared glance, they stood, each taking a couple of baked goods and oranges and walked out of the hall. Razi let Alyssa lead, pleased when they ended up at the greenhouses. Classes had finished the day before, and it was early still. Razi pushed open the door to Greenhouse Seven, and the two took seats across from each other at a work station.

“Ready?”  Razi asked, raising her letter. Alyssa nodded, her mouth quirking in a smile as she raised her own.

They opened the letters together, and read silently. 

“Dear Ms. Levine,

We are pleased to inform you that, having studied at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for a term of seven years, and having met and exceeded all requirements for the completion of the coursework needed to pass each of the aforementioned seven years, and having shown yourself to be a witch as capable and self-possessed as any produced by Hogwarts in general and Slytherin house specifically, you are now a graduate of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

To celebrate the accomplishments of yourself and your fellow graduates, and to do your part in ensuring continued prosperity for the school that has, in part, raised and trained you, please join with us at the gates to the school at 11:30 on the night before you leave our hallowed halls.  Practice the chant on the accompanying page and bring it with you as well.

With all due pride and congratulations at your accomplishment,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy headmistress”

Alyssa had already finished when Razi looked up from her letter.

The quirk of her mouth was now a genuine smile and Razi smiled back, though it had some touch of sadness in it. Elaine had been four years short of getting such a letter. Razi wondered how many things in her life would carry the weight of Elaine’s absence. Shaking off the thought, she said, “We graduated.”

“We did,” Alyssa replied. “Are you going to go to the gates tonight? Didn’t you have plans with Potter and Evans?”

“None so late,” Razi said. “There’s a party in their tower tonight, and they’ll want to be there for it. I don’t think they’d miss this anyway, whatever it is. Let’s have a look at this chant.”

They did, and then they ended up spending a good part of the morning in the library seeking information about it, to no avail. The Latin was old, very old, though something about it made Razi feel as though she should recognize it. Madame Pince was staying mum on the subject, though she’d been happy enough to send them back to the section on languages, before directing Pratchett and Amanda to a section on chants when they asked as Razi and Alyssa were walking away.  Razi had almost wanted to linger and see if she sent the next people who asked to still another section of the library, but Alyssa wouldn’t wait. 

Razi had lunch at the Hufflepuff house table with Vanessa, Matt and Alyssa, mostly listening idly to Robin talk about her summer plans, though Matt did manage to engage Alyssa in a discussion on how the potions OWL was graded, and what she thought of his use of a substitution when they’d run out of an ingredient during his practical exam.  Vanessa sent Razi a knowing look as she watched her friends converse, and Razi took the silent teasing gladly. It gave her hope that Vanessa would be able to move forward.

After lunch, Razi met with Lily and James in the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. The professor had left early, and on a stretcher headed for St Mungo’s, though they’d been told that the man had recovered. They had the room to themselves.  The trio went over the plans for the next day, and reviewed some of their latest efforts at building up to the final phase of their prank.

“Not much of a prank though, the way we’re ending it,” James mused aloud. He seemed so pleased that Razi and Lily hadn’t silenced him this time that Razi had to resist the urge to do it just to spite him. “Pranks are fun, dumb, kid stuff. They’re funny as a rule. What we’re planning definitely isn’t about the laughs.”

“We’re hardly dumb kids now,” Lily said. “At least two of us aren’t, and you’ve never been dumb, James.”

“Dumb enough to forget about practicing the chant for tonight,” James argued, suddenly reaching into his bag for his letter. “We’ve been ready for the prank’s end for ages. Should have done this instead.”

“What do you know about this meeting tonight?” Razi asked.

James shrugged but Lily looked speculative.

“The patters of the chant look familiar, don’t they?” Lily asked. “I can’t place them though, and I’d almost rather it be a surprise.”

“I don’t like surprises much,” Razi said, “not unless I’m in on them.”

“You could be,” Lily pointed out. “We’re ready. We could improvise a surprise of our own.”

Razi shrugged her shoulders, looking away as James’s eyes went almost literally heart shaped at the idea and the fact that Lily had suggested it.

“I have to go practice, and finish packing,” Razi announced, standing.

“See you tonight,” Lily said, smiling. “Feel free to stop by the party.”

Razi didn’t say one way or another. She stepped out into the hall and started off down the stairs. She walked slowly. The opportunities to walk those halls would be fewer moving forward. She didn’t want to rush, though it seemed as if the hours were shortening themselves.

When she came to the dungeons and walked down the stairs, she paused at the turn that could take her to the room where Elaine had died. She looked down the hall as far as she could and then looked back up the stairs, at the faint hint of sunlight that she could see from where she stood.

Elaine wasn’t in that room. She couldn’t be there any more than the sunlight could properly reach into the dungeons.  Unwelcoming by design, that part of the castle was never meant to be a home for small, bright things. Razi walked on to the common room, and her dorm. She packed and shrunk her things, checked the warding on Vanessa’s bed, and once she saw that the work there was sound, she walked out through the common room, barely noticing Avery and his court in all their affected calm and self-satisfaction.

 Razi had better places to be. Just once, just one last time, she planned to spend the night at Hogwarts among friends.

* * *

 

Razi and Alyssa spent the hours between dinner and the meeting at gates walking around the castle grounds. They picked their memories carefully, but it was hard to talk about the past and not mention the friends they’d had in the beginning. 

“I may actually miss this place,” Alyssa mused as they walked down by the Quidditch pitch. The sun was setting and their wands were lit. “It wasn’t always good, or easy, but Hogwarts has always been special. I’ll miss being here. I’ll miss flying here.”

“I’ll miss the other Slytherins being away at predictable times during the year,” Razi said, teasing, “I owe the pitch that much.  I got so much work done during games.”

Alyssa bumped Razi’s shoulder with her own and then asked, “Have you finished the Ministry book yet? Found all its secrets?” 

“Nearly,” Razi said. “I just don’t understand why the ministry would send out such an odd puzzle. They only send them to fifth year students, and I’ve never seen more than one or two other people bothering to consider the spells on them.”

“Bored ministry official?” Alyssa suggested, not for the first time.

“If it is, I’d almost like to meet them anyway,” Razi admitted. “I’ve learned more from magically decoding the book than I ever did from History of Magic. Gotten more practical Runes experience that way as well.” 

“Show me on the train tomorrow?” Alyssa asked.

Razi nodded and they entered the pitch, climbing the stairs to sit in the stands.

When the sun finished setting and their wand lights had been nox’d in favor of watching the stars, Razi turned to Alyssa and said, “I’m glad that I got to be here with you, with Matt, with Elaine. and even with Delaney, and the others. Having more than my mum in my life, when for ten years it was almost always just us…. Not good sometimes, or easy, and so far from safe, no matter what we thought or tried, but I’ll miss this.”

“You can’t get rid of me that easily,” Alyssa said, after a pause as she’d tried to read Razi expression in the near dark, “I’m still coming later in the summer, if that’s alright.”

“Your drawer in my room misses you, and Mum’s always glad to see you as well,” Razi replied. “Did I show you the movie poster I got from her yesterday?”

They talked for a while longer, and flew some, borrowing school brooms and enjoying the peace of the evening until it was time to walk to the gates. 

When they arrived, they saw their classmates standing around and waiting.

Avery was there, Razi noted, and Mulciber seemed to go out of his way to move so that Avery never had a direct line of sight to Alyssa for long. Smythe had no such minder though, and Razi ignored the way Alyssa glanced her way at times. She looked at Smythe as thought the other girl were a puzzle, one that Alyssa could neither commit to solving, nor entirely cast aside.

Gradually Razi realized that several Slytherins were turning similar looks on her, and Razi tried to accept that, as she had for the past weeks. They’d seen her in her grief and horror, they’d heard her scream when she’d found Elaine in the dungeons.  She felt vulnerable as she never wanted to feel with them, and it made her glad that she’d set up a cot beside Alyssa’s for the night.

Delaney gave a weak smile and a wave from nearby, Stowe’s arm was around her, and Razi was glad to see that she looked content. Amanda waved her arm in invitation, as if Razi would finally come to her senses and leave Alyssa behind to join them. Razi shook her head, tired and with the same irrational irritation she’d felt for years. Alyssa wasn’t with Avery anymore. Razi wanted to tell Amanda and explain as much as she wanted to hex her and walk away, but neither felt like viable options. Dumbledore’s arrival prevented further action.

“All here,” Dumbledore said to the crowd, “Brilliant! As you know, these are troubled times. Hogwarts has not been untouched by the growing dark, but it must hold fast. I have asked you, as I have asked every seventh-year class before you in my term, and as so many headmasters have asked many others, to join me, and renew a rather ingenious ward around the school.”

He walked through the crowd to stand in front of the gates. Turning his back to them, he magically raised the volume of his voice so that they could all hear him and began giving instructions.

“When I give the word, together, we shall lift our wands and all shall chant. One by one, you are each to step forward, touch the lock with your wand and your hand, just here and think of something that you leave behind. Think of something of value to you that will remain here in the coming years, something worth protecting, and bind it to the protection ward by holding it in your mind’s eye as you chant.  Essentially, in the chant you are stating that for seven years you strove to protect it and asking that magic itself take up your task sevenfold in honor of the love that you bear the school, and the sacrifice of the last seven years to learn to wield it.  IF any among you choose not to participate, you may, of course, turn back.”

Razi looked to the Gryffindor students just to watch the heroism and pride settle into their faces, but she caught Lily looking to her and she felt a rush of relief, because of course she and Lily would be asking for similar things. Maybe there was something that they could do for those left behind. Maybe some force in the school had been helping even when they hadn’t known.  Wards were like domes, and this could not make anyone safer from internal threat, but it could help keep things from getting worse.

When the chanting started Razi willed power into the words, and when she pressed hand and wand to the lock, she thought of Pepper and the remaining muggle-connected students. She thought of Vanessa and those who’d come after her, and when she stepped back into the crowd and continued to chant as Alyssa stepped   forward she felt warm, and connected. It was as good a feeling as she’d known in all her time at Hogwarts. It was almost like being at home.

When the last person had stepped forward, a Hufflepuff that Razi had never paid much attention to, Dumbledore waved them to silence, and he led them through the gates and down toward Hogsmeade station.

In front of the station he stopped again, smiling serenely.

“Seven years ago, you boarded boats and crossed the lake to Hogwarts. In exchange for your role in protecting her, I invite you to journey back that way on last time. We reach the boats by train.”

A cheer went up, and they boarded the train in a rush of joy and hushed excitement. Razi searched the crowd with her eyes, and finding Lily and James, she gave the signal. They’d have to watch and improvise. Razi was ready to have done with their ‘prank’. It was time.

* * *

 

When they got off the train and walked to the boats, Lily walked over with James, to the surprise of several, and they boarded a boat with Razi and Alyssa. A quick exchange behind an even quicker silencing ward around the boat gave them a moment to plan, but then the boats were off.

Razi took a steadying breath, struck by the beauty of the castle above them on the cliffs and below, reflected in the water. When she was ready, she touched Lily’s hand and then began.

Mist rose on the lake, and Razi made boats the floated among the real ones, each bearing small, figures cloaked in glowing white, with hoods over their faces. The mist cleared and several students gaped, only to stare in wonder as some of the hoods were pulled back, revealing younger versions of themselves. At first those unmasked goofed off with friends. A young Alyssa and Amanda teased a vision of Delaney. Smythe sat amused as a bored looking Snape scanned the water for Evans, who waved to him. Black shoved Pettigrew into the water with a splash before nearly upending the boat to pull him back in. An image of Razi sat stiff and nervous in a boat with Lupin, Pratchett, and a girl who’d ended up in Hufflepuff, just as she had years before, and on it went, till they settled, and looked as one towards the castle.

“I know you, and I remember,” a voice called out. It seemed to be coming from the lake beneath them and somehow from the castle at the same time. The sound both near and distant as it echoed in in the cool air. “I keep my children close. I have watched you grow, and seen your doings.”

The white robes turned the colors of the Hogwarts houses, though few could ignore that several of the purebloods and half-bloods from Slytherin and from other houses as well had drops of red on their sleeves and hoods, or hex marks.

“What you have left here will await your return, be it mercy or malice. Home or horror, I remember. I know. I wait.”

The cloaks went white again and the boats beneath them vanished as the visions became balls of light, like stars, that shot beyond the castle.

There was a beat of silence and then someone began to clap. Another followed along with some nervous laughter. Dumbledore looked knowingly in their direction but he smiled, even as Razi leaned against Alyssa, exhausted. The boats began to move again, though Razi hadn’t notice them stop.  The air buzzed with whispers about the castle’s message, and Razi raised an eyebrow at Lily, who shrugged and raised one in return, as if to say, “you started it”.

Dumbledore staggered the arrival of the boats into the tunnel and harbor beneath the school, taking the moment to greet each of the graduating seventh years before sending them on to bed. When Razi’s boat came to rest on the shore, he passed her a thermos which smelled of tomato soup along with a note and a brilliant, proud seeming smile, his eyes twinkling, before addressing his head boy and head girl, offering them notes of their own.

When he came to Alyssa, he gave her a polite nod and summoned the next boat.  Too tired to think of much, Razi focused on getting back up to the castle as Lily and James celebrated their well-done job.

“We’ll see you soon,” Lily promised when they parted. A glance at the note she’d been given made Razi nod. It was a hand drawn picture of a feather on fire, an address in the middle of London, and a date and time.

She’d be seeing Lily Evans and James Potter very soon indeed.

* * *

 

“I’m sorry, for what it’s worth,” Pepper said. she’d stormed into the compartment where Razi and Matt had been talking about their summer plans. Alyssa sat nearby, looking at the Ministry book and making note of some of the spells that Razi had written in the margins. “I’m sorry that we just left you out. I treated you like-”

“Like a poor excuse for a Slytherin?” Razi teased lightly. “I’m not angry with you. You were her best friend.”

“You were her guide, her hope,” Pepper replied. “She’d be angry with how we left you out.”

“Take care of Vanessa, let her know that she can always write to me,” Razi said, “and we’ll call it even. Keep in touch.”

“You’ve got a deal,” Pepper told her. “I’ll get her now. I left her with friends in the compartment over. I didn’t want to bring her in case you were upset with me.”

Pepper dashed out as quickly as she came in, and Matt grinned.

“I knew she couldn’t stay away forever,” he said warmly. “I guess I’ll be sharing you when you can meet up on Hogsmeade weekends.”

“We’ll always have London,” Razi replied. “Mum and I’ll show you more used book places once I know my schedule.”

Pepper and Vanessa arrived soon after that, with Macdonald, Tasha, and Robin in tow. They taught Vanessa some basic shield spells, passing much of the remaining journey in a haze of tickle charms and blocking techniques that even Alyssa joined in on. Soon enough they’d changed out of their robes, and the train slowed as they reached King’s Cross station.

* * *

 

Razi had never thought of herself as particularly popular, but when she got off the train, she found herself surrounded.  Alyssa squeezed her hand nodding towards Jonathan, who’d come to help her home as Alyssa wouldn’t be able to apparate for months yet. Razi raised her hand in a wave as Alyssa walked to join him but her attention was quickly shifted.

Pepper’s apology had cleared the way and several people who’d been in Elaine’s group found her to reconnect briefly before going off with their families. Some offered thanks, but with most there was the simple understanding of mutual loss, and a common struggle. Razi took a moment to shrink her trunk, and walked through the barrier into the mass of people lingering in strategic pockets around it.  Gradually even those thinned as the students found their families and left, tossing back waves and promises to write during the upcoming school year.

Matt stayed with her for as long as he could, but in time his mother came, with his younger sister running beside her. Razi greeted them, having met them before when she’d apparated to spend time with him, and they talked some before they had to leave. 

As she watched them make steady progress walking back through the station with Matt’s belongings, Razi realized something.

Her mother hadn’t come.

Shara Levine had never been late to pick up her daughter from the platform, not once in six years. Perhaps she’d arrived early and gotten distracted as she waited at platform 9 or 10. Razi ran to one and then the other.

At each platform, she looked and she saw what she always saw. There were tearful and stoic goodbyes from some, with their weighty carry-on bags alluding to long journeys. There were silent routine exits, as people boarded with purses, or brief cases, secure in the knowledge that they’d be home in their beds that night. There was the awful little shop where Razi and her mother had bought weak tea and stale scones before every return trip to Hogwarts. Shara was nowhere to be found.  Razi ran to the loo and apparated into the “garden shed” that her mother had set up and given to her for her last birthday.

The side of the door that Razi saw when she appeared was painted with “Welcome Home” and various flowers that used the same stencils that her mother had painted much of the kitchen and living room with. Razi barely glanced at it as she rushed out.

No mark above the house. Maybe she’d been held up in traffic.

The gardens were beautiful and Razi breathed easier upon seeing them, and the greenhouses that Shara had put up along the fence at the edge of the yard.  Razi had been small when Shara had set them up; she’d played in the grass while her mother hauled posts and rolls of the special plastic that would help the plants grow year-round. Razi looked, hoping to see her shadow through the translucent white sheeting, but she didn’t. Razi walked over to them anyway, and opened the door to the first one that she came to. The damp, warm air was soothing, and the scent of the plants and herbs made each breath sweeter and more sustaining, but something in Razi refused to settle. It was true that she’d panicked a little at the station, and that her mother could be driving to King’s Cross but she didn’t know that, not really. She needed confirmation.

Exiting the greenhouse through a door on the other side, Razi noticed a shadow on the grass and flowers. It belonged to the car, cast by the low hanging sun. Razi blinked at it for a moment as her heart faltered. That wasn’t supposed to be there. Shara hadn’t left for the station. _That’s not right_ , Razi thought. The noticed something else. The back door sat open, just a sliver. _That’s not right._

Razi approached it, unsure of her pace. The world was slowing and narrowing but her heart was speeding and the door was slamming open. She looked at the table where her mother had taught her to write, to cook, to share. The chairs were empty and pushed up to the table, but the one nearest the door was jammed in at an odd angle, like someone had shoved it on their way in. Like her mother had left it in the way and been frustrated with herself, Razi corrected herself. There was rice starting to burn in a pot on the stove. Razi could smell it on the air. It smelled like home, as much as the flowers had, and she instinctively switched off the burner and used mitts to move the pot as she looked around the room.

 There was a picture frame on the floor. Razi bent to pick it up. Knocked over while her mother had danced around, checking to make sure things were ready, she explained to herself. She stifled other possibilities even as she moved on into the house.

“Mum, I’m here! I’m home. Where are you?” Razi called out from the living room. There was anxiety in her voice but she wouldn’t let herself panic again. There was no reason. She waited for a response then glanced up the hall before running at it, heading to her mother’s room. She hit the flat of her hand on the guest room as she passed it, a rough knock, before she came to her mother’s room, further down, but on the same side of the hall.

“Mum?” she asked tentatively, opening the door. The bed was empty, and the covers had been pulled back into place, likely by her mother that morning when she’d gotten up. Nothing was out of place, but her mother wasn’t there and where else would she be? The house and car keys were still in their bowl by the mirror on top of the dresser.  Razi’s heart tripped, its racing progress stopping before taking off again. Something in her cracked as she put the pieces together. The car was in the drive. The keys to the house were here. The door was left open. No response when she’d called out. No. She’d passed her own room, and the guest room without a glance, was she-? And if she was in one of those rooms, or the bathroom, why wouldn’t she answer? No.

Razi closed her eyes, feeling impossibly heavy and growing weak as an awful suspicion began to take shape in her mind. The chair, just a little out of place, the frame knocked over and left, the rice left burning…This couldn’t be happening. This was her home, not Hogwarts. This couldn’t be happening here. NO. Razi groaned in pain and frustration and felt herself squeeze down and out, apparating.  

The first thing she heard upon appearing, over the pop of the spell and the halting end of her own groan, was breaking glass. Razi looked down, half dazed from the unplanned and unexpected apparition. She hadn’t gone far, just to her bedroom. The floor was wet. There were flowers-  Hellebore, dark, dangerous, and lovely- her favorite, and a broken glass bowl. Had her mother cut flowers for her? The thought brought Razi back to the moment. She was standing in her bedroom doorway. She looked up, and her eyes met her mother’s. 

Shara looked astonished, her wide eyes unseeing. Razi’s world began to dissolve, and distantly she heard glass break, heard doors slam themselves open and shut as magic leapt from her, rushing out in her distress.  She raised her wand, though she couldn’t think what spell she cast. Then there was screaming, and sharpness, digging and scraping as she dragged herself to her mother’s side and pressed her face to the too-still chest of her first and best friend. This was not the maelstrom from weeks before. This was apocalypse; this was the revelation that broke her world. The sunlight through the window was a lie. Razi could hear the cracks as the sky fell; the shouts and the rumble of the earth beginning to rend itself to dust. Whose were the hands that tried to pull her from her mother’s side? Did it matter?

Alyssa, some part of her supplied. Who else would be beside her at the end of life and the world?  She felt her mouth move, felt her body shake as she tried to speak. She saw Alyssa speak in response, but she knew little. Her arms wrapped around her friend until Alyssa too pulled away. Red hair, wet green eyes, and horror-struck compassion -Lily, she eventually pulled from the haze - stepped forward to fill the space.

Turning her head, she looked again at her mother, and held tightly to the only truth that reached her. It was the only thing that she could process, and it brought her no peace in the moment, but she knew: even as it had killed her, Shara Levine had never feared magic.


	33. Chapter 33

Jonathan greeted her with a too-tight hug.

“Hey, Lyss,” he said, voice muffled from burying his face in her hair.

“Hi,” she replied, hugging him a little tighter than necessary herself.

“How’s Razi?” he asked when he finally let her go, scanning the crowd. “She didn’t want to say hello?”

Alyssa shook her head. “She misses her mom. You should come by while I’m there though, Ms. Levine would love to meet you.”

He shook his head as he led the way out of the station.

“She always asks,” Alyssa said, following. “She wouldn’t if she didn’t want to.”

“Ms. Levine is obviously a saint,” he said. “I don’t want to impose, or bring two people when she’s expecting one.”

“How _is_ Gideon? Ms. Levine said she’d like to meet him too, you know, she likes people-”

“Gideon’s fine.”

Her stomach dropped. Were they fighting? Gideon and Jonathan shouldn’t be fighting, they were _in love_ . They were the only people she knew that were in love. And Gideon would like her once he saw she wasn’t with Avery anymore, and everything would be _fine_.

Elaine would still be dead, though.

Jonathan realized she had stopped walking before she did, turning to come back and brush her hair out of her face. “Lyss?”

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m fine.”

He studied her. She smiled brightly at him. He didn’t look fooled.

“Let’s get lunch,” he said finally. “We can catch up.”

“Mum and Dad will be expecting me soon,” she pointed out.

Jonathan made a face at her. He didn’t want to say it, but she knew what it meant – _are they going to notice?_

 

* * *

 

 

Two hours later, Alyssa felt better. She hadn’t told Jonathan everything, obviously, but he knew she wasn’t dating Avery anymore, and he had congratulated her on Slughorn’s offer and urged her to take it. They’d talked about looking for flats, and he had even helped her get her trunk to her room, though only Alyssa tried to say hello to their parents. She’d only been able to find her mother, who had given her an absent ‘welcome home’ and gone back to her book.

Alyssa was settling into her room when she felt the wind. It swept across her dresser, knocking over the vase of red roses and scattering papers everywhere and bringing with it a scream that shivered down into her bones. For a moment she felt glass digging into her palms and knees, saw a flash of –

Razi needed her. She grabbed her wand and slammed her door open, racing down the hall, down the stairs, through the foyer –

“Why on earth are you running, Alyssa?” her mother demanded, but Alyssa was out the front door by the time her name was verbalized and pelting for the end of the drive, where the apparition wards ended. It occurred to her in the brief moment between one foot landing outside the wards and the next, that she was not yet seventeen and not yet licensed. The thought was lost in the momentary squeeze and pop of apparating.

She hit the ground running, which meant she rammed her shoulder into the doorframe of Razi’s room before momentum carried her staggering into the room and sent her sprawling to the ground. When she scrambled up, little bits of glass fell to the floor.

They weren’t the only things on the floor. She saw Razi and Ms. Levine, one bent over the other, and a destroyed room. There was water on the floor, and more glass, and flowers.

Her face itched, Alyssa thought briefly, before all of the individual things she saw finally made a whole picture.

The same calm she’d felt when she noticed Rowle descended. First she knelt beside Razi and Ms. Levine, feeling for a pulse in Razi’s mother’s throat. There was none.

She didn’t want Razi to sit here, with her dead mother, in a puddle of water and flowers and broken glass, but when she tried to make Razi move her friend fought her.

“Razi,” Alyssa begged, a little less calm, a little less collected, “please, please, we have to get you out of here, you’re going to cut yourself on the glass-”

Razi wouldn’t go. Alyssa didn’t want to say the real reason she wanted Razi away, farther than the hallway, farther than the other room – _what if whoever did this came back?_

She was afraid that if she did say, if she mentioned them, Razi would want to stay more. Alyssa knew who _they_ were, in the general sense, though when she gave up trying to move Razi and craned her head out the window she couldn’t see a Dark Mark. It didn’t matter. Who else would come to Razi’s house and murder Ms. Levine with magic?

Alyssa half wanted to stay too, to wait for them to come back. She wanted to _hurt_ whoever did this, not like she was hurting, not like Razi was hurting: she wasn’t sure whoever did this could hurt like Razi was hurting.

Common sense reasserted itself when she looked back at Razi. Neither of their strengths was in immediate or off the cuff spellcasting. Alyssa hadn’t even really fought anyone before outside of the practice duels Mierin hounded her into after Professor Ramsey left, since neither Defense Against the Dark Arts professor after Professor Ramsey had taught much in the way of dueling.

Mierin. Had Mierin known about this?

She’d said she didn’t want Alyssa to be sad. She’d tried to help Vanessa.

Fine. Avery? Mulciber? Someone with a grudge against Razi specifically, maybe? Alyssa didn’t have an answer.

She had a way to find out, maybe. She looked at Razi again, and shot off a quick message to Lily Evans. Alyssa was going to do something stupid, probably. Something dangerous certainly. But she would do it when she was sure Razi wouldn’t be alone.

Alyssa would cry for Shara later, and for the only adult who had loved Alyssa enough to actually care about her. Right now she had to take care of her friend.

 

* * *

 

 

Alyssa actually stunned James when he ran into the room minutes later, and narrowly avoided being stunned by Evans in return.

“I’m sorry,” Alyssa said, hands raised in the universal gesture of not meaning any harm. “I’m nervous.”

Evans eyed her narrowly before lowering her wand, though she didn’t put it away.

Alyssa left her to rouse James as she went to Razi’s side.

“Razi,” she said, holding her friend’s face between her hands. Razi’s mouth moved as if she was trying to speak, but Alyssa couldn’t hear whatever it was. Razi finally released Shara to collapse into Alyssa’s arms.

Alyssa, crouched on the floor, arms wrapped around her friend, did not want to leave. Razi needed her here, didn’t she? She couldn’t leave, she _couldn’t_.

James was muttering under his breath behind her, things like ‘safe location’ and ‘whoever did this’.

No. Alyssa couldn’t stay. She had to try to stop anything more happening, and she had called Evans for exactly this reason, hadn’t she? So someone could hold Razi? So someone could try to comfort her?

“I have to go, Razi,” she whispered into her friend’s ear, shoving all of her grief and fear into a little corner of her mind and walling it off. “I’m sorry.”

She disentangled herself with difficulty, letting Lily move in, and headed for the door. James stopped her.

“Your face,” he said. She reached up and felt little pinpricks of sensation, almost as if sand had been ground into her cheek. Her fingers came away wet.

“Oh,” she said.

James hesitated, watching her carefully, and looked back at Lily and Razi. He sighed, tilted Alyssa’s chin up, and murmured a quick spell.

The sensation of tiny pieces of glass removing themselves from her face was uncomfortable, to say the least. She was glad when he followed it up with healing and cleansing spells.

Alyssa didn’t let herself look behind her when she walked out the door and apparated once more.

 

* * *

 

 

Mr. Avery opened the door when she knocked. He had both eyebrows raised and looked more miffed than she personally felt the situation called for.

“I was looking for Josh,” Alyssa said, letting herself sound as lost as she felt for a moment. “If this is a bad time-”

Mr. Avery let her in, sending her to the library to wait. She took it as a good sign, and took a window seat.

Minutes later Josh walked in, hands held carefully at his sides and shoulders stiff. She stayed quiet, staring at him with wide eyes.

“I wouldn’t hurt anyone you care about, Alyssa,” he said finally. “I hope you know that.”

Alyssa nodded. “I know, Josh. I do. I’m sorry, I just - I was so shocked, and then what I did to Rowle… I needed some time for me. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

She looked up at him through her eyelashes, hands clasped meekly in her lap. “I missed you,” she said.

He relaxed abruptly and crossed the room to sit beside her on the window seat, pulling her into a hug. Alyssa refused to think about the last person she had hugged and put her arms around him, sliding a hand up into his hair and burying her face in the crook of his shoulder.

“I missed you too,” he whispered into her hair, and kissed the top of her head.

She’d caught a glimpse of his forearm when he brought it up for the hug. An unenchanted Dark Mark stood stark against his pale skin, and she thought, as she had seen in Razi’s muggle movies, _I’m in_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep an eye out for the sequel, Weather the Storm.


End file.
